September 2014 - 6 months already?!

[holls2000]

new thread!

I'm staying at home.

a) because I have no job to go back to currently b) because what I was earning previously doesn't make it economically viable to go back at this moment in time c) DH's job and outside interests make it difficult as he often works long hours or is away for the weekend which puts extra pressure on me.

Do I feel guilty? Yes and no. I know I am lucky and lots of other people would like to do it plus it puts the financial responsibility solely on DH. However since I don't really have a choice I can't really feel guilty about it and instead feel frustrated the way the UK works means that few women get a free choice and have to do what their circumstances dictate.

I do enjoy being home with DS, but it is hard some days knowing I haven't got much of a life outside of it. DH has just volunteered me for some bookkeeping for scouts to give me something else for my CV though. I'm hoping when DS gets a little older I'll be able to do something part time or work from home in evenings but at present it'd be pretty impossible to do enough hours and would leave us financially worse off.

I would love to stay at home. Unfortunately, I am the higher earner we just couldn't survive financially if I didn't go back to work. Luckily I am able to drop a day, so will only be working 4 full days, and my boss is very flexible so I can work around DH shifts. Not looking forward to going back though!

I'm the same Cumbrian. I'm the higher earner out of me and DH so would love to go down to P/T work rather than F/T but it's not practical and we're living off savings to fund my mat leave as it is. I agree with Red - it's frustrating that very few women really get a choice as to if they go back to work or not as it's often dictated by finances (either can't afford not to work, or can't afford the cost of childcare to make going back to work viable). Part of me is looking forward to some adult 'non-baby' centred conversations, but overall my work tends to be frustrating and stressful - more because of the system than the patients (I'm a inpatient mental health nurse) so I'm not much looking forward to going back.

I'm going back to just see how it goes. I had planned to be a sahm, but work offered me part time hours on a term time only basis and there is a nursery in the same building. I think I'm going back because it would be stupid not to rather than because I want to. I am very much keeping in mind that I don't need to work so as soon as they piss me off I shall be thinking 'is this what I really want?' I feel very confused about the whole thing to be honest. I had set myself up in my mind to be at home, and now it's looking like I'm going back. My head and heart are saying two different things! I don't intend on returning until September, just before DS turns one. Will have to see how I feel about it all then I guess.

I would love to be a SAHM...I'm so jealous ! I have loved maternity leave, far more than I imagined I would. Thankfully, none of my friends have babies - so my life isn't just talk about babies (unlike when I had the twins and I became desperate to find myself in amongst all the mummy chat).

DP earns a good wage and technically we could do it as my wage is really our "pocket money". However, after being single, I am used to being financially independant and like having my own funds. It's even more important as my older children (who do not receive maintenance from their dad) have got used to having a certain standard of living and I couldn't bear having to ask DP for money for their activities or clothes. I don't think he would begrudge it, but I don't think it's fair on him either. It's also a safety net as if either of us got made redundant, then we could still carry on pretty comfortably.

I am only going to be working for 3 days per week and I am really lucky that I earn a good wage so can do that. My job is quite high pressured and very target based; I deal front line with harder to help individuals so some days can be very draining - plus it's a department full of female colleagues so there is always added bitchiness and drama - but I know my job and industry inside out so once I am back I will be fine.

Ideally though, I would like to work in Next for 4 hours per week and earn £20,000 per year ...But sadly...this job opportunity does not exist ....

Something is annoying me tonight...DS is about to grow out of his 6-9 month clothes so I've got onto eBay to get some shopping done. There seems to be so many more clothes for boys than girls! And also, trousers, for girls there are lots of comfy leggings but for boys there just seems to be jogging sweat pants, or jeans. I've started bidding on 'girls' leggings for him. They look far more comfortable than the boys clothes! I'm just sticking clear of the pink and the flowers, although I guess he really doesn't care what he wears at the moment. Maybe I should buy some pink ones lol.

Is it just me?!

jaykay if you find that 4 hour a week job advertised anywhere, let us know, I think we'd all like to apply

That sounds like a great job Jaykay, if only it existed. Until then I will stick to trying to win the lottery

Ah yes winning the lottery, the old fail safe!

Thanks for your input ladies!

I start back full time on 1st July. I'm definitely ready for some adult conversation. My ideal would be to only work 3 days a week but with my job it's full time only. I will be working from home one day a week and finishing at 4.30 every day so can pick DS up about 5.

We've got some light weight cargo pants for DS as well as the usual jeans & joggers but girls definitely have a lot more clothing options. We're almost out of 6-9 & DS isn't even 7 months yet! Starting to worry that at this rate all of the 12-18 months things I sensibly bought in the sales are all going to be the wrong season.

Up since four Can't settle her in her cot and she's even too unsettled to bring her in with us (DH needs to sleep!). She's now laid on my lap, me sat on the nursing chair in her room, and she's sleeping beautifully. I just can't move.

Not sure how I get to resolve this one. She's doing much better through the rest of the night, but from four onwards is so unsettled. About once a week she will stay in her cot, sometimes I can take her in with us, but the rest of the time it means being up at four.

I'm so tired and not quite sure how I will manage this when I go back to work?!

Although I can lock my office door, put the blind down and snuggle up on my comfy chair! I may have done that a few times when I was pregnant...

Oh Team you poor thing. Have you tried black-out blinds? We found they helped a bit with Jessica. I think the early daylight at this time of year can be confusing for babies. She's obviously still tired hence falling asleep on you. x

Oh meant to say was my weigh-in day today. Lost 3/4 lb. Bit meh about that (would have liked more) but never mind.

Team - can you put a mattress or something in her room so at least you can sleep with her when you can't take her into your own bed? I'm all about finding work arounds rather than actually fixing problems

I'm slowly working on naps. A couple of months ago we were rocking to sleep then sleeping on me. Now he naps in my bed and goes to sleep with white noise and me holding his hand and lying next to him. Now I just need to edge him closer and closer into his cot!

We're almost out of 6-9 & DS isn't even 7 months yet! Starting to worry that at this rate all of the 12-18 months things I sensibly bought in the sales are all going to be the wrong season.

Where did you buy things from?

I've found Asda/Morrisons stuff is ridiculously small sized. I think DS is ahead a whole size in them now.

Most of his clothes are sainsburys, next or George. He's really long in the body so we're struggling with vests, baby gros etc but some trousers still need rolling up & are too big round the waist. I do find next come up quite small & sainsburys are quite generous.

KitKat don't be disheartened, a loss is still a loss & a step in the right direction. some weeks it will fall off & other weeks it slows right down. I've always found it helpful to measure waist, bust, hips etc at the beginning & then keep measuring every few weeks, it gives me a real boost to know how many inches I've lost, particularly on a week when I might not have lost anything on the scales.

Yeah I've found Sainsburys are considerably bigger. As are Tesco. DS is also long in the body but really skinny too.

I've stopped buying Boots, Asda and Morrisons because the sizes were just so out compared with other places. The 3 - 6 month vest tops from Sainsburys were a similar size to 6 - 9 month ones in Morrisons. That's when we gave up with them.

Its a massive pain in the backside that sizes differ so much as we buy in the sales like you. Which is a shame as there is some nice Nutmeg stuff and I prefer it vastly to Tesco's range.

I'm finding Mothercare, Tesco, Sainsburys, Gap, M&S match his age better at the moment. Annoyingly the brand he fits the best is Polarn O Pyret which he got for Christmas. Which is bloody typical. Tesco, is probably second best though.

I don't have much Next stuff, although he does have a Next hoody which is lovely but tight to get on and off.

We've had to buy braces to keep his trousers up, as he's too skinny for virtually every pair. I think he has a pair of joggers from Sainsburys that don't end up around his ankles in five seconds flat. Dungarees are the way forward we've found.

Re: Clothes
J is average weight and 25th centile for height. He fits clothes that are for his size - so is in 6-9 at the moment - although I generally always buy from Next and Debenhams so I don't see the disparity between brands and sizes too much. I do have a knitted cardigan in 0-3 and a 3-6 pair of Chinos from Asda that still fit J, however, I bought him some cheap 6-9 pyjamas from there which shrunk after washing and only just fit him.

I also buy clothes in sales (everything is from Next clearance and sales; or Debenhams Blue Cross) and so far it's worked out as he has been spot on with the sizes.

What size are your babies feet ? J has only just grown into a 2.

Fate - How did you feel about becoming a SAHM?

I love it. I didn't think I would. At work I was very career focused and expected to progress to senior management. Then after 2nd mat leave I decided just to take an extra year off on the basis I wanted to change schools anyway. It took probably 3 years before I stopped describing myself as "a teacher on a career break" and started saying SAHM.

I consider myself privileged to be able to stay at home but it does mean some financial sacrifices. UK caravan holidays rather than overseas, for example. We are not wealthy so definitely notice my lack of a wage. But it is manageable with some budgeting.

I have often heard the passive aggressive suggestion that "I'd get bored at home with the kids". But I fill my time so much that I wonder how on earth I would fit work in! I'm a commissioner for Girlguiding, run a brownie unit, school governor, until last year ran two parent and toddler groups, I'm on the committee for a couple of local village charities and voluntary groups, help at swimming club... I'm definitely never bored!

What size are your babies feet ? J has only just grown into a 2.

Shoes? What are these strange things?

DS is either barefoot or in socks if we must at this stage. He just kicks shoes off or I can't be bothered putting them on only to take them off every time he needs a nappy change.

Blimey, shoes?

We don't do shoes until outdoor walking starts. I recall my others being about a size 4 or 5 or maybe 6 with their first shoes.

we are in 9-12 month stuff here. his feet are 2.5 but I only know cos I got him a pair of moccasin sock things for when we are out with him in the carrier!

DD only has a couple of pairs of shoes and they are sized by age so no idea on actual shoe size!

There is such a massive disparity between clothes sizes. For example DD grows out of Asda sleepsuits by the second month in an age bracket but M&S sleepsuits last until nearly the end of the next age bracket! The first sleepsuits I bought for DD and the ones I took to hospital for her were from M&S and still fit her at about 5 months old so you can imagine how too big they were! At least you can something that fits at every point in the age bracket from somewhere!

We should be used to it though as it's the same with women's clothes, different in every shop!