September 2014 - 6 months already?!

[holls2000]

new thread!

team I know where you are coming from - I want to be perfect mum and perfect wife. it isn't happening and I have yet to get my head round it - its difficult isn't it? need to lose load of weight but just feel stressed when I think about it!

ur doing a great job, team, trying o make sleeping safer without the swaddle when sleep is already so elusive. I think u r right, guidelines are to stop once they can roll. how about one of those monitors that would alarm if they stop breathing, that way u could relax about the swaddling. sympathies on the weight loss - i am struggling too as I am too tired to exercise and reliant on sugar to get me through the day

Place marking and will hopefully get chance to catch up once dd's awful cold passes!

Thanks for the new thread holls

Thanks all. I know what I need to do, I just don't know how to do it. I set myself up for perfection and then always disappoint myself as I set my expectations stupidly high. I've always been like this, but with DD it feels like the consequences of failure are so much more extreme.

The sleep thing is really getting me down. My HV said just to carry on swaddling, and that if she is strong enough to roll over when swaddled she's strong enough to lift her head and scream!

That is jolly fantastic advice from your HV! So logical. I like it.

It does make logical sense to me, but so many people have said I need to stop swaddling I'm really doubting my own judgement.

Someone has suggested putting her in a sleeping bag thing, but with her arms inside it. What do people think of this? I'd worry she could wriggle down inside it with her arms inside though. It seems more dangerous potentially than swaddling?

Yesterday she rolled from her front onto her back, and she just managed to go in the other direction. There's going to be no stopping her!!!

I think the sleeping bag thing sounds more dangerous. Does she try and roll when swaddled? If she likes being swaddled and shows no interest in rolling while she is then maybe it is lesser of two evils for the time being!

She's just started rolling during the day when she's playing, but when swaddled she does no more that turning her head from side to side.

Quite pleased you agree it sounds more dangerous! I'm so lacking in confidence in my own judgement. I do see that swaddling is far from ideal, but it is the only way she will sleep.

I wonder if I'll still be swaddling her when she goes to uni...

Aw, Team you won't still be swaddling when she goes to uni, I promise you that!

I can see why you're starting to doubt your own judgement though, what with the lack of sleep and general stress, but it sounds like you are doing a fab job. Swaddle for now if thats what works. It will be much, much harder for her to roll while swaddled anyway without flailing arms and legs to give her momentum. We had to let dd sleep in a 'dangerous' way from birth until about a week ago, as we could never put her to sleep on her back or her reflux went crazy, but something has suddenly clicked or changed for her physically and now it's not a problem. Things will change for your dd too, so be kind to yourself while you ride it out...

I can't help re the swaddling Team as I never did it with Jessica but I empathise with the perfectionist tenancies.

I'm also trying to just learn to lower my expectations of myself a bit to save my sanity lol. All things to do with babies move and change so fast there just isn't the time to be perfect, which is one reason why I'm not reading any 'parenting' books. I'd just obsess over trying to emulate them and before I know it life will be passing me by! I still need to take some of my own medicine at times but we sound similar in assuming that what other people say must be right, before trusting our own decisions or judgements. You're not a failure, you're doing your best and that is all anyone else does. Some people just don't admit or share their worries about whether they're doing things right so we think everyone else is more knowledgeable and confident than us. It's taken me years to finally realise all this about myself! I'd carry on swaddling like the HV said and just take each day at a time. When you need to change what you're doing, you'll know it I'm sure.

Team, I was a lil worried about swaddling for too long a few months ago too, so did a fair bit of googling on it and found differing opinions on when to stop. Came to conclusion that if it works for your LO to carry on,and like someone said earlier if LO can roll over whilst swaddled it shouldn't be a problem to let you know (came across one mum swaddling at ten months, so go with what your HV says)
Don't be too hard on yourself either. I very much doubt there is a single mum out there who's found it to be a walk in the park (if there is, she's no friend of mine!! )
These little people that we have brought into this world have a brilliant knack of adjusting themselves just to keep us on our toes. Just when you think you've got something figured out they throw us a dodgy ball!!

Tried an upstairs nap in DDs cot for first time today (her room has been too full of our junk until now) , worked brilliant this morning as she slept for TWO whole hours! She's one of those that can survive on one or two 20 minute cat naps per day usually.
Tried again for a late afternoon nap and it was a big fat NO. She was not interested and had to be glued to my side pretty much whilst I brought washing in and started dinner.

She's currently sleeping like an angel in our room. My plan is to get her into a daily nap routine, and then tackle bedtime in her own room (and then I woke up!)

Thanks top, that was beautiful. Using mobile app I don't see the pictures so that's why I was confused first time.

Nursery time is torture for me - I left him for one hour and ten minutes in the baby room and he cried for one hour and ten minutes and 30 seconds!! (Last 30sec in my arm) . I don't think he ever cried for that long non stop even with colic early on.

The first twenty minutes I was just thinking it will get better, it will get better, the second twenty minutes I was thinking that's it, I can't leave him in nursery, he is not ready yet; then the third twenty min I thought the crying was less strong than before. (Still pretty bad, just ever so slightly better).

But when I got him back, it took him one minute to recover and smile again! Then I thought maybe it is not doing him a big damage after all...
But it is all very confusing and don't know what to do next :(

Lil we are going to centre park in two weeks; can you tell me how it was and what baby activities are there to do?

Team, I am sorry I feel I am really dumb. But what is the problem with swaddling again? What happens if she roles? Why do I not get it?

Nazly - center parcs is excellent for being baby friendly. Baby food at restaurants, everywhere has high chairs and baby change etc.

Activities for babies - I did baby sensory this morning which I don't think was really worth the £6.50 for half hour - is just like normal baby group for free at children's centre. Can get their handprints framed which is nice but expensive and they don't get much from it but you can do pottery painting with them and they can do paint handprints. The main thing is swimming really - as a family or there's swimming lessons (2 sessions over the week). But otherwise it's just really nice and relaxed and friendly.

Zana - Yeah for your naps upstairs in the cot! I've just recently started doing that too and it is so liberating to have some proper 'me time' when DD is sleeping (rather than needing to be on-call for extra bouncing in the chair when required).

Having said that, this marks the start of the loss of my afternoons freedom to go out. I've spent about 8 years being tied to the house for afternoon naps. I only gained my afternoon freedom about 18 months ago when my 5 year old dropped his lunchtime nap. DC4 is just starting to pick up that gauntlet. So back to afternoons of daytime TV and housework for me.

Ella that very rarely happens here; But if it does, I give up, offer him something else instead, then try the same food in a week or two. He relies on solid so much for hunger I can not just give up for that meal.

Today we were out and I took an Ella fromage frais for him (totally recommend them by the way, very tasty and ds goes mad for them). He had it in no time, looking for more! I had nothing, and the restaurant wasn't baby friendly , so I ended up giving him my potato and leek soup! I can't believe he had half of my soup!!!

Lil do you mean I am OK not to pack any food for him?

Thank you all so much for all your support whilst I've been having a major wobble! I'm feeling far better today, and a big part of that comes from you wonderful women

I've decided to just keep swaddling and to try my best not to feel bad about it. Once a week, when I feel up to it and when I sense that DD will go down for her nap easily, I'm going to try swaddling her with her non-dominant arm out. If it doesn't work, then that's fine, I will just swaddle her up again and try again the next week.

Zana, I've also read loads about it all, and I've come to the same conclusion as you. It's just so difficult when some people are telling you that what you are doing is dangerous for your baby. When I said that she gets so upset and hysterical without swaddling that she ends up choking and vomiting, I was told that that's fine as long as she doesn't choke on her vomit

Nazly, I think the problem is supposed to be that if they roll over they will be face down without and arms free to push themselves up, and so they could suffocate. But as my HV said, if she's strong enough to roll over swaddled (which must be quite hard!), then she can turn her head to the side and lift it enough to breathe and/or scream for help!

In terms of my futile attempts to be a "perfect" mum, I had a really long chat with DH about this earlier (he really is wonderful, I'm so lucky and grateful to have him!). Anyway, he said something that really struck home, so I thought I'd share it on here as it sounds like a few of us are struggling with this...

I was saying that I need to not aim for perfection, but to try to be good enough to get through the day with no major disasters. So a simple lowering of standards. DH said that he thought I'd find d it really difficult to do that given how perfectionist I am and that I'm unlikely to think that "just getting by" is ever really being good enough. He suggested that instead I try to reframe what a "perfect" mum is in my head. I see a "perfect" mum as so done who is calm, can soothe baby, get baby to sleep well/easily/safely, can feed efficiently, always has a contented baby, etc. He said that his view of a "perfect" mum is somewhat different. His view is of a "perfect" mum is one who is always there for their child, who always tries their best, a mother who their baby looks to for comfort when upset. This "perfect" mum may have a baby who sleeps badly, has grizzly days, who gets colds, etc. but if she is always there trying to soothe and comfort her baby, then she is a "perfect" mum.

Hope that makes some sense?! It really makes sense to me, and I think I'll find it easier to try to change my view of what "perfection" is than to "lower my standards"! From now on, when I'm struggling and feeling frustrated at myself, instead of asking myself "why aren't I doing this perfectly?" I'm going to try to ask myself "am I trying my best?" I'm sure it won't be quite as simple as that, but I think it may help me to feel less inadequate.

In other sleeping news... DD woke for a feed at 3.30 and I couldn't get back to sleep. Usually from about 4.30 she is unsettled and sleeps on me until she wakes at about 5.45, so at 4.15 I thought I might as well come sit in her room and come on here whilst waiting for her to start stirring. Yup, at 5.30 she is still fast asleep in her bed!

Centre Parcs is a great place to go with a little one. We went there in January and had a great time. The pool is the best thing there though

Team glad you feel a bit better. I completely agree with your DH's description of a perfect mother.

Ella I'm having the same issue. Have tried Jessica with quite a few things now food-wise and the only things she really likes is my homemade mashed sweet potato and butternut squash, and the egg custard that Heinz makes probably not the healthiest thing. I never know how long to persist with something she doesn't like / isn't bothered by, as I know they say to keep offering food as it can take babies a few attempts to like something, but I don't want to force the issue either. Jessica is such a nightmare to feed anyway. Unless she really likes something (I.E mashed sweet potato and butternut squash, or egg custard) she just clamps her mouth shut and turns away, so the only way I end up getting food into her is by making her laugh or similar and then popping some food in her when her mouth is open (and she's getting wise to this now). I think she is hungry for it though. Since she recently has been eating a whole ice-cube's worth of mashed sweet potato and butternut squash yesterday I did her two ice cube's worth and she ate it all again. She's so fussy with most other foods though! Help! Also how much do your babies generally eat at each meal?

Team that is really a brilliant description from your dh- it is just very thoughtful and excellent of him to think deeply about the subject.
I now understand what you say about swaddling ; frankly, for all the worry and sleepless nights you had, I would just buy a breathing monitor and would let her sleep swaddled if that makes her happy and works for you - it is around 70 quid but it is such a piece of mind... And you'll never go to her room again early waiting for her to wake! I totally recommend it.

Kitkat they say offer anything they don't like for twenty times at least, but with a good time gap. I just give up if he resist the first three spoon and give him something else. Already I have tried two different things he disliked originally and he now eats them. The only thing I would say is this: I read in three separate sources that meat should not be left out for long from their diet - we started week 24 and I offered meat in week 26... How old is she now? Have you thought about more varied diet?

Is the pool in centre parcs warm enough for babies ?

She's 6 months now Nazly so we're trying to offer more variety but she's barely willing to try a lot of stuff. She's been offered chicken, cheese, yogurt, various fruit and veg, baby porridge, as well as a few finger foods (slices of toast, breadsticks, cucumber slices etc), but she's just not interested. She sucks a bit at the finger foods but doesn't really try to eat them properly IYSWIM. I know I've read loads of times on Mumsnet that 'food for under ones is only just for fun' but the HV I spoke to said that from 6 months onwards babies no longer get all the nutrients they need from milk and need solids in their diets, so I do wish she would eat a bit more. I'm vary wary though of meal-times becoming a battle ground so I really don't know how much to push her at meal times.

Yesterday lunch for example I offered her a jar of cauliflower and broccoli cheese, which she wasn't interested in, but I managed to get a few mouthfuls in when her mouth was open. Then I tried giving her a finger-food piece of toast which she didn't want. Then I offered banana and yogurt afterwards and she didn't want those either.

I'm trying to leave offering food until about an hour / hour and a half after milk feeds so she's not too full without being over-hungry and grumpy but that's not working either.

Mine won't take anything if I try to spoon feed him - I have to give him a loaded spoon and let him put it in his nose and chin mouth. He sucks on toast and will chew brocolli florets but we have a recurring problem that as soon as he gets a lump on his tongue he panics and throws everything up. Rice cakes were particularly bad for that.

Just wrote a post and it didn't post!

Nazly - baby pool is not that warm but seems fine, lots of babies having a splash! Baby food - can be bought at parc market. Probably more expensive and less choice though. I'm at Woburn forest and baby food is apparently available at all the restaurants but I haven't started weaning yet so not tried it out.

Starting weaning this weekend! When you first offered meat did you puree like fruit and veg? The idea just seems odd to me! Can't get past the idea of baby food and adult food and I just can't see meat as baby food!