September 2014 - 6 months already?!

[holls2000]

new thread!

Falls and bumps: had a few over here, the worst one was when she was sat on my sisters lap and almost launched herself off it. "luckily" the journey to the floor was broken by her aunt's legs and feet. My sis was mortified and thought I'd go mental at her (I saw it all) but I (surprisingly) remained calm n gave her lots of kisses and cuddles to distract. Think my sis needed more consoling than DD in the end.

Schools: hadn't thought about this at all until it was brought up on this thread, so thank you! Glad it was though, as like others I have no idea about timings for starting no and applying etc. Have been investigating local schools.........concluded that we definitely need to move either before DD starts or within a few years ( but it all depends on if and when LO 2 comes along)

Weaning: our LO is eating anything and everything I give her. She is preferring the purees over BLW ( I usually get a very bemused look when I've handed her a stick of anything, as she figures out what to do with it). She's not a fan of water still (any tips?) but luckily has no problems issues in that department ( she has a 3 poop per day minimum and they're a mixture of explosive poonamis, and more "formed" ones). They are also very smelly

Falling pregnant again: I've always wanted two LOs. DH has always said lets see what happens and how we get on with the first one. Last weekend he completely surprised me by suggesting LO #2 when DD turns 2. ???????? I thought he meant to start trying when she turns 2. He meant for #2 to be here for when she is 2. I need to not leave it too long because of my age (37 next weekend) but the thought of them being that close together, especially being pregnant when Z is 18-24 months and a newborn when she's just turned 2 petrified me. So we've decided to wait until she's 3 for LO #2 to be here. Any of you out there with twins or LOs closer together in age than 3 years, I commend you.

In fact you're all pretty super and I've come here many times for advice etc and to see how everyone else is doing.

Thank you xxxx

Thanks Ella. You get it. Its hard. I find simple tasks the hardest sometimes because those are the ones I feel I should be able to do most because 'how can you over complicate them' but somehow I manage it!

I guess we all want our kids to 'fit in' and it can be difficult if you know what it's like / how difficult it is when you don't. xx

That's exactly it, and I really do fear history repeating.

I went out with 3 school friends I've not seen in at least five years last night. It was the first time I've been out on my own without DS which was something in itself (especially since DS has been refusing bottles lately and has been crying every time I leave the room. DH took him to the supermarket to distract him for some of the time and then it was all fine because The Voice was on the TV box so DS was happy!).

One of my friends made a comment about how serious and overly grown up in interests I was which took me by surprise as I never thought I was like that, but upon reflection I was. And still am. I'm not someone who is good with chit chat but would be very comfortable talking about politics. Which isn't always the greatest for meeting new people! In general I've been fine meeting people since school, as I've tended to meet them on the basis of a common interest - often through the internet - so face to face when a baby is perhaps the only thing you have in common I find much harder.

I don't really do 'light' unless its Hollyoaks or Big Brother...

I guess I'm a bit of a weirdo.

I used to think the floor was safe, because you can't fall off the floor. That was until the sitting up started. Now, the laminate floor is no longer our friend. Quite a few topples that I haven't managed to catch in the last few weeks!

Yep, laminate flooring is lethal! DS ended up with a nasty bruise at one point. I am so glad that DH is a climber as we have a room full of his climbing mats now. DS quite literally does bounce on them (they are amazing). But the less heavy duty Ikea's plufsig we bought before we cracked and pulled them out has saved me hours of stress too. I highly recommend them. The plus side is, laminate floors don't give carpet burns the same way when crawling and they are a 100 times easier to clean when DS decides to do willy painting. We also had a fun day on Friday, with sofa cushions whilst I was trying to tidy behind them.

I also wonder who will be the first on this thread !
I'm out. DS was planned as an only and I'm sticking to that. I had a period when I had DS where I grieved slightly for not having a daughter, but I'd have felt the same if I'd had a girl for a boy precisely because I'd said one only. And of course I could have two and still I went through enough to have him and the feeling has now passed and I do feel complete and that if I had a second he'd loose out. Both me and DH have poor relationships with our siblings so I don't feel like he's going to suffer there. In terms of having 'no one to support him when we are gone', I'd hope we can provide for him, build strong relationships with our friends and him and potentially their children and him and that he will have friends and relationships of his own that are strong enough to support him.

One is MORE than enough for us.

Red
Firstly...I also do Hollyoaks, although I pretend it's my daughter who insists we watch it .

Also don't worry too much about the baby groups/ parent mixing. You are not weird ! We all have different conversational strengths and parenting chitchat is not one of mine either .

I did all the baby groups with the twins...then the toddler groups...then the whole mums up the school thing (for the first couple of years). I did it because I felt I had to...like I was doing the kids a real service. To be honest, it's just not me and I don't think it particularly enriched their lives..perhaps gained them a few more party invites...but that's about it. I am not friendly with any of the mums that I met now...I did manage to infiltrate a few cliques along the way but found the constant competitiveness frustrating. The only thing I actually had in common with these people was having children the same age.
Having twins, I felt that nobody really understood my issues - and how I had to do things differently. Yes we had dummies, reins, a playpen, lax routine, co-sleeping ...and the twins even had the single MMR jab (said in the early 2000's to cause autism) - all these things were looked down upon by some of these parents at the time.
I felt quite lost...nobody knew anything about me - we talked purely about children and parenting - lots of point scoring going on.
I'm not really a shy person, I just hate being true to myself and didn't feel I could be around some other mums. I find being around actual friends who happen to be mums, much more fulfilling.
J will not be going to baby groups with me...which is why, when I return to work part time, he can go to nursery for a couple of mornings - so he can interact with other children in a group, without me there. I do have a lack of friends with very young children now so when he's with me he will always be around older children.

Just realised, I sound really unsociable. Some people have great experiences with groups and get a lot out of them, I just found it wasn't me - and have no intention of doing it this time.

Quite irrelevant to the subjects of the day:
Has anybody has any skin issue post pregnancy? My face is really bad, it has never been that bad; in fact I hardly needed to use any foundation before but post pregnancy my skin is awful. Just googled and learned it could be related to pregnancy, bf, hormones, etc. but did not find a solution for it then. Any experience or advice is most welcome.

Good for you going out Red. I'm still to do that. Can't really till she's having less bf's I suppose.

I am pretty broody right now I must admit. Have been ever since my period returned which just reminds me how my feelings are largely governed by my hormones and biology in general. It's both fascinating and a bit scary I find!

Re groups. I will not be taking baby no.2 to bloomin baby massage or yoga. What pointless and stressful groups they were. I know some babies enjoy them but myself and J did not. I did feel like I "should" be doing groups which is why I signed up to a few but next time I will be more laid back about them.

I didn't get how an August baby may be the oldest it the class though?

Most councils run year groups by birthday from 1st Sept - 31st August. So your son would start in Sept 2018 when he's just turned 4.

Legally he doesn't have to start school until the term after he's turned 5. Which is a whole year later as Uk terms start in September, January, March/April. (So it appears Scotland does it 'right'.) So legally he should start school no later than Sept 2019 - the term after his 5th birthday.

It does depend on where you live as to whether your local council would accept this (you might have a fight on your hands with it). But its definitely something to bare in mind come September 2017 when you may/may not want to start applying.

Does that make more sense?

re having another. ....It took 4 yrs to get b, so if we have another, great, if not then also great. I feel we will be able to give him better opportunities etc if he is an only child and as lots of friends have kids shall just treat them as his siblings if needs be.

re groups. we hated baby massage. a coffee morning we went to was grim. try to go to one on a tues am which is nice. swimming has been fab. there is a greay one on a monday pm but is in nap time and I would prefer him to sleep!!!! I found groups vvvv difficult to get used to initially but we have made some friends so feel more confident now.

Has anybody has any skin issue post pregnancy?

My skin has been awful since my periods started properly. I've always had hormonal skin but a couple of months ago I had the most horrendous outbreak. It's cleared now.

Not suggestion though, just support. I have just accepted, after so much trying, that I just do have hormonal skin and until the menopause that will probably always be the case.

I did feel like I "should" be doing groups which is why I signed up to a few but next time I will be more laid back about them.

Baby groups up until baby is mobile and interacting (which is where most of us are now) really are mostly for the benefit of mothers, not babies. Mums who feel they 'should' (like you said) or Mums who like to get out the house and talk to others.

Personally, I don't bother with any groups until baby has dropped the morning nap which is around 12 months old. I used to take my others to P&T groups from newborn, but that was only because I was going with an older sibling. Baby always slept through the groups, so no benfit with them being there.

Legally he doesn't have to start school until the term after he's turned 5

I don't believe the issue is what aged a child must start school. Moreover it is the year group in which they start.

Any child can delay starting school until they are 5 if they wish, but that child would start in Year 1 and not in Reception class. The child therefore loses out on a whole year of schooling.

This is how it has always been, the right to delay school has existed for a long time.

The recent test cases and changes are to do with the right for a delayed start child to start in reception class, rather than move straight into Year 1. This varies from LEA to LEA and will vary with academies. Mostly it would seem a parent faces a large battle if they wish to do this.

Also worth noting that there is no legal right to delay start of secondary school. So regardless of when any child starts school they will have to go into Year 7 (secondary) the September in the academic year they will turn 12.

So if a child is granted their right to delay starting school until aged 5. Then wins the battle to be admitted into Reception Class as the eldest (rather than Year 1 as youngest and having missed a year of schooling) - then the child would still have to miss a year of schooling somewhere in primary education because the date at which a child must start secondary education is set and immobile.

.... I should add, I think that's all very rubbish in terms of delayed start education.

I don't agree with it. It seems backwards that for such a long time parents could delay the start of school for their August babies, but for no real benefit because the child still misses out.

I was really pleased when it was announced earlier this year about the option to start in reception class for delayed start children. All good. What I'd not realised then though and Gove (I think it was still Gove then) didn't mention was about the end of Primary education not being flexible.

So the whole process is still really backward, inflexible and cumbersome. I am certain there must be a better way that balances school age flexibility alongside child protection and the right to education (which are what this policy is battling against).

I too love my politics Red

lilone yes dd was struggling with straining to poo, but I think it was a combination of getting used to more 'formed' poos and me having fed her a bit too much bread I started offering her dried fig or apricot once per day and that really seems to have helped.

It will be so interesting to see who is the first to get pregnant here! I have to say, wonderful as dd is, it has been so hard at times that I think 1 is enough for us. Things are SO much easier now than when she was small and suffering with reflux, but I still can't imagine being able to care for her when older plus another baby. Looking after her now and the dog and rabbit is hard enough! I also know from seeing my sister have a second and barely manage day-to-day that if we were to have another we wouldn't be able to offer them both the opportunities we'll be able to offer dd as an only child. Saying all that, I would like dd to stay a 6-month-old FOREVER. She tasted jam today and laughed and laughed and laughed, presumably because it was the best thing she'd ever tasted

Nazly if your skin's really bad it's worth a trip to the doctor/dermatologist rather than leaving it and ending up with scarring. I'm sure it is hormonal, like you say, having had a baby and breastfeeding. My skin's not gone bad but I look very grey and haggard... hoping that will improve when I finally stop breastfeeding!

On the subject of style and body image, how is everyone feeling about themselves post-baby? I looked in the mirror the other day and realised I've fallen into wearing a 'breastfeeding uniform' of skinny jeans, stretchy vest top and baggy jumper. I'm only 31 and all of a sudden I look like a classic frump. Aaargh!

Ha ha apples I have the same uniform! Just swap the jumper for a long sleeve stretchy top. I also live in the same pair of boots all the time because they are easy to pull off and shove on at baby groups. I'm literally rotating through about five or six vest tops and long sleeve tops. It's easy though, and I can't be bothered to think of what else I can breast feed in.

I phoned my GPs today to get an appointment to fit the copper coil, expecting it to be a relatively straight forward thing to arrange. Oh no.

(1) I have to have an appointment with a female GP. Only 1 female GP so longer to wait. I told the receptionist I am not in the slightest bit bothered about the gender of the doctor, but apparently it's policy.

(2) I have already made an educated and informed decision about my own contraception, considering the pros and cons all of the options. But apparently I am not wise enough to make this decision alone and before I get the coil fitted, I have to have a 'counselling' appointment first.

(3) After the counselling appointment, assuming the female GP agrees with me about my choice of contraception, I then have to go on a waiting list for the procedure for the coil fitting.

What the...? I am quite astounded how hard they are making the process of sorting out some contraception. It all feels so 1940s, like I'd be asked at some point to get my husbands signature showing he agrees to the contraception. So archaic.

honey you are my style twin, I also have the same few things on rotation and the slip off/shove on boots, hilarious!

I had a tentative look in the wardrobe to try and get excited about what I could wear when I finally stop breastfeeding but after 18 months of neglect it's not looking good!

fate Similar thing at my GP. Told GP I wanted a coil so she referred me to the designated Coil Fitting Nurse for a telephone interview. I passed the telephone interview - so got invited for a coil viewing ! Then after the coil viewing - where I was literally shown a piece of plastic, I was invited back for the coil fitting !

Apples When I could fit back in a size 10, I replenished my whole wardrobe as a little treat. However, skinny jeans seem to be my main staple - and a vest...and boyfriend cardigan/baggy jumper. And I'm not even breastfeeding..I have no excuse !
If I'm nipping out to see friends, I dress up a bit - might stick on some heels with my skinnies, or wear a dress - but at the moment I am totally dressing for comfort.
My once choppy layered, blunt fringe, blonde hair is now long and brown (so it literally takes me 2 minutes to do).
So style wise...I feel pretty frumpy too ! I am usually really into my clothes but I look so boring at the moment - the need to feel comfortable is taking over. To be honest, my kids are all pulling off the style for me .

That business with the coil is ridiculous. I wonder how many women get pregnant waiting for it!

I feel awfully frumpy and I'm not bfing either. I'm living in baggy jumpers, jogging bottoms and trainers. My trainers have also started to fall apart. I can't fit comfortably in to jeans yet, my stomach is still too saggy. I blame the c-section and its horrendously bad healing meaning I've still got no muscle strength in my stomach and have only just been able to start exercising again.

My nails used to be my thing. I always had them long and painted. Now I never get the chance to paint them and if I did they wouldn't last two seconds!

Glad I'm not the only one to have a uniform of skinny jeans and baggy top with easy to get on boots! Confession though.... my skinny jeans are actually jeggings lovely and comfy as they're stretchy. Haha! Oh dear. I've only recently stopped wearing actual breastfeeding tops really and do the stretchy vest top, pull down method.

lilone Yes, the coil thing is ridiculous - I nearly didn't have the coil because they dragged it out for so long and I started getting squeamish and worried about the procedure !

And style-wise it sounds like many of us are wearing the same ! That makes me feel better .

I currently live in stretchy breastfeeding tops (even though no longer bf as can't fit into old clothes and can't afford new ones), jeans, a cardigan and slip-on boots. I'm still a stone heavier than I was pre-pregnancy and that with my frumpy clothes is making me feel really 'meh'. I really, really need to shift this stone of baby weight and get back in my normal clothes. I've lost 10lbs of baby weight so far but this last stone is not moving. I really need to stop making excuses to myself and constantly finding reasons to justify cake and cut out the snacking. In particular in 3 months time I'm a bridesmaid and we tried dresses on the other day. The bride is a size 8, and the other bridesmaid a size 10, so I just felt like a hippo in my size 14 dress that only just fit .

On the subject of clothes though (and sorry, going off on a tangent a bit here) does anyone else struggle to find fashionable clothes anymore on the high st that are age appropriate? I'm 30 in the summer and find that a lot of high st shops are either aimed at people much younger (Topshop for example - I ain't going to look good in yellow hot pants TRUST ME) or much older (the recent Next winter collection was all elasticated waist trousers and granny style jumpers). I do okay in Dorothy Perkins and some of New Look but even then it's definitely a challenge.

I'm another one living in skinny jeans / jeggings & baggy tops. I can't wait for the weather to get warmer so I can start wearing other things. It was lovely on holiday to wear shorts, vests & flip flops, felt so much better about myself. I love clothes but my wardrobe is depressing me at the moment. I started slimming world last week and will be treating to myself to new clothes once I've lost weight. I just don't have the will power to lose weight by myself at the moment and opportunities to exercise are very limited as DP is working away at least 2 nights a week and working late most of the other nights. I don't have a lot to lose but there is no way my work skirts & dresses are going to fit at the moment & I've got a big conference to go to in May and nothing to wear to it at the moment.

I'm 36 and I get most of my clothes from oasis & warehouse with bits from H&M and Dorothy Perkins mixed in.

I'm 35...i wear Cameo Rose stuff from New Look, bits from H&M, the odd bits from Next, and stuff from AX, Red Herring, Izabel in Debenhams. We have a designer outlet nearby and I get some classical Ralph bits now and again
I know what you mean about shops stocking quite "young stuff". Quite often, I go in shops like River and Topshop and just think "that would suit my 12 year old daughter" but can't find anything for me.
It's definitely difficult to find clothes when you're in your thirties. I am really conscious of not looking like I'm dressing too young but I'm also not ready for the M&S and Bon Marche look yet.
I've always had a bit of a vintagey/Mod style so I'm not into high seasonal fashion - but I certainly have to think before I buy nowadays.
I like Kate Moss's look a lot.

I love Joe Browns stuff, but it's expensive compared to the supermarket brand stuff I have as everyday wear. I might point out that my Mum owns some Joe Brown pieces so maybe that makes it oldie?

I have the same uniform come rain or shine: long-line tunics (long sleeved for winter and short sleeved or vest for summer) and leggings/tights (shorts in exceptionally warm weather) and boots or ballet pumps. Add a cardi as required.

New Look my daughter wears. Aside from their classic black cardis and I like New Look jeans, the rest of my New Look shopping would be for DD. She's not really old enough for Top Shop yet, but that will come.

fate You've just reminded me that I love F&F out of Tesco for workwear. I have loads of it...the Cameo Rose stuff from New Look reminds me a bit of it - monochrome, peter pan collars and lots of straight lines.

And don't feel old !

On the subject of clothes, I just sold all my maternity wear on ebay, as I will never wear it again. I'm actually amazed by the second hand maternity market, i stuck everything on auction for 99p and probably made my money back that I'd paid for it new. I was expecting perhaps a few quid to a fiver per item - I'm shocked ! I had strict rules for maternity wear - only buy in sales and don't spend more than a tenner on any item - most of it was from New Look sales and Next clearance. Some of my cheapo summer dresses have sold for almost £20 on ebay !

Anyway...going to shut up about clothes now !

Do any of your babies have a thing about sticking their tongue out ? It's J's new party piece -I think my elder son taught him - but he's doing it all the time, accompanied by a little chuckle and cheeky grin. He's got such a mischevious little personality already...think he's going to be an absolute rascal as he gets older !