October 2014.. Thread 7.. Teeth, tantrums & tickles

[STIGZ]

Hope this works ?

Had a blazing row with DH where I cried, told him I was tired and lonely and needed him to help instead of doing gardening. Think we cleared the air.
I'm really looking forward to this magical long nap instead of 30-45 mins. When can I expect DD to work it out?!?
Also really impressed with people on limited diets, you have such strong will power You are all doing a fab job.

munday men can be such arses sometimes. Last week dp sat on his ipad all night and probably said 10 words to me all night. When I pulled him up on it and said I'd only spoken to children since 8 o'clock that morning and it would be nice to have a conversation he was totally baffled! I think they don't realise sometimes that being at home with little ones on your own all day can be very lonely.

Ahhh mine have always been sling or buggy nappers as an afternoon dog walk / trip to the shops / trip out to visit pals or soft play works best for us. I've put them down in the buggy when wee, gone out (even if just round the block) and then if I've stuff to do at home, parked the buggy in the hallway and got on with it whilst they slept. I hate being tied to the house so that was what worked best for us. There is no right way to do anything when it comes to babies. Its what works for you. My kids getting up at 6.30am would do my head in but then to get a decent lie in they drop their naps earlier which wouldn't suit other families. But neither is wrong. If the things being suggested don't work for your baby (so for example mine, like loads of EBF babies hate dummies - they're not used to cold plastic in their mouths whereas FF babies are likely to find a plastic teat comforting) then try something else. It doesn't mean you or your baby are failing in some way because a method doesn't work for you.

As for exclusion diets - I've just eaten 1/3 of a Betty Crocker devils food cake with lashings of chocolate fudge icing there are lots of dairy and soy free treats out there. Its just a bit of a knack to find them. I've done dairy free since 2012 (bar 12 weeks off in pregnancy) so know how not to shift the baby weight on it now. Whoops. Compared to not sleeping or seeing your kid in pain its no contest. Only 12 months to go til I wean Lil so I'm on the home straight really . Then we'll still have to cook dairy and soy free for the kids anyway (but keep trying to reintroduce every 6 months as per dietician guidance) so will just have to keep my cheese scoffing til after bedtime.

Feeding again after 7pm put down sigh. She's woken 3 or 4 times since and my great plan of cuddling back to sleep has not worked tonight the way it did last night. She's windy and probably overtired as was awake way too long today while we were out and about.

Dc1 did her afternoon nap in her cot from about 6.5 months but could equally nap in the buggy if I walked long enough. I loved that and would love it if it worked out as well for dc2. I always used nap time for work/writing so did mostly need to be at home, but the odd afternoon out was wonderful. Dc1 dropped her day nap at around 2.5, slightly early but like yellow it was either that or spend an hour messing at bedtime which did my head in. So now she goes straight to bed and usually sleeps til 7.15, often later.

Sorry to hear about the row munday. Will you be going back to work?

goats how's it going so far tonight?

I'm so with you Munday. Tonight, boyfriend (who has slept with us for three whole nights since October) informed me that we should stop talking about the sleep 'issue'. We're away this weekend, he slept with us for two nights, is a total write off, has been a grumpy shit all day, claiming he needs naps... but apparently even though I'm constantly sleep deprived, and at the moment am pretty much unable to think about anything else/anything at all, I should be able to have a conversation with him about labour's plans for tuition fees. I don't care about the election, I just care about ways of getting more than 45 minutes sleep in a row! He's gone home early tonight to get some sleep. Me and Pip are still away. Ha.

Last night at least an hour's sleep was lost due to his snoring. Grrr.

Tonight so far fed at 7ish, didn't bother putting her to bed, just let her sleep on me. We've moved to the bedroom now and she's just stirring ready for more food. Gave her 220ml of formula at lunchtime, which went down ok, with no shout for food for 4 hours. Going to see if that changes anything else into the night, but plan to give her formula at 7pm from now on too if it does.

Anyway, good luck tonight everyone!

Why does he think he can opt out of parenting, goats? That's shitty of him and I'm sure he knows it deep down. What will you do?

I swore badly at dh the other night, we were both wrecked and he took himself off to spare room while I was rocking dd for the nth time. My back hurt, my arms ached and I felt so abandoned. He didn't get it, but on the other hand his whole reason for going was so he wouldn't be a write off the.next day and could take care of dc1 and do jobs etc. So not really unreasonable.

Honestly I wish that there was a way of showing both young women and young men the realities of life with a small child and all the grind work/wife work/shit work way before babies ever arrive. It's such a shock to many relationships. It's about resilience isn't it?. And maturity. And realising that there's no one else to do it but yourselves.

Hope I haven't overstepped I just hate thinking of all the women out there feeling so alone with small babies.

many dads do seem to redeem themselves when the kids are a bit older it must be said.

Hi all, just a quick note on toddler sleep. Mine (DS 2.5yrs) has slept till at least 7am for a long time now. He's has dropped his nap almost completely (occasional snooze in the car), started napping less and less once he turned 2. But now he's usually a breeze at bedtime, asleep between 6.45pm - 7.15pm and not normally awake till 7.30ish in the morning. Always needs a bit of downtime tv time or chill in the buggy in the afternoon though. I was very sad to see the nap go but actually I much much prefer the easy bedtime/reasonable wake up time!

Been away for the weekend (with very poor signal) so I've loads of the thread to catch up on. Might post again later.

I think it's all about breastfeeding ' while I'm doing that, he always has it as a reason why his opinion doesn't count. It's a cop out. There are lots of things against us in having more of a shared childcare routine at the moment, but they will all be sorted out when we move back to our house in a couple of weeks. At that point there will be a conversation, spreadsheets and lists. He knows it's coming.

Wife work is an interesting thing. I read a book about it while pregnant - the unfairness of modern motherhood. To be honest I've not felt particularly lonely, and have only had a few real 'oh fuck' moments, but I'm an independent, relatively grown up, sociable 41 year old who has been around babies and children a lot. I'm pretty confident about my choices too. I'd never have been able to do it in my current circumstances at any other age.

One of the biggest things that I notice already amongst the new families I know, is how little the fathers are willing to sacrifice compared to how much mothers are, and to how much they expect and assume the mothers will. Careers, time, hobbies, sleep, social life etc. For example, boyfriend talked happily about how much he was looking forward to having a couple of beers tonight before 'going to bed at 9 for 11 hours...' He's exhausted you know, poor darling. He then said that I need to sort her sleep before I go back to work, as if even when I'm back at work the overnight issues will be my responsibility. I have a more highly paid more responsible job then he does, but getting up in the night is up to me. He's got a shock coming.

Wow busy weekend here.
Sorry so many of you are struggling with sleep - no suggestions since my 1st non sleeper for forever & hand held til 3 is still an early bird even now. 6:10 is her natural waking time & a late bedtime seems to make it worse not better. If it's any consolation at all my friends with good sleepers find that illness/teething kills them when their little ones suddenly stop sleeping whereas you'll be surprised how used to minimal sleep you get.
Keep the weaning stories coming - I'm planning to wait til 6 months which is 28th April unless she helps herself sooner which DD1 did. Cucumber stick swiped off my plate one lunchtime at 5.5 months followed by Costa lemon muffin a couple of days later when I was mid conversation and not watching

Not all fathers are less willing to sacrifice compared to mothers.

Considering I am a SAHM and DH works full time, yet we equally share child rearing and housework in the times when we are both at home - I'd say he sacrifices more than me in terms of time, sleep and "me time". I have given up my teaching career (for now) but that was my choice. He would swap places with me and be SAHD in a heartbeat, if I offered to go back to work.

I'm glad you're biding your time before the big Conversation then goats! You will be doing him a massive favour (even though it's a shame you have to basically force it on him). In the long run he will so enjoy a close bond with his daughter.

Twisted my niece is also a naturally early riser (about 5-5.30am). Wrecked my sister for years but was fine once she was old enough to go downstairs and watch cartoons/play quietly/eat her breakfast. Still the same now at aged ten.

I agree that the dads I know (my husband, my brothers, friends, in-laws, cousins) share the load. I've ebf all of mine and done the majority of wake ups, but we are equal in other aspects. And he gives me lie-ins every weekend (despite catching the 5.08am train Monday to Friday). First time around, he actually woke up a lot and did a lot of shushing/rocking/slinging/lullabies but he physically can't do that now with a different work schedule and me needing him available for the older kids. And he respects what I do as the at-home parent (and we will argue/discuss/fix things when they veer off). It's important for the kids to see too.

I will be going back to work in September, but since I've been off my work friends (most of the people I know where i live) have forgotten about me. DH thought he was doing the right thing doing stupid DIY, guess sometimes no one wins!
Goats- good luck with The Talk, sounds like your boyfriend is going to have a shock when you go home.
Oh dear, non sleeping baby alert!!

Third wake-up since 11. 1.30, 2.45 and 4.15. Just had to do nappy and all that jazz too. After the 2.45 feed there was no way that she was going back in her sleepyhead, so she's in with me again.. cue a crap sleep for me too because it's a single bed. Bit bored of it all now.

bump thanks for all that info. I am now trying egg and soy free this week to see if it makes a difference. I was watching him closely last night and definitely when he wakes it is often accompanied by furiously trying to scratch his head (he has to wear socks over his hands) so I think it might be waking him/or at least not helping with the self settling when he does wake...
Like yellow to give up certain food is tough but when it means I might get better sleep and/or it stops his suffering with his eczema there really is no contest.

goats sorry you had another shocker. I too let N sleep on me from half 2 onwards. I tried from 1am-2.30am to get him settled back in his cot but no avail. As soon as put him on me out like a light. My bum aches today from the weird semi upright sleeping position! And like others good luck with the chat with your OH.

Munday glad you cleared the air. I think it often helps. We have had hardly any rows this time round as I think we are settled into our parenting roles better and share the load very evenly - but I remember with ds1 it was a different story while we battled out what was needed from each other. Having a baby is bloody tough on a relationship.

Oh and yellow book ordered, thanks!

We have socks on hands, or onesies with mittens in built, otherwise she pulls gloves off and scratches until she draws blood
Sorry you had a rough night Goats, hopefully it'll be easier when you're back home.

What was I saying about DS being a breeze at bedtime??! Still awake now having slept in the car earlier on the way back from our wknd away. I think he's a bit confused bless him as we picked up the keys to our new house today and went round to have a look at it now it's empty. But we're back in our rental house for a few more days before the big move so no wonder he doesn't know what's what! Hopefully DD is young enough for it to all pass her by.

We've had a few shocking nights sleep over the weekend which I'm blaming on DDs snotty nose and sleeping in a tiny cot (in a cotbed at home) which she kept bashing Her arms and legs on. Snottiness seems a bit better this afternoon and she's back in her own bed tonight so fingers crossed. Hope everyone else is ok?

Someone has given me a travel cot with vibration in the mattress.. a pack and play if that means anything. Anyone ever tried one? Does the vibration stuff work?

What, vibration to help settle? Never heard of that in a travel cot. I'm interested to know if anyone's used one too.

DS has got a chair that vibrates. I'm not sure if he appreciates it much, he sometimes falls asleep with it buzzing but it could be a fluke.

Speaking of falling asleep... a crap new pattern has developed where he sleeps fine from around half 6 until I go to bed around 10. Once I am snuggled into bed he starts banging his legs, then adds in unhappy lamb type noises until I give up and feed him. Once fed he goes back to bed and repeats leg banging etc so I give a nappy change a go. At which point he starts noisily chatting away. Repeated attempts at putting him back into bed just result in unhappy noises. Last night this went on for nearly 4 hours.

I've brought him downstairs tonight cos I cant be arsed to sit beside snoring DP for hours whilst trying to shush DS. He's been lying happily on his changing mat in a dark living room while I have a cup of tea. I might push the boat out and have another cuppa and watch some internet telly.

On another note my wrists feel like they are about to snap. All this heavy lifting has wrecked me. Slightly concerned as he is just going to get heavier...