October 2014 // thread 4 // a lot of night feed chatting!

[sazzlehopes]

Welcome everyone. You're doing a good job by the way. Remember that.

On a totally different topic, I'm 8 weeks after baby and i'm bleeding again - enough to need a sanitary towel. I'm a week into Cerazette, do you reckon this is normal or should I be concerned? So sick of bleeding now!

Yep Splendide we've definitely all been there - you're not alone. I think I have feelings of feeling pathetic nearly every day. It does get easier for sure, bit by bit. I also find sometimes I feel like we have little steps backwards and that's normal too but overall life becomes more manageable.

The last few nights it has taken about 3 hours to get him down to bed. Tonight, half an hour! We had an evening and watched some TV for first time since he was born. Normally evenings are just screamfests.

I finally made it to breastfeeding clinic yesterday. It seems he has a lip tie but they suggested it was too late to do anything about it. I'm researching to see if this is the case and pondering (as have mentioned on FB). They watched him feed and agreed he was a nightmare. Said I was doing everything right and didn't really have much practical advice. In fact the very pro breastfeeding lady said, well you've done over 10 weeks maybe just pat yourself on the back and start moving over to formula. He's already having two bottles a day so I think we'll gradually make the switch. I've been struggling emotionally with it a lot as fed DD until 14 months but neither me or DS are enjoying the experience much at all this time.

Only thing she said was that if I was going to continue bfeeding then I had to make sure I was feeding him or expressing between 12-4am or supply would be greatly affected. Really!? I had heard this but... What if baby was just sleeping through this time, surely that can happen? Is anyone else who's bfeeding not feeding during this time and have you seen negative effects? My DH doing this feed (sometimes I do the second one just before 4am) is really saving my sanity right now.

Sorry for the essay!

Captain I have been feeding for 11 weeks & very often not fed during these times. In fact more often than not he will be asleep until 3:30 - 4pm. There is no way I've had any issues, could be selling the stuff! :)

make sure I was feeding him or expressing between 12-4am or supply would be greatly affected

If your baby is fed during this time and you don't breastfeed (but give formula) it is likely to affect your supply.

But if baby just sleeps through this time and doesn't feed at all, then I wouldn't see a need to wake especially.

I find my supply (I'm bf) is greatest from 10pm-10am, although DD will only have two feeds in that time (11pm and 7am). I will express twice in those 12 hours.

splendide just adding my voice to the others to say I've been there. I remember one night of having to go scream into a pillow cos i felt so frustrated and claustrophobic. I'd go for a walk round the block at night and sob the whole way round. Awful. Only my partner knew what a tough time I was having, I felt too ashamed to tell others.

Now at 9 weeks and all of that misery has lifted, DS feeds and cries less and smiles and interacts more. I feel so much better and more positive about being a mum x

Anyone had odd family behaviour now baby is here? My stepmother was acting all excited about new baby when I was pregnant - going on about how she wished I would find out gender so she could buy clothes. She's seem him twice in nine weeks, last time aged 10 days?? My dad visits alone (they live 20 minute drive away). My dad says she's just busy - they are retired.

Only thing I can think is that she doesn't want to step on my mum's toes as granny figure. But I find it a bit extreme to be totally disinterested

Good grief, just been on our first 'big' trip - night out in London seeing two different friends (these people who choose East London are a pain). Almost 3 hours in, a drinks party then another 20 minute drive to see a friend for dinner, then 2 hours home.

So. Many. Lessons. Learnt.

Just transferred child from car seat to sleeping bag and into crib with barely a peep. What's the bets on a dreadful night ahead....

Some of us don't choose East London. Some of us have East London thrust upon us (moan moan moan). So desperate to move out of the city to somewhere with good hills but we can't afford to at the moment.

Two nights in a row now the infant has slept 4 1/2 hours. If this continues I might even be able to complete a sentence by the end of next week.

Fuck. Worse than last night. I want to die.

I'm here- what's happening?

He won't sleep, I don't know what he wants. I haven't slept since night before last (got about 2 hours). I'm a shit mother, I can't cope. I've just been sick from the anxiety. It's too awful I can't do it.

Splendide ? Can you give the baby to your partner for half an hour? Go and have a lie down or a cup of tea. Think you need a break, can you call your HV in the morning for some advise? Hope you're ok

You can do it but you're exhausted right now and your son needs a rested mummy. Don't try to do it all on your own. Not sure what to say to help but think you need to talk to someone in RL.

I don't know what anyone can do though. I have been referred for some counselling but that's not going to help the sleep deprivation or the creeping dread of having him on me constantly. I'm so sorry to be talking like this I just don't know what else to do

I think giving your baby to someone you trust this morning will help. They can take him out for a walk, give him a feed and give you a break. I had days on end with no sleep but then a 4 hour stretched made me feel alive again.
Please keep talking to us, we'll worry if you go quiet

Splendide are you still there? What exactly is happening? Perhaps if you break it down into little chunks we can help you with a coping strategy? Eg. I feed him for 2 hrs with no break, when I take him away from my boob he cries. Is there any patterns or things that you have noticed that might be symptoms of something? I'm talking tongue tie, reflux etc

Splendide, it's ok. We've got you. Keep talking.

If you can't cope go to A&E right now with baby. I took my DC#1 to A&E when she was very little because she wouldn't stop screaming & I couldn't put her down. We were both admitted to the children's ward for a day & I got some rest while they ran observations on DD & tried to work out the problem. I saw the breastfeeding coordinator, she was checked for tongue tie etc. Turns out she had reflux but MN helped me diagnose that approx 7 weeks later. Even still I got a break in a safe zone & my sanity came back a little. I remember my cheeks being hot and streaked with tears & passing out with tiredness while sitting upright. It will get better but you need to get some relief today.

Are you able to express so that others can help you with feeds?

This may not be a popular idea but, would it help if you moved on to formula? I know there are so many benefits to breastfeeding but you need to weigh up those benefits against the benefits of DC having a happier, more rested Mum. Only you know what's best in your situation though.

Sorry if these suggestions have been made earlier in the thread; I'm struggling to remember my own name, let alone what was written on the last page (and that's from two nights with 4 hours of sleep so on really feel for you having less than that)

splendide what CJ says sounds like a really good idea, but if not then I second getting someone to take him for a walk. Then do whatever makes you feel the most like yourself- sleep, or a bath, or whatever.Most importantly, there us nothing wrong with how you're feeling. It doesn't make you a bad mother. If you stay worrying about that too then you're adding whole other levels of unhappiness. It's fine to feel this way, plenty of us do at some point, so focus on the practical, and minute by minute you will get through.

Which part of the country are you in? If you're near Greater Manchester and feeling alone I could come round for a cup of tea and talk it over with you (genuine offer). You're not alone and you will get through this, and there's no shame in getting help when you need it.

splendide, how are you doing? I think if your baby just won't sleep you need to get some professional help as it cannot be good for his development, as well as your own health. Have you been able to talk to your health visitor? There are sleep consultants who do telephone/email consultations I believe as a first step.

I really don't think there is any harm in putting the baby down in the cot if he is full and dry and spending some time having a shower/some telly as it is such a tiny blip in their childhood (for them to be crying alone I mean).

I'd also second thinking about some formula every so often. We give M 150ml for his last feed and it's getting us about 5 hrs at the mo. Once a week my DH does the entire night shift from 8.30pm, on one bottle of formula and the rest expressed - can that be an option? And perhaps staying at a friends for that night so you really feel not responsible for the baby that night?

I had awful anxiety in the first three weeks and the feeling of nausea and stress are truly horrible. I listened to relaxing apps and tried to keep the liquids coming. Hope you feel better soon.

Splendide get him checked for reflux / CMPI - the constant screaming, comfort feeding and sleep avoidance isn't normal. Do that before you move to formula as if it is CMPI formula will only intensify his upset. Go to out of hours - say you are at your wits end and can't console him. Best of luck love. If you're Fife / Edinburgh / central belt near a train station - I'm also happy to pop over and give you a break / shoulder to cry on xxxx

Hey I'm still here. Sorry to have worried people. My husband walked him around (shrieking) for an hour so I got some time alone crying in bed rather than sleep but it was kind of a break. He's now asleep on my breast I think.

This is brutal.