October 2014 // thread 3 // Maybe we'll get some sleep soon.

[MundayCakes85]

Last thread is full so here's a shiny new one

mrsb thanks. If you are thinking its a TT then I would see a lactation specialist and or go private as nhs Prob won't do anything if he's feeding ok and putting on weight

Actually do what yeklow said - much better advice!!

captain
We are completely beside ourselves by Karen joy fowler is quite good
Other things I've enjoyed: indiscretion by Charles dubow/life after life by Kate Atkinson (might be quite 'book group')/ the gravity of birds by Tracy Guzman/the art of hearing heartbeats by jam-philipp sendker (loved it)...

But I struggle to balance a baby and hold a book so I've been getting into documentaries on netflix on the ipad. Watched the dark side of love and first position so far. Next up is blackfish.

On the how much does your baby drink front, M has 150ml of formula at 10pm. Sometimes he wants boob afterwards/an hr later. Hard to predict!

Eeekk! Decided to brave a visit to the hairdressers this morning for a cut & colour WITH bubba B. He won't blooming sleep & I am currently under the heat lamp with foils on my hair! I just don't want to have to feed him too!

Fatpony I have to read on my tablet as I'd drop a book on her head - get the kindle app for your iPad maybe?

Oh yes to the Goldfinch that was my favourite book this year and made me reread A Secret History which is an amazing book too.

Pebble I think that's really good advice from Me23 don't sweep this under the carpet if you want him to buck his ideas up. My DH is a feminist but is also an old fashioned bloke in some ways but that was just selfishness, he'd never contemplate behaving like that.

I'm reading we are all completely beside ourselves for book club, so far so good.

For the expressed bottle I try to get between 130ml and 150ml. Sometimes i haven't had chance or time to get that much, but it's partly about boyfriend getting a chance to feed her, so he gives her whatever I get. I need to start collecting together a litre for when I go in to work in a week or so.

Just had 6 week check. Yay.. back to the gym. I'm v excited, although just going to swim this week. Also my cake and sugar eating stops today, back to my pre pregnancy diet. Again I'm really excited about that too. Weird.

goats we get those screams here- it's either wind, or it's because something has woken her up, which she really hates.

Another night of waking every two and a half hours. I'm sort of resigning myself to the idea that maybe this is how she is. Often she only wakes for twenty minutes, so I don't feel I can complain, but it very much affects the quality of the sleep I get.

On the wind front- we very rarely get any burps and if we do they come just by holding her upright. Her wind all seems to be digestive, with grunting and straining. But maybe I'm being naive and I ought to wind her more rigorously?

pebble things sound rough for you, and abandoning you for the Xbox is crappy. This might be completely irrelevant but my boyfriend is a big gamer, and I know it's what he does to calm himself down, or when he's feeling stressed, so we've tried to build that in, in the same way I need to have a bath on my own every other daym and go for walks or I start to get weird. So he plays iPad games at night while holding the baby if she takes a while to settle so that I can sleep, or he puts the baby in the sling and sits at the computer. I think it's helped to realise it's not completely either/or, and he can still do things he enjoys, he just has to do them differently. Which is the same for me.

My boyfriend made some suggestions about him going out to watch football, etc but I think my wtf type reresponse sorted it out. He's mostly ace now. I think you need to be really upfront about it to stop it festering.

I think leaving him for a few hours last night helped to make him realise just how relentless it can be. It's not all just feed, put down, sleep. I've tried talking to him. He says he's sorry but to me it sounds like a child apologies when they're told to. Will give him the benefit of the doubt though. I'm not sure what else I can do.

Im off to the doctors at 2pm as this period im having is freaking me out, its so heavy im having to change my pad every half hour plus its full of clots?? Dunno if my anxiety is making me paranoid but i have never had a period this heavy before? Cant remember it being so bad last time ?

Glad your 6 week check all ok goats im going to get back into my juicing as im eating virtually nothing good for me as i still cant eat fruit, veg & meat for some reason, think i might treat myself to that "nutri bullet" ?

I've been thinking about this a lot, because it's something I feel quite strongly about- I think my partner is going to be a wicked dad, and in some ways is a much more natural parent than me. But a lot of things seem to conspire against it. We're really lucky in that he works from home, so can be around during the day and the incredible tokenism that is paternity leave isn't an issue, but it's still hard for me to step back and let him get on with it. We talked about it a lot before the baby was born- that he needs to help but also that it isn't just "help", it's him being a dad, and the only way he can do that fully is if I accept that his way of doing things might not be mine but that doesn't make it wrong. I'm having to really consciously back off now. There's such a strong crap dad narrative that it's really hard not to fall in with- another (male) friend of mine calls it sitcom dad.

Obviously none of this is relevant if they just are crap.

My DH is normally amazing plus plus, adores the baby, hands on, nappy changes galore. At his request he gives M a 9.30pm bottle and yet every night I'm upstairs with a grumpy baby waiting for him to finish what he is doing and come up! Last night we had a three hr drive back from the in laws.. Got in 7pm, fed M for 30 mins. I then unpacked a mammoth shop, washed up leftover things from Friday, cleared the draining board, put a load of washing on, got us some supper (oatcakes and cheese but still!), got the steriliser organised, unpacked our bags, put the baby's bednest up, hung out the washing and fed the baby again. He watched the baby, the Mekong documentary and fiddled on his iPhone. Despite clear signs M was getting fractious he waits till the last flipping minute to go (baby wailing by this point) and iron his shirts, get gym kit organise, do teeth etc. i would have started the bottle of course but then he protests and says only two more mins etc. I said he is not doing the bottle anymore as what's the point when I have to prep everything anyway! Grrrrrrrr. Hopefully it's drummed it home he has to get all his admin/chores done earlier rather than last min which results in keeping a hungry baby unhappy. Think we were both over knackered from the weekend too.

I'm a bit torn on the whole blokes thing.

At the beginning, if you are breastfeeding, then there really isn't that much the guys can do with the baby other than change nappies etc. I think that gives them opportunity to abdicate some responsibility without feeling too bad about it. And while I'm feeding her, I don't expect my boyfriend to sit there watching or something... still doesn't stop me being irritated that he can sit there on his laptop, or lie on the sofa reading a book.

A slight issue I have is that when he is holding her/playing with her in the evening, I'll run around doing all the house work stuff that I didn't get a chance to do during the day - washing up, putting washing away, cleaning the bathroom, putting out the rubbish etc. When I'm sitting there feeding her, or playing with her, he's messing around on a laptop or phone. The other night he had the remote controls, fell asleep and left me stranded on another sofa watching fricking 'Walks through history'. So there are some elements of not really 'getting it'.

I'm going to work on 11th December, it'll be the first day he's had her all day from 7.30am until potentially 10pm. I'll probably come home between the end of interviews and the decision panel meeting in the evening, but still... it's a long day. I have to remember that for him it'll be like me on the first day he went back to work - ie, a steep learning curve!

I think my point is that the way things are set up, biologically and socially, plays into the thing where men are a bit rubbish and women are annoyed about it, and if you're going to fight against that you have to both do it, but it's hard. Or, this could just be me on my overthought soap box. I'll stop now.

I'm bloody knackered! Taken ds1 to playball then swimming, back for quick lunch then Rush to nursery then whizz round shops to get various presents and stocking fillers. Got 30 mins before got to go pick him up.

I felt a bit bad last night as DH spent all weekend doing jobs and looking after Ds1 whilst I have my hair done so I ironed 10 shirts for him and cooked a roast while he DIY'd in the extension.

But otherwise he annoys me too by sitting on sofa when house is a bombsite on his iPhone when he's got a hours commute on the train to do just that!!
R has mostly slept today. Hope that doesn't mean awake all night!

Yes, that's kinda what I'm saying too. I'm also working along the lines that some acceptance of stuff thay doesn't necessarily make you happy is required. It's for a really short amount of time. That's my mantra.

Homes under the hammer... Why are they always do much in each other's personal space? Find it uncomfortable!!!

Goats, exactly. There's a lot of stuff to resent because there's a lot of stuff to resent. And I think you're right about going out and leaving them to it, because that's really how you get comfortable looking after something fragile you care about, and I don't think there's an easier way than riding out the terror. Our if there is I haven't found it.

We've had a nightmare of a day here. P decided to change her feeding pattern over the last 2 days and pick at food overnight till 2 this afternoon. Cue me not sleeping all night, making a sleep deprived phone call to the health visitor convinced she's starving herself only to be told shes absolutely fine. She then decided to have a nice long feed and sleep for hours aga. Being a new mom is the most worrying thing I've ever done

fedup That's what is was afraid of - crinkly bags of skin that I have to lift and tuck into my bra. There goes the glamour modelling career

stigz how did U get on at dr? I was worried when I read your post as your symptoms can suggest retained products but I hope tibia just a heavy period, I'm pretty sure mine has started as I haven't bled for 2 weeks but yesterday had Period pain and today have pink blood.

God bless us! I didn't know you could get your period so soon if you Breast fed!! Hardly seems fair. I remember mine returning at about 4 months with DD but I only fed her to 8/10 weeks.

PND in DH?

Given that we are on DC4, DH has zero excuse of not knowing what to do to help / how to help. He is generally brilliant.

But he seemed to forget what it's like to have a newborn around this time. I think linked to post-traumatic stress. He suffered terribly over our horrendous birth (after 3 normal deliveries) where he genuinely thought DD and I were going to die. It has come out as typical PND symptoms, in my husband.

DH was very anxious with baby when she was born. Needlessly worrying about things that didn't need worrying about, wanting to take her to doctors over nothing, doubting his ability to settle her and be a good parent. Typical things you'd see in a new Mum with PND, but in DH. Have spent the last 8 weeks reassuring him that he is a great parent, DD is fine and healthy and everything is normal so he can stop stressing now.

Relaxing bath time ended up with a new pitch of screaming as I dried E off and put her clothes back on. Now she's having some boob time as I think we're both in shock!!

Oh dear he been awake most of the day and now sleeping on me as won't go down in basket and I have a meal to cook! I guess maybe normal for things to start changing a bit at six weeks?