November 2012 - Halloween costumes anyone?

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2179741-November-2012-The-nights-are-drawing-in-again

What a quiet night. Is this because everyone had a fab nights sleep?

Wanda L slept through for the first time in 12 days!

He is never ever sharing a room with us again (until Xmas obvs because I want to go to my families but you get the drift! )

O slept through as well.

She dropped a toy in the loo than flashed it. It was gross. Blocked the toilet completely. So although it was gross, I fixed it, I managed to get the toy back and unblock the loo. It was so disgusting, blah.

We also have huge tantrums as I'm weaning her off telly. She usually gets 1-2 hours of telly a week (and that is usually at the weekend) but as she was sick and as I was studying, it was on constantly for 5 days. She now wakes up screaming for telly and it's really hard to distract her. What I want is that she watches telly for 20-25 min a day after dinner if she wants to but definitely not before and not in the morning. Cue huge tears and she makes me feel like I am the worst mum in the world.

Morning.

How is littlepig this morning? P developed a very sudden temperature last night. I could actually see her getting hotter. It reached 39.8 incredibly quickly. She slept well but it was still high this morning so it is she and I today. She told me she had a sore mouth so I am presuming teeth but I can't send her out feeling poorly. She is currently on episode 2 of ben and holly already - it could be a long day! And sympathy on the telly issue lily. P gets much more telly than little o as we are fairly lazy relaxed about it but I get frustrated when she constantly demands it.

Afternoon. I have handed in my business assignments today. They are rubbish but I hope they scrape through. 12,000 words of blah blah blah boringness. So glad I am no longer in my job and don't want to do that awful qualification anymore the business side of it would have possibly bumped me off.

My strep throat is clearing up of its own accord fortunately as Dr won't give me antibiotics as I have thrush in my mouth which is as painful as it is unsexy. Never had oral thrush before. The medecine I have to gargle stains my teeth orange but I can't clean them until half an hour after taking the damn stuff. So yesterday I went to pick up LO from nursery just after taking it and had to keep my mouth as closed as possible and do creepy smiles, and talk behind my hand etc.

Eating, talking, even drinking hurts. It sucks utter arse and had better fuck the fuck off before Thursday, which as lily knows is one of the best days of the year.

But of course pr. It will fuck off. Do you have probiotics tablets at home? Or the liquid? Not the yoghurt but the one you can get from pharmacy. Just squash them and rub them on your tounge, best cure I found for oral thrush.

Made an appointment for o with the dentist, compulsory 2year check up here!

Hi folks. Relieved that L is currently asleep as yesterday he didn't nap at all and it nearly broke me. His behaviour has been very challenging recently and the lack of sleep ramped it up a notch too far. Luckily DH works nearby so we could walk up and meet him from work.

I know everyone feels like their toddler is the one playing up but I really am concerned about L's behaviour. It has definitely got worse since he turned 2! When he was about 18 months he went through a bitey phase but it seemed to pass, now it's back worse than ever and he is ten times stronger. He bites, kicks, hits, pulls hair, pokes my eyes, it goes on. Has anyone else dealt with this sort of thing? It's worse with me or anyone he knows well but even at playgroups he will whack another child if he feels like it. Hate the idea of him becoming "that child".

I can't really understand where it's coming from as he is verbally very good so isn't having problems communicating, also he doesn't seem angry, just does it - to see what happens maybe? Or because he enjoys the feeling? That sounds awful. He does find it funny although sometimes he will cry when told off. I know it's worse when tired or overexcited so we try and avoid those triggers when possible but toddlers are often one or the other!

Our strategy is to minimise our response other than "no" and try moving to an alternate activity. Of course sometimes he has got a reaction because it's very hard not to react when your eyes are poked. Also with other people/children I have to be seen to be dealing with it iykwim and to remove him from the situation. He won't say sorry when told to even though he is quite capable of it.

I read an article about how toddlers are only violent if they feel insecure or unloved which made me feel even worse. But he doesn't seem insecure, he will tell me he loves me and various family members and that they love him. He mostly seems very happy, with a great sense of humour. He can be a bit excitable but is also good at concentrating on tasks, loves jigsaws, reading and quiet activities so I don't think it's anything like ADD. But I am pretty sure his behaviour is worse than that of his peers and I am really struggling with it. Any advice welcome!

Jupiter DD1 went through quite a violent stage. She even got in quite bad trouble at nursery over it. What I learned was that whether they are violent with you or another child it should be treated with the same severity. It's not ok to hit you, even if you feel it is better than him hitting another kid.

Also learned that it is ok to get angry. The never say no theory is all very well but imo some things have to be forbidden, with zero leeway or negotiation.

Also learned that it does pass, or did in my case. There was radical improvement after her forest nursery stint over the sunmer, though this could be a coincidence.

I think she is happy and secure in being loved. Don't blame yourself, but the sooner you nail it, however you manage to do so, the better for everyone.

LO is just starting this phase and I feel I am handling it better this time. I'm not trying to reason immediately. When they are being violemt they can't see reason. So when they are calm again you can aim for reasonable chat and maybe an apology. Hugs, it sucks.

No probiotics lily just meds. Will go to pharmacy tomorrow again.

And jupiter with all due respect, that article you read was bollocks. It is just a phase some, if not most, toddlers go through. It may be a way of exerting control over people they love, or even checking love boundaries - maybe - but I think they just realise it can be quite amusing/interesting/reaction inducing/ to hurt people and be powerful in the only way they know how. It doesn't mean they are consciously being nasty, and is no sign of what they will always be imo. My DB was a really violent, vicious, toddler, but doesn't have a violent bone in his body now.

Just quickly as am on crappy app but Jupiter I would prob agree v much with pr. There is a lot of media about that makes us feelile we are doing something wrong. Not so. Is part of the journey. I will post more in a min..........

Arghhh. Really long post and the whole thing just crashed.

Suffice to say I have been having a v hard time with O lately which can to a head yesterday while I was bent down cleaning up yoghurt that he spilled on the floor he rammed his beaker down on my head. I had to go out of the room it hurt so much. Ds1 was in tears, it was terrible and I can still feel it.

I had the whole I'm failing feeling last night. He is a horror between tea and bedtime.

So I started to think about what. I was doing wrong and I think it was more about what I was 't doing. I realise he is pushing the boundaries and it is part of his development almost to do this, but how could I minimise the pain. For the whole family.

I thing he has just changed and he needs more stimulation from me. I need to change how I am structuring the afternoons in particularly.

So tI decided things needed to change. Starting today.

So rather than just pottering the afternoon away we did this after his sleep....

He gets up around 2:30 -3 ish depending on what time he went down.

Hand and fingerprint Christmas cards making (phase one, there is a lots of this activity to do )

Outside play till 4:30 loads of running about for an hour for all of us

In For tea and a smidgen of cbeebies before.

Rice pudding on head.

Read a story infront of the fire before tidying up the playroom and then turning a game of pretending to animals Into some yoga stretches and relaxation.

By this time it was 6:15 and I was feeling like I was on the home straight.

Pyjamas. Milk and crumpet. O to bed at 7.

Really chuffed. Now I just have to keep on it every day.

I liked my new after tea routine very much and think that will now be a daily thing.

Evening folks.

Wanda, sounds like a great plan. Hope your head is ok?

F pushes the boundaries but luckily not in a violent way. There have been some good suggestions from others more sensible than me.

Terrible terrible night, currently F is asleep on my chest upright, and can still hear her refluxing then gagging, and coughing her heart out, poor soul. When is this reflux going to fuck the fuck off?

F really has had a rough couple of weeks. I hope you get some sleep, upright or otherwise.

Oh BP that sounds so rough, I am so sorry you are still going through reflux hell. So unfair.

Thanks so much for the ideas re behaviour. Wanda sorry you have had a hard time too, but you have pinpointed something really useful* as we tend to potter after nap (and sometimes after breakfast if we aren't off somewhere) - I think some structure would definitely help. By the afternoon things are often in a bit of a mess and it doesn't help that I seem to have 'early evening sickness' with this pregnancy so I start feeling really shit around this time and probably don't deal with things very well. So I am going to use some of your ideas.

PR thanks for your advice too and reassurance on bolloxy article. So good to know you have come out the other side. I don't want him to think it's less important if he hits me but if he is doing it for a reaction (and as you said exerting his power), I don't want to keep feeding that. So we were thinking if we didn't react apart from a 'we don't do that' and then distract/change the subject, it might break the cycle and he might forget it's such a fun thing to do. I don't know if it will work but it is making the situation less heightened which is a start. We were getting into long battles about saying sorry and frankly that was even more stressful.

I do chat with him at other calmer times about how we deal with our feelings although I don't bring up past incidents or even mention biting, hitting etc as it seems to remind him it's a fun thing to do. We talk about how sometimes you can feel sad or angry and things you can do to express that. He also likes role playing with his toys and we talk about being gentle etc.

Today has had its incidents but the nap helped and I am further from the end of my tether than I was at this point yesterday. I really appreciate the quiche advice.

*I initially wrote "hit the nail on the head" but thought that might be inappropriate...

jupiter My DD1 went through an awful faze of hitting. Never me but other children. Oh she did bite me a couple of times! She was also an awful tantrumer (is that a word?!) and would head butt walls, floors, pavements etc. I really did despair at times. But it passed, Can't really remember how or why but it did. I think you're dealing with it in the right way. It's nothing to do with L feeling insecure or unloved. He is testing and pushing the bounderies. He will soon realise violence is not acceptable and will then move onto other ways to push the limits. You feel like L is worse than other children because in day to day life nobody likes to admit that their child is less than perfect so it tends to not be talked about.

bplp Poor poor F and doesn't sound much fun for you either! Hope you manage some sleep tonight x

Thank you Eliza, it's really good to hear that others have come through this. Definitely gives me some perspective. How is E now - has she mentioned the hospital trip or does she seem to have forgotten it?

jupiter She's fine thanks. Didn't want the plaster on her hand to come off but I whipped it off in the bath last night. I think she liked showing people!

Ooh missJJ congrats on your news

*ms not miss

Bollocks *MsJ
Not bollocks to you lol
Bollocks to me
:)

Well I thought I'd take a tip from wandas book and go to the park after school pick up. Unfortunately E fell asleep on route to school but I woke her in the park thinking she'd be happy to see the swings but she's just sat in her pushchair refusing to get out being all grumpy. very unlike her. Still DD1 has had fun. Getting dusky now so time to head home. Think I'll give the girls an early dinner. Early dinner = early bath = early bedtime

Evening all :)

Hope everyone is ok, i've not caught up with everything yet but have read some bits - bp hope F is better soon bless her

msj e was quite angry, throwing and smacking and then it seemed to stop for a bit and he's been lovely, however the past few days he's getting back into his throwing again. I expressed my concerns to my mum and she said 'ah, they all do it, just be firm and consistent, you've got to ride it out'. He sometimes headbutts the floor but I remember what my little brother was like for tantrums, my word you've never seen anything like it! So, with my brother in mind I deal with e as best as I can - i'm sure it'll all pass for us all :) Hopefully some of us will escape it entirely!

can't remember what else i wanted to say! Better catch up on the rest of the fred!

Evening back at ya, kyz.

Has been super quiet here lately.

Tired household here, antibiotics and inhalers for little pig, whose temp has stayed stubbornly high for days. Looking forward to a week of leave next week!

I've spent the evening sorting baby clothes. Dug out everything I needed from the garage too so think I'm all set now apart from having to finish decorating the spare room. I have so many baby clothes between the ages of 0-6 months it's ridiculous. Of course 80% of them are for girls.

Oh and I got tickets to see Foo Fighters in June. Been wanting to see them for ages so really chuffed.

I seem to be taking over the thread with general waffle!

BP get well soon wee piglet! Inhalers don't sound like something fun to try to administer to a 2 year old .

Jonas is at a very funny stage linguistically, he's putting an a before many nouns and verbs so sounds like Harry Enfield's Stavros character "Nonas a-runnin a-fast" "oh a-dog a-eating" His counting (up to 20, so long as you're not fussy about number 12) sounds like the Count from Sesame Street a-1, a-2, a-3

Lil is treating us to decent stretches of sleep, can you believe she's nearly two months!?