sept 2014: babies are here (or coming soon!)

[allisgood1]

Even though dc3 is end of August, thought I'd start a sept thread :-)

How are you all doing?

dS1 is 9 dats old. Feeding well and surely sleeping well but it's hard to know as I keep falling asleep at night feeding him!

Showme I know how you feel, I have to stop myself from saying things in ds1's earshot about how hard things were when he was a baby, compared to with ds2, as he is only 3 and I don't want him to think it was his fault (traumatic birth, pnd, feeding issues and sleep deprivation). I'm enjoying and relishing this newborn stage this time, whereas with ds1 I spent the entire time looking for the next stage/milestone as it was just so tough that doing this gave some something to focus on.

We all do the best we can, and need to cut ourselves a little slack x

Had horrible pnd with dd1 which was never treated and I feel guilty about that every day. Daft thing is we have a fab relationship and get on so well most of the time! She's a brilliant little girl and I love her to bits. I just hope
I've not messed her up at all in that first year. It was horrendous and I feel awful admitting that because she was a good baby and not one part of it was her fault but I feel robbed of such a special time.
I guess feeling so good this time is making me realise how bad it was last time

Wasnt here in a while so reading all your comments.
About bf, feeling sooo bad I failed with bf. I was always very for bf and big No to formula if possible. And now I myself am in the situation,when I just cant feed my baby on my own and need to use formula. problems from the start with latch,but when on day 3 was let go home from hospital and ds refused to bf completely with screeming, that got me down but still thought we're gonna make it through. Now,after 3 weeks of expressing and improving on the breasts, I've already lost almost all my milk. Now when we're better then ever and ds starting to accept me and gives me a chance to feed him at least partially directly from me, my body fails me.
Feel so sorry I won't join the club of breastfeeding mums and miss the experience be the only source of food for my little one. And the extra cuddling time and closenest that comes with it.

Hi velvet, so sorry to read about your struggles with bf. I am combi feeding - each feed is time consuming both breasts, then 'top up' bottle (although this is quite a large top up). I can't make enough milk for even 1 feed, but I am not yet willing to not have a feed that has to be given by me. After last time my family are very understanding of this need to be the one feeding my baby, by whatever method. I'm in a much better place mentally than last time, as I'm trying to look at the situation as a glass all full and I'd rather he had a little breast milk than none, but the moment this doesn't work for us I'll move to just formula. Last time I combi fed like this for 20 weeks - as most of that time I was just trying something new to try to make bf work and that spurred me on. This time around I know that both ds2 and I have physical issues that mean exclusive bf just will not be possible - and I can't imagine doing this for another 4 months without the hope I had before that eventually I could increase supply. Today is 1 full month of combi feeding, I'm trying not to put too much pressure on, but I'd like to treat both my boys equally if I can but don't think I can do it that long...
Until I had ds1 I had no idea how emotionally damaging not being able to bf could be. I read a book called 'breast feeding take two' before this pregnancy which helped me to put to rest some of the feelings of guilt, failure and blame. If you try everything and it still doesn't work it is not your fault! Xx

Katharine You are right about how emotionally damaging is when bf doesnt work. So far it has been the only reason I cried almost every day, or even after every failed feeding. As your book said, bf takes two. Now I already know that we both need to learn how to make it work. But we have to cooperate and if he doesnt let me even try and fights with me, I wont force him or let him be hungry. As everyone else, I also want my baby to be healthy and happy, and I've accepted it might be thanks to formula.
I still try him on breast, not every feed as sometimes I feel I wouldnt cope with his refusing and another failed feeding. And I keep expressing and will do until I have even 1 drop of breast milk, he will get it. I keep hoping we will sort it out and be able to breastfeed, although I also know it will probably never be exclusive bf. I'm okay with that.
Nice to know I'm not alone in this and someone else understands this,although would be nicer if bf was easy and beautiful experience for everyone. Well, we cant have everything easy, right?

For the formula feeding mummies - you are all doing a great job, you're doing what is best for your baby and you.

One of my friends linked this on FB: www.fearlessformulafeeder.com
Looks like might be helpful x

I had no idea how much of a head fuck feeding would be. In someways I'm glad I didn't as I was stressed enough about it before DS was born. I'm also glad I had an ELCS because the whole process of that made me realise these weird expectations and pressure of society and our culture about what it is to be a woman; eg you should have children, have a text book intervention pain relief free birth, you should breastfeed etc. It unwittingly gave me some preparation that I could never have deliberately had, and it made me realise just how utterly bollocks all these expectations are and how even if you know this because of all the messages that fly around you still feel inadequate about it. I think I had the benefit of a lot of time to come to terms with things, and put things into perspective. I was very much at peace with my ELCS by the time I had it as it was totally the right thing to do for me and my health, but I still get very annoyed at others who make certain comments about how you give birth, not for myself, but for others because I know the journey you go on in your head about certain things.

That's why I now honestly think that if it wasn't one thing it would be another... its a wonder that all women don't go stark raving mad let alone get PND.

The irony of all of that, is I still have struggled with accounting for hormones. I was utterly fine with the idea of formula prior to giving birth. Post giving birth, and despite my rational and logic about formula, I still have gone utterly to pieces on the very few occasions we have given DS formula. To the point that I have been unable to do it and DH has had to give it to him. And I still feel guilty for expressing despite knowing that there seem to be certain physical issues that make it difficult and the fact that there is no way my patience nor sanity would cope with breastfeed night feeds with the benefit of experience and knowing DS's personality/habits. What is going on in my head is very much a clash between logic and pure irrational emotions. I can't control it. It just happens. And that in itself drives me crazy.

totally agree, red. 1st time around, I wanted to b/f, but knew it was hard so figured if it didn't work, we would just use formula. no big deal. we did have problems & I felt so irrationally guilty & like a failure doing top ups. this time I told myself I wasn't going to feel the same & of course I still did.. well, maybe not quite so bad. velvet, i'm sorry u r struggling so much. I know it feels like the be all & end all now, but after a couple of yrs of loving ur baby, making food for ur baby, cuddling ur baby, cleaning up after ur baby, watching them sit on their own for the 1st time, go on their 1st swing, take their 1st steps, whether they were b/f or formula fed is such a small part of ur journey together.

Those ladies who are ff and feeling guilty: don't. Years from now at the school gates no one will be discussing how you gave birth or whether or not you breastfed. Yes, there are benefits to bfing that ff babies don't get, but you have to do what you have to do for you and baby.

HV came yesterday to check on me. I scored a 14 on the PND test. I've got a prescription already from the GP last week but research shows that breastfed babies under 8 weeks can be colicky on this med so I'm waiting until next week to start it. I feel so very anxious all day and come darkness I feel sad for absolutely no reason. No tears, but just not enjoying life right now

Saw HV, b has put on 9oz in 4 days....and she told me to stop expressing as was taking 5 goes to geht 100ml! Talked about anxiety - am normal!!!! She said I need to get busy doing things during day and was totally lovely. Now at in laws and feel much more settled.

The test for PND here is a questionnaire given at 6 week check. I was given mine yesterday but she recommended waiting a week to complete it as we've has a stressy week. I'm a bit wary of filling it in, it's obvious what the right answers should be, rather than how i actually feel. Also if I complete it on a good spell when he's happy and I've slept then it'll be very different answers to when he's relentlessly crying!

DS has been so grumbly today, just wouldn't settle. DH was going to a friends tonight so took him with and be was a complete angel and slept with no refluxing or crying. Gave me a 6 hour sleep which is amazing but makes me a little sad that he's happier elsewhere!

I think it's so difficult not to feel anxious. My internet history is filled with a million queries of normal baby behaviour. I'm making an effort not to obsess over everything but it's really tough.

I'm still bfing but also feel guilty as I have such fast flow that he often coughs and chokes and is really fussy so I can't win really.

You can take it online here: www.beyondblue.org.au/resources/for-me/pregnancy-and-early-parenthood/edinburgh-postnatal-depression-scale

You have to answer based on how you've felt over the last 7 days, not in the moment.

Just wanted to say that I've worked with this questionnaire before, and whilst certain scores can be indicative of PND, a particular score is not diagnostic on its own. So whilst it can be helpful to complete the measure, if your score indicates possible PND, you do not definitely have it. Similarly, if your score indicates that you do not have it, but you are concerned about how you are feeling, then you should still talk to a healthcare professional. It is a great and very widely used measure, but it should be used in conjunction with other information to drawn any conclusions about PND. As ever, a mother's intuition should be listened to!

Hey everyone not posted for ages as just not had the time! Feel like I'm constantly on the go and not getting chance to do other things!
I made the decision at the weekend to stop bf as it got too much with a demanding 3 year old and my ds2 constantly wanted feeding but still not latching on quite right so was really painful at times. Also on top of having a second infection in my csection wound, otherwise I would of carried on for a least next couple of months. Off to get him weighed tomorrow so will see how much my chunk weighs now! Has everyone that was due in sept had their babies now?

Acorn - don't think that!! He's only more settled elsewhere as he can't smell your milk!

Did anyone go through a phase with a baby screaming a lot with no reason? Ds is 3 and a half weeks, first two weeks were great, he wasnt screaming or unsettled at all. Then one evening was windy a lot and screaming in pain, we cuddled him and were walking with him a whole evening and night as that seemed to help him from pain. From that evening he screams a lot,but it is different cry. I can see it's not pain or anything else I can think of. It's hard to settle him in his cot or basket even when we can see he's reeeeally tired and wants to sleep. There also was about 5 days and nights when he hardly slept and was all the time awake,elep just like 8 hours in total through day and night in very short naps. I just hope it's only some phase that will end.

Also often it seems like he doesn't know what he wants. He makes signs of hunger but when giving him bottle he refuses, in a second he wants again. Sometimes he starts feeding after 10 times refusing it. Another thing, he started vomit little bit at least two three times a day. Sometimes when he is asleep which worries me. Could that be reflux? We put a folded blanket under his mattress where is hus head so he is little bit upright but doesnt seems to be helping.

Velvet - you just described exactly what DD 4wks has been like the last couple of days. Crying constantly over nothing, wanting to feed then refusing to feed (repeat 10 times) then she'll feed. Then finish feeding and wail again.

Been trying infacol, not sure it does anything. However we've just tried using sounds (extractor fan, white noise, classical music) and lots of cuddles and rocking or walking and that helps, especially the noise, turned up loud. The book I've got says that often something is upsetting baby, or they are overtired or too stimulated, and they cry and get themselves worked up, and there are various things that will focus their attention away from that and help soothe them back to peacefulness. Also suggests dummies, contact comfort, wrapping closely in a blanket, etc. if nothing makes any difference it's probably colic.

I'm exhausted. Meant to be vacuuming the house, but I can barely move :(

coolcat We're on an infacol as well and I'd say it helps with the wind and cramps. Won't help with the constant scream though.
I've tried white sound when ds unsettled but did nothing. Also heartbeat but no difference.
I'm with you about the exhaustion. No energy to do all the cleaning.
I'm desperate to find out what's wrong with my baby and how to help him. Can't watch him screaming like that. It breaks my heart.

Ok. Today have invested in gripe water and dr Brown's bottles. After 2 feeds there have been burps and any milk coming back has been quite quick.

Velvet - yes the screaming breaks my heart, I think that's the worst thing about it. Finally got DD to settle today by sitting her in her car seat in front of the washing machine. Blissfully out for the count. I daren't move her as I tried that earlier to put her in the cot, screaming commenced, took an hour to get her to settle again, then the phone rang and woke her up. I really feel like I'm loosing my mind. Don't like to have her in the car seat too much, but right now she's too settled for me to want to move her.

They do go through a wonder week at 4.5 weeks (sooner if they were overdue) so this may be causing the unsettled was velvet and coolcat.

I would try colief if you are worried about trapped wind. Colic often starts around this time as well, especially in the evening. I second white noise (we have the app) and putting them in the sling and walking around with that on full blast when nothing else is working to settle them.

I second the colief recommendation, that along with some anti colic bottles (Dr Browns and some Mam ones) has made a massive difference for Emily. She used to be sick after every feed and would cry in the evenings, seeming generally uncomfortable but is much more settled now. It has had the added bonus of making her poos softer (it says on the box this can happen) which has helped with the bit of constipation she had started getting.

It is a pain logistically as the bottles have to be made up 4 hours before I want them and then have to be used within 12 hours, whereas I used to make up 24hrs worth - but it's well worth it.