JULY 2014 - WE HAVE BABIES

[justhayley]

Well it's only mid June but I hear we have our first July 2014 baby - congratulations MrsC, also hear there is one going to be joining us very very soon so thought it was time to start a postnatal thread! Wow can you believe it's that time already!!!

I hope to be joining you on this thread in the next few weeks - have no desire to get to 40 /42 weeks in this heat thank you.

For now congratulations new mummies xxx

Maggie - very similar story here! Havibg a crap morning of just incessant crying (both him and me).I thought I'd got him to sleep about 9.30 so I could shower - five minutes later he was howling again, me picking him up didn't seem to comfort him at all, I ended up leaving him to cry while I dressed and made myself something to eat. Now feeding again but he's been awake since 6.30... Worried that he's not getting enough sleep in the day - I'm trying to look for sleep cues and rock him to sleep when I see them but it hardly ever works for me in the day, only putting him in the carrier and walking about, which is no good if I haven't even got dressed yet :(.

7 weeks yesterday and we haven't really had any smiles yet (only sleepy ones) incapinka

Was someone on this thread saying they wish their baby was a bit happier? Because I feel like that too. Also get so frustrated with him when nothing seems to work and I hate myself for it. Worried that me feeling low and upset is not helping him at all. Thought it would be easier by now but it feels much harder - he's really whingy at the mo, he cries immediately when coming off the breast which he never used to do. But then I'll have a day like yesterday where we'll manage to get our the house and see people and it feels better. Worried that this is PND but then feeling emotional and frustrated seems normal when you're sleep deprived and dealing with an upset baby by yourself...

ellie doesn't sound like being a pushy mother - just that you asked for something you really need!

its it was me who said that and I could've written your last paragraph. I'm really struggling today. Hasn't helped that the HV has been on the phone after speaking to my GP with advice about PND, going on medication, formula feeding, etc. I don't want any of those things. I don't think I have PND I just think I'm grieving, tiptoeing around grieving DP and exactly what you said "emotional and frustrated because I'm sleep deprived and dealing with an upset baby".

I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm failing. No friends around to talk to today as they're on holiday or out with their dc enjoying the last of the holidays. Not that I'm very good at asking for support anyway.

DP is driving me mad as he keeps doing things that make it more difficult like moving stuff or being noisy just as I've got ds to sleep and then getting pissy with me for being upset about it. I tried to explain to him that things have been hard for me too as nothing has gone the way I wanted - not the way I finished work, not the state of the house, not the labour or my health or the plans I had for my maternity... and so on. But I feel guilty for feeling like that when he's lost his mum.

Those worried about PND: I had it with DD1 and I learned these things:

• I wasn't a failure because I couldn't stop crying, or felt that I was doing it all wrong, or DD wouldn't breastfeed, or anything else. I was ill and in the end taking meds was right for me and the baby.
• It was ok if the housework wasn't done. Getting Baby and me through each day was the most important thing.
• Fresh air every day - even when it was wet - really, really helped. I would bundle up DD in her pram and we'd go for a walk. It felt like an achievement every time and that made me feel a little better.
• Over time it got easier. I had to let it happen slowly, and that was ok.
• Crying wasn't always a bad thing - for me or the baby.
• Letting go of parenting principles isn't giving up, it's adjusting to reality. So giving DD a dummy was good for her and that was ok.
• Accepting help didn't make me weak.

Sleep deprivation is awful. Baby Kiwi isn't too bad at night but I rarely get the 6 hours I need. I'm finding that I can hold on till the weekend and then DH can do the mornings and let me sleep in, or I can nap in the afternoon while he takes DD1 out to the park, or both of the girls out for a walk.

I hope you ladies find things easier soon. The first 3 months can be very difficult.

We're doing ok now. Baby Kiwi almost has a routine (I just need to write it down so I can see how structured it really is). I now have to work out how to deal with oversupply so the baby doesn't cry when feeding. Think I'll contact LLL about it. This morning I was spraying milk everywhere when trying to get DD latched on. Of course I just changed the bedding last night too.

kiwi I don't honestly know if I have pnd or not but I feel some are trying to push that diagnosis on me. Equally I feel that they are trying to push me to feed ds formula but I don't feel the breastfeeding is demanding its the fact that he doesn't like being put down is demanding and I'm not sure formula is going to help that!

Great advice Kiwi. I've had PND before as well as now and all those things definitely helped.

Maggie you've been through and are still going through so much. When someone dies when you're pregnant I think it's extra hard and it suddenly hits you after the birth. My Dad died when I was pregnant with DS5 and my Grandpa died just before my sister was born. My mum said that she found my sister's birth and afterwards really emotional because of it.

Also your feelings are important too. People are always telling me that I'm lucky DS5 survived the birth and I am but I also had a really awful birth that was so far away from what I wanted. It's the same with you. DP has lost his Mum but you have still lost your MIL and had a baby and it's hard.

Sorry to hear some of you are struggling - hope things get better and easier soon.

I've been really bad at keeping up with the thread, as ds has been a bit clingy and grizzly, though he had his jabs yesterday and took it really well. He also slept really well last night - from 9:30 to 3:00 and then from 4:00 until 7:30, so I actually feel a bit more human after having some sleep! On the downside, I've got a cold, so feel a bit sorry for myself and I don't want to pass it on to ds.

I'm also really worried as the summer holidays are nearly over and DH is going back to work - after 6 weeks of having him home and helping I'm scared that I'm not going to be able to cope on my own.

Sorry for the self indulgent post - I'm going to catch up on the thread now.

And happy birthday Zing - it was my birthday last week (I turned 29) and I had my first card from DS - I'm amazed that DH thought of this!

Thanks for the supportive posts guys and apologies for the self indulgent moan. We got out the house and he slept in the sling for hours - I now feel guilty that he slept for so long, but hey!

kiwi all good things to bear in mind - thanks for the advice. I think it's also that DH keeps saying things are easier now and I don't think they are! Also although I have and am making the effort to meet other new parents I don't feel able to say to any of them that I'm not coping as they all seem so sorted - I'm sure they're finding/found it equally hard too so it's silly but I don't want to come across as a martyr!

maggie hugs to you, it is really difficult going through such life changes at the same time. Both DH and I have lost our mums so I've been the supportive partner as well as the grieving one and both are hard. Don't feel guilty for feeling upset, your feelings are equally valid.

auntie sorry things are still so rough. From my experience with a clingy baby, breastfeeding is easier than formula - if you've got to hold them anyway, they may as well be feeding. Whereas making up a bottle one-handed is a bit of a mission.

Thanks for kind words from everyone who said something about little DS not piling on the pounds. Went to BF support drop-in today and they judged that He has a good latch and seems to be feeding well. So will keep persevering but am topping up with a little more formula now. He just feels really skinny the poor thing.

Trivial moan: after 9 months of glowing pregnancy skin, my face is returning to it's usual spotty self. Not aided by having zero opportunity for a skin care regime. Oh well.

plate exactly. It's been bad enough trying to sterilise a bottle and get water for ds let alone formula. I was hoping that if I expressed then dp could do some feeds but I haven't managed to express enough except a couple of occasions because I need both hands. When I told the hv that she said she didn't expect I'd express enough milk anyway so now I feel like she's unnecessarily questioning my supply. I don't think I have a problem. Apart from the past couple of days and some cluster feeding he normally feeds every 2-3 hours. If I had the energy I could probably see a pattern in my diary where I've written the Times of his feeds. I'm going to get an electric pump I think and try to get to the breastfeeding clinic before hv comes next week.

Hi ladies, sorry I've not been active, struggling to find the time between feeds and baby cuddles to post.

Sorry some of you are having a tough time, particularly Auntie, you've really been through it. One thought if you don't have time to express, do you leak from the other boob when feeding? If so breast shells could be worth a try. I seem to have fast letdown/oversupply and so wearing a shell on the other boob when feeding gives me 30ml each time. Over a day, if we're in the house, it really adds up. Don't lean forwards wearing them though (it spills!) and I'd only wear them when feeding as they are v obvious in your bra. Maybe worth a look?

DD is in size 2, she was 11lb last week, but we get loads of leaks. Maybe I need to try other makes? My friend said newborn poo does just leak though if exclusively breastfed so not sure whether to bother or just stick with the cheap Aldi ones!

We're doing good but have some very clingy baby days. As others have said, walks with the pram are my lifesaver - particularly if DD has got overtired as she'll normally drop off. I'm doing at least an hour a day, often two hours.

(Sorry for multiple posts but the amount of replies I've written to get interrupted by DD and then deleted by the ipad...!)

mrsa I've never heard of breast shells but I'll look into it thank you.

auntie a decent electric pump will make a world of difference I expect, I can use pump + hold DS at same time (have had him feeding from one boob whilst pumping off the other one).

Jealous of those who can enjoy walks - DS generally objects vocally to being in buggy. Trips to shops with wailing baby are a bit of an ordeal, and am sick of random people's need to offer their opinion on why he is crying (usually claiming he is hungry which is especially annoying when you're having feeding problems).

Auntie it's these ones that I've used:
www.johnlewis.com/medela-milk-collection-shell/p231550538?kpid=231550538&s_kenid=013300f0-3a62-f569-f2f3-0000307b4de2&s_kwcid=106x2878&tmad=c&tmcampid=73&kpid=231550538

Plate, it's SO annoying when people offer their opinion on why your baby is crying. And it's easy to make a guess too given that they don't have to stop the baby from crying themselves. Grrrr!

Amazing breakthrough - got DS to sleep on the sleepyhead pillow - still on our bed and very closely snuggled to me, but not being held, and i actually managed to get up and go for a pee whilst he remained soundly asleep. So there is hope for limpet baby yet!

Plate I agree - I hate it when people try to tell you why your baby is crying. FIL is particularly bad for this, and always starts the sentence with "what that child needs is ...(insert food/a cwtch from Grampy/ a chocolate digestive to suck/some other ridiculous comment)" - it makes me want to scream!

Auntie I expressed for around 6 weeks as DS wouldn't latch - I use the Phillips avent one, which I quite like, and using the single one meant I could express from one boob, and still hold ds.

Thank you for the advice ladies. I hate it too when people comment on why they're crying but dp asking what's wrong with him is even worse especially when he asks if he's hungry - ffs if he was hungry I would be feeding him! I know he's probably trying to help but really?!

auntie have been there with grouchy often upset ds. Went for lunch with my aunt and uncle and he woke up when we arrived and wouldn't settle. I get stressed which stresses him more. Luckily everyone around us was very supportive! Also questioning pnd but only when I'm tired!

So last night felt so upset- ds fed at 6, by 9 post bath he refused his normal night feed. He was so upset and getting worse. Dh put him down to sleep and I was in tears because was sure he was hungry. In the end he was calming when in basket so let him sleep. He woke himself at 11 fed and slept again. So was fine but I had got so upset!

plate amazing news about ds sleeping on a pillow! Let's hope it wasn't a one off!

I'm with you all on the unwanted advice. People keep going on to me about giving him a bottle and I lost count of all the daft advice I was given for DS3's reflux including giving him brandy!

My mum's advice about DS sleeping was always my favourite.

"He'll sleep through the night once he is such and such a weight"

"He'll sleep though once you start feeding him solids"

"When the weather is warmer"

And when none of her prophecies came true:
"All babies are different"

Yes mum, brilliant. Your help was invaluable.

But BIL (they don't have kids, they learnt everything you could need to know about parenting by being godparents) came out with my favourite gem about kids in general -and I cannot remember what prompted this-
"When small kids are sick and have a fever they don't even notice"

Thanks for lovely birthday wishes.
I have a quick read through - I like Avent breast pump too, got both electric and manual.
the "having to express" stresses me out a lot but right now I have no choice as I'm in hospital, on IV AB & painkillers.
long story short pain got worse in stomach, can't eat, I'm jaundiced and have some infection which made me shiver
liver area is also sore, my back hurts too.
NDN is abdominal surgeon, when paramedics came this afternoon he just happened to arrived home so DH asked him to pls take a look.
he called hospital, pulled some strings so now I'm admitted at least overnight, blood and wee tests done and hopefully I'll get scanned tomorrow to find out what the problem is actually.
very likely to be gallstones/biliary colic (not uncommon after pg!) and will probably need an op.
hopefully soon.

so because of drugs/AB I decided that Elijah should be ff for now - safest for him - and I will "pump & dump" until bf can be resumed.
I'm determined I will carry on so decided not to cry about this situation, but took some photos bf him in case today was the last time I could bf.

morphine was yum btw. still in pain but it's bearable now.

I miss you all, welcome to those I haven't "met" yet.

Oh my goodness zing! Hope the doctors figure out what's wrong and you get well soon. Hugs!!

Thanks Nancy me too.

hospitals are fun at night. one old lady is talking and giggling in her sleep another sounds like a man and won't stop saying "Hello?!"
I feel a bit stressed so pumping is not great, but I'm guessing any stimulation is better than none and I'm trying my hardest to not worry about quantity of milk (to be chucked anyway) or what tomorrow brings.
I am exhausted but must keep pumping.

Dallas opening scenes with oil pumps come to mind