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December 2008 - Summertime and the children are easy......

879 replies

sybsie · 01/06/2014 14:29

Ha ha ha ha....we wish!

Here's to a lovely relaxing summer and cheery new thread for us all.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
MontserratCaballe · 25/06/2014 10:22

I would probably rent out your place and then rent somewhere smaller near you where the kids could stay at school etc. You might find it a bit easier once all the punters are at school and that's only 3 years away.

MontserratCaballe · 25/06/2014 10:23

Also moving out to t' country might be hard in terms of schools as the one you want might not have spaces in 2 different years.

JustRubes · 25/06/2014 11:57

Arti we have moved 6 times since we've been married (8years) 7 if you count from the US and will move again next year. All those moves were to vastly different locations (Fulham, Henley, Devon, Wimbledon, Chertsey, and 2 locations where we are) I've found it really hard to make local friends until the kids went to school. That's what gives me hope that when we move again, although it will take time, I'll get to know people through the kids schools and activities.
I feel it would be hard to so the downsize thing and rent in your neighbourhood with someone else in your lovely house. But that's just me.
Remember, you will always be able to make new friends and you'll have your current ones for life, but you won't always have your kids in their early days. It's frightening how grown up ds seems to me now, and I am involved in most of their things.
I agree - you and dh need to be on the same page then go from there.
There are some lovely enormous houses not far from me, and Waterloo is 22mins Wink

Indith · 25/06/2014 12:34

I think the thought of moving is daunting but I'd agree with Rubes it would be hard to downsize within your own neighbourhood.

Life is one huge juggling act, the trick is getting it to the point that all of you have your needs fulfilled. If one of you is unhappy then ultimately the act breaks down, there is only so long you can keep going for. Sounds like a lot of talking is needed and perhaps list making. Look at your lists, what can you change/tick off now with things as they are? Is it achievable to get to a point that you are happy with or not?

Making friends can be hard but then, if you are moving with the intent of working less or being at home with the dcs then making friends is perhaps a bit easier as you still have a child not at school to go to groups with. with the right choice of location things can come together. Some villages etc can be a nightmare where others are welcoming. Schools will depend in size really. None of the ones around us seem to be much of an issue trying to get a child in if you move to the area but they are all small schools with intakes of around 13 per year (which varies up to 17ish in practice once appeals are held etc) so they are well below legal limits. Our school is always oversubscribed but a couple of siblings joined during this past year no problem.

We are not that far from London on the train and have lots of lovely people Wink.

Of course if you move and commute then there are costs to be taken into account too. Train fares, long days, perhaps not having all the family time you dream of because he is knackered at weekends from early starts for travel all week. But then again would you consider a move that entailed a weekly commute? When dh used to work in London he worked long days when he was there but had plenty of rest and sleep too as he didn't have us lot to deal with. Then when he was home for the weekend he was properly home. It was nice. Would your dh be able to work from home at all to reduce the commute days?

Dd has wet herself twice on Monday and once on Tuesday hope the referral letter comes soon. The whole school is going to the beach tomorrow. How many pairs of pants and shorts do you think I should pack?

JustRubes · 25/06/2014 12:48

Ds has a beach trip in a couple of weeks. I'm going as parent helper - think I'm gonna have to volunteer to drive as the coach can't fit us all and one of the mum friends coming is a dr. coming off a night shift so wants me to drive so she can sleep! Sounds fun but could turn ferral. School just said they need spare pair socks I think plus sandles. Dunno must read the memo when I get home!

Mckayz · 25/06/2014 14:32

I did that last week Rubes and it was so much fun! I was amazed how excited the kids were to just jump around in the sea.

Artichokes · 25/06/2014 15:51

Where do you actually live Rubes? 25 mins to Waterloo would be perfect!

MontserratCaballe · 25/06/2014 16:14

Rubes, which beach are you going to? We are going to Broadstairs with school on the 11th. I am driving - need my air conditioned car rather than surrounded by other children being travel sick.....

Mckayz · 25/06/2014 17:04

We are about 2.5 hours from Kings Cross Grin. (Not really selling Yorkshire that well)

JustRubes · 25/06/2014 19:36

Woking Arti (nicer side) but we like Worplesdon area if we stay around here only one stop further (towards Guildford) hook heath nice too. the fast train is no stops and 22 mins to Waterloo or there's a fast one which only stops in Clapham J which dh gets to work sometimes and rides from there and I do obviously too Grin unfortunately won't know if we are staying in the area or not until later this year but sounds like he might have a chance at both jobs. If so I'm sure we'd stay in the area but would need to get in quick and buy something as property is moving fast due to everyone moving out off London for exactly the reasons you describe. Otherwise dh likes Ockham and surrounding.
Sybs I think it's West Wittering but have to double check. I get my life back when I get home tomorrow as I'm off a few weeks. Straight back into it with reception swimming lesson (in pool with 3 lessons of 10 at a time five year olds Friday morn!)

JustRubes · 25/06/2014 19:39

What I meant is if dh def is up for both jobs then he'd pick the better one obvs in which case we'll buy around here, but if not I'd say we'll go nearer to Beans area. Even where we lived before at our place in O'fd shire only 45 mins to paddington.
Right must shore and tart up.

JustRubes · 25/06/2014 19:40

Shore? Er shower

Honsandrevels · 25/06/2014 20:02

Whoever said it depends on the area/village etc is right. Where we lived before is DH's home town. Toddler groups etc were really unwelcoming. Everyone seemed to be there with their cousin, school friend or next door neighbours best friends hairdresser. It was v hard.

When we moved here it was completely different. People v welcoming and we've made friends.

Arti It sounds like this has all been bubbling up for a while. I found Vag's pros and cons really interesting. It is a shame part-time isn't an option for you as it offers a good balance between home and work.

Rubes I'm amazed they are doing reception swimming lessons. Dd1 has only been changed for PE about twice! I think the changing is a massive faff.

Vagolajahooli · 25/06/2014 20:48

Hey Hons here the lower primary kids (reception year 1 equivalent) they just strip down to their knickers & vest and run around the gym. It's hilarious, they look so cute running around in their Reg Grundy's.

Arti I know completely how you are feeling that us where I was when we made the decision that I stop work. I felt like I wasn't living just little surviving. I didn't want to wish away DS1's (& the future DS2's childhood). For me it was working long days being late constantly to pick up DS1 from nursery. DH had to work away a lot. I was supposed to be at work in north London by 8am but nursery in east London only opened at 8am. So when he was away I had to start at 9am. My work day was supposed to finish at 5 but generally went a lot later but nursery closed at 6pm. It was breaking my heart having DS1 in there 8-6 every day and I was exhausted working long hours then up in the night to him.

So I gave up. As I said it was the best thing we did. We don't have the big house (just three small ones) & we are just keeping ourselves pattering along financially, but we are happy and I think the boys are happy. I think whatever desicion you make, you have to accept the good with the bad & not resent anyone for what results from that desicion. I've had to come to terms with the fact recently that I have lost my loved profession and I sometimes think, was it worth it, has DH having me at home been good for him and the kids but to my detriment. The answer is a resounding no. We are happy, healthy and Ican get other jobs. We still have loads of years of money making ahead of us but we will never have tgese years with the boys again.

JustRubes · 26/06/2014 09:24

Nice words vag, and along the lines of my thoughts.

Hons yes ds has been doing PE twice a week (changing into kit etc) from term 1, and they started curriculum swimming n Spring (12 days over spring and summer) it's a particularly sporty school which is why I like it as they have a pool and loads of fields etc. I'm sure changing takes up half the PE lesson! Ds often comes home with someone else's jumper or odd socks but with a sticker for "fastest five" at changing Hmm

JustRubes · 26/06/2014 09:26

That flight nearly tipped me over the edge. And I've just learnt dh is not home until tmrw. Haven't actually seen him in a week as we've been ships in the night.

beans37 · 26/06/2014 12:50

Arti, we're 30mins from Liverpool Street Station, although that's not as good as Waterloo, I suspect.

I think you need to have a long chat with DH about it, as it sounds like you've been thinking about it for a while. I agree with what Vag says, and for me, being at home for the girls is a no brainer, although we are lucky that it is an option we have. BUT there are times when I feel like I am going to go insane and would like to resign. I can safely say, though, I have never once wished that I was at work instead. That said, I was a PA, not a career woman, so I didn't pour myself into my work, it was a job, rather than a lifestyle, if you know what I mean. If I'm honest, I feel like the luckiest person in the world to be doing this, which is my dream job. But then, I have friends with children who cannot understand why on earth I would choose such a thankless task, and while they adore their children, they feel like better mothers for the time at work they have away from them, to give them less time, but more quality time with their kids. I do feel some days that all I've done is shriek like a fishwife! But this morning, we all had terrible giggles in the car together, which makes is worthwhile. There is no easy answer, I guess. AAAAGH! Hard!

And so, to the sprinkling. Hmm. I'm not sure where to start. On the positive sides, we had glorious sunshine and it was lovely to spend the time with my Mum and sister(s). We had a fantastic sail out to the bay that Dad loved the best, with high winds and beautiful sunshine and we even spotted some porpoises and seals, which was heavenly. So I am concentrating on that side of things.

Please feel free to ignore this post, as I suspect it might be quite long and boring! Sorry.

I arrived on Sunday evening and my eldest sister (ES) was there already having wanted a bit of "alone time" before we got there. She arrived on Saturday evening. She then proceeded to tell me in depth about her marriage, as always, and said that it was very hard to talk about with family. She didn't even register that I said it hadn't stopped her from trying!!! Then for another 45 mins she told me about her health. And I'm sorry, but the menopause is something we will all go through. I think she thinks she's the only person. She is clearly deeply unhappy and using her health as something else to think about, but I do NOT want to hear about it in depth. I know I should be more sympathetic, but this has been going on for YEARS. I went to great lengths, too, to tell her that this occasion was to say goodbye to Dad, yes, but to remember that although we miss him terribly, the person it is undoubtedly hardest on, is Mum. So we must be mindful of her feelings as she has lost her husband and her whole life has changed dramatically. I wasn't sure if she had listened and, as it turns out, she hadn't.

A bit of back history... Mum has recently told us that she and ES were there when Dad died, and ES sat between Dad and Mum as he died and threw herself onto him when he died, sobbing hysterically and uncontrollably. Mum is very self contained and isn't a big one for histrionics, so was mortified by this and found it really unpalatable. I know each to their own, but it was really selfish with Mum there, who was losing her husband. I miss Dad terribly, but I know how much harder it is for Mum.

Anyway, on the boat, ES spent the first hour on the phone to her DH about their DS who was whining about a tummy ache and refusing to go to school. I some ways it was a mercy as she has no off switch between her brain and her mouth and actually hadn't shut up once for the whole time we'd been there! Then, when I brough the urn up for Mum to scatter Dad off the back of the boat, ES started this extraordinary hysterical wailing. It was horrific and I was absolutely disgusted, I'm afraid to say. Genuinely shocked. Mum was furious and told ES to "Shut up! You are a grown woman, what are you doing??", and ES said "Let me cry!" in this pathetic, histrionic way. Mum told her she didn't mind her crying, but that the ridiculous hysterics had to stop. My middle sister was horrified too and I suspect her facial expression and mine was probably similar. It felt like I'd been slapped in the face by the inappropriateness of her behaviour. It was about Mum, not her, and I thought it was like she was reacting the way she'd seen people do it in films. I was so very shocked by it and I have to say, it totally ruined what could have been a really lovely goodbye to Dad. And I don't think I can forgive her for it. It ruined it for Mum, my other sister and me completely and I'm actually gutted. I can't think about it too much or I fear I may phone her and give her what for. She did apologise, but I'm afraid it's too late. I hope she is absolutely ashamed of herself. I really don't feel like speaking to her again at the moment. I hope it will come back, but I can't see it for now.

And just to end on a lighter note, when I got home, I gave DD2 her birthday present from ES and it was a bag of pasta. Seriously. Admittedly, it was heartshaped, but why would you give a bag of pasta to anyone, let alone a 4 year old! I think she may have lost it!

Anyway, it was a shame and I'm sad to say, it would have been so much better if she hadn't been there. I'm probably a total witch, but I feel so angry and sad and I don't want to see her for some time.

beans37 · 26/06/2014 12:55

Sorry, that was a monster post.

Indith · 26/06/2014 13:49

Oh beans, I'm sorry you felt as though the scattering was spoiled for you. Families are hard aren't they, funny how siblings can be so totally different in spite of the same upbringing

The scattering of my Granny's ashes was supposed to just be the 3 brothers, they had deliberately planned it that way and my sister decided to tag along Hmm. She gets all perfect granddaughter concerned and busy bodying when something bad is happening. Couldn't give a toss the rest of the time!

Anyway. It is hard to deal with. Everyone shows emotion is different ways.

I know there is history there, I hope it doesn't ruin how close the rest of you are as a family x

To add to my sister. A few weeks ago she had one of her random "I'm going to be a perfect sister and auntie" moments and decided to ask us if we wanted to do a joint holiday with her and her dh and our parents. It is a lovely idea but as usual she hasn't thought about it at all. I replied that it was a lovely idea but that I didn't know when we could do it because my holidays are dictated by uni and I have a couple of weeks in August when we are going to France and then other than Christmas I don't have time off during school holidays and given that 2 out of 3 children are at school I can't pull them out.

She has yet to reply. Think I may have pissed her off by not immediately starting to plan and book somewhere.

beans37 · 26/06/2014 18:21

FAMILIES!
On a disgusting note, DD3 has just eaten her own poo. do I need to do anything? ??

Indith · 26/06/2014 18:22

disgusting child. I dare say she will be fine.

beans37 · 26/06/2014 19:58

she heaved a bit, but was on great form. I scrubbed a bit of toothpaste round her mouth. bleugh. I feel sick.

Indith · 26/06/2014 20:28

Slugs, worms, random dirt, poo. It is all the same to them Grin. Ds1 used to paint his bed with poo every night without fail. We used to be on high alert listening over the monitor to try to catch him post poo but before stripping and painting.

He survived.

ShadyLadyT · 26/06/2014 21:21

Omigosh, have been busy/away for a few days and have just read back. A lot to respond to. Off to get a coffee and a pen!

Indith · 26/06/2014 21:53

hahaha those of you on my fb can see a lovely example of one of my sister's thrice yearly 'look at me I want to be a fabulous auntie' messages on the video of ds2. typed in public. No action will be taken I guarantee it.

Those not on fb can come and find me. I know I deleted people. I forget people's names and get a bit trigger happy Blush .