December 2008 - Summertime and the children are easy......

[sybsie]

Ha ha ha ha....we wish!

Here's to a lovely relaxing summer and cheery new thread for us all.

progress in reception is so hard to measure, you can't compare to other children really.

dd could read and write before she started. She has progressed, not much on the school books but she reads lots at home. The main thing is her social skills I think, she is slowly starting to be more aware of other children and play with them where before she had her intense friendship with a boy in the class above who she has known since they were little but was a total loner in the class. Little by little. She still doesn't really have proper friends and she is still mad as a box of frogs but she gets on better with others.

ds1 could do nothing before he started school but had better social skills. His reading was excellent by the end of reception, way ahead of the class, but his writing was slow. He has been in the same class for 2 years now as it is mixed yr1 and 2 and the first year he hardly got anything on paper. His teachers used to say it was all in his head he just couldn't get it out. Now he writes pages and pages.

I have so much cleaning to do today but dcs want to be out at the park and I have no dh today. urgh.

dd is being referred to the paeds for her wetting. suppose that will make school happy they don't have to mark her down in her early years scores anymore.

Yes, I can see it is easier once you've seen others through school.

Dd1 has been writing her own stories which are v sweet. They are v short and I have to staple them into books for her. I used to love doing the same thing and still have a notebook with some in, complete with dreadful spelling! Dd1 is very like me as a child in some ways, very eager to please, keen on following rules, enjoys imaginative games.
dd2 is much more extrovert, stubborn, can survive on little sleep and not doing as she is told! Actually she's responded to bribery to stay in bed all night with a promise of the Frozen soundtrack. That's progress!

[bit pissed alert]

I am so glad that we are still posting after 6 years. Not so much as the one thread a week around 30 weeks or indeed 3 months but still regularly and properly in touch. Thank you lovely ladies xxxxx

Hons I feel your frozen pain. We have a lot of singalong. Lovely xx

Moritying, went for a swim. Walked into the changing rooms practically ran straight into my GP. Who was naked and then I had to stand next to her and get naked too. Last time I saw her she had her hand up my nooni checking out my prolapse.

oh Jam, mortified for you.

Rubes for some reason I read unsuitable footwear as unsuitable underwear. Was wondering if there is more suitable undergarment for the inner London area.

Love you too Sybs. DH bought me back some Hendricks from Gatwick duty free (though not really duty free) & when I crack it open I always think of you. Not in an alcoholic way, in a G&T friend kind if way.

School progress wise, here the early years are very much socialisation and lots of science & engineering-y type experimentation. All that making sense of their world type stuff. DS2 wouldn't be starting with reading here until next September when he starts in the middle primary years. However, as we'll be moving home I'll teach him to read when we get home over the summer break there (I'm doing my second language & literacy unit so that'll come in handy & practice). I think when he starts in school there he will be with the groups who are at eary reading level so I could just leave it. But he is pretty keen to start reading, way more keen than DS1 so may as well give it a burl.

Speaking of DS2 he's at home with me today. A busy weekend of birthday parties has shattered him so thought I'd give him a day off. Hilariously DS1'S gymnastics group will be cut short today due to the football so I think early to bed for both boys. Weekends are definitely not relaxing in this house.

Oh Jam that's funny! I imagine she was more embarrassed as she usually keeps her clothes on when you are in the nip.

Vag That's interesting on the reading. Generally second children are keener to read I think.

Can I ask quickly about bedtimes? Dd1 and dd2 go to bed at the same time. They share a room so it makes sense. Dd1 is usually shattered and goes to sleep first anyway. I wondered if I need to change it. On school nights they both go at 7 and nearer 8 at weekends. I'm wondering if that is early compared to others? I could hear children playing out when they were fast asleep last night!

Ladies I'm so sorry it's been wayyyy too long since I last posted! I can only blame real life getting in the way. Which is very rude of both me and real life. I have been lurking here and there and every time I think I'll post later and catch up something crops up and I forget. Someone mentioned how long we've been chatting. It feels like forever and I do feel guilty that I've been gone a while. You ladies have been a huge support over the years. Promise to try harder. So...and apologies in advance to anyone I forget....

Lady, lovely to hear the pregnancy is going well! Cannot wait to hear your name choice. It'll be fabulous whatever it is!

Beans is it this weekend you've been in Wales (saw a pic on FB). I hope you had a lovely time remember your wonderful Dad!

Rubes excellent heel/bike riding skills. I did laugh but I would do the same. Heels nearly always a must here. Glad the moving saga is finally over for you, for now anyway.

Jam is your move halted again? Mortifying about the GP. I have to say your DS3 is such a cutie, love seeing his pics on FB.

Re: bedtime DD is almost 8 and goes at 8pm on a school night, DS about 7.30. But it's rare either fall asleep straight away. Weekends they both go about 9pm, unless DS seems more tired and he goes up sooner. DD never seems to be tired

Arti how are you? I recall you losing weight quite rapidly? Hardly surprising you must be shattered with the hours you do and 3 children.

Progress in Reception. Tricky to guage at any time. DS is doing fab with reading and seems to retain a good deal of info from what topic work they do. But seems disinterested in writing. Having said that when he does try he does ok. IME they all level out eventually anyway.

I also need to thank you ladies for your wise words about DS. I never ever get spoken to about his temper. Ever. He still has one I'm sure. But definitely knows how to behave. Your words this time last year were very comforting and true! Pats on the backs and all round.

Best post this before my phone eats it!

Jam

Mine got to be bed around 7/7.30. Ds1 (7) and dd (5) go at the same time. Ds2 goes either at 6pm having gone into overtired meltdown if he hasn't napped and crashed out with no dinner or at 9/10pm after much persuasion if he has napped. Ds1 has always been an early to bed sort of a child and dd less so. Though recently we've been having issues with ds1 not going to sleep so we tried letting him stay up later than dd (I'd really like him to stay up a bit later than her so we can play bananagrams or something) but he still didn't go to sleep. They neither of them get up early, we usually have to dig them out of bed for school. On Friday we were eating our dinner in the garden and we saw a bunch of people including one of ds1's friends go by up to the park so when we'd finished we headed out, we don't usually go back out after tea. I often feel guilty for making mine go to bed but genuinely around 7ish everyone with dcs the same age was heading home too for bed.

Cracking headache. Was on an early shift so just got home having not had a drink at all since 7am. Ooops. Have downed 2 glasses of water and shoved cheese on toast down my neck. Need to go hoover the dc's bedrooms.

The boys go to bed about half 7. Sometimes they are still up at half 8 but usually they are both asleep by 8.

I am joining you with the headache Indith. It's not clearing at all.

Lovely to see you Deids! I'm so glad to hear your DS is doing so well.

Bedtimes in our house are based on the fact that DD1 (7) needs v little sleep. DD2 needs loads. They share a room but DD2 goes down at 7/7.30 on week nights and 8ish at weekends whereas DD1 goes at 8.30/9 throughout the week. She's still not tired at 9 so normally reads 'til 10 (or later if I don't stop her). They are both up at 7am.

JJ, did I say "hello" in an earlier post? It's lovely to hear from you. I like that I can keep up via FB. Do you still see SL? Tell her to drop by too and please come back soon.

Haha so funny Vag. There probably is more suitable inner London underwear which I should have been wearing! Sybs I wanted to run over the consultant when I went all the way in and he said what I already knew and I'd have thrown dh in front of a double decker that day too given half the chance when he didn't meet me in time for a cheeky drink before my appt when he knew what train I was on (long story)
Anyway am shattered. In Orlando as am owned by work this month.
Weather warm but crappy and I still feel full of cold.
Nice words Sybs - it is quite remarkable we are still all here! (Well most)
Glad you're back too Deids.
Ds and dd go to bed around 7-730 but sometimes turns into 8 and they wake up around 630-7. New place has big need do blackout blinds but still haven't sorted out their rooms properly. Bloody hate moving and all this again prob next year.

I will not cry at work, I will not cry at work, I will not cry at work. Oops I already did. I bloody hate my work/life balance at the mo. am seriously considering selling up and moving out of London so we can be mortgage free and I don't need to work. DH could commute. Right now it sounds like heaven but I used to really value my career.

Come live here. tis lovely.

Or the less flippant answer. arti I'm sorry you are feeling so blue. life is full of peaks and troughs. It will get easier. Much love.

Oh no Arti so sorry you're down.
I think it's worth giving serious thought to a plan that makes you happier. Life's too short. My preference is to live further out even as I like space. Could you not reduce hours and commute in as well as dh if you moved somewhere with less / no mortgage pressure? You said you "used to love your career" so no point continuing things the way they are if you're not enjoying it now. There'll be a solution. Stiff drink tonight and a long discussion with dh needed. Hope you feel better soon x

Arti Can you leave the office for 10 minutes? Have a quick walk and clear your head. DH has started keeping a journal - he doesn't write in it every day but it helps him put things in perspective. It might help to set out how you are feeling on paper.

Thanks for all the bedtime info everyone. I've found it really useful.

Hello deids!

Oh arti.

Take a little time to try and clear your head. when you aren't so upset and your emotions running high then sit down and think about what you really want long term. If you no longer enjoy the job and it's all becoming too much something is going to have to give. How would DH feel about a longer commute if you did move out of London?

Life is most definitely too short to be unhappy. Thinking of you x

Arti, have a and a hug. Having 3 and working is a lot to ask, esp as you do 4 days and 2 of them really long. Don't do anything rash. Have a think about what would work best for you all. Is cutting your hours at all financially possible? Would work agree to it, even if only for a few years til A is at school?

I have cried at work and it is lousy. I hope you are feeling a bit more together. I was so pre occupied by work last week that I drove too close to a traffic island on the school run and punctured 2 tyres as I wasn't concentrating enough. Ooops. It does get easier now they are bigger but I remember the baby days as being hard and looking back I can see that they were really tough on me and on my relationship. Be kind to yourself. Take time to think. Thinking of you

Oh Arti, my love. How horrid. I second what these clever ladies say. Just have a think. Give it a month or two and see how you feel.

I have much to report about my scattering trip. But will come back when on computer, not iPad, so I can type properly. Needless to say, my oldest sister was a nightmare and I am sad to report I have no further interest in her really. Ho hum. Will do a write up tmw, but am zonked after my 2nd 5 hour drive in 3 days. Yaaaaaaawn!

oh Arti poor you, wish I could make you a nice cup of tea. I've not get any helpful words, I think your amazing doing what you do, full time with three. And they are sweet little monkeys all three. I love seeing them on FB. I stick with what others have said, wait and have a think when you are feeling better. Have a chat with DH. Being at home is great, but it has it's down sides, and if you were at home in a new area, without people close by that you know it might be even harder. By all means it is a good idea, but try to picture yourself at home. I'll help you out with some of my pros & cons if that helps.

Pros- Being with my boys a lot. They can have friends home from school. They can get to after school activities. I can get some time to exercise. I can study. I see them do cool stuff. I can drop off & pick up from school. I can see them do cool new stuff. Spend time actually talking to them.

Cons- it can be monotonous and a bit brain frying, my life sometimes seems to revolve around filling up & emptying the dishwasher. Feel like a taxi at times, and juggling after school activity times is like doing my old ward roster for 30 nurses, overlaps are a nightmare. Often go days without having a decent conversation with an adult, except DH, I'm not much for school gate chat. I often get the lions share of playdates at our house, as other parents work so can't do their house. As a result 2 to 3 days a week they have at least two friends over. You don't get much feedback on how your doing, so no ego boost when you do something well. Also and this is what miss a lot from work, no one values your input or needs your expertise. I get quite bored of being assumed to be not very intelligent due to being a SAHM.

Anyhoo, I don't want to paint sahm as bad, in all I am happy and I wouldn't choose to have these last few years at work for anything, but it is not necessarily the greener side.

is there any scope for each of you to cut back?

arti - for what its worth, I have had my hopeless moments sobbing at work, as recently as a few weeks ago. Its horrible when it happens, but everyone is always keen to pretend it never happens. More seriously, how I feel about stuff swings wildly - I guess you need to take stock and work out if it is a passing thing, or whether you are persistently not happy and then you do need to change stuff around. Its a newish role you're in now, right? Those things are exhausting at the beginning because you don't have any mental shortcuts.

Deids - really pleased to see your post and especially how everything is working out for DS after the tough times last year.

Beans - that can't have been an easy trip. Get some sleep and rest x

Hons - on bedtimes, we are a hopeless guide! My two tend to go up about 7.30, but DS settles any time between 8.30 and 9 these days and DD would read quite a bit later if she can get away with it. Have sometimes forgotten to check and found her deep in a book at 10-10.30. They are not early birds and selfishly, it means I have a fighting chance of seeing them.

x-posted vag. Very wise. I don't know that there is a magic answer out there. This parenthood lark is an intense time of life and full of compromises. In the end you work out the mix that works best for you, but there is always a "what if" out there somewhere.

Thank you for all the support ladies. It was lovely to peek on here soon after posting and see some friendly messages. It made me feel a little less alone.

What follows is a bit of a brain dump so feel free to skip. I think my posts of the last few months have probably shown that I am finding balancing work and the kids really hard, its not just a new thing this week, its been like this since I returned. There are several reasons that I can identify: I am in a new role that is much more responsibility than my old role, my new role does not actually play to my strengths but is great for my career, having three kids is a lot more work than two, we do not have a nanny anymore, our au pair is fab but having an au pair requires more time and thought than a nanny, DH’s role is more full-on than it used to be so he helps less, four years of pay-freeze means money is REALLY tight so all the little jobs I used to get people in to do now do not get done and our house is falling apart, I am under the weather…. I could go on.

A few weeks ago I realised I do not want to live like this. I do not want to look back and think I missed the kids’ childhoods because I was too busy delivering rather dull projects for politicians. I feel like I have proved myself as a career woman over the last 15 years and actually I am no longer driven to prove myself. My dream would be to take a 3 year career break and remain in our house near our lovely friends and just enjoy the kids but that is not an option. If I want to stop work, or even reduce my hours (something work would not let me do) then our finances mean we have to reduce our mortgage. So the options are sell up and move somewhere cheaper outside of London where we could have space and be near good schools but parted from friends, sell-up and downsize within our neighbourhood, or rent out our place and rent somewhere smaller within our neighbourhood. DH is loathe to leave London or downsize but I think he is beginning to understand that I am serious. I would have to leave our neighbourhood as we have such good friends and I take ages to make friends, but my head suggests that moving to a spacious house near good schools is the more sensible option than downsizing.

I also have to accept that if I shy away from this career challenge and ask for a career break just when I have been given huge responsibility then I will damage my reputation and may find it hard to return to this place of work after any break. But I think that would be worth it.

Wow that was long. Sorry!

Beans, I am sorry to hear that your sister was so difficult. I hope that the scattering was still an OK experience.

"HATE to leave our neighbourhood" not "HAVE to leave our neighbourhood. Sorry!

Arti, you poor thing. As a SAHM I can completely agree with all vag says. I also completely understand all of your POV. I think firstly you and DH need to be able to agree on a plan. You do have what seems like a super support network in town. You can get that again if you move out of the city. Essex is lovely But it takes time. I found it quite hard and it took me a good 3 yrs to feel like I had a great network of friends and support close to me. I know Beans found it quicker than I did. So maybe Herts is the way to go

Just remember we are here to dump on when you need to.