March 2013 - we're gonna need a bigger wine rack

[Plonkysaurus]

Ta da!

Too many posts after five pints, so I apologise in advance for no name checks and lots of rambling.

I sometimes think it would have been easier back when all I was expected to do is breed, keep house, and try to keep too many children alive. Then I remember. They didn't have disposables, it was all terry towelling. Washed by hand. A load of washing took a week. No safety net, so your husband works or you're buggered - hope he's got a sense of responsibility cos I don't fancy going on the game. Toss a coin for each child, heads they'll make it to adulthood, tails they won't. Fleas, bedbugs, lice, pestilential bastards everywhere. Expect to be pregnant every year for too many decades. And then I remember, a hundred years ago it was great for any woman naturally inclined towards hard labour, fruitless toil, losing children, not knowing whether your husband would come home of a Friday with a paycheck or a punch, but for every other woman it sucked donkey dick, pardon my French. I think I'll stick with the 2014 version of motherhood.

Doli that sounds like a bugger of a teenage wossname. I can see why you weren't mega keen to keep your maiden name (and I fully agree you don't neatly fit in with the trend of women showing more dissatisfaction with names, because you had good reason to symbolically and literally distance yourself by rejecting that name, but I wonder if maledoli would have considered his name as a thing that could be changed to that effect. A woman's name being transient anyway so why not change it, on a subconscious level, sort of thing, but I am drunk and rambling and you should feel free to ignore me.)

...Yep, forgotten everything else. I used to have a memory, you know. It was quite good once upon a time.

I vividly remember sitting in the armchair in the window in my dad's living room on a... Monday? Tuesday? And telling him I was due on yesterday but abattoir crotch had failed to manifest so I was thinking of popping to the chemist for a pee stick on my way home. But I'm slightly confused about dates. Pee stick was one or two days before the man's birthday... Hang on.

Right. He's got a better memory than me. I was due on the Monday. Tuesday was his birthday. Wednesday was pee stick day, and also my dad's birthday, which is why I went to his house (to say happy birthday) and happened to say, "Oh, you remember my period was late? So I owed on a stick. Congrats, you're going to be a grandad. Again."

Which means a) my memory is atrocious, and b) it is still my pee stick anniversary for another eleven minutes!

Eco appalled at their rubbish sarnies. You'd think you'd at least get a gold plated one at the ritz. Must've been so good to get away for the day and do something girly and fun though, and at least there was fizz.

I've never seen Downton either. We've just started Breaking Bad which is good but grim.

I like the idea of keeping my maiden name as more of a middle name. A la Hilary Rodham Clinton. I think I actually prefer this over the hyphenate as I'd still be mrs g and have the same name as ds and dp, avoided potential confusion there. I know a few people who have their mums maiden names as middle names, and I think it's a nice acknowledgement of her identity.

Stormy so eloquent after five pints! Agree on paper easier when your path is proscribed from birth, but really, 100 years ago was grim as. I think rudimentary condoms existed then, and of course there were the hilarious rhythm and withdrawal methods. I think my mums mum had 8 pregnancies and only 3 babies - a fact of life considered normal in the 40s and 50s, whereas my other grandma had 6 kids spread over 25 years. So no real respite for her from the endless washing! But the floozy grandma (the one with a large brood) never married, just changed her name (twice!) by deed poll. Fair play to her, she did what she had to to get by after having 2 kids out of wedlock to separate men.

I remember doing two pee sticks four days apart. I've an inkling they were mid june but honestly couldn't tell you when. Oops? I think the first idea I had that I was pregnant was going for a walk with dp and having a mardy because my back hurt and my hair dryer had exploded that morning. We went to morrisons, bought a new hairdryer and some Camembert before we got home and I realised I could be pregnant. I can't wait to ttc again now, ds clearly needs a buddy.

If I had 5 pints I would seriously be ill. I am not good with drink that is why I don't drink . Happy pee stick anniversary to you for yesterday stormy.

eco my sandwiches are tasty and I make an amazing carrot cake. You are welcome to try some when you visit London again. That invitation is open to everyone else on the thread too.

plonky I can see ds needs a sibling too. I feel bad he is the only child at home. I feel guilty but know I need to wait a bit more.

Ah yes, that's something I forgot to say last night, I really like the two surnames a la Hilary Rodham Clinton thing. It makes for a very distinguished sounding name, to my mind. Not uncommon across the pond. Doesn't solve the naming problem long term though - either your grandkids get four names, or you end up losing half the names anyway. There really doesn't seem to be an elegant solution that could be widely adopted.

Fartypants needs a sibling, but I've come to the conclusion she needs an older one. Instant playmate for her, I get to skip the baby stage, win win. Shame it's impossible!

As for the five pints... It used to be my standard amount for a night out, but since February 2012 I've barely touched a drop, first because of trying to lose weight, then because foetal alcohol syndrome sounded like something best avoided, and then because the idea of having to deal with a baby while hungover sounds hideous. We were out for my dad's birthday yesterday, I guess I just, er, forgot I don't like to drink much these days. So I've had very little sleep, and at 4.30 this morning I made the mistake of taking a painkiller on an empty stomach. Hate throwing up. But then I got up this morning and the man had made bacon happen, so it could be worse.

Stormy I can assure you a maledoli wouldn't give a wossaname about names either. I appreciate I'm probably a bit odd, but genuinely don't have any attachment to such things. In fact I think women are lucky - we can reinvent ourselves and be who we want to be without a connection to our old named self if we so desire. It's handy that if you think about it. Change your name and you are fairly hard to find . It's a bit like changing address and not giving a forwarding one, only more effective.

I know I had an unconventional period of life, but it wasn't sht. How much would most teenagers give to have complete freedom to make their own decisions in life from the age of 16? I could literally do what I wanted, and go where I wanted, and I chose to use that freedom to succeed. If your living quarters are dire you have a huge incentive to work hard to be independent and buy your own flat.... which I did at 23. Plus it made me streetwise, and a survivor. I'm quite hard to scare, and I have no fear of living on my own. An awful lot of women in their 40s have become so dependent on their family life they literally fall apart if it folds. Don't ever be that woman. Statistically at least one of us on this thread will get divorced. It was nearly me, and it might be me again. Always keep your independence, and never accept compromise. Stormy* is our poster girl for that!

Well, that was philosophical wasn't it. How on earth did I get to that?!! Probably because the toddle has done the impossible and fallen asleep in her play pen, still in her dinner bib, and half on her head. I'm unsure as to the correct protocol for this. Do I leave her and risk a short nap and a crick in her neck, or do I wake her and move her to her pram... where she will sit protesting as we walk round the field 59 times, before eventually falling asleep again? Dilemma.

For now I'm opting for the do nothing approach.

5 pints???? How???? Where does it all go???? Do you not have to pee, like every 5 minutes?

Great use of the word mardy Plonky. I believe it to be a midlands thing, or is it in common parlance? Breaking bad sounds a bit hardcore for me but I understand it to be critically acclaimed. Enjoy! When you think of your pre wedding period you will think of, is it, crystal meth

Yummy thanks for that offer! I cannot refuse choc cake so will doubtless arrange a rendezvous one of these days. North or south of river?

Stormy are you still feeling a bit Yuck? Or did the bacon fix it. I've never drunk one pint never mind five.

Carrot cake yummy, not choc. But I can't say no to that either!

Eco my tip for surviving the landlord phase unscathed is to reallocate your house in your mind from your home to a business asset. Accept things will get broken, marked and spoiled, the garden will not be kept the way you like it. Don't be upset or shocked when this happens. It's wear and tear, and you get a 10% tax deduction to reflect it, as people have to live their lives and even the best of us have accidents. Lookup the tax rules btw, the HMIT website is very useful.

The other part of treating it as a business asset is to remember you are under an obligation to maintain it, and carry out repairs immediately, probably quicker than you would do if you lived there yourself. Get this set up in advance to minimise the costs and hassle for yourself. Things I do:

1. British Gas service contract on the boiler, so the annual safety check, servicing and repairs are all paid for, and breakdowns are dealt with immediately. I give the tenant the contract number so they can call directly if there is a problem.

1. Find a trusted local handyman, plumber, electrician, gardener etc. If they know they will get regular custom, you will get a good service from them.

1. Be friendly and approachable, but not too friendly. Don't pop in every time you are in the area. Arrange a bi-annual check by all means, but the rest of the time leave them alone!

On the compromise comment, of course we all make relationship compromises, but don't compromise too far, or as you said compromise yourself. So many women give up careers, friends, hobbies, and basically everything of their pre-married selves to either support their DH or run the home. Too many accept sh*tty behaviour, the kind of behaviour they would never accept from a boyfriend because they are scared everything will fall apart if they don't. I guess what I'm saying is stay true to who you are, what you believe in, and keep your financial independence. Men do. Very few men walk away from a divorce with nothing left of themselves and a real fear of how they will cope.

The sleep tactic employed was leave her to it. It was a mistake. She woke after 20 mins, miserable, and didn't nap again for the rest of the day. Guess who was too tired and cross to eat their tea?! Guess who is now too overtired to sleep? it's going to be a rough night.

On a completely new note, constipation. At what point should I get worried? The toddle got herself well and truly bunged about 2 weeks ago, and despite regular use of lactulose is still in discomfort. I've tried 4 days senokot (prescribed by her GP) starting at 2.5ml, and increasing it to 10ml. She's done some rock hard nappies, but will sit down and strain for literally 30 mins with no result. Could it be something like a twisted intestine? I'm getting very worried.

Eco house tips! Oh you're going to regret giving me a platform for airing my grievances against shit landlords. But let's jump in feet first to my long lost of things I've learnt from nearly a decade in rented accommodation:

1. Take the financial hit and use an agent. They're not perfect and they take too big a cut for too little actual work, but if you're not near then they're useful. Our current landlord lives in Worcestershire and we now deal directly with him. He's not interested in paying tradesmen for handyman type jobs, but this has resulted in lots of small jobs building up around the house and we refuse to grout the shower, put wallpaper back up and replace the filter on the extractor fan. If you're into DIY then be prepared to be on hand to fix things when your tenants tell you of them, or pay someone.

1. Don't put cheap fixtures and fittings in. They break and need replacing within a year. Kind of a follow on from number two. You don't have to leave the house fully kitted out, but don't assume your tenants will be happy with the cheapest shit that will break and never get fixed.

1. That said, if you're particularly fond of anything that's work to maintain, take it with you. Apparently the magic plant I have all but killed is a hydrangea (I learnt this having picked them for my bouquet). Unable to afford a decent replacement for their broken hover mower, I used a strimmer on what I thought was a weed. Landlady went apeshit when she saw.

1. Use email/text where possible to deal with tenants. That way there is a record of agreements, so if you can only speak to them during a busy shift at work they won't forget everything you've just said.

1. If anything requires special maintenance just pay someone to do it, or arrange regular intervals (agreed way in advance) to do this. I think I remember you saying something about a wooden feature that required oiling? Don't expect them to know what they're doing (see hydrangea above), or to care (see hydrangea again).

1. When you do an annual (or whenever) inspection, don't walk into your tenants' home and declare 'oh you've arranged this room this way'

Mardy is an excellent word and, if not common parlance, definitely should be. I think that Arctic Monkeys are responsible for telling the rest of the country. I also like 'manny' but haven't heard it used outside of North Nottinghamshire.

Breaking Bad good but can't marathon it sadly. Too grim.

Doli I hadn't meant exactly that you must have had a shit teenagehood, but imagine must have been difficult to get to the point of leaving at 16? Hadn't meant to suggest that, just that it must have been tough. Although I remember how easy it was to make hard decisions and be resolute when I was 16. Teenagers process emotions differently to adults have amazing focus sometimes. Of course they're also capable of behaving like toddlers, and being supremely selfish, but I don't see you doing either of those things.

Mmmm cake. Yummy there you had to go mentioning cake. I've been a real carby twat this week and should probably rein it in seeing as it's only 3 weeks to go to W Day.

I have a vagina based Q for Betty. Is bleeding/spotting during ovulation common? I think having the coil has normalised my cycle a bit, and I'm much more sensitive to small changes now. Anyway, I'm about halfway through, due on in about 10 days. When wiping after a wee earlier I had a tiny streak of blood. My first thought was implantation but I think too early in my cycle. Could you put my mind at rest enlighten me please?

5 pints Stormy. Bravo! Many years since I was able to do that. I do love a good pint though. We bought our wedding beer today (wine sorted months ago, natch) and I can now proudly declare I have spent £300 on beer in about 10 minutes. Three different kinds! I'm more of a Malbec type but a good pint is unbeatable. Hope you're not feeling too green or that was just a shit paragraph to have to read.

Gerry, Any, Shattered around?

Ds had porridge for dinner. When teething he only seems to eat soft squishy wet things. That sounds disgusting. Erm. So we gave him porridge with vanilla, raspberries and honey (bee milk, of course). It's the most he's eaten in two days. These molars are a bitch.

Big x post with Doli! And sorry for my essay.

Doli you're a fellow IBSer, do you suspect it could be that? I'd ditch grains for a bit (if she'll let you) and increase fats to make up the calorie deficit. I do this for myself when times are tough. If she's in pain enough for you to suspect intestinal problems, see gp again.

I agree with you on compromise. It's the main reason I insisted on staying at work. I'm only 27 and if I became a SAHM now I know how comfy id get and stop pushing myself in other ways. I'd become dependant on DP for everything. It's an individual decision, just one I couldn't bear to compromise on. He'd rather I didn't work but I couldn't stand stagnating while dp carved out his career - what if I was suddenly without him?

Ooh look, another essay!

Am here - just lurking as I got faaaaar behind again. Soz.

Doli we too have a blockage. It's a recurring issue that DD had a few months back and GP advised lactulose. Gave it to her for weeks until problem solved itself (thought it was bananas?) then it started again two weeks ago. No poop for two days, lots of straining every half hour or so but nothing comes out. When it does, it's solid. My DM suggested eggs may be the culprit but I don't think i've given her more in the last couple of weeks than before. I'm worried too

Any it's a worry isn't it. Plonky thanks for the grains tip, there might be something in that. The problem always starts on a nursery day, when she eats none of the food offered except bread, and doesn't drink much either so is probably dehydrated. Arghhh

Any have you tried tummy massage? A firm circular massage in a clockwise direction sometimes yields results here. I wonder if dehydration could be part of the problem for you too as it has been very hot. The water they need and the water they'll drink can be two very different things.

My landlording tips for eco:

Make sure deposit is properly protected
Get someone in to do a proper inventory
Fix things straight away (my last landlord didn't do any maintenance for six years, hence moving)
Skip the agent if possible, they're robbing bastards and there's no guarantee they'll treat your tenants well.

My landlord's agent charged a fortune in fees to move in, they want thirty five quid to renew every six months, they take over a quarter of the rent for themselves, they're rubbish at what little maintenance they do, and I'm always scared they'll kick me out for no reason. If you really feel an agent would be best in your circumstances, go knock on some doors and ask random strangers what their agent is like to see if you can find one who isn't too much of a useless parasite.

Doli and Any it's been a few years since I last did paeds but I'm fairly sure the first line laxative is still movicol rather than lactulose or senna. The commonest reason is not enough fluids (which in this age is a right bloody pain because it's so difficult to get it into them). There's a royal college of paeds/NICE guideline on the management of childhood constipation that I can link to if that would be helpful? It's a guideline for medical practitioners rather than parents but may be useful.

Yes please betty. I've tried massaging her tummy doli plus bicycle legs (although she stiffens her legs and twists to the side so not always possible). She drinks around two beakers of water a day, plus one of milk, plus she has clementines, prunes, porridge - all the things i've been told will help her. Still no poo today (none since Thurs) and she's really trying, bless her

It's like it's stuck and she's squeezing her legs together so much that it's not got anywhere to go...

Grim.

Thanks Betty, the link would be great

Effectiveness/Appraisal documents/Full guidelineY.pdf Guideline

Abd it appears we've constipated the thread....

Good news - DD had a couple of clearouts just before bed and seems more comfortable. Poor thing literally popped the first one out with lots of gas (sorry - TMI) and it must have been blocking the way. Will avoid bread for a few days now (none for lunch today) and see how she goes but if it happens again too soon, i'll away to the GP. Promise.

Anyone having a good Sunday?

I got to see the smug Swiss git lose. High point of my Sunday.

I slept through it Stormy. I think I had a chocolate cake induced headache.

On the other hand, I think I've found The photography course. Now I just need a fistful of money...

Doli, did it end up a bad night? Sorry to hear you and Any have bunged up babies. I have no advice I'm afraid. Does exercise help a bit (alongside all the stuff you're already doing like fluids and fruit and massage)? A good old romp around? Clutching at straws. It must be uncomfortable for them. Hope Betty's link was enlightening. Doli thanks also for extending your explanation of compromise. Or lack of it. After berk ex left after nine years to 'be with' a person he'd met once at a conference (I can laugh now) I told myself I'd forever more be autonomous. I sold our house, I got a great job, I relocated to the city, I bought a new house of my own and I said yes to every opportunity that came my way. I went on to have a great few years. Your comments made me realise that since getting pregnant two years ago I have compromised my independence a lot. Unlike plonk who realised I'm time the importance of having her own job I handed my notice in. Not because there was any pressure to do so from dh, but to try and make this Bedfordshire thing work. We nearly bought a house in my dh's sole name. Today I had a whinge about it all to get it off of my chest and dh pointed out that I jointly own our current home and am the sole name on the one we already rent out. He also reminded me that as soon as we move and I want to we'll arrange childcare so I can work, even if it only covers the childcare costs. So all in all a useful conversation stimulated by what you'd said. I think I feel day to day like such a non person these days I'd forgotten some stuff

Plonky what's the nature of your photography course? Full time? Evenings? What kit do you need? What would you specialise in? Excited for you!

Stormy I like Federer and admire his achievements. He always seems mild mannered, polite, humble to me. Interesting that you think the total opposite. I guess you're either in his camp or Nadal's because of their history. And his bum.

Thank you Stormy, Plonky and Doli for your renting tips. We've got a great letting agent. They do letting only and are independent. Run by people we know and trust. They've looked after our other house for couple of years now pretty well. They take ten percent for full management. We wanted immediate response to matters arising whether we were in Kent, USA or peak district and we wanted to distance ourselves a little from a house we love. I have been back once to accompany the agent on an inspection and have never called in. I think we're on the right tracks from what you say. Including biting my lip over garden maintenance or lack of Gas boiler insurance reminded me to look at that again so good tip right there. Dh was dealt with tax stuff for some reason....no idea what the ten percent thing is you mention Doli but will talk to him about it. Thanks wise women of this world.

Today I did a load of jobs that would have made living here that bit nicer. Like properly descaling the shower screen and taps, taking the broken tools/pots from garden to dump and cutting back the vine. Pretend you will soon have tenants. It does wonders for your housekeeping!

Finished broadchurch last night. Anyone else on here watch it?

Baby wise we had some nap refusal so wondering whether we're in for another batch of teeth. We got given a helium balloon from a street fayre we went to today which has provided much punch bag style amusement. Also the repertoire of animal noises is expanding, we have panting for dogs, quack, baa, clip clop and bok bok for chicken. No actual animal words though! I love these emerging new skills we're witnessing each week. Clever sausages each and every one.

eco I'm sure he's lovely really. My dislike is pretty irrational and based mostly on me thinking he looks a bit smug. That and he wins too much. With Nadal there's always a question mark over how badly his knees will let him down, and Murray's got that lack of confidence screwing up his game at random times, but with Federer it's just... a bit boring really. Fair play to the man though, he probably needs all the prize money to pay for a horde of nannies - two sets of twins sounds hectic.

They are getting more sophisticated every day aren't they, Eco?

However the naughty streak in DS is beginning to show. He's developed some less than favourable behaviour - this morning, for instance, he started chucking things from the table to the floor. Dp told him no and ds stared at us, bottom lip out, eyes welling up and threw the TV remote across the room and looked at us for a reaction. I removed him to a chair and told him we don't do that. Moments later he was playing happily again. This is new territory for us, made me wonder wwyd? Is he ready to learn what's not acceptable? And how to teach him?

Eco I'd quite like to be a family portrait photographer (so may need to pick Any's brains). Ideally I'd love to do nature photography but tricky to get into so I think that'll remain as a hobby.

Will have to seek out Broadchurch. Breaking Bad has become quite an enjoyable way to spend the pre wedding period!

Plonk - no, plus brief explanation (dirty, hot, ouchy or whatever), and if they don't immediately stop, gently remove and distract. Repeat ad infinitum. Takes a while to sink in, but persist. Then you'll get the stage where no provokes a tantrum. Remove to place of safety, give him a minute or two to see if he calms down while you're there but no paying attention, then distract. And choose your battles! Dangerous or whatever things need stopping, but stuff that you'd just rather he didn't do, sometimes it's not worth the tantrum.

Argh, I need to be out to work in twenty minutes. Where are my trousers?

Work Stormy?