March 2013 - we're gonna need a bigger wine rack

[Plonkysaurus]

Ta da!

Hi Something sorry I've not been around much, it's getting time on the internet that is the problem. A fixed PC is a pain in the bum. Chances of getting on it, nearing zero.

Your birth story sounds horrific. I feel lucky in comparison. I'm crossing my fingers for lucky second time round. I'm also crossing my legs for a functioning pelvic floor post everything. Gerry, you poor thing. Betty I've made notes. How lucky are we, having our own personal Obstetrician on line?! Please don't ever leave!

Just had my scan, and all is well. 8w 3 with (thankfully) just one baby. So I can stop stressing about twins. Not that I was stressing, more than ohhhhh, say, 23 hours out of 24. I'm sure twins are lovely, but not when you have a DH who whether technically employed or not is going to be doing the whole client/investor business dinner thing more evenings than you care to think about. Getting one to bed on your own = doable. Getting two to bed on your own = challenging. Getting three to bed on your own = nervous breakdown territory.

Ooh Doli. For babys first photo! How exciting.

Yes, great to hear you've seen the capaxlet (there was a better name but I can't remember it) on the scan. And only one! Indeed that is good news. Didn't dh quite fancy twins? I'm assuming he's delighted with the scan. Such a lovely time. When does he finish work ahead of starting, er, work? I'm hoping you engineer a massive paternity period.

Something that sounds poo. Hadn't meant to drag open old wounds. Sounds like you've dealt with it marvellously though as you've been chipper from the get go.

Plonky and Stormy, Nadal? No no no. The bum picking is too off putting. A nice polite, clean looking Federer is more to my tennis taste :-)

Plonky do you love your new hair? (I do cos I saw it on Facebook.....) And, why you cooking roast chicken mid week when you're hellish busy? That's what fish fingers are for :-)

Any, I meant to say your girl thigh slapping made me imagine your household to be like an episode of blackadder

Stormy it sounds like things with the man are much much better. Great to hear. It was worth your patience and sticking to your guns. I did Crack up so didn't cope very well but I'm on the mend now the end is in sight. I don't deal with lack of quiet reflection very well either.

My dh came home in time for stories with Ecotod and I'm in the bath. We came late to the broadchurch party but are watching it from sky box now. Half way through (one episode a weekend for last month) but I've told him we're going to gorge on it and squeeze four episodes into a long weekend. That probably doesn't sound remarkable to normal people. But it is here. And I'm excited. Tragic really. Just a sign that I'm longing for peaceful, still, escapism. Bring it on.

Eco good to hear from you. Enjoy your Broadchurching. I have never Broadchurched. Should I? Am I missing out massively on something I would enjoy? Please tell me I am. I am going to need something a tad more edifying than Location Location if I am going to survive a second round of Bf-ing.

When does DH finish work... well that's the question. He resigned. His company wouldn't accept it. So he argued the point, and they said wait until after the Board meeting. I can well imagine what they'll say at the Board meeting. Sh*t, will probably sum it up. But he's going, whether they like it or not, and will be rolling more or less straight onto the next project, although technically there's a 3 months gardening period lock out thingummy, or something. So in nutshell, I have no clue really. I'm kind of working on the hope he'll have the grunt work of resurrecting a failing phoenix done before Feb. Well one can dream.

Afternoon tea at the Ritz. Enjoy. I have never dared to so much as cross the threshold. Looking forward to hearing all about it.

Stormy what a turn about. Thrilled for you. I'm a sucker for a happy ending, and you seem to be proving one for us all to wallow happily in.

Oh, arghhh, I haven't time to name check everyone else. Which feels rubbish. But everyone, I have read your posts, lovely to catch up, especially with infrequent posters. Cant I think of you often, and Ood too.

My only news for the day, sat navs are the evil spawn of evilness. Massive massive French truck stuck in a single lane country road meant I had to walk 20 mins in 28 degrees to get to the nursery at pick up, and 20mins back carrying a heavy, overtired, over heated toddle. That was fun. Not.

Ooh a scan Doli? Lovely! Must've been reassuring, especially now that you know there's definitely just the one. I am terrified of having twins - lots of twins on both sides in pretty much every generation. Friend from uni is a twin and also has a sister only 13 months older. Eek!
What is it with shat navs sending HGVs up teensy roads? I live in the land of the country lane and my driving life is blighted by big ass trucks stuck in lanes.

Eco I understand Broadchurch is a TV show par excellence. David Tennant and Olivia Colman, no? Can't go wrong with that pair. Upcoming weekend sounds heavenly, TV marathons and good food must be good for the soul.

Thanks for the hair compliment. I was worried about going so dark and it's basically purple. But I like it. As for the chicken, well, that meals like a big bosom cuddle. But we had fajitas after all (and I skipped the wrap).

Oh and Doli is having a Babax

Stormy so pleased to hear the man has, er, manned up and taken his rightful place in your family. Excellent work. You should totally become a life coach.

My memory capacity is pretty much maxed out so I'm just gonna say hi to all you sexy bastards for overfamiliar tomorrow. I'll be spending the day hunting for a navy ribbon to wear as a wedding sash and trying to keep a lid on my rising panic.

Ds now has ten teeth and two more breaking through. He would only eat Organix "carrot" stix and cheese for dinner. Not very gouda him, it drives me emmental when his teeth stop him eating.

Ooh also, I've decided that I will be Mrs D-G. Dp's response was along the lines of 'pfft, feminism, grumble'.

Plonk I just camembert it when dd is fussy at tea time

If he wants to have a grumble about feminists, Plonk, tell him in the name of equality, you're both going to change your titles to reflect your marital status. Mrs DG and Mrs G. Amd then report back on what colour his face turns.

The whole name thing is a nightmare isn't it. I changed mine, and it was a proper PITA. If I lived my life again I wouldn't bother, but not for any particular feminist reasons, merely because I couldn't be ar5ed with all the paper work getting passport, driving licence, bank, work and the rest all changed.

Double barrelled involves just as much paperwork and twice as much confusion. I can see the logic, and the independence, and all, but it is confusing. I've just had to ask my friend whether her children are X or X-Y, so that I can do their naming day presents. Apparently they are Y. Now you see that confuses me. Surely a true feminist would insist their children were at the very least X-Y, if not X? Why call yourself X-Y and your children Y? Needless to say I didn't feel the need to debate this point with her, I just did a Mr Plonky pftt face to myself.

So there you have it, in a nutshell, I really don't get the name debate. I respect everyone's right to make a choice based on whatever beliefs are important to them, but I get lost with the concept when the whole things goes off the rails with the children.

Plonky Stormy not even slightly getting at you, just idly wondering about the general concept of the thing. I hope that's allowed.

Not much happening in my world today as you can probably tell from my idle musings. It's hot, and I'm home alone. The toddle is at nursery, no doubt complaining loudly about the fact (although she did perk up yesterday when they allowed her to rearrange the water bottles. This freakish tidy streak.... let's just say it's not from DH), and DH himself is at work. Dare I say it..... Could it possibly be that I am bored?????

Now I've gone and confused myself. I meant 'whether her children are Y or X-Y (with X being her name and Y her DH's)'

Ignore me.... I think I should really be ignored today!!!

Doli the thing to remember is there are different layers to a feminist perspective. Liberal feminism (insofar as I understand the subcategories) is mainly about women being able to make whatever choices they want to without being told they can't because they're women. From that angle, the feminist thing to do is to give your child whatever surname you and your co-parent want to. Then there's the radical feminism which is more to do with structural oppression, and would point out that whatever name you choose, you're not making that choice in a vacuum - I'm sure Plonky can detail the many different pressures pulling her in different directions over her married name. Mr Plonk doesn't face those same pressures, so names remain a feminist issue. If there's a single feminist stance on the issue of naming, it's probably something like: choose which name to use, don't just blindly follow tradition.

Stormy nicely put. I like that explanation.

I guess I was lucky as no one ever put me under any pressure to do anything about my name. I actually wanted to change it. Partly because I don't like my maiden name, and partly because it seems less confusing for a family to have a family name, and I don't much care who's it is. I don't have a particularly strong feeling about names. When I was getting divorced I had no inclination to change it back again. It just seemed like hassle to me.

You can bet your bottom dollar had DH insisted I take his name I bl**dy wouldn't have done

I don't mean overt pressure from individuals that you personally know - if someone was pressuring you to change your name they'd be a douchecanoe and you'd be quite right to tell them where to stick it. I mean the rather more nebulous societal pressures. For example, it seems easier for a family to all have the same name - why is that easier? I'd hazard that it seems easier because until recently it's been the done thing and comparatively few families contain multiple surnames, because all members take the father's name. When you make the choice to keep your own name rather than taking your husband's, it stands out, people will question you about it, you have to justify yourself, some people are going to assume you're a militant manhating hairy-legged lesbian, and so on. When you make the choice to take your husband's name no one bats an eyelid. Societal expectation is going to affect some of us more than others, but we're all making the choice in the context of that expectation.

Oh, and doli, not liking your maiden name - I wonder if you'd have felt the same if you'd grown up in a culture in which men changed their names and women kept theirs. It's a topic that crops up around here frequently, and a fair few women say they didn't like their maiden name, it was a mouthful, it sounded silly, it was ugly, and so on. I've never heard a man express that sentiment.

Hi all.

Hope you are having a lovely friday. I need to go shopping but ds thinks it is a good idea to have a mega nap.

You know there is a march 2015 thread? This time 2 years ago I was so excited about finding out I was pregnant. Can you believe how time has flown? I still stare at ds and think did I really give birth to this amazing child yes I am his mum so i am bound to be biased

doli of course you will need remind me of all the horrible symptoms that I seem to slowly forget about as time goes on.

I spotted the March 2015 thread earlier, it made me smile. Wednesday marked the two year anniversary of peeing in a stick.

Mine is tomorrow! In the toilets at work on my lunch break. Classy lady.

Mine was 24th June. Just before my cousins wedding. Very hard to keep the news quiet.

Doli I fear we're going to be like your friends family. Dh and ds will be messrs G. I, having been Miss CJD (sniggers permitted) will probably be Mrs CJD-G. I'm not 100% on it though. I know I'm definitely not going to remain a D, but I cant make my mind up. The nebulous societal pressure Stormy mentions is definitely there - while I don't forever want to be explaining our family situation (because, um, we're just a family) I also don't want to just lie there and let all this happen to me. It's probably quite a silly thing to get hung up on.

It must have all been so straightforward a century ago. Except the war bit, but let's gloss over that... To go straight from your fathers home to your husbands, to simply keep a home and a family and teach your daughters to do the same and raise your sons to be good men. I was thinking earlier how now the desired path is buy house, get married, start family, and we're doing it in reverse order. I think that's where this struggle originates for me. I do not need to be given away, I am independent, my life is with Mr G and we have a child as testament to that. On the one hand how perfect to mesh our names, on the other can
I not simply remain who I am from a legal POV?

Never mind the MIL's opinion, or anyone else's for that matter. All this introspection is driving me crazy and I only have 3 weeks to make up my mind. Thank god I put some wine in the fridge this morning.

Is it bad that I'm sniggering at the fact that Stormy's feminist tendencies will be going into overdrive at that statement about how straightforward it was a century ago! I really do mean that in the most lighthearted away so no bloody flouncing!!!

Plonky it's a right pain in the arse isn't it? I'm so lucky that keeping your maiden name for work is so often the done thing in my job, I get the best of both worlds. I do wonder what I would have done if it wasn't. Part of me would have wanted to keep my name then another part thinks I want a family name for my whole family and part of me doesn't like double barrelling but it seems like the sensible option. I think I'd have probably done a Hillary Rodham Clinton and had both surnames but not double-barrelled. As much as being a women includes a lot of tricky decisions it's surely still the better option though. I wouldn't be born a man if I had the choice!

You lot have made me feel like a bad parent. I haven't got a bloody clue what date I pee'd on a stick. I can't even remember what my actual due date was stormy is it on your spreadsheet?. I also haven't written down any milestones. Bad Mummy!!!

I've had a day of annual leave and still put DD in nursery. I've spent the day watching Neighbours, drinking tea, eating stinky French cheese and playing with DDog. Excellent stuff.

Happy Friday all you gorgeous, wonderful, funny, clever ladies. I'm so bloody glad I found this thread and I look forward to us all meeting on a Wednesday one day! You've got to love overfamiliar Fridays!

Stormy that's an interesting theory, but nothing so subconscious going on here. My maiden name is on facebook. You can imagine the nicknames at school. Plus it is one syllable, my first name is two, so try saying the two together on an answer phone message without sounding like a tit. It cannot be done.

As an aside I walked out of home at 16 on very bad terms with everyone in it, so the name as it goes has no attachment. I lodged, house shared or lived alone for 11 years before moving in with DP now DH, so no individual identity issues going on here either. I like my family well enough now, but mainly because we live on different continents. They are lovely people, but you know how it is with families. Stuff happens, things get said, teenagers stomp off. There was a time when I might have changed my name by deed poll to something completely random just to pi55 them off

Plonky good luck with the decision. I hope I haven't muddied the waters for you any more than they already were!

March 2015 you say. Well technically I was originally Feb 2013, but someone was late [hard stare], and this time I'm Feb 2015, which suggests that there is something very strange in the waters at a certain time of year in these 'ere parts.

Right, theoretically I should be getting the smallest's tea, which given she ate precisely nothing at nursery today probably ought to be reasonable. It would appear she doesn't like junk. I'm quite pleased about this. I wonder how long it will last?! not long

Sounds like a fab day Betty. I love putting ds in nursery when I don't have to work shhh or we'll become mn pariahs but sadly no doggy friends here yet.

Hmm I really do think it was simply a century ago. Better? Absolutely not! But when one knows ones place one only has to behave within those parameters to know what's what. Til your husband comes home and knocks ten barrels of shit out of you even though you've done nothing all day but clean up after your ungrateful family. But that's another argument for another day!

Doli no idea you had such a shitty teenageness. Makes me sad. But glad you found your own way, you clearly needed no one to hold you up. I had a strained relationship with my dad (we all did) for years but we've been able to overcome that, and it's a key factor in the name decision.

I've no idea when I peed on a stick. Mid June? I dunno, but I was originally due on feb23. Imagine my consternation when ds rocked up on March 9th.

Today is my pee stick anniversary! That was a great day!

As you know DH and I both double barrel our surnames (both changed officially by deed poll so nothing to do with marriage status). Interestingly in Spain everyone has a double barrel name. A child gets a brand new surname made up from the first surname from mum and dad, with mum's name going first. This means there is no such thing as a family name and it is the mother's name that will actually be passed down the female line. They don't seem to have a problem with long double barrel surnames or the lack of same name for whole family. Definitely inspired us when we were making our choice!

Happy pee day yummy and rainbow!

Doli, something in the water or a birthday/anniversary?

I changed my name (even though my whole name is now only two syllables long and sounds like a single christian name when you say it) but kept my old name for work. I like being both. I like forgetting who I am in any given situation less! I said before Plonky I like c d g. You sound like a lady from Downton :-)

Speaking of which Doli, Betty and I would recommend the Downton box set for early baby days and yes I'd suggest broadchurch too. Dr who and Olivia Coleman are excellent actors playing interesting characters.

Betty your post was cheerful and nice. Overfamiliar love back at you.

The Ritz then. Well, it's posh. Obvs. I liked asking suited men for stuff (it was all men) and them saying 'straight away madam'. I liked seeing the birthday girl it was all in aid of well up each time another family member turned up. I liked that the pianist played happy birthday and the whole room joined in for her. I liked my ten minute walk through Hyde park on my own as I arrived early. I liked my outward journey in air conditioned first class and my journal. I liked the very well made and served rooibos. But that's it. The cake was mediocre. My sandwiches at home are far far better. As are my scones and those from any national Trust place. The tube was vile (anyone on here use it daily? hats off to you!) and there was no air con on my late running return train. So a mixed bag, but worth it. I'd suggest if you wanted a treat for yourself and you had 45 pounds to throw at it, afternoon tea at the ritz wouldn't be my top tip. Like Betty I'd go for a day of child care with a good book and a wedge of nice cheese instead

My pee stick day for July 7. I know this because it's the day after a festival here if my (soon to be ex) home town. Dh was involved through work and I cycled into the city to meet up for the evening and I can remember being exhausted. I'd been cleaning during the day and ended up curled up on spare bed asleep. I was pretty certain I was dying. But no. The stick was collected from the bathroom by my three week old husband and he declared I wasn't dying but pregnant instead. We were and amused to recall all the champagne we'd drunk on everyday of our honeymoon, the mountain we'd climbed in treachorous conditions, the go ape we'd swung through and the hot tub we spent our evenings in. Classy start to a pregnancy right there Sweet memories. How very very different life was back then.

eco my sandwiches are much nicer and my carrot cake is yummy so next time your in London or if anyone on herr is in London you are welcome to visit the yummys. Just avoid the tube in hot weather and during rush hour.

I am going to confess I have never watched an episode of Downton. I would like too though. maybe when ds starts nursery and I throw a sickie at work.

rainbow happy pee stick anniversary. I never thought I would say this.