November 2012 - Any tips for surviving the 18-month sleep regression?

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/2035882-November-2012-Are-the-LOs-old-enough-for-Mothers-Day-yet

YW sleep training worked for R - but only because I was 100% positive there were no underlying issues. It makes me that it's hailed as a cure-all when, actually, it's just another tool that may or may not work for you and your child/ren.

Read the book your child is writing you, not the one someone else wrote about theirs.

I think I tend towards baby led parenting but all mine are clingy mummy's boys so I have to really. We didn't set out to cosleep but all three of mine came into our bed when needed. I've never gone in for routine apart from bedtime. I babywear J but have never been tempted by reusable nappies. I have done controlled crying with all three of mine but I would never leave them to cry for hours. I use CC as a sleep training method to teach self-settling. If they aren't developmentally ready to self settle it won't work. If they are in pain then it won't work.

I have to say I'm not a huge fan of the term babywearing either - I use a tool to help me carry my baby which leaves my hands free, but he's not a handbag or scarf I use it because it's the "accepted" term and is not offensive but

Reusable nappies are a lot easier than lugging giant boxes up and down stairs then storing them in a small flat. I could shop online but then I'd be missing out on going to the lovely local market, butcher and baker - and I do like to support local small traders whenever I can. So I guess my parenting choices are linked to my "hippyish" outlook on life in general?

Let's face it. Much of this stuff is just yet more baggage which makes us doubt and second guess our own instincts as parents. Parenting can be scary and isolating and exhausting - a winning combination for the sellers of books and bloggers with advertising revenue to make.

I have grown to despise all of the 'types' and the terminology that comes with them. 'Attachment Parenting' makes me boil but as does being asked if P is 'good'. And the woman who tutted and muttered in French that P's dummy would stifle her speech. Baby-led weaning is not baby-led at all. What utter bullshit - baby does not go to the fridge and select an amuse bouche - his or her parent does. Babies are weaned. Simple.

I feel like a spend my time bristling at the sweeping generalisations, assumptions and insults levelled at people (usually mums) who are parenting their child.

Blimey. I think I might need a day or longer before spending time with mil has eased. . .

I'm a 'routine' mum - but that's how I live my life anyway. I am also very baby-led in terms of sleep, milk, food etc. Me and O have just been figuring it out together.

to baby led weaning! Jonas would go straight for a cheesecake, dairy milk or slab of brie. It makes me laugh those BLW who claim babies avoid stuff that's bad for them!!! Mine is the kinda chap who has to piss on the electric fence for himself, as it were!

I think the parents that I know and admire the most are those that doubt themselves the most but go with their gut rather than sticking to a method from a book. Like on here, those Mums who I would love to emulate Stunt, VQ, Pidj, Pass, Soph (most of you TBH) navigate a fine balance between 'attachment' and 'routine' figuring out what is best for their wee ones but not adhering to any doctrine and also tailoring things between DC when dealing with different personalities. Generally I alternate between cruising along thinking this parenting lark is all natural to 'wah WTF do I do now you little bugger!!' moments.

Chasing I think you have a very lovely balance between routine and attachment styles too.

I think we all practice Quiche Parenting

Maybe we should write a book!

i keep wanting to write all this down - one of the main reasons the mw has asked me to keep going to bfax group is my knack for telling new mum to trust themselves without being too rude

if i start will you all proof read it for me?

Yes!!!!!!!

Do it PP.

My best friend is pregnant and she said to me what do I need to know. I said you will be awesome, you are that babies mum and you know exactly what is best for them. Just don't let anyone make you doubt that and if they do ring me and I will tell you to follow your mum instinct and do what is right for you and your baby. Other than that I will tell you to enjoy every minute, wonder in the moments they sleep on your lap. That you will cry a lot and that's ok.

*Let's face it. Much of this stuff is just yet more baggage which makes us doubt and second guess our own instincts as parents. Parenting can be scary and isolating and exhausting - a winning combination for the sellers of books and bloggers with advertising revenue to make.

I have grown to despise all of the 'types' and the terminology that comes with them.*

Well said pass

Parenting has become a market. It's been turned into a complicated thing that we have to learn to do rather than learn by doing. We are encouraged to ignore our instincts and follow guidelines and rules. People are allowed to judge others for the smallest thing. People are encouraged to be competitive over the stupidest thing. People get into arguments about things which in a few years, months, weeks, even days won't matter. It's an industry and a very dishonest one, supported in various lies by certain factions of the NHS, NCT, the press, the food and publishing industries and the advertising world.

It's shite. Creates guilt, makes us spend stupid amounts of money, and instills fear where there just shouldn't be any. Horror stories in the press about once in a blue moon accidents and issues that keep us awake at night.

And the labelling and the terminology and the fucking reinventing the wheel and the constant push push push sell sell sell, along with the utter ignorance of "experts" regarding food, and sleep etc. And fucking anyone can go on This Morning and pretend to be a parenting expert.

It's bollocks.

Can we call the Quiche Parenting book 'Never mind all the bllcks just love them even when the wee fecks are happy slapping the cat and then cry when the cat happy slaps back'?

YW good title!
I agree, I read many books before F arrived - but they just made me worry that F wasn't napping at the right times, I was doomed because he wasn't in a certain routine early on etc.
Not I feel pressure from relatives etc that he is in too much of a routine and I should relax- but I never set out for him to be that way, its what works for him! If I had another baby it might be completely different.

I remember asking the midwife loads of things in the first few weeks that I was worried about - she just kept saying "its fine all babies are different" why don't they just tell you that when you are sent home with the baby instead of telling us loads of things to watch for, that they only say are fine once you tell them anyway!

DD1 never really settled with a routine. For anything.

LO is pretty much like clockwork for eating, sleeping (except when ill/teething etc) so she has a loose but there routine (except for bedtime which is the same every night thanks to Iggle Piggle).

I haven't read any parenting books. I am pretty much in the camp of 'do what I the quiche think is best' I do like to have a bit of a routine but it isn't stuck to religiously and like yw is tailored to what we are doing in the day. pikz the advice you gave to your friend is really good. My cousin is 11 weeks pregnant and is asking me a lot of questions, and also says she would like to follow my parenting style which I thought was a huge compliment.

I have had a lovely day today, it is my best friends dd's birthday on Friday, she will be 1, so we had cake at playgroup today. Then we went for a bit of lunch and had a mooch in the shops.

My lovely made.com lamp arrived today and I am being a shallow materialist - I love it. You pay factory direct prices straight to the manufacturer but you have to wait 8 weeks for your item to be built for you (if anyone wants a 15% off voucher I can email you one they are good for odd and unusual bits of furniture). As a result of the new lamp and shifting furniture around, the newly decorated (ok half decorated) lounge is coming together. Jonas will be gutted as the wingback armchair he uses as a climbing wall to access the shelves has been moved into our bedroom. The lounge is now orange and green and feels like living in an orange grove (it looks better than it sounds!). I took down the fugly hideous black and silver blingtastic curtains that have been there since we moved in and felt vair triumphant. New curtains will go up at the weekend when we finish the painting.

Daft question but what do I do with the old curtains? They are great quality, well lined, heavy and huge (each curtain is 2.4m x 2.4m) but just really really not my taste, they must have cost a fortune though. They are what my sister has termed 'High Fife' in taste .... think of some of the caravans in my Big Fat Gypsy Wedding. So would any charity shops take them? Do they take curtains? Now I've praised them so highly would anyone like some black and silver curtains? monstrosities.

It's only taken 2 months but soon with the shelving built and the woodburner in next month - we'll have finished one room (bar the carpet which is horrible and dark grey but ooooooh so forgiving I daren't replace it until the DC have grown a bit / left home). I've got everything bar the paint ready and waiting to finish the office / spare single bedroom too. It's going to be proper girly - lilac and dark teal and sage green. Am hoping to get that room and the dining room painted (including upcycling some furniture, painting a dresser and decoupaging some filing cabinets) done before the baby arrives. Am I mad? It'll get done won't it? I mean Soph was building a house with a wee baby wasn't she? And Pikz is conquering the world sans kitchen? Surely I can faff around a bit with another couple of rooms between now and October?

YW sounds proper lush. I don't think your mad at all but I never don't have some crazy project on the go or several!!

If it will make you feel better I can post some pics that is the craziness that is my house build project!

Parenting is such an evolving thing. Like VQ I followed the GF routine because I needed some structure and because DD thrived on it immediately. I don't think I would have persisted if she hadn't been so obviously content on it. But she's a structure fan, a feline personality who does things totally on her own terms like her mother. S has been a totally different baby. So I have done things differently to suit him.

Thanks Lily. Am very far from it actually and very lucky in DH, as much as I moan about him, which enables that kind of a work schedule. I am nervous about the gym but desperate to cast off an unhealthy lifestyle and surrendering control to someone eel is appealing right now.

Could you put them on eBay yw the colour scheme for your spare room sounds lovely.

zamboni I sooo need to join a gym, I always use every excuse going not to though

Popping in to say Ugh and the curtains would be perfect in my sisters house. She has one wall encrusted in black glitter fabric!

I think you should put a pic of the fugly curtains on FB for us charity shops do take them, but gumtree or local FB groups might get you a few pennies and one of the haggis munchers may like them

pikz I am a nosy neighbour and would love to see your pics.

yw tbh I would sell them on gumtree or ebay. You could prob get a few pennies for them if they are in good condition. Can we see some pics of your orange give? What fabric are your new curtains?

Grove. Grove. Grove.