November 2012 - Any words yet?

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1948944-November-2012-What-are-your-New-Years-resolutions-for-your-baby

I logged on to Facebook this morning and saw another friend is pregnant. Her little boy is only two months older than C. It seems everyone that had a baby around the time I did are already on to their second. Not helped by DP who keeps looking at the photos of newborn C on the wall and saying he misses him being that small

Anyone else incredibly broody??

Me me me apple. Horribly so where I am jealous of the pregnant people

Me!

Anyone know where I can get bright long-sleeved bodysuits? P has a couple of outfits which look great with a bright green bodysuit underneath. Unfortunately the one she has is a 3-6 and becoming a tad neat!

I am so upset. My childminder has just bought a puppy. Wtf? No warning. Dp went to pick M up and there it was, running around with her. She also let m sleep all morning despite me asking her not to and her husband (who we were told would never be there as he worked) was in the house. I don't know what to do but I am at work in tears here that this is turning out to be a disaster Am I being ridiculous? Or neurotic? Or too pfb?

Pass John Lewis do lovely bright body suits am sure J has a green one from there!

I can't pass Tebay either YW in fact we have been known to detour significantly just in order to go to Tebay services!

Apparently later children talk later Pennie as they have more people talking to them so it's harder for them to pick up on language. There are a couple of folks on here doing OPOL as well which usually delays speech a little compared to single language families.

Hmmm. Been thinking about this one isles so I'll give you my thoughts - snot muddled as they may be.

I would be unhappy about the dog. DH and I talked about this and dog ownership, while not a no-no would be a big issue for us in choosing a CM. I would certainly expect to be informed and for there to be some sort of discussion about the management of it. The way you describe the dog running around M would have me coming out in sweats, personally.

One of the deciding factors with our CM's was the fact that the CM's husband is home much of the time thus there is a real family environment. He doesn't do any 'caring' as such but is an extra pair of hands and I like the fact that p sees a mum and a dad in the home. She clearly adores him and having watched their interactions I have no issues. However, we did know that this would be the case and when I went for settling in visits he was there so I got to see the dynamic.

The sleep thing may be something or nothing. I remember being cross when the CM let p sleep much longer than normal but actually she was right to. P was much happier and went to bed much easier.

Ok. So having thrashed that out in my own head I think you should dry your eyes and make a list of your concerns so that you can speak to the CM rationally. This doesn't need to be a disaster but there are clearly issues which need resolving. Prioritise your worries and address them one by one. For example, do you think the husband being at home would bother you really if you weren't upset at the other issues?

I really do feel for you as it is such an emotive thing leaving your child with someone else but I do think that these can be worked through if you want them to be.

Isles I'd be cross about the sleep thing [envy she should listen to you on Ms routine. As for the other stuff I'd try to give the benefit of the doubt. Hmmmm her hubby maybe he's just not back to work yet? And the pup, it might actually remind M of home and help settle her in she is awesome with dogs - it may have been a Christmas present so not something she could warn you about?

Isles you have a puppy too. T is used to dogs and that pup is getting used to children. My ex CM had a huge dog, he was gorgeous. She should have let you know though and put in place proper child/dog safety guards and rules. I don't think her DH being in his own house is a big deal tbf though I don't mean to sound rude, or abrupt, but take a step back, calm down and don't panic.

Tebay is loovely. Best service station I have ever been to.

Cross posts. What they ^ said.

Love how we can intersperse serious chat with chat about service stations!

My sister texted me a while back desperate for advice as her CM had shown her a 'brilliant game' she and the wee one had been playing. This game involved him sticking his tongue out and her licking it! My sister was and all at once! She had no idea what to say. The next morning though she just said she had been thinking on it and would prefer they didn't play that particular game. . .

It is such a weird dynamic and certainly one which takes a lot of getting used to. DH does all the drop offs and 99.9% of the pick-ups and for that I am extraordinarily grateful.

It does take a lot of getting used to, and you do have to trust your instinct. However you have to also trust the CM to a certain extent otherwise you will never have any peace of mind. I remember pig's nightmare and my own a couple of years ago (went sour after a few excellent months) , but you have to sort out and get a bit of perspective on what is acceptable and what isn't and talk about it.

The puppy. Did DP ask about it? What did they say? What kind of dog is it? What safeguards are in place to give both pup and child me-time (I think there are rules about it).

Can you reasonably expect your CM's DH to never be at the home? And why would it matter? It is his family home.

And for the sleep thing. Again, it's annoying, and needs to be discussed, but she may have considered, using professional experience and judgement, that T needed an extra half hour or whatever it was.

I get that there is a cultural difference in the way that you guys and I see childcare. Over here mindees fit in with the family life of the CM. And if I shouted at nursery about leaving lo to sleep a bit longer then they'd laugh at me (they would be open to discussion of course).

The key points though are, are you satisfied T is being looked after, played with, stimulated, is happy, safe, eating well, and sleeping well? The rest is just detail, to be honest. You can't completely control how others manage your children.

I appreciate all your thoughts.

The sleep thing is annoying but not a huge thing. I specifically said this morning only let her sleep an hour (she was wired last night after a long sleep at cm) - she let her sleep 2.5hrs today.

The dog is a 9 wk old collie. There was no mention of it this morning, dp walked in to find it with m while cm was out the room. Not okay. M is never allowed unsupervised with Aulay or my mums dog and this one is an unknown quantity. The house is small and she has made it clear that the dog won't be shut away. Also, during the first meeting I mentioned pets and she said any pet would be discussed at least a month in advance.

My main issue with her having a puppy though is I know how much time and effort they take up. We got Aulay when dp was off work for a long time and between the two of us we struggled a times. She said herself she is not a dog person.

Her husband being there just compounded things, we were told she'd let us know when he would be at home but this was very rare. He completely blanked dp apparently

I know I am getting over upset about this. I had a big cry at work and my boss presented me with a coffee and told me to take as much time off as I needed to sort this mess out. I will stew this afternoon then sit down with dp tonight and draft am email outlining my upset.

isles I completely understand where you are coming from regarding the puppy. I would be furious too, not so much the fact she has a dog, but that it wasn't mentioned to you at all. A proper discussion needs to be had about safeguarding etc. The other points I wouldn't see as so much of an issue but on top of the puppy can see why you are upset.

A quick google shows she also needs to inform the care inspectorate of having a dog as this affects her ability to be a registered childminder. Certain insurances need to be in place too.

Exactly apple. Any other time I could let the other things slide. But it is only her second day and already the cracks are showing. I am beginning to question whether I should have even gone back to work, I feel so helpless being here.

Leaving the puppy alone with m would be a deal breaker for me. We never ever leave our dog alone with C even though he's fantastic with him and would never intentionally hurt him, he is big and boisterous and accidents do happen.

Discuss it with the cm but if she still insists on leaving the puppy alone with m I would be making alternative childcare arrangements.

Then she should have warned you about the dog and should of course never leave it with the baby uattended. I think you should talk to her yourself. Leaving a dog unattended with a baby and also making it clear that she won't be shutting it away at any time seems a little strange. Why don't you give her a quick phone call before leaving the office tonight? Plan what you want to say and the questions you have. Backed up with an email this evening if you think it is necessary.

I can't phone her until I've calmed down. I'm a blubbing angry mess right now.

I'm extremely broody.

I don't want to go to Portugal, Spain, canaries, Greece, etc, been with Leo and I need a completely new destination just for me and O. I know I could go to a different part of Spain but just thinking we ate that one there, did that one there would be upsetting. So I'm thinking outside of Europe. Although Malta is a possibility. Won't go to Croatia as it's only 400 km away and can do it when I'm retired.

What type of holiday to you want Lily ? How far would you be prepared to fly?

I'm not sure, I wanted to go to New York but having doubts how much o would enjoy that. So thinking about beach. I love both city breaks and beach holiday. Prepared to fly. And don't want self catering, I don't do cooking on holiday. But it has to be on a budget too :(. I want too much, don't i?

No. How about Prince Edward Island in Canada? Or Vancouver Island on the other side of canada? Lots of fresh air, some culture, particularly in Vancouver, seaside and nature, fabulous scenery and doesn't have to be too expensive. Though you'd possibly need to rent a car to make the most out of it, can you drive?

Or there are lots of resorts along the Great Lakes.

Or how about Guadeloupe or Martinique?

Isles, I think you need to go and see the situation with the CM and the dog etc for yourself to see how comfortable you feel about it having witnessed it first hand. You can also discuss your concerns with her face to face that way.