Due to postnatal social services are taking me to court to take my children

[Loopdeloop09]

I asked for help nearly six years ago as I broke down in a school meeting not long after my servicing twin was home cut a very long story short as I can I lost one of my twin girls she was 16 days old and hospital perforated her belly 3 times bless her anyway I ended up a mess asked for help not realising ss was there they have taken e court 3 times now one time I won due to proving sw was lying since them I ent been court they have done legal meetings etc which I have proven new sw to be lier to anyway before I had my little man everything in there eyes was alright after I had him by c section cause there were things I couldn't do and I have suffered my norm postnatal which they all know about which house ends up complete mess and I can't be asked with myself etc routines go out door well coz of this ss are now taking me to court to have my children I have spoke to docs several times still no joy there then I have been in touch with them to due to realising I'm a hoarder which don't help due to house etc and I really ent gd at routines etc I'm single mum which there using I really don't know how to stop them this time I really don't the family intervention team support worker explained to my eldest what was happening a couple days before Xmas so all my children know now which hasn't helped as they have behaviour problems already and when they worry they get worse everyone one seams to think its best idea for children to go in care which to be fair I know that isn't best option if they helped me with the issues that are making me this way it would help out loads and it wouldn't be such a problem all this due to mental health that needs treatment which I have asked for I just ent got clue what to do

Kilmuir have u read anything I have put at all and to be fair I can see all of ur points and on other hand I can't due to certain things ur putting but this is ur what u think and u think black and white simple as its not as simple as black and white and I do help myself and I have been fighting all the way and I will keep fighting its funny how no one has picked up the fact I have proven ss to be liers on 2 desperate occasions which once was in front of a judge he was so ashamed that they had stooped that far to be honest then second time was in legal meeting in front of there own solicitor so it's not that they are completely right at all and have u met and spoke to people who have been in care as I have a lot of them to be honest as yes I do want the best for my children but also that should be with a mum who loves them and who has been asking for the proper help and still waiting which is also not very fair on my children where is the critising with that don't see any and no I'm not asking people to do it for me I'm asking for the right help by medical professionals while I am doing and sorting house and routines etc etc

And thank u very much weregoingtothezoo much appreciated x

I actually posted this to see if there were anyone out there to help with advice and steer me in some kind of direction and to be honest it's not my fault that there are people out there who are very ignorant when it comes to mental health in whatever way u would like to see that I wish I wasn't a suffer but hay Jo I am and I am asking and asked loads of others for help with thati have also done research on everything as I want to be that mum that I was and I want to be able to sustain everything to I also want to get some sleep rather than being up all night making sure there is nothing for them to say but if I have a kid on a toy box they say the children have no toys if I have toys out for them they say house is cluttered and they are no exaggerations either

Sorry to hear you are going through this. It sounds very stressful and I know it is difficult to get consistent help and support organised.

All I can say is please don't believe or be scared by horror stories of 'once they have your children they will never give them back'.

The LA is under a duty to try and keep the family together, if there are care proceedings they will have to set out in care plan how they will assess and support you. You will also have your legal team to fight your corner.

But I also agree that six years is a long time to carry on with little changes. I honestly think your energies would be better directed concentrating on what you need to do and change. Ask SW to be very clear about what you need to do and in what timescales, get it written down so everyone knows where they stand.

The court will not agree to an order that removes your children permanently unless there is no other realistic option to keep them safe.

And phoebe the health visitor is happy with my younger two oh and to be honest I don't have a problem airing this on here as I'm asking for advice and to be fair I don't believe having MH issues is to be ashamed of in anyway shape or form and to be fair I used to be complete opposite until I had a break down due to on going illness so I know what it should be like and how I want to be as mum and as a person which is another reason why I have ased for the medical help if I wasn't bothering to try and get help then yer I could understand the children should go into care but I am seeking all the help I'm still waiting for all that to happen etc etc etc

Jst to agree with spero, the children going into care for a bit doesn't mean it will be permanent. It could be the chance you need to deal with yourself, sort out your home, get properly medicated and into a routine and be ready to bring them home as the not only the mother you are now who loves them to bits but the mother who is able to take amazing care of them in the way I know you want to.

I am really sorry you are going through such a hard time, and I hope things get better for you and you find some good advice and help on here.

You really need a lawyer who can help with the care proceedings side and can also look at whether you are getting all the social services help you are entitled to. Try someone like Hopkin Murray Beskine or the Coram Children's Legal Centre. You would automaticallty get legal aid for the child protection side if they start care proceedings.

Please use some full stops, its almost impossible to read your posts. It would be easier to give advice if you were better understood. Also maybe answer some of the things asked? How old are your children, how many do you have, what problems have they been diagnosed with? etc.

Hoarder who has fire safety checks on house? Really, i would not leave my children in there.
Disorganised, children with 'issues'?
Get a grip. Wake up and see how she is damaging her children, you and she may not want to hear that but its true. She is waiting for help, go out and find it for goodness sake. Loads of support groups.

OP says she is waiting for help to happen, so let her children be safe, let them get help and let the op deal with her issues. Social services are not the enemy.

loop After DS was born my mental health took a serious nose dive, and I really struggled to do the simplest things. My flat was almost uninhabitable, I went weeks without washing, it was awful. So I understand how hard it can be, especially trying to take on what feels like an absolute mountain of stuff while feeling horrendous, there is help out there though, and SS are actually quite well placed to get you the help you need, provided you can tell them what you actually need (easier said than done I know).

You will get through this, and you'll do it with your children beside you. Just keep telling people what you need from them.

Having mental health issues is very common and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

BUT when those issues are having a seriously bad impact on your ability to meet your children's needs - living with hoarding must be very hard for you all - something has to change.

It sounds like you haven't had focused and consistent support over the years, or whatever reasons you haven't been able to engage. That is probably not your fault.

But if now you chose to go down the route of 'fighting' Children's Services instead of trying to engage and make and sustain changes, you will waste your energies and you may end up with the result you fear the most.

This is why I get so angry and disgusted with the anti SW rhetoric of some - it is scaring people away from doing what they need to do.

Yes, SW aren't perfect - they are human. yes mistakes get made.

But find a solicitor you like and trust. Work with the LA, not against them. Don't divert your precious energy into a useless 'fight'.

Spero has a point, you need your energy to be used on improving life for you and your DC, good knows you sound knackered in your posts already!

I have experience with social workers and fostering and I think that they do make mistakes and sometimes it does seem like they are just being difficult for the sake of it but we had a boy who came to us because of very similar problems to what you describe and I think his Mum didn't realise the problems she was causing him. I'm really not trying to upset you but sometimes I think you can spend too much time fighting the SW and not enough dealing with the problems they've highlighted. The boy we had had no friends because he was smelly and dirty. The other kids teased him so he'd get in to fights. This had a huge impact on his development. He was becoming a hoarder. We had to really work on teaching him about hygiene and cleanliness. He didn't end up going home because his Mum had been given so many chances to change and never did

I definitely don't judge you for your mental health problems OP. I have had horrendous depression and anxiety throughout my adult life so I can really empathise. However it is difficult not to judge given the info you've given us. If SS have been involved with your family for 6 years yet you have continued to have children despite this?
I have stopped having children as I no I wouldn't be able to cope.
SS get very frustrated when families complicate their situations. Have you any children in care?
I'm sorry to be so blunt. I really hope you can work with the authorities to resolve your situation.

I think you should contact the people mentioned in dash of limes post and also were going to the zoo has people to contact and some steps to take . I agree with others that you need legal representation the organisation that deep an Kris pan even mentions may be a good start.

Good luck with everything xx

www.frg.org.uk

the Family Rights Group come highly recommended

My children are not dirty they are well dressed as they have a lot of named things to there clothes are washed and dried properly the cupboards are full of food the main issues are the sustaining the house due to a lot in it I have already started throwing things away which to be fair until I had the hypnosis I found it very hard to even throw envelope and to be honest it's due to clutter etc not pure dirt it's also to do with routine my children can walk around the house with no hassle as I'm not as bad of a hoarder as some fire and safety would not deem it safe for any of us to live here if it was I have got the help I'm not just sitting waiting for help to knock on my door I have pursued the doctors and not got no where for ages until I rang and spike to the manager which I have now sorted appointment for doctor for 6th and well being team to same day but if I didn't then I would still be waiting so to be fair I am the one getting the help for myself so to all them who think I'm just sitting waiting around think again as that is not the case at all best of it is just before I had my son there was a legal meeting which is when they stated that everything was gd enough as soon as I couldn't do much due to c section first off and then the postnatal kicking in which as soon as I realised that I got on phone to docs as soon as sw saw me like that I said to her this is what u been waiting for me to end up weak I bet this is now where ur gonna stomp on me which I was right she did. Which to be fair them waiting till that point was silly as I'm now getting back on track with a lot of things the house routines health now I have sorted that I can't wait til 6th as then I will feel even better as the ball will then be rolling properly on that side of things to which considering what everyone is thinking on here I feel so proud of my children and of myself as I'm the one who has got all help and pushed it for it to happen quicker I am the one been sorting my house out and to do so getting other help just to give me the boost I needed so yer carry on thinking what u are as not a lot of u could have done what I have or could even go through what I have and still be standing somewhat tireder I must admit but still holding my head up high due to all the self help even though I'm ment to have the so called help. I must say this has made me realise how black and white a lot of peeps are if only there were a lot more people that understood and actually looked deep into what is being said really. Something else this has helped me understand and realise is that there needs to be an organisation for people going through this sort of thing for advice and support and not to be judged completely so once I have sorted everything that will be my next step helping others and help them understand there MH and the help that they can actually get as the so called support workers in diff areas just sitting and cheating about everyday life really isn't the support people always need which I have explained what I would find helpful to my family I have also asked what they want and expect too so it's not from me not doing that either so thank you all very much I wish life was as simple as black and white and I bet others who have expressed true feelings thoughts and helpful advice on here wish that to you can tell from the people who have been or going through to the ones who haven't and don't thoroughly understand x

Having named clothing doesn't make a parent. Sorry but I agree with cafe. Why keep having children knowing you were struggling and were in this situation?

All you are doing is making excuses. You haven't identified one step you can make to sort your life out.

Hi OP, I don't know a thing about social services but with regard to hoarding, my Aunt was a hoarder and once a month my nana used to go to her house while my mum took her out for lunch and Nana used to through out stuff my Aunt had hoarded this enabled my cousins to live in a chaos free space. Is there anyone who could help you like this? If you were comfortable with it. My Aunt ysed to get very stressed about her things being thrown but understood it was necessary.

www.compulsive-hoarding.org/About.html
R.e hoarding ere is one of many descriptions on the syndrome which I feel people who are ignorant to this illness should read .

Loop is doing her best to obide by ss requests which is all any of us can do in life right ?

She has been touched with some terrible bad luck and I feel if I was in that situation I would struggle to cope so ever could I judge anyone the way some people do !?

Comes to something when so many abused neglected children go unheard of yet loving homes / parents lose their children over something that isn't so harsh as hitting starving mentally abusing etc

When someone asks for help it's a very very big step so to be ignored or shunted away can be overly damaging.

Children being removed from loving homes is forever damaging

I don't believe loop neglects her children or certainly never intentionally ! She needs help in the right areas it's just a Shame help is never offered in the right places .

Basically she is asking for opinions from people who may have experienced similar things or knows someone that has or looks after some one that has etc she is not asking for criticism !? Ss have that side in full swing .

And I have to add that the things being said about the ' shouldn't have had more children ' ... Things see different when you are In a relationship and it's not like she got pregnant knowing she would eventually have to do it alone ... I'm sure many single mums never expected to be completely on their own , I know I didn't ??

What help/support at eyou getting with regards to your post natal mental health?

I and ss involvement as after my fourth son was born I had post natal psychosis and ended up in a psych unit. Not a good time but ss were very helpful, they helped arrange a support worker to visit, the mentla health team had trhe crisis team come in amd day daily visits, then reduced down gradually, I had a fabulous cpn I saw.

I had to engage with these services tho, I let trhem in my home and when I was first in hospital I had to be supervised when woith my children, they only did this for two visits the said it wasn't needed.

Can you get a home start volunteer? Are you taking medication? Has your Dr referred you to mh team? Cpn?

What about your HV, she should be providing support if you have post Natal depression.

Do you have anyone who can help you declutter amd tidy up?

Where are you as I am sure some would help you do that?

You do need to engage with social services and work with them.

What are their exact concerns? Hoarding and lack of routine? Are your elder kids at school?

Sounds like you are getting things sorted loop, that's good! Just keep pushing through, if SS can see you are making an effort they will want to support that effort not take your children.

Op I'm sorry your finding yourself in such an awful situation.

I can understand that if there's a lot to do in your house that you feel overwhelmed and demoralised by it all. In my late teens/ early twenties I found the idea of schedules really overwhelming and in all honesty dull- I prefered to go with the flow but it makes life so much easier.

If you want to pm with the things that need doing and your usual routine I would be more than happy to try to come up with a schedule to start with the small jobs, moving on to bigger things to try and make your life easier.

I think you do need to work with ss and if you could show them how your trying to help yourself it would help your case. I think your really need to push for help with your hoarding/ mh issues unfortunately it's the people who shout the loudest who get the most help.

Good luck with everything!