October 2013 Bus Graduates - Routines?! Our babies clearly haven't read the manual.

[Shirehobbit]

Apologies for the x-posting that meant there's no thread link in the last thread .
I'll start this one and hope people find it.

Sorry to everyone having problems with HVs - ours seems quite nice but I guess time will tell.

Having a difficult time here, starting to doubt my initiative when it comes to dd. She usually gets a bit fussy in the evenings and has always seemed to me like she needs feeding so we've ended up cluster feeding most evenings. I thought this was normal and the HV told me not to worry as you generally can't over feed a bf baby.

However having spent evenings with both my parents and the in laws both mums are adamant she doesn't want feeding, that I feed her too much and that she actually is crying from wind. They have each spent a lot of time in the evenings trying to wind baby to no avail instead of giving her back to me for a feed. Baby is just getting more and more wound up. I tried explaining about cluster feeding and how they are expected to feed between 8 & 12 tines a day but they both seem certain I'm wrong.

Dd only ends up screaming of an evening at either parents but then at home she is usually feeding in an evening / now I'm wondering if I should be feeding far less and instead trying to deal with the crying that would then occur... Both parents have multiple children so surely they know better than me??

Sorry for me post, just not sure whether to trust my judgement on this anymore

Excited - if DD cries, I always try feeding first. When DP's mum and aunty came to stay they tried doing that to me, and we definitely suffered from not feeding enough, as you just can't read her cues if she's not in your arms. You're doing the right thing!

excited - I had this exact same worry this week after seeing everyone's posts on Facebook re.
baby feeding app.

LO seems to be feeding twice as long as everyone else's :(

DH gets cross with me for worrying and keeps telling me to focus on what happens here. LO is putting weight on at a good rate and is happy with what happens here so just go with it.

It's really hard though as I doubt myself so much, I guess that's just normal for a first time mum though.

Excited it is a long tine since they had babies, they probably forgot (blocked out?) what these early weeks are like. Evening cluster feeding definitely exists!
When Thomas has wind above his lip goes blue.

Long night here. Thomas' cold means he is struggling to breathe again despite aromatherapy drops in the room/saline drops up nose and also hungry a lot more than normal. Even when he isn't he goes crazy rooting on me when I hold him on my chest to help him breathe. Seem to have been holding him most of the night.

Excited - I find it best to filter that sort of advice from the older generation and go with what you know. She's your baby and you know her best, and knowledge/ good practice has progressed since they were young. My gran said I shouldn't eat apples as they're bad for baby...

Orange - snap. Last 2 nights spent holding A upright so he can sleep/breathe. Also having to express to bottle feed twice a day to make sure he's getting fluid as he's struggling to feed from boob (can't breathe properly). Sending lots of sympathy your way - it's exhausting when they're poorly.

excited I would also just go with what you feel. my Grandma always says back in her day it was just about following the rules "feed every 3 hrs and dont feed at night" compared tobthe follow your babys lead like we do now.
Sorry to hear of more coldy babies. we have a snotty one here too.
Finally got Islas paeds appt through for next Friday but after a few awful days ive given up dairy. For those if you who don't have dairy, do you use milk substitutes and what do you have for treats?

Bit worried about DH here. hes been off for a few days but last night told me that if DS was like Isla is with her reflux he probably wouldn't have wanted more children he also said he was struggling and want ready for another baby... We were actively trying to get pregnant after months of discussion. My first instinct was to be really upset he feels like this and feel extra protective of Isla but now I'm wondering if I should be worried about some sort of male postnatal depression. He wouldn't tell me what he's struggling with exactly. he helps me in the night once a week and is at work most of the time
sorry for letting it all out just dont know what to do I hate the thought hes not enjoying this time.

pinkbuttons is it possible that your DH was tired and said that in the moment but didn't necessarily really think about what he was saying? (If that makes sense?!) My DH sometimes says things and then when I bring it up again later he back tracks and explains what he really meant by whatever he said! I'm sure he wouldn't say that he'd prefer life without Isla, but perhaps didn't think through what he was saying.

Sorry to those of you with babies suffering with colds. This new parent malarkey is surprisingly difficult without the added complexity of having a baby who has difficulty breathing when feeding. for you all.

I think (hope) that I might have cleared the blocked duct before it became mastitis. Baby vox has slept for 6 hours again and the boob isn't very painful or hard, so hopefully that means it was drained well yesterday! Fingers crossed.

I hope you're all having good nights sleep!

Oh and excited, it seems that whenever I mention cluster feeding to women who have children who are 10 years + then I get a look of confusion that makes me feel uncomfortable and like I am just complaining about something that they could deal with better (if you see what I mean). But I figure now that a) they may not remember, b) perhaps there was not a common term for it 10+ years ago so it means nothing to them, or (most likely I think) c) as was the 'trend' years ago - perhaps they just ignored the cries and left baby to 'self settle' thinking that was the right thing to do.

I have said it before, but I find A's cluster feeding so much more bearable if I take her up to bed and turn all the lights out and put on some white noise. She is much less fussy (also means you can get away from the "helpful" comments)!

Sorry I've not posted any more games today. Had a quick flick through but all the ones I saw were things like 'take a bath with your baby and make up songs about it to sing in there'.

Call your baby by his / her name when you speak to them to give them a sense of identity (my dd's identity may now be '"little girl")

Put your baby on its face on your chest. Say her name to encourage her to pick up her head to look at you. Lots of praise when she does it.

Stroke his cheek by his mouth gently to prompt a smile. ( this doesn't work with dd). Try stroking three times and saying "one, two, three. - Smile !"

Think we upset dd last night by getting dh to feed her a bottle of expressed milk instead of me feeding her to sleep at the breast. She then wouldn't sleep in his arms ( though it may be because he kept talking to get in z normal voice and overreacting when she burped or spat up...)

So I ended up feeding her to sleep later. She was asleep by ten then I only awoke at three. I think she may have been awake before that without crying and I just didn't hear her.

She fed at 3 a little but then stayed mostly awake / very disturbed sleep with trapped wind. Ready, grateful to hear you have a similar issue, it's so hard to know how to help. Sometimes I rub her tummy and cycle legs, get some farts out, occasionally a projectile poo or two as well, but then she's still discomforted. Maybe it's just a matter of time,,.

Pink, this dairy free experimental week I've tried several milk substitutes:
Alpro hazelnut - tasty but definitely flavoured more than milk. Works well in porridge or on its own, gross in tea.
Rice dream - my favourite, delish.
Koko milk + calcium ( called something like that) quite nice but pretty thin.

My family all think I'm being ridiculous cuttibg put dairy without a doctor telling me to so im determined to get calcium and hydration another way!

For treats - found some dairy free cookies in tescos free from range. Or nuts and raisins etc. Also some free from choc puddings and Xmas Pud ( not tried either yet)

excited I had the same thing when my parents stayed with me and when my in laws visit. They would just walk around endlessly with him sucking on their shoulder and crying. I kept telling them to hand him to me if he's hungry but it took a while to realise that they don't know any hunger cues. In my experience with J if he's in pain from wind or reflux he doesn't feed properly. You're doing the right thing and you know your baby best so don't worry.

Excited - I ff and we get some sort of 'cluster feeding' as baby has times when he wants to eat every 1 to 2 hours instead of 2 or 4 and lots of people have commented I'm over feeding him etc. it's rubbish,
I'm feeding on demand and he's happy and normal weight! Why can't he be hungry? You need to go with your instincts and follow his hunger cues. Times have changed dramatically. A lady told me she used to put her babies feet in cold water, rub cold clothes on their face and shake gently to keep then awake in the day! She also said she new baby wasn't hungry at night because she fed him a lot in the day but was 'attention seeking' so out him in a room and ignored him and he stopped crying after a week. When actually the baby learnt not to cry because mummy wasn't coming and new studies have shown that this can have a damaging effect in babies brain development. My dad went buts when she said this! New research is happening all the time, the guidelines are to demand feed, cluster feeding exists and you know your baby better than anyone. It's generational and people were told different things back then - please don't stop cluster feeding your baby . Others will always think they are right and what works for one baby won't for another.

Thanks everyone, feel much more reassured now. I figured if she wasn't hungry she wouldn't feed anyway and like you say ana would be more fussy at the boob if full of trapped wind. Rox think you might have something with your 3 reasons there, they definitely don't get the whole cluster feeding thing and often make faces when I say she's hungry again! Whistling love the apple comment! Did they think that because of it being so acidy? Will look out for the blue lip thanks Orange. Untitled can I ask what the app is?

Fab games again Sephy. I've had a few baths with dd lately as she seems to absolutely love it (and so do I if I'm honest!!) would definitely recommend.

Hope everyone had reasonable nights. We got a solid sleep from about 12.30 - 5.30 which was nice but not been back to sleep since!

Cross post Emmo that's really interesting - I didn't think things had changed do much. After all surely babies are still exactly the same?! I couldn't imagine leaving dd alone to cry at night, how horrible! She's definitely gaining weight well so I'll just continue as I am but perhaps spend more time winding after feeds just incase!

excited - it's called baby nursing. It's a free app and captures minutes feeding, amount of feeds and what side you're on.

Lol my mum said "oh you never cried at night. Well you may have done but the door was shut so we didn't hear you". I don't think she was joking....

Excited - I know I could never leave him to cry at night I immediately felt sad bad for her children! They are only this little for a short time and I would have him to think I wasn't coming! I think babies are the same but treated better now ha there was a time where I think they were a bit of an inconvenience and everyone was obsessed with a routine and stuck to it regardless. My doctor said we are the only mammal that shows signs of any routine before our children are 4. Obviously animals are different but all mammals feed their young on demand for as long as I needed. He also pointed out that it's only the western culture that doesn't co sleep as the norm and the cultures that do have a very low rate of SIDS because it's normal to them to co sleep safely. This whole baby thing is such a learning curve, muddling through to find our feet and this won't be the only thing in the next 18 years and beyond we will be 'advised' on. We just need to learn to filter! Ha x

Thankyou rox its possible and I reakky hope so. I asked him later in the evening if he wasnt happy and he said he was hes just stressed and upset for DS as he doesnt get as much attention now. I think hes just missing our old 'easy' life a bit. just wish hed talk to me before it becomes a big issue like last night.
Thanks sephy will try those, how long have u been doing it? I couldn't find the free from range in our tesco but think will go alone and source it out. There's so much chocolate in our house atm thanks to christmas. part of me want to find that this will help I's reflux but at the same time id be gutted to miss out on certain Christmas food.

Thomas still wouldn't sleep or even settle on me at5am so DH took him downstairs for a bottle and to watch a film so one if us (me, yay!) could get some sleep. Still knackered but grateful for 3 precious hours.

Dairy - agree rice milk is the nicest. I get the rice dream with added calcium rather than the organic one. Treats I have - normal foods that happen to be dairy free - mr Kipling apple and blackberry pie, jam tarts. Cereal bars - Kellogg's raspberry and chocolate, nakd bars, frusli, eat natural cranberry. Chocolate and macadamia nut bars. Jelly beans. Turkish delight. Dark chocolate covered marzipan. Sainsburies make dairy free fudge and chocolate caramels. Crisps (beware some processed type ones add milk and no cheese and onion, I have kettle chips). Dried fruit.

Pink were you planning to ttc now?!

Do persevere with the dairy free... Tbh it's easy for me as I have been lactose intolerant since I was two, but, because its auto immune, in ok with lactose while pregnant and bf (my childhood consultant always aud this would happen!). So I'm just back on dairy free for H earlier than I would otherwise be for me, iyswim. BUT, I would say it took a good ten days for all the milk proteins to be out if my system and H to dramatically improve re wind and reflux. It's very notices me if u accidentally have dairy (twice so far: 1 - me bring dumb about donuts; and 2 - unexpected milk proteins in pâté).

Oh I mis read it pink, I see. I am sure it was just a tiredness thing. A very sicky baby must be exhausting.

ana I could have written your first paragraph as N too for no apparent reason has started to have reflux issues. It is so distressing as he often gets quite hysterical with pain so I'm going to head to the gp too.