March 2013- here we go....

[Oodsigma]

Welcome old & new to the other side!

I'll start with a stats list!

Ood -ds 7/3/13, dc4! Elcs

If anyone wants to add any more details feel free!

Snap on the early part of the night vs the rest routine, we have DS go to bed 7.30-8.30 ish and go through to 12 or even half past. Then through to maybe 3.30 then 5.30-6 and then usually 8.30 so it all concertinas as the night goes on. Sometimes he won't wake til 2.30 and then again at 5... But we are in growth spurt at the mo.

Eig while I wouldn't wish it on any baby, it's good to know I'm not alone with the thrush issues. Just hope they clear up soon!

plonko glad it was rank! It's easy enough to nip out to indulge one's filthy habit when they're tiny, but when they're staying awake for longer, and actually mobile, it's going to be a lot harder. Definitely better not to start again. I need to do the nails again. Dreading it.

Good luck with the six week check, pud, hope it all goes well.

eco it is a bugger, them being out the house for five days. Mondays are fine (assuming the baby's not a nightmare) but by the end of the week I just want to hand her over and crawl into bed. Unfortunately, so does the man! I had a chat with my sister last night about naps. She had two bits of advice. One is get a blackout blind. Makes sense, as DD doesn't wake up after 45 minutes at night, only in the day. Got one ordered, hoping it'll arrive today, then I'll just have to grab my brother in between Scarborough and pool and get him to fit it. Other advice (look away now if you're not into controlled crying) was to do the same leaving her for ten minutes thing as we do at bedtime. She warned we may have a difficult few days, if DD naps for 45 minutes then cries for the other 45 as she'll then be knackered and it'll throw the whole routine out, but if we persist I'm assured it will work. But if you don't want to go the controlled crying route then obviously that's not an option.

I am also assured that we are allowed to want to run away from our babies and our lives sometimes. So long as we don't actually do it.

Sorry Wing, but I'm an addict. My doctor told me years ago he wasn't going to hassle me about it, because there's no point trying to quit unless you actually want to. I've not reached that stage yet. Frankly, at the moment it's the least of my worries.

We had another hellish bedtime caused by screaming overtired baby. Really must get these naps sorted. It'll do both her and me a world of good!

I want to pack a bag and leave. I can't do this any more, I know I'm a bad mother. I can't interpret my baby's cry right, I've become a miserable horrible person, I worry for the future of mine and DPs relationship all because I'm fucking useless.

Admittedly I've barely slept lately, and I seem to have had four solid days of meltdown. I know I'm not thinking clearly but that's not helping. I don't know what to do, am at my wits end.

Oh plonko you are NOT a bad mother. Honestly you aren't - the bloody lack of sleep will be making you feel this way, believe me. There is a reason why they use sleep deprivation as a well know effective form of torture.

If your baby's nappy has been changed the very is unlikely to be 'I'm uncomfortable'. If DS has been awake for a whole it could be tiredness. If it's been a few hours since he £last fed, it could be hunger. You can just do it by process of elimination and of course it might not be any of those - it could be wind, it could just be grumpy baby syndrome!

Really really really it DOES get better. I know I am telling you this and it might not help but one day soon you will turn a corner and start feeling more like the pre-baby Plonko and you'll realise you've got through the worst of it. And from then on you will actually start to enjoy motherhood - yes actually enjoy it. That may feel like a long way away but it won't be.

If you feel like this even after better stretches of sleep then do think about getting some advice from your GP. Have you spoken to your OH about it? Real life help, both practical as well as just talking it through (we can do that to a certain degree) is really important. eco this applies to the rest of you as well.

pud hope the check up goes well today. Please tell us all about it as I'll have mine in just over a week.

Plonko Wing speaks sense. If you've worked your way through the list - hungry, tired, nappy, temperature, cuddles then it is either discomfort or just grumpy. In checking for the former, does she cry more at specific times (eg during or just after feeds) does she pull her legs up to her chest (wind) or go straight and rigid with an arched back (could be reflux). Do her cries sound particulaly distressed or just grisly? Does she pass wind or have a dirty nappy after a bout - if so, there's little you can do til it passes (literally!) but you could try holding her upright so gravity helps, massaging her tummy clockwise, putting her in a vibrating bouncy chair if you have one and patting her bottom - all supposed to encourage things.

We aren't mind readers and they can't talk. We are all fumbling through trying to understand them. You are doing great. However, if you are feeling really low, more than just tired, then do please talk to you OH and GP about it. Is there more support you could call on from family or friends to give you a bit of a break - perhaps an overnight somewhere for some sleep?

Also, could it be a growth spurt, in which case hungry can happen way quicker than you think it should, and tired happens quicker too. In which case should settle down again in a few days.

SoYo, Plonko - O gelt exactly like this at the middle of last week. OH was at work 5 nights in a row, I felt unable to comfort DS at all or feed him properly and I was ready to run away.

Just a week later and I've finally got DS to latch after 4 weeks feeling like a useless wimp, his wind is better and OH did night shifts when he was home so I've topped myself back up to feeling vaguely like I'm coping in time for another 4 nights flying solo.

I feel different every single day, let alone week, so it's nothing to do with your skills - give yourself leeway because we're doing the toughest job there is.

The hardest part is that there's no let up so you don't get to the end of the day, go home and switch off - it keeps going 24 hours a day and the fact you've been doing this is a massive achievement. It's funny because although people always tell you how it's hard etc, it never hits home how hard it actually is until you're in it.

I keep looking at DS who's now a month old, and thinking how he looks just as tiny and is the same as he was in those first weeks, how people said it gets easier but it seems to be the same. The one small glimmer of hope is that despite him having combination fed from day one, I've managed to EBF him during the day time now since the middle of last week and he's managing! It's such a small thing but it makes me feel superhuman

I suppose we just have to live moment to moment, get through each day and then before we know it they'll be older and things will be more manageable.

Keep posting and allow yourself to feel shit some days but remember that feeling is only temporary

That sounds like hell Wing - it's def a growth spurt. I was told to expect them at 3-4 weeks, 6 weeks and 12 weeks. DD nearly broke me first time round as I wasn't expecting it, but by the second I was an old hand. What you need is a freezer full of ready meals (nice ones.... I'm not talking horse burgers here), a good book, the tv remote, and and air of resignation.... as remember, this too will pass . Just to warn you, my little cherub stuffed her small face to the point she gave her self a massive stomach upset and a good old dose of colic.... so brace yourself for some very special nappies, and a lot of fussing.

Plonko - you are so NOT a bad mother, so pack that thought and send it packing. I mean, if you are that would make every single one of us on here bad mothers too... which is statistically unlikely isn't it? . Nope, what you are is someone trying to cope, so join all the other new mums on the bench as coping is what everyone is doing at this stage. I don't doubt that by 3 months we'll all be (ahem) experts... right? Ok, maybe not experts, but perhaps a little more relaxed about the bad days.

Stormy, all babies are different. It is rare that my little piece of sunshine deigns to sleep for more than 45 mins during the day. In fact 45 is a good stretch - 20 isn't bad, and 30 is a cause for celebration. I'd say smile and nod, and take the advice of those with sleepy (boring) docile little bundles with a pinch of salt. I have come to the conclusion that some babies sleep in the day, some don't, some go through the night at 12 weeks, some take 2 years, and frankly is has more to do with the baby than the magic routine they have got going. Plus looking on the bright side, what's worse a waky baby during the day, or one that believes night is day and starts to party when the sun goes down? That's got to be worse....

As for me, had the health visitors round yesterday (joy). Anyone else feel like a bad school child on detention during these? DD performed like a good un - smiled and coo-ed in the right places, before pee-ing all over the scales. You go girl... mummy has trained you well . Mummy got a gold star too and apparently is feeding cream. Good to know. Discussing my boobs and their performance is not something I thought I'd ever indulge in... but hey, there are a lot of things I do now that I wouldn't have put on my to do list a year ago.

It's the sleep deprivation talking, plonko. It makes us all horrible and miserable. You're not useless though - George is still alive and thriving, isn't he? At this age there's not a great deal of difference between cries, so there's no point beating yourself up for not being able to tell them apart. It's all just guesswork and the process of elimination.

I think it would probably do you a world of good to get a few hours' break. Next time OH is off work, leave him some bottles and some instructions, and get out of the house for a while. See a friend, go for a drink, do something you used to do pre-baby. It'll give you a chance to recharge your mental batteries (I sometimes feel like having to do all the thinking is more tiring than the physical work) and it'll remind you that you are still the same you that you were before. There's just an extra element to your life now. You're somebody's mum (and the best mum he's ever known, remember), but you're still you as well.

Wing the six week check is an easy one, we had ours last Saturday. For you it's weight, blood pressure, and a general "How's things?" For baby it's weighing, measuring, checking the hips and listening to the heart. Might as well book your eight week jabs while you're there.

Crossposted, worsester. On naps, I've been observing carefully and come to the conclusion that this baby needs more than forty five minutes at a time. If I get her up then, she's still tired and grumpy because of it, and the cumulative effect makes for hell by 6pm. On those rare days when she's had inexplicable long naps, she's a much happier baby. If she woke up cheerful after forty five minutes then I'd be happy to let her get on with it and just adjust the routine to suit.

The health visitors are specially trained to make you feel about four years old, I think. We had one round Monday last week. The look on her face when she realised DD sleeps in her own room! You'd think I'd just admitted to chucking her in the understairs cupboard and locking the door for the night.

Morning folks. Can I offer everyone a virtual gin and tonic/glass of wine? Sounds like we all could do with one.

Thrush sounds like a complete nightmare, glad that those suffering are seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.

Plonko - you are not a bad mother. Yes, we will eventually learn to interpret our babies' cries, but this takes a bit longer, not weeks - it's something we will (I hope!!) learn as we get to know our LO, not something we're meant to intrinsically know. Our babies are still tiny, even the oldest on the thread. It will get easier!

And I think having an 'I'm a bad mother' breakdown shows how much we care, and is pretty much proof we're not?

Is there anyone near you who could come and cuddle your LO between feeds to give you a couple of hours extra sleep?

Things going ok here. Issy 3 weeks old today. Still very surreal to look at her and think three weeks ago I was trying (and at this stage pretty much failing) to get her out!

Breastfeeding going ok and I managed to feed in public on Sunday without flashing anyone/the sky falling in. HV coming today - we'll see if she's back up to birth weight - she was an ounce or two off last week. And went to a sling meet and tried out a Kari Me - have just bought one on eBay.

I'm still having regular melt downs - yesterday decided I didn't love her enough, that the fact that I don't enjoy every second and occasionally (whisper) find her boring meant I didn't deserve her, and was jealous of DH going back to work next week.

And I'm terrified of him going back - feels like we're just about coping with the two of us, not sure how I'll manage without him there to take over when I'm hitting a wall! My parents are coming up for the first week, and I'm very lucky in that DH works part time and freelances from home the rest of the time (well, define lucky - it's not through choice and obviously has financial implications) but the idea of being in sole charge of her during the day, even 3 days a week, scares me!

Meanwhile yesterday evening had a comedy poonami. DH changed her nappy after she was grizzling and brought her back. Initially she was v sunny, but soon started crying. So I stood up and danced round with her, and suddenly felt liquid between my fingers. DH suddenly looked horrified - he'd forgotten to put a nappy on her. Obviously, she was wearing her best posh babygro - a prezzie from the in laws - which now has some interesting orange staining. Ah well.

Wing, Pudtat I really think it might be GP time. I made two attempts to have a serious, sensible chat about how I'm feeling with DP over the weekend. Both times it just resulted in a huge argument. A good long text chat with my mum this morning helped me realise that although DP helps a bit with the baby (does way more at weekends), I don't get enough of a break and I've had no emotional support. To the point that I've been getting worried about our relationship. This is due in no small part to the disgusting amount of sport on telly at the weekend, as daft as that sounds. I showed him the texts and it seems to have finally sunk in - he's offered to do some night feeds and take some annual leave over the next few weeks so we can spend more quality time together. I've found it hard to be open with him since we've had George.

Leni I'm glad you've gotten over your breast feeding obstacles. I wonder if some of our problems have been caused by my inability to bf. I feel like my son deserves better than I am able to provide.
Certain things have really knocked my confidence. I used to be so bold and smiley, and it really stung a few weeks back when DP said he just wants his Plonko back.

How are you feeling, Eco?

My travel cot has just been delivered. The state of me, crying and knack erred in my dressing gown, must have been quite a shock for the delivery man.

Morning, Tea. Quite right that we don't instinctively know why our babies are crying. It's a shame we have to feel guilty about it even when we know that though.

Know what you mean about them being a bit boring. All they do at three weeks is eat, sleep, poo, cry. In a few weeks you'll be getting smiles. In theory as soon as your baby smiles at you all the hard work becomes worth it. I'm not sure smiles are quite as awesome as that, but they are pretty cool nonetheless. And then they start making noises! Proper ones, with their voices, rather than cries or whimpers or baby velociraptor impersonations. It's the start of them being a bit more interactive and thus a bit less boring.

My latest poonami was this morning. DD gave up after two and a half ounces of breakfast because she doesn't like to keep going after a great big poo, so I got her on the mat, got the nappy off, and went to wash my hands prior to putting the anti-thrush cream on her. All the while telling her in a cheerful singsong voice what a clever baby she was for doing such a neat poo, and what a clever mummy I was for clearing it with just one wipe. All of a sudden there was a sort of soggy splurging sound effect as she shat all over the changing mat. I'm giving her point for the timing!

Plonko - your DP said that? I hope you told him to take his foot out of his gob and try again. Babies are a massive strain and men seem to think that doing a half hour shift qualifies them for saint hood. I balled mine out the other night for being equally unhelpful. Ask him for a hug, men are good at that sometimes a bit of comfort helps.

plonko you are doing great. Listen to wing and stormy. Don't beat yourself up about the feeding. I have been doing that and with a healthy mainly bottle fed three year old should know better! You have a much better excuse ( as a first timer) but really while everyone cares now and boobs get talked of alot no ones gives a toss in a few months time and it's all about who cooks Annabel karmel recipes from scratch versus those who buy Ella's kitchen! Pre baby number 1 I didn't cook or clean or do anything remotely domestic. Now I can make a mean chicken and apricot purée!

stormy I agree on the thrush while I wouldn't wish it on anyone it's nice not to be alone. The daktarin seems to be improving things slowly this end so hoping this week we will crack it. You can also be thankful you don't have thrush of the tit! It is truly awful. I thank god every day that someone invented a bottle for babies to give my poor boobs a little break!

It does get better. You will feel better with some more sleep. We are all here for you though and sometimes it just helps to get it out.

Ps stormy we have blackout blinds in both ds and dd's room. Makes a big difference to lunchtime nap time. Got mine from Ikea.

I'm so glad I posted here this morning. I expected one or two 'get a grip' type replies, so thank you all for your kind words.

Stormy hope you're right about sleep deprivation. George sleeps so well (usually) so I can only imagine how other mothers cope with way more sleepless nights, not to mention the problems a few of you are having with thrush etc. I feel like a complete pansy in comparison! In my former life I worked 60 hours a week with a 2 hour commute each day, and I moved here for the job - sadly I didn't really have a life before. I have my parents and one very close friend nearby, but everyone else is scattered around really.
Oh and your baby has fantastic comic timing. Get her on a stage!

Tea Stormy's right about the noises. Pretty cute and very cool.

Worsester Oh dear I've made him look a right bastard! He's lovely really. He meant it kindly but I still found it rather upsetting. I'd like the old me back too (she was a size 10). I made him give me a hug earlier and snotted on his work clothes. I must keep reminding himself that he got a real proper grown up job when I got pregnant, and he works hard to make a good impression and has been under a lot of pressure lately.

P.S Thank you Eig, you're right I know but The Guilt still kicks in every day periodically.

I was thinking about blackout blinds but have been strongly advised against it as was told that it really messes with a baby's circadian rhythm and delays baby developing a strong sense of night and day. Anyone have any experience of this or does it not make a difference to night sleep?

I used blackout blinds with number 1 for the lunchtime nap only, that tends to be the longer one babies have in the middle of the day and keep having til 2 years old. For the morning and afternoon nap I don't and that worked for my now 3 year old who doesn't nap anymore but sleeps 7 til 7 even through all the baby business in the middle of the night. But just my experience .... Disclaimer not saying to works for everyone! Ps rainbow I bought some chanomile tea for the first time ever as I am on an anti yeast, dairy caffeine diet to rid this thrush and you seemed to recommend it I thnk. , it's actually pretty good. Must be having a calming effect on me as not missing the Chocolate biscuits as much today.

Probably depends on the baby, Rainbow. Both my sister's were fine at night sleep despite blackout blinds during the day. Sample size of two though, so not sound scientific evidence! It's not like blackout blinds make a room pitch black though, and if you're worried you could make sure to get out in the sunshine every day, and you could also ask whoever gave you that strong advice for some references, so you can read up on it and decide for yourself whether the evidence is solid or not.

plonko I realise you might not have time right now, but it could help with The Guilt if you read a bit further into where the guidance about breast milk being the most super-duper-awesome thing in the world ever actually comes from. For example, some of the supposed benefits like less obesity amongst breastfed children and higher IQ all but disappear if you properly account for socioeconomic factors. Or the way breastfeeding reduces the incidence of stomach bugs, which turns out to be based on WHO statistics that include bottle-fed babies in places with no access to clean water or sterilisation equipment.

And don't go feeling like a pansy! We all have our own issues to deal with. Although I do take my hat off to all those coping without decent night sleep - once that one's going smoothly it makes the rest so much easier.

Eig oo, do we get to have fun arguments about how to feed solids? I shall look forward to that. And get a headstart by saying I'm intending to try the "put food in front of baby and see what happens" method, on the grounds that cavemen didn't have blenders (which has nothing to do with me being a lazy sod, honest).

Common side effect (one in ten) with the daktarin is vomiting. Baby on playmat suddenly started crying. I told the man, maybe she's bored, try picking her up. Turns out she also has a great sense of timing for projectile vomiting. Really hoping that was just a one-off!

stormy we could also start a discussion on baby led weaning... And see if it gets tense enough so the mumsnet moderator comes back.... Was just remembering that from the anti natal thread!

Just read the comment up-thread on baby smiles making it all worth while. Well I'm not so sure about smiles, but dd laughed for the first time yesterday... and omg I am now her ever devoted slave . So cute! She has also just realised that mobiles are fascinating, and worth staring at for about the time it takes me to eat lunch (I'm quick these days...). So ladies, what I'm trying to say is that from about 6 weeks it starts to get better as all those 'firsts' take over from what can feel like interminable relentless slog.

It would appear that miniPud was constipated, but isn't any more...

Plonko, i totally identify with BF guilt. If it hadn't been for my good supply crossed with intense guilt (especially because he's an ivf baby) i would've given up. During eves when we do formula/expressed feeds i drink way more wine than i should because my stress levels are through the roof. I feel that makes me a bad mother too. We all have so much to cope with including pressure to be perfect!