March 2013- here we go....

[Oodsigma]

Welcome old & new to the other side!

I'll start with a stats list!

Ood -ds 7/3/13, dc4! Elcs

If anyone wants to add any more details feel free!

Why does it not occur to them that it might be nice if they took the baby with them while they did the shopping?

In theory we each have a day off at the weekend. In practice? He'll stay up late on Friday night and do the 3am feed and then sleep in until noon, so I'm stuck with getting up at 6am. Hand over at the lunchtime feed, he does the physical work while I do all the planning, getting milk ready, deciding when it's naptime, and so on. He does the bath (with me fetching clean clothes, finding the towel, keeping her entertained while he dries her). He has to be told, every time, to feed her upstairs quietly, not downstairs in front of the TV. I then cook for us and go to bed. He can't sleep because he didn't get up until lunchtime, so he stays up and does the 3am feed, and guess who ends up doing Sunday morning while he catches up on sleep? And because he didn't get an entire day of no baby duty on Saturday, he thinks Sunday's his day off.

The only way I actually get a break is if I go out. I still have to do the full morning, but once he's surfaced I can hand her over and go out and not come back until after she's gone to bed.

He'll cook if I ask him. He'll shop if I ask him. He'll do housework if I ask him. He'll look after the baby if I ask him. He never asks me to do any of these things. It's just assumed that I will. I'd be able to handle it a bit better if I weren't so mentally exhausted from having to do all the thinking for all three of us.

Sorry, bit ranty this morning.

We managed a trip to town yesterday to stock up on dummies of different brands to see if DS has a preference; Mothercare was absolute chaos! DS was happily asleep most of the journey in the pram, and I spent the whole time checking out other people's prams - pram envy... He's still asleep now after doing 10.30pm to 2.45am last night and sleeping after his night feed until 6am! Not surprised as - a) it's quite hot here and b) he's been doing the equivalent of the Tour De France with his little legs when awake, and smacking his heels on his cot mattress so hard our bed shakes obviously enjoying his legs!

Got a new jungle gym with calypso music and jungle noises which he loves, but still not as much as the simple swallow mobile above his changing mat which he'll stare at whilst making 'ooo' noises and waving his arms about for ages. We left him doing that for an hour yesterday because he was loving it so much

Stormy we've had those chats countless times over the last ten months too. OH comes home and does one feed before waking me up again after I've done the whole night alone. He then sleeps until 3pm and when he gets up it's all quiet baby wise so he thinks childcare consists of DS being asleep in his rocker whilst he watches football... We're driving to see his folks today and as he doesn't drive obviously I have to, (and I paid for the car hire too on my birthday ) but after he stayed awake all night watching tv whilst DS slept but I still did all the feeds, he then woke me up for the 6am feed and said he needed to sleep. I know night work messes with sleep but I'm on the crazy shift pattern that is having a newborn - i only sleep when DS sleeps. I've begged him to do some washing up on his work days, or just not make things even more of a mess because I have to either wait for nap time and sacrifice my sleep to do chores, or carry DS around whilst doing them. He has phases after we 'chat' where it improves but then relapses. I've moaned about it here before but no solutions as yet

Yes to the handover of the task but not the thinking, I actually have the baby whisperer routine of eat activity sleep written on the chalk board in the kitchen with the approx times they tend to happen and still get 'what should he be doing next?' And because he never thinks to prepare for a feed, just gets the baby, he then sits there saying can you just get me a muslin, bottle, formula, etc. and I want to scream no because I'm doing the things for me which you doing a feed was supposed to free me up for! And if I get caught out by DS waking early etc in the day, I have to work out doing all this with a screaming baby, so why can't you?

And what is with them and the changing bag? Mine will sometimes go to the local supermarket and say things like I won't take the bag, if anything happens we'll just come home. Right, so you won't finish the shopping, you'll leave him with a dirty nappy etc and this is better than using a changing facility how?

Right, will try to thin zen like calm thoughts now have ranted.

Though the tendency to sleep til lunchtime after one night feed is also very annoying...

God, don't even get me started on the washing up. He started doing it last night - ran the water and dumped some pans in there and then wandered off. I can't stand stuff being left in the washing up bowl, which he knows full well. Asked him if he was intending to leave the kitchen in that state. He sort of shrugged. When I got up at 5am, not only was the washing up not done, he'd also not bothered to run the steriliser. Clearly he thinks I have nothing better to do at five in the morning than cleaning bottles!

In other news, I have no idea when to get the baby up for a feed. Went for a nap at 7.30, last squeak at 7.45. Started crying at 8.50. Did the ignoring for ten minutes thing as per my sister's strict instructions (I know, I know, I'm evil etc). Haven't heard a peep since 9.20. Was intending to get her up at 9.30 for milk, but what's the point waking her after a ten minute sleep?

Glad to hear all these Dads are the same. My DH is absolutely convinced he's doing his fair share but this mostly involves no feeds (exclusively BF), 1-2 nappy changes a day, putting her in her bouncer repeatedly & then when she screams waiting for a minute then looking at me expected lay & asking "do you want me to get her?".....as you are also her parent and have equal responsibility for her yes I fucking do and stop asking me as if its all up to me, just take some bloody initiative! It's like every tiny thing he does with her is 'helping me out' but I don't know when I decided to take sole responsibility for our daughter!

Rant over

We had a pretty standard night after the initial sleeping battle & parents gave me a lovely lie-in this morning. Off into town to do some shopping in a bit. Hope everyone has a lovely day.

Yep, it's the "help" bit that is the universal problem. While this won't help today for those of you with men with Monday to Friday jobs, find a Saturday morning activity, we started with baby rhymes, then rugby tots and now swimming. Preferably at about 9am. Book it for them then say Saturday am is yours and DS/dd's time, get them up fed, dressed and out to activity, then see them for about 11am feed! start this as early as you can and keep updating activity.

We are back asleep after 4 ounces from the bottle from mummy! Yeah. So we are on three boob feeds and three bottles a day. This balance works fr me and i have finally recovered from the dreaded nipple thrush! Injections later .....

stormy when are you roughly doing feeds? Just planning ahead and our little dd's seem to be similar in size, appetite and illness! I am roughly doing 7 am boobs, 10 am 4 ounce bottle, 2pm boobs, 4.30 pm 3 ounces bottle, 6pm boobs ( very hard to settle after this but have tried bottle then and doesn't seem to be a quantity of milk thing) 10 pm 4 ounce bottle, 3am boobs?

SoYo we have exactly the same bouncer issue. I feel like I shouldn't tell him what to do because it's criticising his parenting, but when she's crying and he's not doing anything I feel like shouting "For God's sake, just pick her up and give her a cuddle!" Mind you, last time I told him to pick her up because she was screaming on the playmat, she projectiled all over him.

Eig we're on bottles every time. 7am, 10am, 1pm, 4pm, and 7pm or thereabouts. I aim for no more than half an hour's leeway either way, otherwise it throws the routine out too much. It's all so dependent on sleeping well too - if a nap finishes an hour before a feed's due I'm left not knowing if it's bum or breakfast time, as it were.

You've reminded me, must ring the doc's and get those jabs booked.

We are actually doing surprisingly well today. The morning nap ended up being two 45 minute stints either side of a half hour grumbling session. Went and got her at 10am, she was asleep but woke up when I started talking to her. Drank her milk with no fuss, burped easily, sat in the bouncy chair while I sang to her, dead cheerful and alert throughout. We popped over to my brother's at 11 and she had cuddles from everyone there, then back home and up for her nap by 11.15. Went straight to sleep. Am now just steeling myself for the early wakeup, due any minute now.

Totally forget the night half of the bottle schedule, whoops. Dream feed at 11pm (in the cot, no burp, no nappy change). She wakes up for a feed around 3am.

Blimey I know I have moaned about my DH but this morning he got up with DS, made me a cuppa, got breakfast ready for us all, got DS's stuff ready for preschool and swimming, we all walked down to preschool in the village and back, he did the ironing, has mowed the lawn and stuck a chicken into the oven to roast all before 10:30 this morning

To be fair, he's self employed and hasn't been working since DD was born and he's the sort if man that does just need to get on with things, which actually sometimes drives me a bit crazy. I'm actually encouraging him to chase for work because we need money coming back in again and then I can slob at home without feeling like I have to be doing more than watching trashy tv!

And it turns out the doctor doesn't do the injections, the nurses do, and they're all booked up tomorrow. So we can't get them done until the fifth of June. By which point she'll be almost thirteen weeks old. Not impressed...

Didn't Ginger Rogers once say she could do everything Fred Aistaire could, but backwards and in high heels? I think being a mum is a bit like that. The men think they do half... but they have no idea. NO IDEA I tell you...

SoYo summed it up with her comment about taking the initiative. Immediately after reading that I went to make a cup of tea (for DP as well as myself), and heard "Plonko his dummy's fallen out!" then, moments later "his feet are cold!" Needless to say my tea went straight into the thermal cup and I've only just drank it, an hour after making it.

Sounds like you're having a very bad day, Stormy. You're definitely thinking for three now eh? Yep, it seems like we're all feeling it. DP has improved since my mini meltdown but getting him to take the initiative at home is like explaining the internet to my granny. Although if I left the food shopping/cooking to him we'd starve/get poisoned/eat random concoctions like PEA OMELETTE (yes really). Thankfully our evening routine means I cook dinner while he does bedtime - this involves him feeding DS in front of the telly, which i hate, but it should mean that by 8pm we're both fed and trying to relax. Although I often find myself doing the ironing, online food shop etc...

Oh sod it, I work hard for my pittance. I'm treating myself to a couple of new bras before I get all grumpy again.

And I'm that you have to wait so long! What an oversight - how can no one have told you that it works that way? I hope Ive not got it wrong too, as tomorrow is my postnatal check (at 8 weeks ) and DS's check so I've assumed jab time...

Stormy, I meant to say re feeding/napping etc that this 40-45 min sleep cycle is so true for us. So he will usually sleep for 45mins or 45mins with some grumbling then back to sleep for another 45 mins. If I actually want him awake and miss the grumbling (say am on the loo) then he is deeply asleep again by the time I get to him usually. So re feeds, I tend to work out when he'll be due based on 45min blocks to give me a rough idea when I'm aiming for. HTH.

Yep, I'm trying to do just the same, pudtat. It's just a question of convincing her that, actually, she can just go back to sleep. My brother's just fitted the blackout blind. DD looked awesomely shocked when I closed it. A sort of "Mother, what have you done with my sunshine?! Is it gone forever? I'm confused..." look. We're due to hit the danger zone in half an hour. Fingers crossed! (Yes, I'm aware I just jinxed it.)

Vaccines done, huge wail afterwards and was all ready with calpol or feeding but dd has fallen peacefully asleep as if nothing happened in Moses basket!! Had the 8 week check with trainee doctor who prescribed wrong drugs for thrush. So safe to say that was a waste of tax payers money but at least she checked the box to say she is fine and 5.4 kg so gaining weight and doing well!

Job well done eig. Nice to have that out of the way.
Stormy how was danger zone hour?
And with regard men. Yes yes yes. It's not about what they will and won't do it's the actual proactivity. The noticing something needs doing. It's about the bloody head space noticing takes up for us. It's how we constantly need to work things through in our head in order to fit even the most basic of tasks into our day. We're always having to think ahead, prepare, do and then clear away the detritus. Whereas the men do the do part only. And only then when we ask them! Ggrrr indeed. But I wouldn't sway mine. What does that say about my moaning!?
Just back from day at work with dd. For me, mixing baby with professional situation didn't work terribly well because after only three months away I found it hard to conduct intelligent conversation. Almost like all that's irrelevant now I have a small person to keep alive. I'm trying again in six weeks time...
Witching hour here. Dh at work til after eight. I'm ready for a quiet bath with book and dinner. But that ain't happening.

Swap not sway. Mush brain.

It was the beginning of the deterioration of the day's naps, eco. Right when she was tired enough to go to sleep, my brother was halfway through putting the blind up, so she dozed downstairs for half an hour. Only lasted until 3 upstairs, multiple resettling attempts failed. Got her up and fed at 3.45 and she fell asleep on the bottle, took her back up, gave her the rest of it, and left her in there. Slept until 5. Then we had an hour of just chilling on the sofa, which seemed to have a calming effect - the witching hour hasn't been nearly so screamy as usual today.

The man got off work early, and while he was doing her bath, he said "It's good to have a break, it makes me look forward to coming home to see DD." Suffice to say he was given quite the Look.

Another lovely day here. I am totally in love with my sling - I have now figured out how to feed DD in it so now I am fully mobile and can go out for the whole day without having to worry about napping or feeding or anything! Really recommend slings to anyone having problems getting stuff done - I pop DD in the sling and can do pretty much everything including working as she absolutely loves being in there awake and asleep.

My DH is generally brilliant - we have always shared everything as equally as we can, both financially and at home, something we agreed when we started living together. We have a cleaner though so that cuts out that issue and we both hate cooking so we do it together as much as we can. Saturday mornings are daddy/daughter time and the rest of the weekend and evenings are family time - I love those times the most and we look after DD together and I would not want to miss those precious moments no matter how tired I was! Then again, the older DD is the less I think that looking after DD is as hard work as working - something I concluded as I spent the morning lazing around the garden feeding, cuddling and playing with DD and then reading while she napped while DH was stuck in his office on the computer missing out on being with DD!

Which sling have you got rainbow? DD loves the baby bjorn but I don't want to use that for every day but more for going on walks etc. and although she sleeps fine in he Moses basket at night, she tends to nap on us or in the BB in the daytime and I'd like to get on with more.

Stormy I hope you bopped him over the head with a frying pan a la Reeves and Mortimer.

Rainbow I'd love to have a cleaner. That explains your serenity I guess! Sadly I'm still at the stage in life where I'm likely to be someone else's cleaner, rather than have my own.

We've had a lovely couple of days as DP is taking annual leave until Thursday. We've cooked nice meals, scaled the mountain into town and had a lovely long walk in the park. However he will not put his sodding laptop away now. I want to smash it. It took us TWO hours to leave the house earlier because he was playing Civilization. On the other hand he hoovered. Apparently the bits on the carpet have finally started to bug him. I nearly fell over.

How is everyone coping with the hot weather? DS hates it. Can't wait to take him to Madeira at the end of August...

wing I have a moby wrap. I tend to put it on in the morning and wear it most of the day, taking DD in and out as required. I feels very secure as I am pottering around the house and bending down etc. When we drive somewhere I will take her straight out of the car seat and pop her in the sling. Its lovely and cosy and has worked really well for us so far once we figured out how to put in on and pop DD in and out if it. In fact it is DD's main mode of transport although we do occasionally use the pram just for a change as I want her to be happy in both. However I did find the moby wrap made both me and DD very hot these last few days so I am going to go to our local sling library to check out some alternatives that might be better for summer.

Thanks :) I'm going to see if there is a sling library visit at a baby group I was thinking of trying out on Thursday as I have tried slings before (as opposed to a more structured carrier like the bb) and totally failed to get DS in a good position (baba sling) or get the sling tight enough for me to think they were secure (mei tei and others).