December 2012 - the fourth trimester is nearly over

[MaMaPo]

:)

Morning all, not posted for ages can't keep up with you all

spotty have just had 1st coffee in months as run out of decaff- t' was good.

Having a nightmare time at the moment with dp which is stressing me out, we're not agreeing on anything and everything is an issue. Also, still battling with People visiting and purposely waking LO because he ' should be awake' when they come round. I really flipped over this a couple of weeks ago so not very popular but I don't care.

And work is stressing me too. Massive restructure going on and I'm not happy with where they want to place me. Have union on the case and 2 good friends who are quite senior hr bods.

Most importantly though LO is still gorgeous! We had a lovely day at the baby show yesterday.

Sorry all for my doom and gloom. Hope there were good sleeps last night.

That's what I'm thinking spotty but I will be letting a lot of people down (room sharing and I'm driving 3 others) and quite frankly I'm that I won't be going because I don't trust dh to be responsible and not because I can't bare to be away-does that make sense?

2blessed I would be furious if someone purposely woke dd!!

This sounds awful hole, but is your other half a smart guy? Why can't he realise that if he's so soundly asleep he can't wake up to baby then he got too drunk? What does he think would have happened if you'd not been there ?

I probably wouldn't go either. I'm going out tonight for dinner with a friend leaving my husband with baby. I trust him completely but even so my brain will be a bit distracted. I don't think you could enjoy yourself like this.

Is there anyone else around who could help?

Sorry Chloe, I didn't mean to call you 'hole'!

Chloe I would be so furious! DH would totally feel my wrath, and I'm afraid I wouldn't leave dd in his care for a long time. Harsh on you if you don't get to go out and enjoy yourself but I would have to know dd was totally safe and prioritised. I'd also be making a point to DH. Is there anyone else you trust that could have her? I'm glad you say other areas of your relationship are strong, but for me this would be a really serious issue.

chloe I think mama's advice is sound and I probably wouldn't go either which is a shame. There have been times when dp said he would do the night shift, I've been woken up by lo's cries so fed, changed and settled him and then next morning dp is proud of lo for sleeping through. No, you just didnt hear him and then I get 'well why didnt you wake me?' Grrrr!

chloe the last time it happened they were surprised when lo woke up crying and I said what do you expect when you've woken him up. I was shaking with anger. Some people just don't get it, who when they're sleeping wants someone clapping in their face saying 'wake up wake up you've been sleeping too long'?

Hoping for a nice chilled weekend, think this is the first where we have no visitors since lo was born - thats 7 weeks!

Chloe I'm going on an overnight hen do in 2 weeks too and there is no way in hell I would leave DS if DP had behaved like yours. I think you need to read him the riot act and use next weekend as a test run to see if he could be trusted. Could your mum have your DD instead maybe?

2Blessed you need to have the baby near you when they arrive. If they try to wake him get between them and get ready to administer a slap I cannot believe how "entitled" some people are , waking your baby to play with him. I hope he grows teeth and bites them!

I got 2 more hours! 'twas awesome.

Chloe that is terrible behavioud on the part of your dp. I wouldn't be leaving DS if mine behaved like that but I can understand your dilemma. Like others have said do you have family or friends who could look after dd? And say if he is having his mates round then he won't be capable of looking after her so you've made alternative arrangements? Hopefully that would make him reassess?

D has taken to making noises like he is about to wake up throughout the night so I don't get to go to sleep as constantly expecting him to wake.

chloe I wouldn't want to leave my baby either in your situation. I agree with the others that a big talk is needed at a time when you're both calm. Could he perhaps not be taking the care seriously at the moment because he knows you're there to pick up the pieces if he fails? Not suggesting you test this by going and leaving, but perhaps you could speak to him about what would have happened if you hadn't been there, and how his behaviour has to change if you're to leave the baby with him.

Re night wakings, at the weighing clinic on Thursday I met a lady with a 1-year-old who was still wanting up to 5 (bottle) feeds a night. Eek.

Oh seconds I would not be doing that especially with a bottle, I'm afraid I would be putting my foot down!

Got dd's feet measured and they haven't grown thank goodness!

2blessed I would be really angry. If they can't understand your annoyance then that's their problem. Re your dp is it just sleep deprivation? With dd we argued constantly for the first four months (and she only ever woke once ha!). It's been less of an issue this time but we certainly have our moments. Like why dies he empty the bin but leave the bloody bin bag by the back door in the kitchen ffs it smells and is unhygienic!

Chloe could a parent or in-law come and supervise help? Especially his mum .... might shame him into behaving!

Seymore just remember that your baby always seems louder to you than to other people. And everyone will have been there, done that.

A nappy wrap is good over disposables generally. We used a motherease wrap on DD even when she wasn't in cloth and it was an extra barrier to poo explosions.

I may have opened the door to DH's room and let DD in to jump him awake at 6.14 this morning when I didn't feel I should be the only adult up.

Well I've told him I'm not going. He told me not to be ridiculous and he is fully capable of having did, I said well if the past 2 Fridays are anything to go by then he isn't. Nothing else has been said but ds was in the room so we couldn't have it out. barbeasty if I do end up going I am gonna suggest I will only feel comfortable if he goes to mil. second I do actually think he would man up if he didn't have me to fall back on but I'm not sure I can take that risk yet. Our friends stopped over-when they left T asked dh if they were still on for poker that weekend, dh said he'd think about it and let him know so I don't think he is gonna have friends over but who knows, will speak to him properly later. Thanks for all your replies, feel much more confident and non precious about standing my ground now.

Chloe, LO is far more important than "d"p's finer feelings - stand firm!

D has dozed off in his bouncy chair. It's the first time he's slept anywhere during the day other than on me or in his pram for weeks. I might manage some housework if this continues...

In other news I learnt goes to wrap with a woven yesterday. Love it. Next up, back carries!

Ds only sleeps in his bouncy chair in the day, not sure what I'm going to do once he's bigger

Housework? What's that?! Actually I really must do some today/tom am as we have friends coming tom who's house is always pristine. Not sure how they manage it!

Going out to a friend's baby shower thingy soon. Have fed O to sleep, expressed 5oz and have total faith in dh but still feel nervous for some reason!

Oh I feel such a wuss having not left ds even for five minutes yet is he going to turn into one of these children who'll never be left?!

Having a bloody rotten day today. C being cranky and I can't stop crying. Wish we could shorten both days and weeks so the mythical point when 'it gets easier' actually arrives.

Seriously - when does it happen?

With each milestone mama

spotty I haven't left dd either, not sure when I will tbh. Really don't think it has any bearing on them being comfortable being left later on. I just feel that I want to have her near me and if that's what I need then that's what she needs. If I knew she would go down for a 2 hour nap I'd probably feel a bit more relaxed but she feeds alot during the day and only naps for short periods in the sling or longer of we're in the car or moving pram. Leaving her will come soon enough by choice or circumstance.

mama so sorry to hear you're having such a rubbish day. Anything in particular making you feel like crying or just general exhaustion/lack of control etc? I promise it does get easier. Can't say exactly when but soon, and when it does all this will seem like a distant memory. When DH gets home can he have C so you can have a hot bath and glass of wine and good cry or good book for an hour?