October 2012... PELVIC FLOORS!

[Londonmrss]

Ready...
Steady...
And squeeze!

Minor reply as i read....

Crazy loads of wax here too. Grossing me out too......!

beccus that's outrageous! Would she eat her dinner in the toilet? I would definitely write and complain, and threaten them with the equality act 2010 cheeky bastards.

turnwest so glad you posted again, hope you had a lovely afternoon in the sunshine, things like that always make me feel better. Good luck at the GPs tomorrow x

smorgs that sounds perfect to me, I always think that nothing you can say will help so it's just the act of saying something. It is hard though, my friend had a miscarriage (her second) while I was pregnant and I remember feeling that I was the last person she wanted to see. Oh dear lots of sad tales on here today, there's too much pain in the world isn't there? Makes me feel I don't want dd to grow up and discover how shitty things can be. So many happy things too though like bellas lovely day!

DD has started sticking her tongue out at the corner like she's thinking about something really hard. Such a small thing but so cute

So sorry to hear so many of you have had tough times before your DCs arrived. Thanks for your responses to my email. I'm often guilty of staying away from people when they are going through traumatic events, but you are right that just letting people know you are there and acknowledging that they are suffering is the right thing to do.

beccus that is outrageous. londonmrss is right, you are in the clear for defamation as you have a fair comment defence. Name and shame lady!

smiley glad your first full time day back was ok-ish. You're a Trojan.

bella what a lovely surprise! Happy birthday for Thursday!

OK so I am bragging a bit here, but squid suggested I record the positives so... I just had the perfect bed time. Bathtime with daddy, last feed with me in bedroom, burp and a little more feed, dummy, down in basket wide awake and lay there chewing on blanket and staring at hands for a while until he drifted off. No crying. I even turned off the light before he was fully asleep?! And most amazingly, at one point the dummy fell out and he managed to pick it up, hold it in both hands and almost get it back into his mouth, wtf?! I feel I can say this as we have had a pretty shitty day with lots of crying, clingyness and flipping around like a wet fish when I hold him, so please don't hate me.

I have obviously jinxed tonight now and he will wake up every hour or something hideous.

Yup, awake, crying, wet fish. That'll learn me.

I'm just going to pretend that was an intentional dream feed (if the dream was more like a nightmare)

Beccus
Definitely not defamatory! Giving an account of your treatment isn't even fair comment, it's just reporting. Slander is just verbal, not written, btw.

I'm shocked because in nearly four years of breastfeeding in London I've never been asked to support. Come to think of it, there can't be many places where I haven't breastfed - though I did retreat to the loos during a mass christening in St Paul's Cathedral as the whole place is so damn overwhelming. But if it's OK in Fortnum and Mason's unbelievably expensive ice-cream parlour, then it must be OK anywhere.

beccus amazing experience. Nobbers.
turnwest I visited a friend with 3 DSs the other day. DS3 was very ill when born - dramatic race to hospital and 2 heart ops. Anyway all well now and she seems to me like 1 of those supermums, so I asked how she coped. She said you just muddle through.
That's the best we can do I think. They don't come with a feckin manual. Reading some chats on here, if you had time, you might think you are a gold medal mum. (One posters mum set alarm for when she cried and if still crying ONE hour later, went to her!! )

I am so moved by all the support for turnwest. You're a great bunch of people. But I knew that already.

Busy day yesterday due to half-term and took DCs to see my aunt and uncle in Cambridgeshire today. DH drove us up and is now on a flight to Singapore. DC next week, NY and Prague week after that, India week after that. Pray for our health, ladies, pray for our health.

I BF in the aisle of my local shopping centre. I almost BF at mass one day before I realised I was in the front row!! I whip em out without thinking

But I don't sunbathe topless, too shy

Wow. So I've finally caught up, bear with me, please!

turnwest I've only just got on to read your post, but am so glad that you have posted again- we are all here for you, and you are not a terrible mother. Like all the others have said, you are feeding, clothing, and playing with your baby, that is generally all a baby needs- unfortunately some are just screamers. You'll probably be blessed with a great toddler! But good on you for going to your GP tomorrow- please keep coming back and posting, I will be thinking about you. If its any help, I live in buckinghamshire if you want some RL support.

zara your message was great.
Absolutely snorting with laughter at "Revenge is a dish best served monthly"

squid Glad the funeral was OK and you got to spend time with your family. Am very sorry to hear about your family friend- I vaguely remember seeing it on the news. I say vaguely because I do my best not to watch the news- every day it brings more cases of child abuse, murder and other depressing things, and it just makes me realise how precious children are, and seriously seriously scares me how some people can be so sick minded.

Londonmrss I loved the first name you said Hope you are not drowning in boxes and hope there is someone to help you out while DH is away. Moving is shit (and I will never ever do it again whilst pregnant!!) and its so hard knowing where to start.

elpis what did you do about your mums cousin? Sorry for being nosy but I am intrigued. My half brother messaged me on facebook for the first time ever whilst I was pregnant, and although we do talk every now and then, I haven't worked up the courage to meet him. He commented on a pic of DD when she was born though and said "hooray! im an uncle!", which really, really, really pisses me off. He has no right too. Or should I be a bit more sympathetic? I suppose a tiny tiny miniscule part of me is jealous that my dad kept in contact with him and not me. But on the other hand, I know that that was the best thing.

On the "my father" tangent, the stupid bastard ended up in hospital with pancreatitis again. Thankfully he hasn't tried to contact me since he came back here, but his mother has been trying to find out my address. I am living in fear that I will come home one day and find him on my doorstep, and when I go back to my homevillage (haha) I am constantly looking over my shoulder for him. I cannot, cannot go back to work. Cannot. Not while I know he can walk in whenever he likes. Ugh.

Yomping Sorry to hear RE the shitty nights. You sound like you have one challenging baby pet. I wish I could offer some advice but I honestly don't have any.

Smorgs I manage to cut a chunk off DD's finger every time I cut her nails :( I am always beside myself when I do it, she screams for about 5mins forever and it looks like the chainsaw massacre ok, massive over-exaggeration there. However it does heal up quite quickly, and you'll never know its been done after a couple of weeks. I have tried to file them, but the stupid baby files don't seem to work- can I just use a normal one? Or are they too rough?

Cherrycherry Welcome and congratulations!!! You are a champ. I honestly could not have another one so soon. Me and DP have agreed that we will wait until our house is at least ready or we know exactly when it will be ready (going through planning permission and million bloody hurdles) or three years time, whichever comes first.

livvy and huffle Hope the move to the formula continues to improve. Livvy you are a star for coping with BF for so long whilst being on a crappy diet. I feel for you.

Beccus That's absolutely disgusting!! Who eats their dinner in a toilet?!!Definately formal complaint and name and shame big time!!!

Yomping I have just remembered what you said about being ill. I've been ill with a fluey coldy type thing (Elpis I hope you are feeling better) and god, its so hard isnt it? Now I understand what my DM used to say when she was ill and i'd tell her to go to bed. "I'm not allowed to be ill." Before DD in my not so distant life before children I would stay in bed and recover and feel sorry for myself and drink tea and watch shit on telly; but now you just have to man up, basically. And remember that the world doesn't revolve around you anymore. It is bollocks, but one day a time will come when we can be ill again and our DCs will have to look after us instead

Elpis Hope you manage OK without DH being around. I don't know how you do it.

Octoberoctober Ignore what that tory twat said. I am all for gay families, I think it's brilliant.

In my news..
Pippa is thriving. I can't remember who was saying about the nobbing HV's and weight centiles- I had exactly the same situation two weeks ago. I went to GP and she decided that there was nothing wrong with DD. She told me to ignore the HV's suggestion of putting DD on formula. Like others, it makes me laugh that they are so quick to suggest it after all the pressure that there is to BF in the first place! I had her weighed the following week and she'd put on 8 and a half oz. I am not going to get her weighed any more now. I've had enough of the bloody worry. She is quite happy, content, lots of wet nappies and if thats good enough for me, then its good enough for every one else. Although, in my one, short defence of HVs, I suppose they are only doing their jobs. They are there to protect our children, but it doesnt help when they put mothers down that are clearly in need of a bit of support.
Pippa is 13 weeks now. No rolls yet but has learnt to blow rasberries we even have a game now, where I blow one and she blows one back
She's not really grabbing toys as such yet, although will hold one for a while if I actually place it in her fingers, so I suppose thats a start. She does enjoy being in her gym though and will hit all her toys to make noises.
She is generally so happy. I am touching every bit of wood I can see at the moment but she has been sleeping through the night for the last 5 weeks. She's worked out her own routine which is pretty text book every day, although sometimes needs a bit of help having daytime naps. I expect it won't last long though, and while you lot with difficult babies will get lovely toddlers, I'll probably get a right terror

Shame I'm not sleeping at the moment really. I've been having bad nightmares. (To anyone prone to nightmares, don't read the hunger games- thats probably also fuelling the whole children dying anxiety) But otherwise I feel good. Am enjoying the return of spring and its so lovely to see our old river flowing again- its been 7 years since it last filled up!

Probably a bad mummy anecdote to share with you here, but we gave DD a piece of lime to chomp on the other day for a few minutes. It was HILARIOUS. She had a real cats bum face but she still wanted more of it! I just wanted to experiment. She is quite a hungry baby so weaning seems to be more imminent than I first thought it would be! (was planning on at least waiting until 5mo) I got a horrendous nappy the next morning though, so not something I will be trying again any time soon

Ok I think thats it from me now. Hope you are all OK. Really must make the effort to start posting more. Turnwest I am thinking of you and I hope it goes well with the GP tomorrow.

Oh, and will I ever stop wearing breastpads?

lisbeth chortling at the idea of a breastfeeding woman in the front row of mass. Thats great

Beccus name and shame! And complain (pointing out the law too)! Eejits!

Last night I emailed my bosses with my request to start back in October and to reduce my hours to 3 days a week. Gulp. Let's see what happens!

Also for those who are getting nobber advice from HVs etc, will share what my (very cynical) doctor mate thinks about the situation.

He reckons that lots of frontline health professionals are told/read guidelines but don't actually understand much beyond those health guidelines, and choose not to educate themselves further.

Ie: HV sees baby is dropping weight/centiles. Baby dropping weight is bad. Guidelines are that in some cases (after thorough investigation, nothing else working) formula supplementation may be necessary. So instead of deciding whether that guidance best suits that situation, or trying to understand WHY that guidance exists, the HV just takes the easy answer and says "give formula".

Same in my case at the hospital. Midwives: "keep putting the baby to the breast every three hours" Me: "but it's not working, he won't latch, I need help" Midwives: "keep putting baby to the breast, call us if you have problems" me: "arrrrrrgh". They don't understand a lot beyond the "breast is best, baby should be encouraged to feed regularly slogan" It was the paeds who questioned what support I was getting and pointed out that just putting DS to the breast was not working because he was getting dehydrated.

My doc mate gets furious when he goes to get some analysis/chart report from a department and he asks what they think of the printout etc. They say "I dunno", he goes "but your whole job is preparing these charts! You look at them all day! What happens if something's wrong??" "Oh we just wait for the machine to beep and then we calla doctor" My mate: "arrrrrrgh"

Not trying to slate healthcare professionals in general but it makes me furious when they take an authoritative stance "this is what you must do" when their knowledge is actually really shallow.

zara I'd agree with that, in general. I think the midwives are very overstretched though. I agree about the health visitors.
smorgs even if he did wake up, I liked reading about your lovely settled bedtime. I think a lot of parenting is two steps forward, one step back, that's how I view it. How did he sleep the rest of the night? I find babies being upset more disruptive than actual awakenings. Some nights Jess wakes at 3.30 and I feed and cuddle her on and off till 8... but it doesn't bother me because she's settled. If she is fretting and crying at 7, that's more disruptive (for me). (I know I have a better sleeper than most though.)
beccus just start a thread on mumsnet, some activist will take it up for you! perhaps there will be a huge breastfeeding "sit in" at the pub, that'll teach them

Go do a workout squid.

People are getting some really weird advice about weaning. Now I'm no expert, and only a first time mum, but everything I've read agrees that it is ideal for babies not to get anything other than breastmilk/formula until they are 6 months at least, and that these things are NOT a sign of being ready for weaning

-waking more than previously
-being hungrier than previously (milk has more calories than purees/cereal, so you can give them more milk)
-chewing things, putting things in their mouth (babies just do this around this age)

These things mean a baby is ready for weaning - can sit unsupported, pick food up and put it in their mouth, and swallow it. This rarely happens before 6 months. I guess if a baby steals some food off your plate and eats it they are ready!!

One thing I didn't realise until I read up on it was that babies get almost all their calories for milk till at least 10, 11 months. Food is for learning and developing, not for growth at this age. So you should not worry about "getting enough food into your baby" for ages yet.

I am a bit cynical of baby food companies, they know the guidance says nothing before 6 months but for some reason they are allowed to market their overpriced products as 4 months plus. I think this kind of advertising has more impact on people's actions (both health care professionals and mums!) than most people realise.

This is not meant to be a rant against people considering weaning, you do what is right for your child and of course make your own decisions, but I am surprised health visitors are giving this advice out.

nhs guidelines

Sorry if this is a bit grumpy. Baby food companies and health visitors are at the top of my hit list at the moment.

... and whilst I was getting on my high horse, my baby hit herself on the head with a hard plastic duck and burst into tears. Bad mum. Cuddles and milk needed...

Awww Jess!!

I am following the NZ guidelines Squid he is doing all these things.

DS tries to eat my food and grabbed a piece of toast out of my hands yesterday and shoved in my mouth and started chewing. So this Sunday (17 week birthday) I am going to try him with baby rice. If he pushes it out his mouth I will stop and wait another week, and so on. Not going to reduce any milk feeds at although in lieu of food.

Agree with anger re baby food companies. Makes me cross too.

Shoved the toast in HIS mouth and chewed, I should clarify. My genius baby is not weaning me...

My god elpis is he coming home between those trips?

Well last night was what you call karma. Up every hour. Remind me never to brag about anything ever again please.

Smorgs, I feel responsible for telling you to write about good things!! Oh no!! Have a ...

Interesting Zara!! My mum often talks about the changing fashions of weaning...
I still think hvs are nobbers though!

Scary night last night - baby woke up sounding like she was choking then had really noisy laboured sounding breathing with stridor. Phoned nhs direct (being a doctor is useless when it comes to my own baby I have discovered) who after listening to her over the phone said to take her to a+e and consider 999 if any delay. So bundled everyone into the car and off we went. She fell asleep in the car (think she was comfier propped up in her car seat) and when we arrived was completely settled. Which is brilliant obviously but felt like such a numpty.....think she has probably got a bit of croup - still sounds hoarse today but better. Fingers crossed fr tonight! One day I will get some sleep too....

Squid I was thinking exactly the same thing re baby food companies yesterday. On the back of the packet I looked at, one says something like "Recommendations are not to wean until 6 months but all babies are different..." almost like it's suggesting your baby is special if it's weaned early. Obviously all babies are different and we all make our own choices on weaning but it just seems a bit tactical to use that wording.