November 2012 - More group hugs and moral support please

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1676013-November-2012-We-want-rattles-and-we-want-them-now

Routine is only just starting to creep back into our lives (and I mean only just). I appear to have spent most of the past 3 months sat on the sofa with a boob hanging out whilst my house looks like a shit pit. I still have boxes to unpack from moving. But I have adjusted my expectations now. A good day is a day where I am dressed before midday and able to eat a cooked evening meal. Anything else is a bonus

This baby won't settle a minute before 9.30,. The instant we're past that and bam, out like a light. Weird. Off for a bath and bed - night all x

J doesn't seem to have a specific bedtime. I need to start turfing him out of bed at a decent hour but at the moment I just want him to sleep. I also need to get a proper bedtime routine as all we have is a 15 min sit on daddys lap with a good chat. It is so sweet watching them natter away.

We had pancakes today. Nom nom.

I forgot to say hope all is well in evil manor tonight evil and N stops being fussy soon.

You're not shit at all blonder, like Dondoon I aim to get something done every day, I manage a shower every other day (a bloody quick one sometimes but still!* but basically eating at some point and being dressed is a good day, having a warm dinner is bloody fantastic and I have excelled myself if I've done anything extra . I have a massive list of bigger things to do and god knows when I'll get round to them :|

Sorry things seem to being going down hill again pr will be thinking of you tomorrow at the DRs.

stunt that is a bit crap of him really. You probably are run down, which you need to sort out if you are breast feeding. Is there anyone who could come and just give you a hand for the day, do a bit of tidying, make a couple of meals, go and get you some biscuits vitamins?

Fingers crossed for a good night for you vq

blonder is ok not to get dressed some days but is also ok to ask for help. It is horrible feeling out of control and tbh as a mother /wife/ carrier woman it happens frequently. YOu just develop coping mechanisms and everyone has different ones. There is a whole lot of pressure on women these days to be perfect at everything and generally that is not reality.

Xx

I think once he's sleeping VQ you can sort the specific bedtime thing :) he's had alot of obstacles with being poorly etc :( but he'll get there :) E chats to his dad too, it's so sweet :) Fc you have a good night tonight

I think I have mn withdrawals, feeling the need to reply to everything, feel free to tell me to bugger off! Am waiting for 10:15 ish to do dream feed. He's 14 weeks today, creeping up to 4 month sleep regression! Am not looking forward to it! Am prepared for it, rather than thinking we'll avoid it!

This thread moves so fast, I can't remember what I was going to say but many sympathies to all those having a hard time with sickness/bf issues/possible pnd. Bit of a me me me post here until the end. Sorry

Another past PND sufferer here, so far I think I'm doing ok this time round but have had a fair few anxious days, mostly about bf. My only recommendation would be to seek help sooner rather than later. It may be that if you can get someone to talk to, they can reassure you that what you're feeling is perfectly normal for having to deal with a baby whilst shattered and you can avoid the downward spiral that is so easy to get into. The internet is great for support, but I found knowing all the symptoms of PND meant I started worrying about having them, which meant I developed most of them. Boo. This time I know that thoughts are simply that - just thoughts and it doesn't make you a bad person if you have them. It's just normal.

I'm still battling thrush. We've had it since week 2 when F had his first UTI. After the second stay in hospital at 5 weeks, he's been on daily antibiotics and so we've never managed to clear it even with two courses of fluconazole. I went to see the lovely bf clinic lady at the JR in Oxford (v highly recommended if anyone is near there with problems) and she said I'd pretty much be stuck with managing it until F can stop his medication. She also reckoned that the Fluconazole I'd been given simply wasn't enough or for long enough. So now I have to go back to the GP again and ask for more nystatin for F (randomly seems to work better than Daktarin - probably because I've used Daktarin since week 3 and with my first son) to keep him going until his outpatients appointment in March as everything gets worse when he stops it. I suppose I should be grateful it isn't the full on pain I had at 3 weeks - just itchy and occasionally a bit sore. I can manage it with creams although I think it may have spread to my hands too. Bugger. Oops not sweary Wednesday yet. Hmm will be asking for a higher and longer dose of fluconazole at some point as I can't seem to shift it without and it really does make a difference.

I'm also now messing around with gaviscon too, despite me saying I never would with a second. F sicks all the time, it just gets cheesier the longer it's been since a feed. He was born at 9lb 10oz and managed to drop from the 75 to the 50th centile last month. Cue health visitor looking slightly concerned. DS1 also dropped several centile lines after being born 8lb 11oz and very sicky and is now growing happily at around the 25th centile. Suspect F won't double his birth weight by 6 months, I really don't think my children are supposed to be born so big but am trying gaviscon every other feed and only half the dose (since I don't want to block him up) and it does seem to make him less sicky so I'll see if it affects his weight gain.

I basically spend my days syringing various things into him - antibiotics, nystatin and gaviscon - poor boy! And I can't even eat chocolate or cake to cheer myself up as the sugar is supposed to aggravate the thrush. Plus I'm cutting down on dairy to help the thrush and possibly the sickiness. Cake and chocolate were supposed to be the perks of breastfeeding!!! Only sheer bloody mindedness and knowing that bf should help avoid further UTIs has kept me going. Plus I'm scared of switching to formula just in case he is intolerant to cow's milk and doesn't take it very well.

Pikz I can't quite believe you exclusively expressed for 12 weeks - that's so impressive. I was going to say - have you tried latching as a last ditch attempt? I fed DS1 through nipple shields for 3 months and then around then, I thought I'd just try it without and to my great surprise he took it and was fine without them from then on. You never know?

garden well done on your Waitrose shop! It's my nearest and only walkable supermarket. I'm supposed to only use it for topping up Tesco online, but there's an awful lot of Waitrose receipts in my change bag...!!

Right, off to prepare all the final medication doses for the last dreamfeed...!!

Right I'm off to bed, I hope all the poorly babies get well soon.

Evil

pr hugs that is all

blonder my understanding is the routine constantly changes. Forget the house. Ds cries sometimes when out dog walking and the terrorist runs off. I have to shout though hopefully the drops the vets have given me help her ears. I feel bad about that as pre ds I think I'd have noticed more :(

Lots of others I was going to hug but my brains mush. So hugs and sleep dust all xx

Goddamn bloody hormones. Crying at West Wing now!!!!

This is the first time I've got on the computer all day and i'd be lying if I said I'd done more than a quick scan so apologies in advance for everything I've missed.

glenda DD1 did something similar - although interestingly she fed fine from the breast at night, but by day she'd fuss and pull and complain, offer her a bottle and she'd glug it down like she hadn't eaten in a week. T'was explained as a nursing strike and it lasted 4 days. I expressed my way through it.
N has been doing the same today but she has a bit of a cold so that's probably the cause. At least I hope it is cos expressing isn't going so well.

PR hope your DD feels better soon and you don't have vomtastic night

pidgin glad your lesson went ok. When do you expect to hear?

I've had one of those days. You know, the ones where you hope no-one is too nice to you cos there's a chance you'll cry all over them? or is that just me I went to a toddler group this morning, which was ok; but then shed a few tears in the car on the way to a friend's house, and positively sobbed the whole way home. I am an idiot.

Also, have I heard mention of a supplement that can boost your milk supply, or have I made that up? If N sleeps reasonably well then I can feed her on one side in the morning and express off the other, but I get 3-4oz max. But with the last few nights being so shit she's been snacking frequently all bloody night so I've not been able to get anything. Trouble is, I have my interview on Friday so I have to leave her for a couple of hours, and I'm going to run into problems if I can't express anything tomorrow or Thursday.

Jeez, what an epic me me me post - feel free to ignore :)

blonder feel for you. I think my expectations get the better of me & just when I was feeling better about not trying to be Super Woman, I suddenly have another bad day, triggered by the smallest thing (relatively) & spend a part of the afternoon in tears, thinking I'm a bad mum. FWIW its a relief in some ways to hear that everyone else is not coping in much the same way!! I can adjust my expectations accordingly. I suppose I feel like I don't have an 'excuse' to be 'failing' as both DD & DS are relatively easy babies... Anyway, hugs & give yourself a break. We're only human.

kirrin eat oats good excuse to eat flapjacks & take fenugreek. If your wee doesn't smell like maple syrup, I'm told, take more. Have you tried expressing as LO feeds? I wish I had a special bra for it, but I can just about manage...

my dd won't settle a minute before 11.30 wish it was earlier... really doesn't nap at all in the day ... I would love some kind of predictabilty with dd not even a regular routine but it would be nice to think right she will definitely have an hours nap at somepoint, she will be content to sit in her chair in the afternoon ... so I could wash some dishes or something. I feel its easier than it was 3 weeks ago when I joined here seeking answers but feel I still don't know what she will do its still hard... perhaps I just havent paid that much attention to my baby ... feel guilty all the time too and feel like that's growing.

Forgot to refresh the page before posting again

GT :( That sucks. Hope you feel stringer tomorrow. Can the mil help at all?!

evil hope someone gets back to you soon.

blonder I also aim to achieve one thing a day. And I keep a list of what I've "achieved" over the past few days. One day I'm going to look back on that list and laugh because it frequently has things like 'cut nails' emptied bin' and 'posted letter' on it! Huge achievements huh?!

Thanks chunky I have tried expressing and feeding at the same time, and just about manage it with several pillows, although a third hand would be useful! I'll get some fenugreek tomorrow. I love flapjack so no hardship there!

zcos N hardly naps in the day either, and when she does it's on me - does make you feel like there is no down time, and very hard to get anything done. This too shall pass I hope

Gosh I hope your LO is okay PR. It'll be hard for her to be at the hospital again but it's better to be on the safe side. How does your insurance work, is it all covered or do you have to pay anything?

Blonder I don't know if it's any help but I move J from place to place while I'm doing housework. So he's in the swing for ten minutes while I wash up, then in the sling while I do the vacuuming (poorly as you can't move furniture or do the stairs), on the change mat on the floor while I do the bathroom, on the playmat while I tidy the boys' room, etc. Break it up with some playtime, feeds, songs etc. and you can get a bit done. I still haven't worked out how to do ironing though but I'm not hiding DH's unironed shirts in the wardrobe or anything.

It's fenugreek capsules Kirrin. Ask Kellymom.

Kyz unless his weight gain escalates I'd give as much milk as he wants.

Good luck tomorrow GT.

I found out why I'm at death's door, my temperature is 39.7 C! No wonder I feel like I've been run over. I had a bath for two hours but couldn't get out again, damn Lush stuff made the bath greasy. I'm dreading feeding J tonight as even my boobs hurt but it would be more painful not to as he has already had a bottle of EBM.

The DH isn't that bad. When I had viral encephalitis I was off work for five weeks and hospitalised twice but he looked after me and entertained my insane requests for traditional lemonade (I couldn't even drink water without being sick) and no light. All this while he was writing his PhD thesis. It's a bit of a blur now but DBIL says I was begging him to put me out of my misery because I thought the pain would go in forever. So that was pretty serious.

I'm studying graphs and networks Horsey but it's tough doing maths again after three years of stats. I finish my honours degree in June (assuming I pass my exams) then I was thinking about retraining as a teacher. My first degree is in Biochemistry so I could teach either Biology or Maths and Statistics depending on the PGCE course I do. I'm not sure about it though as there aren't the jobs in NI. Also I don't have any relevant teaching experience, which would probably hold me back.

Man I feel hot. And not in a good way.

expressing and feeding is getting to be only thing that works for me but so hard unless dh is in the house to turn up dial on machine or take baby ... it is the worse thing to have to move and spill the milk ... that saying doesn't make any sense anymore do cry over spilt milk do ...its breast milk ... it took 2 sessions over 2 days to collect.
any one else tell me what works for them to get the milk flowing it seems to be getting worse and worse every time there is plenty there but it mostly just doesn't want to come out I even tried expressing in the morning when dd hadn't used the boob in question for 6 hours but only got 2 oz after 45 mins

chunky you aren't failing at all, your LO's might be easy but it doesn't mean that raising them and keeping on top of everything else is a walk in the park! You can do it, let's face it, you ARE doing it, give yourself credit for what you manage and set little goals and take it one day at a time. You'll get there :) like you said we are only human :)

zcos your dd is probably just not a predictable baby. Some of them aren't as routiney as others so please don't feel guilty for not paying attention because it wont be that! How old is she? I found tje older E got the longer he would amuse himself for. I found it hard to read my LO's sleep cues and even now he doesn't have daytime naps mapped out. Have you tried keeping specific activities at certain times and writing down when she feeds so you know when to expect the next one? I expect ghat isn't so easy if you bf? Sorry if you've tried that already, it's just I found having some things like a walk and bath time and singing one song to him before bed etc and reading a short story before daytime naps a way to have some kind of routine in place. It took a while but I usually know what's what unless it's a grumpy day!

Repeat mantra 'this too shall pass'!

I'm overwhelmed with posts! I want to reply to so much, but I'm so tired.

So I'm going to be shit. And apologise. I've read - but I've used all my data allowance on my phone now, and I'm on the neighbours shitty net, which takes 30 minutes to load a page, if you are lucky. Kyzord We are with fuckingVirgin, and had no internet since last wednesday, and TV problems too. I'm climbing the frickin' walls. It isn't the first time, in fact one time we had 6 months with no internet and they wouldn't let us cancel as we were in contract. Now the contract is up, so this time, I've told them to go swivel. I've got Sky coming out in 2 weeks, and saving £20 a month on Virgins prices, as I have a half price for 12 months code. Oh, no improvement in sickiness yet. Thanks for asking!

DP has pushed all my buttons tonight. Could he be any more of an arse? Given the shitty 2 days in Detective Crumbly Towers, a lot caused by him in some way or another, and the fact that I've been the one mopping up the pieces. You would think he would be able to do the fucking dishes without fucking moaning that 'I always do the dishes'. Yes, you twat, you do near enough always do the dishes, because there is literally fuck all else you manage to do without fucking up. And even the dishes you leave dirty again, so really, shut the fuck up and get a grip. And I always put away the washing, always clean under the toilet, because you think sticking bleach in it is classed as cleaning it, I always deal with bills, and finances, I always do Oscars washing and ironing. There is plenty I always do. So shut the fuck up moaning because doing the dishes and putting the bins out are your job.

Our evening routine consists of me putting Oscar to bed, which if I do a bath, can be an hour and a half long by the time he is bathed, fed and settled. So I hardly see the problem in him taking 20-30 minutes out his day to wash the fucking dishes, and the bottles.

It has made me so inexplicably angry. I just feel taken for granted I guess.

I might be hormonal.

Welcome to sweary early wednesday!

I just want to give everyone a group hug! There are lots of us having tough times through one way or another.

Life shits on you sometimes, but we will come out smelling of roses, one day... one day soon please!!

Glenda - I just wanted to reassure you that feeling your baby doesn't love you is normal. Well I hope it is, because I went through those same feelings a week or so ago, when I was sure he preferred DP and DS1 to me! I then went on to make a conscious effort to spend more one on one time with him, and fuck the housework. I realised the time I had alone with him I was trying to be superwoman and get everything done so I could be all 'oooh, look what I've managed today'. I've decided to 'fuck that shit'! I'm now at the stage where I think he likes me, but then he likes lots of people. He isn't discerning!

I think feeling that way is okay, but as long as you realise it's silly, because they do love you, in their own baby way!

I know I'm being silly in thinking it, but I still do think it, if you know what I mean!

And I'm quite sure I don't have PND, I just have crazy woman hormones anyway!

Oh, and the passport application wants DP's fathers details.

We don't know them. His mum doesn't know them.

Am hoping it won't matter.

Garden Kudos on the freebies! I'm quite good at getting free stuff, or at least reduced stuff! But £98, that's a damn good heist! Last thing I got free was a bit random. Couple of weeks ago in Tesco, bought some clothes for O, and food. Asked for separate receipts for clothes, and the guy forgot. So he said, 'oh, here I'll just knock some money off' . He gave me his staff discount off all my shopping! I was like , I scuttled away quickly! I suspect he hates his job !

Got my Oscars bumbo, for £10, on eBay. Going to pick it up tomorrow, it's just down the road. Yay! Hope he likes it! I'll pop a picture up to add to the collection of bumbo babies on facebook!

Gosh thank you all so much. I hadn't really meant all that to come out. This group really is a lifeline.

Just had a long heart to heart with DH and he admitted he was really worried about me and he was scared he'd come home and find I had "done something stupid" but he hadn't wanted to say anything to a hcp or suggest I talk to a doctor in case we ended up on some kind of watch list. I said if he was genuinely worried I would hurt myself or L he should always do so, but that I didn't think I would.

He's been trying to keep on top of house stuff on his own which is lovely of him but we agreed it would be better if we came up with a plan to take control of the house together; we are both very disorganised so we need some lists and a timetable. Both for regular tasks and stuff we are behind on.

I think I envisaged my maternity leave as being a time when I would really get to grips with running a household, but I suppose it doesn't happen overnight. Maybe that's what I thought being a Mum was; my own is hyper-organised, driven, always gets everything done. I feel like an overgrown child playing at having a baby. But again, maybe it's a process, something to grow into and improve upon.

I know no-one ever feels totally in control of every aspect of their life but it had started to feel like everything was really out of control beyond my grasp. It actually came to a head this evening because we ran out of sterilised bottles which sounds silly but it just felt like it summed up and threw me into this panic about, well, everything really.

Anyway I will stop rambling about myself but thanks again for all your responses and being the best quiche on MN. PR I am thinking of your dd and VQ I hope J gives you a good night. Glenda I hope you are ok tonight. Stunt take care of yourself and no more slippy bath products! Pikz you have been doing amazingly well with the expressing and I hope you're starting to get more time to enjoy your LO too. And love and to everyone else.

Ooh, it's sweary Wednesday! Fuckity-bye xx

Maternity leave is a job in itself Blonder. I need to take my own advice, because I always tell new mums that they shouldn't think that suddenly because they are off work and at home that they should be taking over all household tasks!

A baby is a full time job. For the first year.

Must get better at taking own advice.

DS1 just got woken by DP going in his room for something. He started getting up because he thought it was time for school! D'oh!