November 2012 - By 'eck we can talk

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1660171-November-2012-the-best-post-natal-quiche-on-MN

Stats list: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1485512-November-2012-Stats-List

[Elizadoesdolittle]

Spent three and a half hours at a&e tonight as DD1 stacked it into a chair whilst running manically just before bed time. DH was upstairs with her so I didn't see it but I heard all the commotion. She has quite a deep cut on her eye but only needed those paper stitches so could have been a lot worse. She was very brave but I'm knackered now.

blonder fabulous news on the weight gain. Congratulations. Hope he keeps it up.

[ChunkyChicken]

Sometimes DS feeds to sleep nervous but its not deliberate. He woke on transfer tonight but self settled. DD used to do the same. She grew out of falling asleep on the boob iirc.

Feeling a bit blue. Trying to add some details to DS's baby book & updated DD's too. (Bought him the same as her as I liked the book so much.) It made me a bit sad & nostalgic to think of all the little quirks that DS has now will be forgotten entirely in no time at all.:( It does make me appreciate them both a bit more though & try to focus on the here & now and enjoy it for what it is.

evil your P never ceases to amaze. Con him out of money!!! It takes 2 to make a baby.

horsey I loved my yr off with DD. I didn't want to go back to work. This tine however, I feel like I've lost myself entirely & I'd love a bit of me time. I think its partly the contrast between DH carrying on as before, hobbies & all, this time & me having 2 to deal with, whereas DD was born outside of the hockey season, so DH was around more. Just planning to leave DH to it on Sat, and hopefully actually get out childless for the first time since 19/10 on Sat, makes me feel a bit better which is very little to do with the thought of Krispy Kremes whilst we're out.

YW will try to get that book. Wish DH would get a pay rise. He had an interview for a well-deserved promotion last Monday, so who knows??!

BPLP think babies eventually grow out of the white noise thing, so do the cheap app/you tube option for now & see if you need anything else later on!!

[ChunkyChicken]

Eliza poor DD (& you)!! They do love the manic stuff before bed don't they....

Meant to add, dream feeding now so off to land of nod soon. New breastshield for pump arrived today, so have that ready to go in case of a Jordan boob situation. Night all, sweet dreams or just plain bloody sleep all round.

[GTbaby]

I think this argument is deeper then painting LO room. The whole living in someone else's house thing n it not feeling like my home. But I could bore u with that side of my life forever. So I will spare u just fed up.

[ValiumQueen]

Three hours sleep to 1.30. Fed for 15 mins and asleep. Woken by wind. Waiting for him to settle.

DH thinks Ewan scares him on waking. Must admit it would scare the shit out of me.

evil loving Yellow willies. Quite apt considering the Jaundice.

[ValiumQueen]

Eventually settled 2.15.

Glad it is quiet on here.

Hope you are asleep GT

[TheDetective]

Fuck. The baby is broke. Can someone give me the returns address?

Last feed at 930. We all went to bed as soon as he settled. Thank fuck.

Coz he woke at 130. Wtf is all that about? He's not done that before.... I was expecting til at least 4. Anyway. Pacified him for an hour. Now feeding. I hope it's not going to be one of those nights. I was really tired when I came to bed...

[Thechick]

nervous I feed little one to sleep. He's also self settled at times as well.
I'm one who isn't looking forward to going back to work. It won't be until September but it feels like time is going so quickly already.
We will be going on holiday. My cousin is getting married in Poland during the summer. We are in discussions about how we are going get there, whether flying or having a bit of a road trip. Ds1 will still be in school so we are a bit limited with time.
I'm going to say something and I really hope it's not too controversial. I think a lot of you ladies are being a little bit too expectant of your little ones. If you have to swear at your baby, it shows that you are pretty stressed. They are all so young and this first year will be gone before you know it. They will do what they need to do when they need to do it. Yes, as a parent we do need to guide them in the right direction, and will have to for a long time yet. They haven't read the baby books. It will all work out okay, we just need to relax a little and enjoy them for who and what they are. I'm not saying it won't ever be hard, especially those with young dc's and unsupportive dp's but all the hard stuff will end, and them new hard stuff will start.
Going to attempt a transfer. Wish me luck.

[CandyPop]

Hello not so new but already 4 pages in thread.

Don't know why LO is still pooing at night had to do a change on either side of the feed just now! BUT as a first, we put her back in the cot awake and she just gone and self settled and gone back at sleep after some arm flagging !

Hope you get some sleep detective

Oh and welcome back yw :)

[StuntNun]

That's great news about the weight gain Blonder. I'm sure you're much happier now.

How are things going tonight VQ??Lots of sleep?

Nervous I feed J to sleep all the time but then he's having so many feeds a day (11-12) that feeding sessions and naps run together anyway.

Right transfer time. Maybe J will stay asleep until my alarm goes off in 2.5 hours? Not very likely but I can hope he'll skip the 5 a.m. feed today can't I?

[ValiumQueen]

stunt a bit more than you by the sound of it. J slept to 4.10 so a three hour stretch and a 2 hour stretch of actual sleep so far. I am hopeful for a quick feed and quicker settle as he keeps falling asleep on me. I want him to have more than a nibble.

chick a lot of what you say is true, but in relation to the swearing, it is important to consider who is swearing, and what their personal thoughts are on it, ie where swearing stands in their vocabulary. For some it is common place, for others it is only used under duress.

Swearing at a baby is never good, and I was horrified that I did so. It reflected my state of mind, and I acted upon it to ensure my baby, and I, was safe. Parenting is extremely stressful at times, and swearing is for some a safety valve, a sign that there is something wrong.

Some of us if we are honest will have had thoughts of harming their babies, or themselves, or both at times of extreme stress, often in the small hours. Thoughts are one thing, and very different to risk of, or actual acts of harm.

Thankfully there will always be someone on MN who has been there and understands this. Thankfully this is a safe place that we can say things that we possibly would not even tell our partners.

It is possible to be in a very dark place following childbirth and in the early months when combined with extreme sleep depravation too. The baby will often get blamed for this.

I hated my first child. Proper hate and blame. I feel guilty to this day, but I was not well. I cannot even bring myself to type even on here what thoughts I had, but I thank God I did not act on them. Being a mother was all I have ever wanted, and I had to wait until I was 37 to have my first, whose name means to hope and to wish.

Thankfully babies do not understand words, but they will react to the emotions of mummy as they do not need language for that. I read the 'go the fuck to sleep' book and was slightly disgusted at the language, but it is in jest. I do however think that the sentiments behind it are very very real. It is fucking hard work!

Anyway J is asleep so I must try and get some more too.

[StuntNun]

Bah, didn't even get an hour. What a hungry little boy he is.

[ValiumQueen]

stunt you always sound so serene!

J is fighting sleep. He is almost settled. I am hoping the schools are shut so I do not need to go out. I am keeping DD2 off nursery as it is a fair drive and I would not want to get stuck with three kids. Just not worth it IMO. Even getting to school 10 mins away on foot was challenging.

[Catbag]

[Thechick]

VQ I appreciate your honesty. Im sure what you have written has probably helped a few women on this thread know they aren't alone.

[Clarella]

Nov 2012 threads, blink and you miss em!

marking place.

odd behaviour going on here. slept for while day yesterday after being sooo difficult and feeding constantly previous eve. growth spurt hopefully? 6 weeks yesterday.

also can reflux get worse/ develop at this time?

[Clarella]

evil - def get to drs, all that sounds v like thyroid symptoms

[Sophiathesnowfairy]

detective is he 8 weeks perchance? Loads of the Novemeber Babies seem to go into a crazy 8 week zone!

[PetiteRaleuse]

Morning all. I love morning feed. She's so snuffly and eager. DD1 was very sweet this morning before she went to creche. I hope she is in a better mood today. VQ every time I start to rise to the bait I remember what it was like when she was in hospital. And I am pleased that she is here to bollock iyswim.

My bread has arrived. And I did an online shop yesterday and forgot to order strawberry jam

[pikz]

Pretty good night here in cotsville. We got him down by 9.45. Woke at 1.50, 3 and 6.50. I think the 3am was to have a poo otherwise he'd have done 5 hours.

[CandyPop]

thechick It's not so much we expect too much from LO we are aware that at this stage they are what they are and best way of dealing with them is going with the flow . However there were a few times when we were so exhausted, we cant think clearly and it's 3 in the morning,, she's fussing and everything we do doesn't soothe her.. Like vq said, its not so much a reflection of our unrealistic expectations of LO but more of our state of mind. Thank god on the few occasions that this has happened with me or dh we know we are at breaking point and so we put the baby down and let the OH see to her while we take time out. I admittedly think at times, why did we do this again? Maybe we should have waited for another couple of years. Babies are bloody hard work and I don't think anyone can prepare us for it, However it's the smiles and coos, and the serene look they have when napping on us that reminds us how lucky we are and how wonderful she is. Like all mothers I think I have the most beautiful baby in the world :)

[CandyPop]

On the going back to work front, I miss my colleagues and the banter and the general ritual of getting up and going to work. However I am now really dreading the thought of going back and leaving LO. I'm in finance and my job is very demanding. Often enough , a week out of a month I stay very late. I know that I can't be doing that once I go back which means I won't be able to do my job properly :( I will give it ago but I think I may have to give it up and find something more 9-5. It's sad as its taking all my life to get to this stage and I feel I will have to give it up. All those years of studying and now swapping it for baby sick and poonami explosions !!

[pikz]

Candy I feel exactly the same about work. I worked 60 hour weeks. I can't do that now so I dread going back to do a half arsed job.

I miss work and the buzz and adult convos. I love my little boy to pieces and want to be with him though. It's just realising that my career will take a back seat for a whilst until I'm through the early stages. But I want to be a hands on mum so that is the choice i suppose.

It's just weird as my job was such a huge part of who I am.

[PetiteRaleuse]

I have moments when it all gets too much. It's rarer and rarer now that LO is sleeping through (that really does make a huge difference to well being) but it still happens. Yesterday afternoon for example both kids were screaming and I didn't know why. When it gets too much I have a rant. I either email my thoughts to DH at work, or phone my mum, or wait til DH gets back and he'll say 'go' and I'll rant. If anyone saw my emails to him during the day they'd worry, but I really write it to get it out of my system. Once I have ranted, 'i feel like my tolerance levels have been reset.

I don't think we expect too much of our children. I think we expect too much of ourselves. Most people have realistic ideas of how awful babies can be, as it is constantly rammed down our throats by media and culture. However this is countered by there being so any schools of thought on how to do things. Parenting has become a market. So you will always always find someone or read something to tell you you are doing it wrong. We are taught, or you are in the UK, to mistrust your instinct. How many of you came on here worrying about weigh ins those first few weeks? How many of you have come on here feeling like you are failing for feeding, birthing, breathing in a different way to how society expects you to?

In the past we would have been surrounded by family, friends. We would have come from bigger families so would already have a good idea of what children are like. It takes a village to raise a child etc... Now we are on our own with books, internet forums and the Daily sodding Mail (as an example of a media source that likes to make women feel bad about every decision they make). Becoming a mother is now a lonely experience. Nt saying I'd like to go back, just saying that what has replaced the support network women had in the past has created more problems. We have this group, and it's great, but hop over to some of the feeding threads on MN, or a thread about co-sleeping or controlled crying. You will always find someone who sets out to belittle whoever decides to do something she doesn't agree with. Which, most of the time, we can ignore. But when you've had three months straight with no more than two hours sleep at a stretch, or when you are beating yourslef up about not enjoying breastfeeding you will fix on the one person who will drag you down.

These people reinforce our disappointments in ourselves, which were already created by this bizarre society we now live in, and just make things worse. No-one can be expected to function well on no sleep. No-one can be expected to function well with a wrecked fanjo. But we are now expected to just get on with it. It is one way in which the lot of women has got worse over the years, not better.

[PetiteRaleuse]

You see what I mean by a rant?