November 2012 - By 'eck we can talk

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1660171-November-2012-the-best-post-natal-quiche-on-MN

Stats list: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1485512-November-2012-Stats-List

[Catbag]

Well said petite, you have expressed beautifully exactly how I feel about being a mother. Spot on. Now I have to put firework in the pants of my DS so he gets out of bed. The joys of motherhood

[misslaughalot]

nervous I feed babylaughalot to sleep. Never intended to its just how she drops off most of the time.

Speaking of which she fed at 9.15 last night and dozed off in my arms for what I assumed would be 5-10 mins (based on every other day since she arrived). 2 hrs 45 mins she slept for! And she only woke because I had to get up as my bum was numb and my arm had gone to sleep under her and I'd ended up watching What Happens In Kavos !

So tonight's aim is to to get her down for bed at 9 rather than midnight which has been her time of choice. Any bets on how we'll do?!

[CandyPop]

What she said

[PetiteRaleuse]

Oh and just one more thing. One piece of advice I was given before DD1 was born: don't worry if instant bonding doesn't happen. It's OK for it not to. Love develops as it does for anyone else. Sometimes it's instant, sometimes it takes time. And sometimes, like anyone else we love , our children will drive us mad, and for a minute, or an hour, we will resent them for pissing us off, even when they can't help it. It's ok for us to love them but hate the little buggers at the same time. And the negative feelings won't last because we love them. Bonding is a process, and the rush of love does happen at some point. But it's OK that there are times when we would quite happily have them put back in to cook a little more. As long as we are in a position to give love and not harm, pretty much anything we feel is normal.

[horseylady]

Pr - I have been much better only reading this thread and the horse section. I could have doubted myself on so many levels. I think there is so much competition. A lady in the pub has a daughter who had her lo a few days after me. She asked how my birth went and I told her. I was then told how her dd only had two paracetamol a 30second labour and was doing zumba that evening. Ok the latter two are exaggerations but for a split second I felt awful for going into theatre then thought wtf?! My baby was 8lb he got stuck!! Hers was 5lb and she was induced with pe. Both of us had issues and to be fair I'd have rather done it my way than had the worry of health complications.

I do sometimes read the oct thread as there are babies slightly older than ds so I like to read their thoughts. They were talking about nurseries and schooling. Very interesting.

But you are all right. Sleep deprivation is horrific and I certainly agree with vq. If I swore at ds there would be cause for concern but my friend often swore at hers and there was little to worry about as it's how she expressed herself generally. I swear but rarely in anger. I also think many women need more support from families. Many of us live away from our parents or they're not alive. I'd have loved for my mil to help me out alongside my own mum. My mum has been fab but I feel dh would gave benefited from his mum being there too.

We've gone back to night wakings!! I love growth spurts!!

[horseylady]

Oh and the other thing to remember is the advise changes constantly. My friend was advised to wean at 15 weeks which is less than three weeks away for me. I don't think ds is ready or would have been. I will wean him when he looks ready. He will sleep in his own room when he's too big for his bed.

Research changes but research can also be skewed. It is only someone's opinion afterall. We don't all fit into social norms and statistics. That's why I love my job!

[Thechick]

Wow Petite you said what I was thinking in a much better way. You write really well. I wanted to applaud what you wrote when I finished reading it. And Candy thanks for your opinion too. It is hardworking but so worth it.
I think I've been in the house for too long. I really hate snow ANSI don't drive so I haven't gone out. I think I have cabin fever.

[Thechick]

*And I don't drive

[georgee]

Thanks for wise women's words everyone. V well put PR. It's DD1 I'm struggling with at the moment. Everything's such a flaming battle - dressing, feeding, stopping her sprinting down the drive to certain death on the road. James is nice and straightforward in comparison. Though was up at 1.00, 3.30 (plus nappy change) and 5.30. I agree I'm quite a swearer anyway so will let go the odd expletive day-to-day (but not directly at them - yet).

I don't need a passport for James for a UK flight do I (Edinburgh to Gatwick)? BA woman told me I did on the phone on Friday but that's wrong isn't it?

[horseylady]

This mornings trick is rolling......

[CandyPop]

chick I have serious cabin fever too!!! Now do I venture out to baby group which is 10 mins walk away?' I'm still lying in bed at the mo... Can bring myself to get up!

[CandyPop]

Can't+

[Sophiathesnowfairy]

I agree with what you say pr. I think we also have to remember that we bare our souls on this thread, it doesn't mean we are a danger to society, it means we are honest about the difficulties of having a new baby.

chickI am a routine follower and a book reader. I have no mother, all my family and DHs family are a long way away, I am slighty dyslexic which in my world means that when there is a lot going on I can get a bit overwhelmed and it all goes into a jumbled mess in my head. From the age of nine my coping mechanism is to make sure I am highly organised and tidy. I really struggle with going with the flow, it makes me feel panicky. Though I am getting better as I get older.

I reAlise that the kids haven't read the book but it isn't necessarily for them. It is for me and by setting a strict routine it is how I cope with all the things I have to remember to do in the day and get to the end of it. If I didn't have a routine in place I probably wouldn't have had a moment to myself in the last 8 years and I would have had a nervous breakdown

Ta da....no one size fits all. All the babies are different and all mums are different.

[horseylady]

Also everyone has an opinion of everything!! A lot of people would disagree with how I keep my horses. Thing is I am so much more confident with my care for those as it's been my life. I can argue my point very well!!

[Clarella]

oooo interesting prog on r4 about babies and development now ....

[kirrinIsland]

I was just going to post my thoughts but I see petit has put it so much better than I ever could!
I haven't ever sworn at my children but I do swear at the situation sometimes, and that is pretty normal for me when I am frustrated. I have no expectations that N will sleep through any time soon but that doesn't stop me crying with frustration when she wakes up 5 minutes after I've dropped off and I am so exhausted I can't see straight.


Hope your DD is ok eliza - and why do they always do these things 5 minutes before bedtime!?


WRT work - with DD1 I planned to take a year off but went back after 9 months. I felt ready and I missed it - both the work and especially the people. This time I shall see how it goes. I'm in a different job, not through choice, and while the people are lovely, I only worked with them for a few weeks before starting mat leave and I didn't particularly enjoy the job. I am also job hunting right now, so if I get offered something good then I accept that I may have to go back sooner than I'd like. I do want to feed ebf N for 6 months though.

Not sure about the passport georgee They will want some form of ID, So I usually just take my passport. Perhaps his birth certificate?

DD1 is rotten with cold this morning so I guess it's day 4 stuck in the house. I am going slightly crazy.

[Evilwater]

Sorry YW, it was autocorrect!

Evil

[blonderthanred]

Thank you for all the good wishes re L's weight. It is such a relief to know all the hard work is paying off and he is still enjoying bf.

Eliza your poor brave DD1! Glad she is ok but never fun to sit in A&E.

The conversation here has taken a serious tone (apart from VQ's bum sex). For my two penn'orth I think we all come on here and vent but that's not always representative of our expectations in real life, just expressing our frustrations. We've all got our own more serious issues whether relationships, health, sleep but a lot of the time people are just letting go of something - like pr does with her DH. Or there's a minor anxiety and they need reassurance that they/their baby is 'normal' or that this too shall pass. Preferably in the next 24 hrs.

In happy news from the BlondeRed household, I actually woke L up this morning as he had slept 5 hrs and I was worried. He's fine! And now feeding like a warthog. That means he slept 9 hrs in total last night. It's a fucking miracle.

[kirrinIsland]

Ooh horsey I think people are just as opinionated on horse care as they are on baby care - possibly more so. The number of people who are horrified that my horses live out all year is amazing, and they have no problem telling me how wrong it is! Its certainly good practice for motherhood!

For those struggling with baby groups - it always revolves round babies to start with, but as you actually make friends with people, rather than just chat to strangers, that will pass and hopefully you will have some RL people that you can share the sort of things we do on here. No-one wants to admit is not all a bed of roses at baby groups! It's like admitting failure, rather than just being normal!

[PetiteRaleuse]

Rolling! Bravo little E!! Was he pleased with himself?

I've just been reading the January 2013 thread. If you can bear the birth stories I suggest you go and have a look to see just how far we've come along. Remember how lost we were but in a few weeks how much progress we've made !

One of the advantages of being abroad is that when a French person gives me advice I just shrug and say Well in England we do it differently. When a Brit gives me advice I just shrug and say Well in France we do it differently. Makes life easier. We just muddle along doing our best with what we have. People in real life can be pretty unsupportive.

I also know someone Horsey who did a cat's bum face when I said I'd had an EMCS with DD1. She said 'Ha, too many CS these days. I just got on with it and had a few paracetamol. They just slid out. I assume you're going to try and do it properly this time?' i said no fecking way, I will never try and do it properly again. Elcs all the way for me. (which is true btw). And she literally couldn't have looked more disgusted with me.

Competitive birthing and parenting is bullshit.

I'm sweary btw. Ironically not often in real anger. Just when I feel a little bit ranty.

[kissyfur]

Morning ladies

Rant away petite, that was very well put. I agree that we are too hard on ourselves, and society is too quick to judge mothers for the decisions they make. It also makes me sad how unkind some people on the feeding/parenting/aibu threads on here can be to each other if they have different views. Live and let live I say! Not talking about this lovely thread obviously

Thanks YW - I didn't realise that's how domperidone worked. She had a dose last night and hasn't been sick yet, so fingers crossed it'll work for us. Going to give the first dose of ranitidine in a bit. Do u know what the shelf life of ranitidine is btw? It says not to use after expiry date but doesn't have a date on the bottle we were given by the pharmacist.

Not looking forward to going back to work here really. I only work part time after having DD1 and not in the same field I worked in prior to having children. Hence it's not very well paid so tbh I'm unsure if going back will even work out for us finance wise.

Can't remember who mentioned watching 'what happens in kavos' but I watched it too! Car crash tv eh

[ValiumQueen]

georgee some airlines insist on passports for domestic flights, so best to get one, or at least check with airline.

I would buy PR s book on parenting. You explain things so well.

Between 10.15pm and 8.15 am, J and I slept for 8 hours! Two wakings of 1 hour each, so a 3 hr, 2 hr, 3 hr split. Happy with that! Feel like I have been run over by a truck! All in cot (him, not me)

[gardenpixies32]

Put girls to sleep at 6:45pm ,they woke at 3:45am for milk. I was downstairs warming the bottles. Both girls upstairs howling. P comes into kitchen and says..."what do you want me to do". This is what I am trying to deal with, Mr No Brains!

I leg it upstairs with milk, he goes into spare room and shuts the door! I feed both myself.

Can anyone say...selfish?!

[PetiteRaleuse]

Oh thank you all for saying such nice things about what I wrote. VQ I think there are more than enough books written about parenting don't you?

I'm not sure adding another called 'Do it how you want and sod everyone else' would work

I read a book about parenting recently that my granny was given in 1945 when my mum was born. It was funny because it could have been written by Gina Ford for routine, and by any number of weaning experts today. Funnily enough the doctor who wrote it talked about purées and about the importance of introducing finger foods too.

In fact except for his advice on nappies and non breast milk (with advanced formula being unavailable and terry nappies being the only choice) it was pretty up to date. Everything that is out there is pretty much what has been done for years in some form or another. It's just that everything is so much more available now, and there is an entire industry built around parenting. It's so in your face. But other than life saving medical advances, like c sections and wonderful doctors without whom my DD1 might well have died a few weeks ago, basic parenting involves what it did generations ago. And more generations. And centuries.

[ChunkyChicken]

Thanks VQ and PR for writing so much better than I. At 3.30, with a MASSIVE poonami that I didn't realise until after I'd almost force-fed my son boob I'd read chick's comments and got a bit . Sorry chick!! I'm glad I didn't comment & say something I'd regret.

Essentially, I don't swear at work (teacher) but it slips out at home. But I never, ever call either child names, I just express my frustration. Before DS had his TT done & wouldn't latch easily, I would occassionally say something like "for fuck's sake, just fucking well fucking put it in your fucking mouth!!" after the 6th attempt. Mostly I take my frustration out at DH (poor bloke) by ranting too, but at 3am with him snoring, it wasn't that easy. If it was too much, I do what candy said & leave dc in care of DH & take a breather. Even 5mins alone in the kitchen can be enough. However, since DS has slept better & fed better, I'm much calmer. except when it comes to DH's pathological untidyness

The poonami was a treat, but otherwise he was in bed from 8.45 until 7.25.