November 2012 - losing sleep and losing weight

[StuntNun]

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/postnatal_clubs/1640937-November-2012-sleepless-nights-aplenty

Stats list: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/antenatal_clubs/1485512-November-2012-Stats-List

petite you are not burdening us - we all need this group in our own way. You have all had a dreadful time of it and I would imagine that you are both quite exhausted. If this has come out of the blue it is possible it is more a repsonse to the situation than actual feelings. If you can get sleep tonight then do so and perhaps try to discuss it tomorrow. You have said you have little RL support where you are - it is possible he is also feeling isolated and angry. Whatever the reason I really hope that you are ok.

evil what about proper swaddling? Like a swaddle me? You can get large ones. Penelope whines when first put in hers but settles extremely quickly when put down. She actually is sometimes still awake when I am dozing off but the swaddle helps her feel secure so she just lies there. Also, Penelope is bathed every day. She likes the kick about in the water but screams blue murder when taken out. She properely screams herself hoarse. It sounds awful but she sleeps wonderfully afterwards and in the grand scheme of things she is only crying for minutes - 3 max. We use bathtime bubbles and body lotion. We have got in to such a routine now that I am actually scared not to do any stage of it now. This includes forcing poor wee sausage to endure body lotion. We put Ewan on but had white noise apps prior to that.

I think it must be especially hard that it has started recently havig not been a problem before.

Thank you you're so lovely. Yes we are both super stressed. But a red flag has been waved. And I am so not amused :)

PR :( Sending hugs. Other halves can be dicks. They know how to push buttons.

Nervous, liking the name change!

Sophia WOOHOO! Think that sounds perfect to me!

I've had a lavender bath. With Oscar. And DP. That is approx 28 stone. In one small bath. There was 1 inch of water. That kid sure does love the bath. We stayed in for far too long. Prunes r us.

I've had a hot chocolate shhhhhhhhhh it had whipped cream.

Oscar is having his last feed.

I'm going to take my nytol.

And then I am GOING THE FUCK TO SLEEP.

Oh Detective, I bought some lavender oil. The pharmacist had to prepare it specially. I have to wait til both DDs are breathing healthily before using it. That said LO has slept through two nights in a row. Maybe it was her new year resolution. Or maybe she's just getting me comfy before she tries out the techniques to test my sanity that someone ciopied upthread.

I just wish the lavender fixed my bits - that is what I got it for! It didn't. But it did make me sleep. I am going to bed. If he finishes the fecking feed!

How do u use lavender to help LO sleep? In bath? On sheets? Think I might give it a go.
An I right in assuming ur using it with ur babies? Not older kids?

Both GT. I was told it is fine for babies, but one or two drops only. I put them in the bath for me and Oscar. I put them on a tissue next to DS1 when he was sleeping . Bad mummy!

PR I've just seen from another thread that your 2 DCs have RSV! It's a real arse of a thing to have, poor mites. That's what J was in hospital for 2 weeks with before Xmas after it turning into bronchiolitus. I hope they're feeling better soon.

Daisy please let us know how you get on with the mei tai. I have a woven wrap but hardly use it as J doesn't seem to like it.

LO pissed on my bed. Rather then change my sheets I've moved to the other side of the bed. Helps DH is on night shift. This is what my life has come to. So tiered, can't even b arsed to change sheets.

Thanks detective

stunt I'm taking back the mei tai today just because lo didn't like it. I was impressed with hoe easy it was to put on though

Just on 2nd feed of the night

Lol pikz can one take the pjs and not the baby r do the have to come as a package? Buyer can collect!

PR I was thinking of your situation in the night and I think you both need to hit the reset button. That trip to the mountains is a must. Your DH has probably had a moment where it all got on top of him. Flip the tables and pretend it is you and the kids and him are ill and you are trying to be supportive emotionally. No matter how hard to try sometimes you might get a bit cross and resentful. Well, I know I would, and have.

We all write it down on here....your DH hasn't got that release and like the others say he has just taken it out on you.

Take some time out you have both had a difficult few weeks.

I am feeling ever more grateful that I have a v v happy, smiley and content baby at the moment, have jinxed things now when I read how many stressful things everyone else has to endure. Admittedly it hasn't been all plain sailing with the feeding - tongue tie, mastitis, plugged ducts (which I had developed on top of the mastitis, one for each boob!! ) but seems to be clearing now - but even then, its been relatively easy. So v v v grateful.

However, had the 2nd big row with DH in 2 days yesterday. He has been a bit "typically male" lately & I've been feeling stressed with Christmas+baby+DD ill+DH ill that I'm resenting him & his freedom. He gets to do what he wants, when he wants. Yesterday, I've taken to bed to rest & get over the boob issues. He decides that he needn't bother doing any housework until he's cooking dinner, do sits on his arse watching blu-rays & playing computer games. Then wonders why I'm cross!!! Makes out I'm unreasonable, should accept he's going to it, to tell him what jobs to do if I want them doing etc. I mean, when do I get a break then??!!!

It also pissed me off that I'm constantly having to persuade him to not do things if he's ill, like the meal on NY's day, or hockey today. I mean, who would play hockey with a chest infection, or even when they're recovering from one whilst on antibiotics?? Would you believe I also had to remind him that he couldn't play hockey when Aaron was 6do, as I'd need his help. He didn't play, but it seemed that he almost believed it was a bit OTT of me & a bit unfair! Plus, we has a row during my pg, because my yoga clashed with his hockey training, we have 1 car & they're in opposite directions & DD needed looking after. He was when I said I wouldn't alternate with him & wanted to go every wk from September through to Aaron's birth. I mean, it was only 12wks out of his hockey, but the entire end 1/3 ish of my pg. It was only 'me time' ever and I needed it to help me stay fit & well, plus prepare for the birth. Yet, he can use the
"hockey keeps me fit" line as a justification for wanting to play his hobby.

Finding it v hard to see him as a nice, loving husband & father atm, & not just a selfish, inconsiderate burden & cause of more housework. His life hasn't bloody changed one bit & mine has, even more than with DD, & he can't see how frustrating that is for me. How fair is it that when he was ill, I had both kids & the housework to deal with, but when I'm trying to rest so I don't get ill, I get DD babysat/she's asleep, I've got LO, & he ignores the housework until it suits him to do it? His attitude was "you shouldn't do the housework, you need to rest". Well I'd love to - but if I don't do it, clearly no other fucker will!!!! Why the hell couldn't he have emptied the dishwasher or something??!!! Selfish twunt.

Sorry for the rant. At least DS smiling at me make it worthwhile.

PR sorry to hear you've got yet more to deal with. Hope you're physically on the mend & emotionally, things are just in turmoil due to the stressful time rather than anything else.

Is this a man thing or my DH thing?

LO starting to cry in basket. I pick up, try winding, still grumpy, try new nappy, still crying. I go to wash hands, Lo full on crying, DH still asleep. Come back, DH picked up DS, says think he's hungry, hands him to me, goes to loo. I start to feed DS, DH comes back, gets in bed, immediately back to sleep, starts snoring!!! He has had 8hrs sleep, it is gone 8am!!! Seriously, I would love even half of that as undisturbed sleep. But 8hrs & still falling asleep like he's exhausted. Wtf is with that??!!!!

I must venture to the lounge to get my straighteners into the midst of the squabbling tweenies.

Well after an unsettled evening E went from 12:30-5:30 in her Moses basket. Best she has done. It's nice to not feel shattered!

pr that's really shit. Sorry to hear you are now having issues with your DH after everything you're going through. I hope he sorts himself out.

Definitely a man thing Chunky. Apparently my ILs are upset with me because I have been 'bossing DH around lately' especially after me saying he couldn't pick up his DB from the airport one day both his parents have cars FFS. They obviously don't realise that DH's life continued on as normal while I was recovering from the CS and it took 6-7 weeks to get to the point where I could have some me-time while DH looked after J and even then it's been an hour. He's still going out when he wants, playing XBox, playing his guitar, etc. I haven't touched my saxophone in seven weeks and it looks like I'm going to have to give up on my OU course because I can't have the four hours I need a week to study.

I really hate that bullshit line they feed you about not doing any housework after the baby's born. I don't actually have a line of people queuing up to do my housework. If I want to eat or wear clean clothes or have clean sheets then I have to do it. I'm sure a lot of you are in the same boat. I'm so cross that I was having to fight to get my basic needs met and then the PIL say I'm being too bossy.

Ds coughing nearly all night. It got so bad at one point I nearly called 999. Anyway eventually gave him some Calpol and he's calmed down slightly. If he starts again he's going to a&e, or the emergency dr. I just had him lying on me trying to get the fluid up :(

If he feels like I feel (which I suspect he does) then he can't know what to do with himself :(

horsey not caught up with thread, but I would advise you to get him looked at today regardless. Things are likely to be worse tonight. Likely bronchiolitis. Thankfully he is bigger now.

How scary horsey is it worth getting him checked anyway?

Definitely a man thing. Mine WAS wonderman for the first 3 or so weeks after I had M but has now reverted to his old ways. The only real job I need him to do (although emptying dishwasher or running the hoover over every so often would be nice too) is take the bins out. And that takes days of nagging to get done... He's really helpful with M but that's slipping now too during the night: "I'm working I need to sleep" he can and does sleep at work.

We also had an argument over the car for my antenatal yoga classes. Apparently I should have got two busses and begged for a lift home while he had the car for dive meetings (1 door to door train). It wasnt even as though he had dive kit with him . I eventually reminded him it was MY car hoping doesnt backfire when our new car is in his name.

It seems men just dont seem to find the same things that are important to us are worthwhile. Take my graduation ball in June (I finished my course last year but deferred my graduation so i could graduate with the rest of my class who were either repeating years or doing the postgrad). He sees it as an unnecessary expense and is point blank refusing to go. Despite knowing how much I've been looking forward to it to the past year. Then when I said I'd go with a male friend on the course he kicks off about that .

I can't win.

Thanks stunt and MissM glad I'm not the only one, although would rather no-one was in the boat iyswim. We wouldn't have to boss them about if they either did it themselves OR did it first bloody time!!! I am at least sure my MIL would be nagging my DH if she knew, so have it better there than you stunt - just what you don't need. And miss that's so selfish of him re; your grad ball!

notsonervous what a lovely name change

PR you had antibiotics for your chest infection. I had similar pains and it was inflammation between the ribs and did not need treatment. Get seen if you are worried, but do not panic. Listen to your body. Sorry about your DH. Men find it easier to threaten leaving because it would be easier for them. If we threaten to leave, we would take the kids and lose our home so we do not threaten this unless we are at risk. He is very tired, and worried about his babies. From how he sees it, you have been at home having it easy. He does not understand. A fine example of this is my DH. I said I had a shit night. He said when he came to bed, and when he got up, we were both sleeping soundly. I said I had obviously done well to not disturb him. Also with bf, he sees me sitting all day. He does not see that the sitting is very draining in a multitude of ways, and that sitting is not like him lounging watching TV able to get up when he wants and not having to wrestle with baby and observe constantly. I hope your DH is soon back to normal.

pikz I will swap you for similar. They say a change is as good as a rest. Loving the advert

Men! DH complains that he does not get to do what he wants on his days off. I say 'you have three kids, you will not have a day off to do as you please for about 10 years'. I supported him for six years while he studied, and now he is on minimum wage on a no hours contract. I have worked full time throughout and had kids in full time child-care so he could study. Grr! I so agree with the comment about just making extra housework!

You're all right. Things have just got too much for all of us. just need to ride out the storm. Will plan a trip away just as soon as LO is on the mend.

The physio came again this morning for LO. Her bronchiolitis isn't getting too bad so fingers crossed the physio will do its job.

DD1's hospital routine has done her no good. Is waking up every couple of hours expecting medication and temperature checks etc.