October babies. Don't get lost

[lisbethsopposite]

Come in come in.

Agghhhh. Just accidentally knocked the side of Dash's head with my hand while I was trying to stop him pushing himself of my knee. It wasn't hard but he cried really hard for about 10-15 seconds. Bad mummy. Should I be worried? He's fed fine since.

Had visitor with 4 yr old this afternoon. What will ours all be like by then?!

Christmas .... I could bypass it this year tbh. I am not a grinch and not 'down' but DS is going to be 10 weeks old and I'd rather stay in house and continue trying to be calm and relaxed and routine. We are going to MILs for dinner (which is actually 12-4) then my parents for another 4 hrs. This means lots of BF not on my sofa and sleeping in strange environments. Not that he sleeps well in day anyhow. Sigh. Well as long as we get home for bath at 9 ish.

Present wise we got him a lovely tummy time soft roll thing from Mothercare. Everyone gushing over baby's first Christmas. As I say, 10 weeks......!

Contemplating no Christmas tree. House full of baby stuff. Maybe I am a grinch..........!

Squid- feelings now about birth Well there is no doubt I had a traumatic one and it took me weeks to discuss it. However, BF has been such a feckin trial and honestly the hardest thing I hav ever done. I look back on my birth as a bit disappointing as it was well, just, well, bloody crap. And so not what I hoped. Recovery was difficult and emotional. But it was over and is done and I will never go through natural labour again, on medical advice.

But it no longer makes me cry. And I can discuss it with anyone. So I think I am officially over it! BF however had been so much harder than expected and wracked with disappointment and exhaustion. However I know it too will pass! And the delight of this monster growing baby on my milk is making up for it. Until the next complication!

Lizzietow struggling to see any day time pattern emerging. From 9pm to 6am, know what happens. From then, anyone's guess!! Disliked sleeping much in day and I ufuslly take him out in car around 2 as he bloody needs some sleep!! This may be a folly but if not he just gets crosser and crosser and night sleep dodgy too. Hopefully he gets more predictable with time!

In saying that, currently been sleeping since 3, is now nearly 5!

Feelings about birth are mixed. In my head I know it was a good outcome. I had a healthy, happy baby and a healthy me but I feel angry about it. I feel traumatized by the speed and intensity and afraid of having to go through that again one day. It's the one thing stopping me from saying "I definately want more children". I felt completely let down by the midwife on maternity ward (where I was induced) and that all the negative aspects were down to her and her unbelievable lack of interest. I feel embarassed that other people's DP's were stood outside the bathroom door having a converstation about me because the bathroom has no privacy and is literally off the corridor, outside one of the maternity ward rooms, where people can visit. I am hurt and angry that I had to plead for gas and air and they tried to bully me into an examination I was in to much pain to cope with. I am very grateful for DH who put his foot down and was my voice when I couldn't speak for myself, who got me back to my room (I still hadnt been allowed up to delivery ward at this point!) when I was so far into my labour that I couldn't walk, and I feel eternally gratefull to the midwife who delivered Arty, who finally made me feel safe again. I have never been so happy to see anyone in my life!

Apparently I still have some issues .

That is hard Wantan. I was so lucky and privileged to hav fantastic MW care once in delivery suite. The admissions was not great tbh and I've sort of forgotten about that....... But I had a v v long journey, yours was fast and frightening. I suppose the knowledge that IF I do it again will hav to be planned ECS and thus I will be on more control.

I hope sincerely that you learn to put it behind you and if you ever do this again you have good support in advance from medical staff. X x

Mickey just remembering u said u have a 'debrief' apt. Is this par for the course? Never heard of before!

If I ever do it again it will be at home!!!! I know, the best laid plans and all that.....

In this area know how many home births in 2010 out of 5000??? 1!!!!

But we are so so much better provided for with MW care in NI. 1-1 guaranteed in main hospitals. I know some areas on England hav major issues with MW provision.

Considering my experience I'm glad I didn't try and insist on home birth to increase those stats!!!

Huffle I don't know if it is routinely offered everywhere in the UK.. although it is routinely offered in our NHS trust. Which is really good I think. Having said that, I still haven't made up my mind if I want to talk about it anymore. It doesn't make me cry anymore, like yours Huffle, but now I've cried about it and got it over with I don't really need to dig it all up again. Or do I?! Who knows...

In good news today- I took the buggy out and we walked into town and back today (back with lots of shopping ) I feel so much better for it. Definately yes to the advice about going out every day- it feels great!

Huffle Also with you on being glad that I was actually refused a home birth. I would have died, without a doubt.

Londonmrs

This is how our mornings usually go. Wake, eat, "face time" which is basically us making faces,.singing songs,.making noises for 10 -30 minutes. Then a bit of tummy time. At first about 2 min was all he could stand now up to almost 10. Then feed again and then into the swing for a nap. This is tv time for us on a home day, or getting ready time if we are going out for the day.

londonlivvy Sympathy over your DF's remark. That's exactly the sort of thing DH used to say first time around. I think men can feel very powerless during this time and it's a way of reasserting control for them. First few months really bear no relationship to the rest of childhood.

To those ebm who suspect their periods are returning - it's because your babies are sleeping through! Leaving several hours between feeds cuts the level of prolactin. But it varies between women. DD slept through at 9 months and if took 22 for mine to return.

londonmrs, we get up, change nappy, 'chat', play gym, story, re-feed and hope she feeds herself to sleep. this rarely happens, so i might put her in the sling to get her off. i pop her in her cot asleep and then she will wake after 10 mins. i will cuddle and then faff with my grizzley overtired baby until it's time to feed again and will hope she feeds herself to sleep....by this stage all routine has gone - i think playtime is banned now she is overtired. she's better when we go out as we have more time in sling so sleeps in there and enjoys socialising

Hi all! DS much better, should go home today. Need to quiz consultant though about what exactly caused all this.

feelings about birth in my head I ramble on and on about this. Best for me to keep it short and sweet. In practical terms, all the essentials were provided. Delivery midwives and paeds were excellent, when Tom's heart stopped on the resuss table the emergency team were in like a flash and did what needed to be done. The SHO did a very good job of stitching me up (but I haven't had sex yet, eek). BUT beyond the basic medical essentials I was left to my own devices. And as a first time mum (and DH first time dad) the emotional essentials and bf support are nearly as important as the medical essentials. Staff need to be aware of that.

Do I want another baby? Yes. But right now I think I could only do this all one more time, tops. If I have any complications with my next pregnancy, and particularly if induction is on the cards, I am going to consider requesting an elective c-section.

On the TMI front to do with menstrual cycles, b/c I'm FF my cycles are getting back to normal. And I had egg white cervical mucus yesterday. The thought of being able to get pregnant right now if I had sex makes me want to stand 10 feet away from all men and brandishing a weapon of some kind.

DS has been having some soy-based formula here at the hospital (equivalent of SMA) and my god it makes his poos awful! Very dark green, sticky like the transition meconium/regular poos and it STINKS. Aptamil poos are way closer to bf poos (still thicker, but less stinky, yellow mustard colour, seedy and yeasty smell like bf poos). Just an observation if anyone wondered about the differences between brands!

honey I accidentally whacked DS' head with the seatbelt on the plane a few times (I blame turbulence!!). And the other day he was bobbing his head so much in on my shoulder he bumped it into my teeth and howled!!! Felt awful but just cuddled and kissed him and apologized to him (but it was his own doing, in fairness!!)!

firsttime DS takes 6-8 bottles a day. Mostly takes 120-180ml but for a couple (eg the night feeds) he often just takes 80-100ml. I make his bottles up to 200ml (that's the next stage up from 150ml bottles with the NZ equivalent of Aptamil I'm using here) so there's always enough for him, even if for some bottles I end up chucking out half. As its warm here I offer 20ml cool boiled water between feeds but will give him his next bottle if he's still hungry after that. He is going about 3-5 hours between feeds.

Just chatted to consultant. If snot swab shows viral infection then that was probably (in addition to jab) what caused temperature. Same with urine sample, if that shows a UTI. If either of those show nothing then it was jab that caused it, but benefit of vaccinations means should probably just have normal jabs at 4 months etc but monitor carefully.

Going home later this morning! :)

honey I faff about when latching DS2 on to make sure his bottom arm is in the right place and quite regularly I brain him against one of DS1's toys that have been "helpfully" placed on the sofa next to me I'm either killing off all his brain cells or he'll just be extremely robust... Oh and he regularly headbutts me when I'm trying to burp him. It seems to hurt me more than him!

elpis does that mean your DH has come round to your DS a bit more?

firsttime just re-read your post - yeah I reckon increase the amount in her bottles to 180ml (or whatever the next stage is) - she might want just a touch more than 150ml. My midwives/health nurses and Aptamil helpline (no surprises there) said not to worry, it's all within a normal range. If she's hungry, feed her!! :) I think my DS has always been determined to eat lots - he was 7 lb 4 oz at birth and was just over 12 lb at 6 weeks 2 days...!

just wanted to add my feelings about birth: it was bloody awful. if I was thinking about another baby I would want to discuss birth options with my doc first. although I know all births are different, I can't go through that prolonged agony again, and I can't put my husband through the trauma of seeing me thinking I was dying and wishing I was dead.
that said, I hope we do have another baby in the future- just not for at least 2 or 3 years!
maybe I can get them to give me an epidural at 36 weeks and just keep it topped up till birth.
Zara, so happy to hear your little one is getting better! you must be exhausted.

littleLondon has been ravenous all day. I think she's doing that growth spurt supply increase thing. my tits are broken. if I wasn't already using a nipple shield I think my nips would have fallen off.
hope everyone has a restful night.

Thanks londonmrs! Actually got about 6 hours sleep last night (in two 3 hour stretches) so not too bad. Definitely helps having our own room and a bed & bathroom for me!

at epidural at 36 weeks. I know many women get by without one but my god it was essential for me. I don't care if I may have a lower pain threshold than others (as DMIL and DH "helpfully" commented) I have never felt such horrific pain in my life.

If I don't have a ECS with my next baby I am going to write a birth plan. This is what it will say: "EPIDURAL. Fucking ASAP. Collar the fucking anaethestist when I call ahead to say I'm coming in. And a proper high-dose one too, not any of this still-feel-enough-to-push-and-tear bollocks. And if any well-meaning midwife fucks around with me and tries to stall me from getting one I will bludgeon him or her with a pair of forceps."

DMIL's sister had her kids in the late 50s/early 60s where they put you in "twilight sleep" for labour and delivery so you don't remember anything (a la Betty Draper in Mad Men). Sounds fucking MARVELLOUS if you ask me...

zara glad to hear Tom is doing much better, you must be exhausted but so relieved.

Good to hear the poo report on Aptamil, have switched to that today funnily enough. Will be third brand we've used so I'm not expecting anything massively different but hoping it might help him poo a bit more frequently. I'm sure I've asked this before but how regular is Tom? Once every 2-3 days here, poor thing, although hv assures me this is normal.

Zara, I would have punched anyone who commented on my pain threshold. I later discovered that a midwife had said something similar to my OH. no one has the right to make a judgement about someone else's pain.
thinking about it, I remember thinking how awful and agonising and excruciating the laboring was- but I can't actually remember what the pain felt like if you see what I mean. I remember where it was and what it was in an academic way, but not actually how it felt. an evolutionary way of making me think it wasn't as bad as it was maybe?
Zara, just noticed the weight of your little one- that's brilliant! he's obviously thriving!
I wonder where / how cwest, shellwedance, fjord and the others who don't seem to post here are. if you're lurking, hope all its well with you.

Quick post from me (must go to sleep!). Just to reassure the fellow "control freaks" that it is MUCH less stressful/difficult/worrying second time around!!

I have a friend who is a midwife who says the mums who find it toughest are career girls - project managers, accountants and lawyers because of the strong need for order and control!

Hang in there, it definitely gets easier! Don't write off no 2 yet!

Thanks Two! Had I been able to take a course , make some notes, follow a schedule and write it all up, this motherhood lark would be easier!!! Glad in not alone. Career-easy peasy!!!

huffle - thought you might like my recollection of work post mat leave last time..... Hot cups of tea, not having to share/miss meals, clean, non-mumsy clothing, smelling of perfume not regurgitated milk, colleagues were well behaved enough not to get overtired and have tantrums! That said, was always lovely to get back to DS1, and now I'm back for a year - tea is cold again, sick on shoulder, but worth it

Hilarious birth plan, Zara! I saw that episode of Mad Men, I wonder what drug they used?
So glad Tom's feeling better and you can go home, you must be so relieved. Sounds like you had great care though.

London, my DS usually sleeps quite a lot during the day, so when he's awake and happy I try to interact. Like Beebele we have face time - chatting, singing, smiling. But I have no qualms shoving him on the baby gym if I need to watch do something.

My news...
DS slept for over 7 hours straight last night! Had a quick sleepy feed, then went back to sleep for another 2 hours.
I didn't sleep for all of it because I went to bed later, and then I woke up in the early hours realised he'd slept through and proceeded to worry about him for an hour or so!
Think he's fine though - temp's normal and making up for lost time feeding well this morning.
I wonder how it'll affect his naps today?