October 2012 babies - we meet them at last!

[YompingJo]

Getting thread in place in readiness!

We were also told olive oil but also told by MW that they "shed their skin like a snake" so don't need to put anything on. As we only had garlic flavoured olive oil didn't bother and can report situation largely self-resolved. Now have baby acne instead!

This thread is so fast now.

Been a hectic few days - my sister in law is 40+2 and her baby stopped moving yesterday, so we went up to help out - my mum babysat my nephew while they were in the hospital, and me (and Jess in sling) helped out around the house and made some food for everyone, lots of hugs, went home. She was ok, heartrate was fine, baby is ok. She just wants it out now, I remember that feeling well!
My mum is still here and still takes jess a lot of the time so I am living fairly normally - cooking, sex, running... my favourite things. Even reading a book, even went to the pub last night
Just suddenly got oddly teary about all the things I used to be obsessed with that I haven't thought about for six weeks now - my writing and a band I used to follow avidly, and medicine... cannot imagine how i will go back to work? i feel like i could as soon jump over a house as treat a patient right now. I know it's not a real problem compared to the difficulties some of you are having, but losing your identity is so strange, and i have a bit of a cry sometimes

midgetm re sleeping: I'm sure you are right :( but let me have my moment :)

Christ, I never imagined it would all be this hard. I feel slightly relieved that plenty of you feel the same, if you see what I mean.
I really wish my little one would sleep at night like she does during the day. I wish I could find the time to drink a cup of tea before it gets cold. I wish my tits weren't so uncomfortable all the time. I wish I didn't still have to squeeze expressing into the already impossible schedule. I wish I could poo comfortably.
I wish my mum lived closer. Never thought I'd say that.
But I love my baby.
Those are my thoughts of the day.

Really feel for those of you who've had to make tough decisions about feeding... you are all wonderful mums and have nothing to feel guilty about. Where there are problems with breastfeeding, formula milk is a great, safe invention that was made just for the situations that you are describing.

Hey londonmrss.. the sleep will improve (maybe)... you'll drink a cuppa (definitely)... your tits will improve (definitely)... and you shall poo eventually. Be nice to yourself for all you've done, hey...
I hope you are feeling a bit better about your birth, my boyfriend wrote my birht story from his point of view the other day and that helped me lots.

I've never appreciated my mum more, I feel a bit ashamed about that. She doesn't live nearby either, about 3 hrs away. But she still makes the effort. I hope I'm like that for Jess. (We have always looked after each other a bit, me and my mum, as adults anyway, because we've both had prolonged down periods.)

Woolybob at thought of baby covered in garlic flavoured olive oil!!!

LondonMrss, a few pages back you asked how long it would take your ladybits to return to normal. No idea if I am an average case but thought I'd share my experience in case it helps. I had an episiotomy and stitches and I needed to pour warm water over my bits while I did a wee for about 10 days. Stitches dissolved after 12 days. Swelling (feck, I was so swollen ) had mostly gone down after 2 weeks but I'm still a little swollen (3 weeks today) and I am a bit numb around where the stitches were, I guess some nerves were cut and need to grow back. The midwife who came out about 3 days ago said "it HAS only been 2 and a half weeks" as if I was crazy to think I might be back to normal by then. I was a bit - the only thing I was told was stitches take 12 days to dissolve, so I was working on 12 days being the timeframe for everything being ok again. It never hurt me to poo but I did find it stressful, it just felt like the world was going to fall out of my pelvic floor. Walking around and sitting down was bloody agony for a week, hard for the second week and fine now. I've done lots of pelvic floor exercises, I do them while I'm feeding as there's feck all else I can do with one hand on a boob and one hand on a baby. I had piles too, lovely and the standard anusol didn't make any difference so I got the stronger one from hte chemist, it helped but it said only use it for 7 days and I didn't read that and used it for 8 and a bit days and now I am all itchy . The painful pile has gone but I still have 2 distinct swellings there which refuse to budge .

The hardest thing, for me, was letting DH see me naked. I really needed him to look at me, look at the stitches, look at my battered, bruised, stitched, scarred, formerly sexy ladybits and accept me as I am now, and still love me and want me, because I felt like I had been butchered and ruined (this still makes me cry to type), and it was so hugely emotional, but a massive step in coming to terms with what had been done to my body. Maybe I'm just a bit oversensitive but of all of it, that was the hardest thing for me, just accepting that I had been cut and stitched in such an intimate, personal part of my body.

And in other news (this will not come as a surprise) I am a nobber. Turns out, when I actually took the time to listen to him properly, that DH was not feeling down for selfish reasons, rather, he was feeling down because he felt like he wasn't doing enough to support me, he wanted to take some of this pressure and stress off my hands but doesn't feel he can as he can't do the feeding, and often that's the only thing that will settle our little girl, so he's watching me feed and feed and not get enough sleep but he feels powerless to take any of that off my hands and he doesn't feel there's enough else he can do. What a truly lovely man I am married to and what a nobber I was for not listening to him properly in the first place. He just wants to take care of his girls and he's feeling sad because at the moment, in his eyes, there is only so much he can do. I told him what a massive support he is, and that him taking care of me and making sure I am fed is also him taking care of his little girl - he's making sure I can focus on her - and him going to work is him taking care of us both. but he finds it hard to see it like that.

Growth spurt today - with the wisdom of being 3 weeks in, I am not feeling like it is the end of the world, just resigning myself to a very long day and night and probably day tomorrow. She has slept for the grand total of 3 hours since 6am today: a 2-hour stretch this morning and a 1 hour stretch this afternoon - oh, and a tiny bit in the carseat earlier. All the rest of the day has been feeding and grizzling. My boobs feel shredded and I'm amazed there is still milk in them! If only I could master one handed feeding I could read a novel or something but I'm so cack handed at the moment and her latch is so unpredictable that it takes 2 hands and even them can be a bit hit and miss. DH has taken her out for a drive to give me a break for an hour or so (and I should be sleeping but I'm on here, shh, don't tell him!).

Hugs to all who need them, and a massive well done to people making hard decisions about feeding. You are doing what is best for your babies and that is what makes you a good mum - it is the fact that you do your best, it is not the actual things that you do - if that makes sense. You are making the best decisions for your circumstances. If you go insane you cannot be there for your baby, so whatever keeps you sane is the best thing. to all of you switching to formula, please feel proud of yourselves for being strong enough to make the right decision at a hard time.

Right, enough waffling from me. Fingers crossed for a good night everyone. I shall probably be reading yours posts most of the night but unable to type unless I manage to wrestle a hand out from under my boob

Thanks for therecommendations springers mum. it turns out that a family friend runs a maternity nurse agency so I gave her a (very tearful) call this afternoon and she is going to email a couple of people and call me to discuss further onMonday. I'm still not sure about it from a financial point of view - tis expensive- and feels like self indulgent waste of money when I should just man up and get on with it like thousands of other women do every year. Thank you everyone - smiley, Angelico, squid, crazy and anyone else I've forgotten for your support.

We have a new plan for tonight - to sleep in the attic bedroom which is bigger, so her snuffles and snorts will be further away. I'll still hear her cry, of course, just not every noise.this should help, I think.

I'm also concerned cos my breasts arent as full as they were and don't seem to replenish like they used to. Exhaustion?

Crazy, that sounds exhausting re winding. I find walking up and downstairs with her on my chest seems to work.

October. Hope the transfer to Ff is going ok. Sounds like a good decision.

Kyyria, good decision for you too. Hope it gets easier.

Cherry, we use olive oil, though don't think it is essential.

www.parentmap.com/article/babys-fourth-trimester-helping-your-baby-make-a-peaceful-transition-from-womb-to-world
Interesting....explains why the 'attachment parenting' techniques aren't spoiling babies and why sleep training before 4mths isn't a good idea as they can't self sooth until then.
All calm in Springer household, managed a family trip into the centre of London today -(with DH and 3 yr old DD). Knackered but it was lovely to see girlie friends :) think springer baby and I will have a duvet morning tomorrow :)

X posted yomping and squid and Londonmrs - am so slow at typing with one finger while feeding (even on the lovely new iPad that DF got me as a birth pressie ).

Londonmrs I certainly wish my mum was closer but she's also old (70) and infirm (heart failure etc) so not really in a position to help other than give me a hug. My dad has his hands full looking after her. It's a shame that I will also be an old mum to our LO. But you will get the tea eventually. I'm eating lots of prunes to reduce the pressure when I need to go. Totally agreed re yomping feeling that things would fall out.

Yomping my OH feels like that too, I think, really wanting to help but can't do the feeding for me. It's great that we have such lovely supportive men. I have the utmost respect for anyone who manages all this as a single mum. I'm barely holding it together and I have a fab mum.

I hope your downstairs healing continues along the right path. I know what you mean about it being hard to love this new body, battered and stitched as it is. But give it time, it'll come good and it's alsox worth remembering that you created a whole new person in that body and a couple of scars are a small price for that miracle.

Squid. Glad to hear all ok with your sis. Scary time though for you all. So jealous of your fab mum!

Hugs all round peeps - just a quick wave. Livvy any money you spend that makes you feel better in the next few weeks is money well spent :) Kyrria you are doing the right thing totally for you with the formula, as is anyone else making that decision. I really hate that the whole BFing thing is so trumpeted that people feel guilty. I'm still BFing but only because boobs are not (currently) full of lumps and bumps. Another bout or two of blocked ducts and I'll probably be calling time.

Bella think it was you dreading return to (teacher) work next May - fwiw I can't even imagine going back at the minute either . Think it's because the bean is much more fun at the minute now as well, am enjoying being with her as opposed to thinking "Oh God, I've ruined my life!!!" like I did around weeks 3/4...

Yomping sending sympathy to your poor battered fanjo :( It will keep mending. It's weird - however they come out there's pain and suffering seemingly :( I only started to really feel over the CS pain just before 5 weeks. The most annoying bit was the 'burning' nerve growing back pain but by 6 week mark I feel pretty back to normal apart from odd flare up of the burny feeling. Hope you mend fast - you'll probably turn the corner soon and suddenly

And Squid although Midget speaks from bitter experience you may get lucky - my new nephew (he of the spectacular ambulance arrival) started sleeping through for 12-13 hrs at just under 8 weeks and still does - so fingers crossed Jess is the same :) Alas mini-Angelico can currently only go 4.5 hrs max ON without the boob so a full night is a loooooong way off Also if you like writing and it's important to you - I got some done during the week at a cafe when the bean was asleep and felt much more like me again - do understand what you mean abut the identity thing. Maybe you can scribble something down when you're out and about? I'm taking advantage of the 'bean conks out in pushchair when walked anywhere' stage :o

Sorry not to namecheck all but sending you all hugs. Going to be popping in and out of thread, basically because I'm enjoying new found pain-freeness and freedom to drive of last week by getting out as much as possible. Also have book proofs in to turn around for next month and have set myself 10,000 word target for NaNoWriMo - so can't really afford to keep writing my MN essays (once I start I can't stop ) So sending love to you all and will keep reading and writing odd post - just please link to new thread when this one is full so I can find you all again :) And hang in there ladies - we're winning! xo

And Squid - am muppet - keeping fingers crossed for your sis and her soon-to-be new bean :)

yomping you got me all choked up here. You are braver than me getting DH to look though, I am still too scared. I feel fat and disgusting, my fanjo is just beginning to feel like my own again but I am not prepared to show and tell yet.. Time for a diet, some serious pelvic floor pilates action and to tone up this jelly belly me thinks. Anyone intentionally dieting? I was worried about messing with my milk supply and wanted ti leave it till 6 weeks but do want to get back to normal....

springersmum good link. 4 months seems sensible. I kind if stick to a lot of this, Friday was the first time I have actually heard master midge exercise his Lungs as I try to make sure his needs are met before he gets cranky. Seems to make for a pretty happy camper for now until he goes moves the goal posts or gets bastard colic also never seen before that good on their side but it is master midges favourite position. Have to always try and remember to flip him in his back for safe sleeping as he always seems to be on his side. The ssssh thing really works for him too. I am lucky as that is enough sometimes to get him off to sleep for now Thanks for posting.

Angelico hope you will still find time for some posting. Much doffing of the hat for starting to use your brain again and writing. I didn't think I would miss work but I really do. I was a director and now I am a fat person covered in vomit . Still midge is worth it but I misses the thin bird in nice clothes. And I am a little at you getting back a bit of yourself. I may try and use this to motivate myself rather than Just being jealous! Don't be a stranger.

Livvy good for you following it up - no harm in enquiring and seeing if it will work for you.

Posting one handed from phone. Off to have tea and cup cakes and fall asleep in front of an episode of the killing.

Hi All

Feeling absolutely shattered & . All those feeling because of the massive change in your life, I feel it too. And babies that won't settle or sleep? Yep, got one of those too. Baby Loopy hasn't slept properly since this morning, it can't be healthy for a 3 week old?! He's so unsettled & crying, its been unrelenting today. I'm feeling stressed out & teary & also worried about my DH. I've never known him to lose his temper in 7.5 years I've known him but Baby Loopy is really trying his patience & obviously I don't think he'll harm the baby, but I'm worried he regrets having him. I've been holding off posting for a few days as I've not wanted to admit how crap I've been feeling, feel like such a shite mum already.

Thought my baby blues were over & done with but have been feeling very emotional today

Also here's a daft question for you - bathing baby, if you're feeding on demand, what time do you bath your baby? And if your baby wakes up starving obviously you shouldn't bathe then but if your baby falls asleep after the feed, when are you supposed to be able get them bathed?!

Girls. This is brill. Very very funny. First time I've laughed in days.

8 Things Every New Mother Needs: Where?s My F**king Medal?
sarabran.com/2012/11/09/8-things-every-new-mother-needs-wheres-my-fking-medal/

Arrrgh, I think DS has bellyache/trapped wind so is finding it really hard to settle. Winding, shushing etc don't work - the only thing I know to do is feed, so we've been feeding every 40 mins - 1hr since yesterday eve, with lots of angry whingey noises inbetween. It's now 9am and we're all still in bed. I'm exhausted Both boys sleeping (DS on me), but I'm wide awake and need a cuppa and a pee.

Speaking of cuppas, Londonmrs get a thermal cup! DH bought me a ridiculously expensive Starbucks one when I was in hospital and it's great. Sometimes I have to leave the lid off because it's too hot.

Thanks for olive oil info. We were told the skin would shed by itself, and his hands and face and stuff are now pretty normal, but his feet look so uncomfortable and it doesn't seem to be improving.
Also @ garlic oil baby Wooly! Sounds good enough to eat...

Loopy, in my extensive bath training, they recommended bathing at around 10 or 11am. Not sure why, that bit got lost in translation. Anyway, I usually pick a morning feed, bearing in mind there's usually about 2hrs between each one at this time, around 9am. Feed then put to bed. They said leave at least 30 mins after a feed before bathing, so he sleeps for 30 mins while I get everything sorted, then I wake him and bathe. He's usually very groggy/sleepy still and sleeps through it all then screams blue murder when I get him out. So I usually do it around 9:30, but if we need to be somewhere earlier, I just pick an earlier feed. Like I said, no routine here!

Midget, season 2 of the Killing started here the day I went into labour. I watched it but was a bit distracted by the contractions and didn't take any of it in. Have since fallen asleep in front of the next 2 episodes. No idea what's going on

Yomping glad things weren't as they seemed with your DH. He sounds very sweet.

I think I will write today off and have duvet day.

Oh god. I didn't think it could get worse but... Fed at six, she was v sleepy, and fell asleep 630. DF and I then had supper and I went to bed. Got an hour or so sleep and was feeling less bad. Tied to feed her at ten - v sleepy and somewhat flat boobs - she kept falling asleep etc. wanted her to eat decent amount so she would sleep for a while. Gave up at 11, put her in Moses basket and BAM wide awake. It is now 1.15 and she STILL won't sleep. I have rocked, I have tried feeding, we have had womb noise on for over an hour. I am going spare.

Why the hell did I want a baby? This is hideous. Hideous

Oh Livvy I'm sorry
If it makes you feel any better, I'm pinned to the bed by a very unsettled DS who can't seem to get his farts out.
If she's fed recently, could your DH take her for a couple of hours while you go somewhere you can't hear her, or use earplugs, and sleep, at least for a short while?

Thanks cherry. I eventually got her to sleep around 145. And now she is awake for more food. Ugh.

I shall need to bookmark this thread and come back for a read if I'm ever foolish enough to contemplate a second child.

livvy you poor thing! Please do not despair, there is so much more to having children that this bit. And in my view, they just get better and better. The challenges are different, but the pride and the joys are just immesurable (and that's why so many of us on here wanted a number 2! And I already want a number 3!) take tonight for instance- we took our two to the most lovely event in our village. It was a bonfire and fireworks party organised for pre-school kids. My ds was so so happy and excited, you would not believe the fun that can be had with a flashy stick! Holding his little hand as he watched the fireworks in amazement, seeing it all through his little eyes was so so wonderful. And for once little will slept through it so I was able to get some time with ds1. (So I will have to forgive him for taking 53 minutes to feed for about 20 minutes. The rest of the time has been grizzling and sleeping. I will have to keep persevering! It is going to be a long night!)

cherry, I love the olive oil thing. When DS goes to bed, we put will in front of the fire for a bit of nudy time and do baby massage with the oil. It has made his skin so much better and he loves it. He chills right out while I do it, and it gives us a little time to just admire him since we are occupied with his big brther a lot of the day. I wanted to say that if any of you have access to a baby massage class I say do it, it was one of the absolute best things I did with ds1. If not, just slap the oil on and rub it about-I am sure baby will love it just the same!

yomping glad you got it sorted with dh. He sounds fab. And please don't grieve too much over your bits-there will be time when you look and feel sexy again, I promise! Did I ever tell you about my aspiration pants???! My lovely friend gave me a beautiful pair of knickers when I had DS1 as a reminder that there would be a day when I would feel sexy again. It was such a nice gesture. How ironic the, three years on, that they were the pants I absent mindedly selected to put on before I left for the hospital! They are now in the rotten old pants pile! Ha! So I need some new aspiration pants! When I finished bf last time I went straight to town and bought myself some lovely non-maternity underwear...lush!

angelico thank you for the work sympathy. I know this is an irrational worry of mine so long before I have to go back, but it is playing on my mind. i can not see that this new, absorbing life I have has room for a demanding job in it. Sigh.

Sorry this is all such a ramble-had a succession of difficult nights and my brain is addled!

Bella you always say the the perfect thing. The fireworks story is lovely. I must confess, I'm already looking forward to number 2.
I doubt I'd be able to find a baby massage class round here, but have been thinking to check it out on the Internet, was hoping it might help his trapped wind!
Love the idea of aspiration pants, too.

oh livvy -massive hugs - i found where you are now the absolute pits and peop[le telling me about 6 weeks didn't help at all because it judst seemed too far away
is there anyway you cab get just a little time to yourself today?

midget - not dieting, diets never seem to work for me anyway, but eating 'clean' and have been exercising for a few weeks now bad impatient squid
some days i feel like i'm doing we.ll and might be me again by xmas others i feel shit and like i will be this weird shape forever
should be sensible like cherry and buy a couple of things to tide me over but keep hoping last couple of inches will just drop off any minute

yomping - lots of sympthy for your valiant girly-bits.. i did the same a few weeks ago- made boyfriend look at me down below because I didn't dare, and I cried the whole time he was looking, but he only said it looked a bit red and sore. And I whinge about being fat all the time, and he says nice things he has the patience of a saint
Really feeling for you (and others) with stitches - I only had a "graze" and it bloody hurt for 2 weeks and there is still a slightly weird feeling raw edge
We found velcro baby made us feel wildly passionate and desperate because we couldn't touch each other for days at some points! So by the time baby squid did decide to sleep for 20 minutes after 3 days, I had forgotten all my body hangups just so desperate to be pounced on

Is anyone else having sex? Sorry this may be TMI - I am nearly there but still too chicken to have proper full on sex - orgasms and hugs are great, and I let him put fingers in, but then I freak out - he is very sympathetic but I'm fucking bored of this already
We did have sex once just before 3 weeks but we had to stop really quickly, it was too painful
Yesterday I randomly vomited in the morning and felt a bit nauseous all day - won't it be HILARIOUS if I am pregnant, HAR HAR.
not possible, I haven't had sex properly don't be ridiculous

another good night in the squid household - 9pm to 5am with one feed at midnight which i didn't even do, boyfriend used expressed milk, she has fallen back asleep now too after small feed so i am expressing and typing - not very good at this

we are going to go to the peaks today for some wwalking and toasted tea cakes yay
still no sign of sister's bubs!

ps. elpis what electric pump should I buy then? I have a load of tommee tippee bottles...

bella the firework story is just lovely. :) Thank you. I can't wait till baby is old enough to really enjoy stuff with us.

The pub next door to us does the best bonfire night with a giant bonfire on the riverbank and I so wanted to take jess but that was the night she was being a gremlin. Oh well, she'll be much more interested next year!!

aww thanks cherry, I often feel like I am just boring everyone with boring stories. That is a good idea looking up some baby massge moves-it is very easy to learn and i am sure some of the tummy ones are to help with wind. There is one called 'I love you' where you draw an 'I', 'L' and upside down 'U' on their tummy and that is supposed to help digestion.

God I am tired. After an hour and a half of feeding, he only slept for 50 minutes. And now it is morning! Sob!

crossposted squid- yes, hopefully she will enjoy it next year! Some of our friends had to leave tonight as their little ones were scared, Our little Teddy is 3 now and he has always loved it and has never been scared of the bangs. Brave little fella! I bet your Jess with be brave too as you will have her hiking and out on adventures before you know it! Ds1 was an October baby too and I quite like the timeframe. It means we have all winter to hibernate and get the hang of baby stuff and then by summer, they are a lot more fun and adventurous and you can take advantage of all the outdoor stuff together.

ha ha! Just read your post and see you are already hiking? That is fab! Am v. Jealous xxx