December 2011: The one where DSM gets married...

[LittleMissFlustered]

:o

Blimey folks, there's a lot to catch up on here....

If you want to share your plan Oi, and get any more advice or suggestions then please do. It sounds like he's at the start of a spiral, so tackling it now is the best thing to do.

But remember- strong and brilliant as you are, the stress of keeping it all together, of running the house and coping with issues like that, and working, and just the overwhelming responsibility have the potential to cause you problems/illness: I speak from bitter experience. Keep talking to your friends, and on here, and if you can get anyone to take up some of the slack as well, do.

I know everyone else has said it, but your FIL is a fool Cherry, and his son equally so. I'm working on getting every flavour known to humanity down DS whilst he'll still take it.

I can understand you feel embarrassed, but as you said, it's his bad behaviour not yours. I think the short-term plan to tell him to F-off when he next pulls that stunt (or something more ladylike!) which I bet would shock him into brief good behaviour and the longterm plan to save up is a good one- I know several ladies who have secret funds for that, and it will at least give you confidence.

Kitty may I recommend for your pots possibly fuchsias (ours flower til December), and also possibly asters, both are cheerful and depending on size several can be bought for £13.

Love the phrase 'lobster hands' mopsy that's brilliant! DS loves doing it too, although a little too hard and ends up nipping you which is bloody painful when you're bf-ing him I got our baby toothbrush in Waitrose ironically: we seriously don't have any round here, but found one in the shop near my Dad's, and like many on here DS loves his! Favourite part of getting ready for bed.

So sorry about the sleeping Gee- do you think the dizzy spells could be connected to the lack of sleep? I'm amazed you cope, I know I'd be in a heap on the floor, never mind feeling woozy....

Massive sympathy and hugs to cherry and oi. Keep talking if it's helping. And I agree oi definitely a housework rota, you certainly shouldn't be doing g it all.

Can anyone advise on indoor plants? My parents sent us flowers in a pink ceramic pot with a teddy on when Eva was born. I kept the pot as I thought it would be nice to have a plant in it in her bedroom, the pot is on her windowsill, still empty. I want something low maintenance other than DHs suggestion of a cactus as I'm not great at remembering to water.

I'm doing another street collection tomorrow, really should be in bed rather than drinking wine and watching the Paralympics opening ceremony!

DH has a problem: he gives the first bottle, and every morning DS gulps down 3-4 ounces, pukes (even if burped) then finishes the bottle happily. Thoughts? (well, happy and completely fine rest of bottles and rest of day)...

Aha, DH has just let slip he uses a horizontalish position. I'm thinking positional bounce maybe?

Horizontal - possibly, or maybe a slower teat might make him take it a bit more slowly...?
BTW DH is getting better at the housework stuff. At first, I'd come home and the house would be a mess, toys and nappies everywhere, litchen upside down, no washing done, etc. Bombsy Tit. I rolled my eyes a bit... may have said a couple of things. Now, when I get home, it's better. But there's still some way to go. I'm still doing the majority of the work and our evening meals.
anyway... He's been put forward for a temp IT role, and is going for an interview with the agency tomorrow. Fingers crossed.
It was v nice to snuggle up to BOi last night. But this morning he noticed I'd gone and started crying. I could hear him as I left calling mamamnamnamamanama.(doo-dooo-be-doo-do) :(

Morning all,

Oi that's good news on the housework front - keep on his case! I hope the interview goes well too.

Seven a Jade plant needs minimal care, I've had mine for 11 years and I've brought it back from the dead a few times :o Otherwise, curly spider plants are cool looking. They tell you when they need water by the leaves turning pale!

I had a brief talk with DH last night and asked him if he meant it when he said he was going to pack his bags or if he was just saying it for effect. He said that he meant it :( I told him that if he says that again, I won't be begging him to stay and losing my self respect. I told him that I don't want us to split up.

I think the problem is that we keep having the same argument and going around in circles and because I am not getting an apology, I'm finding it hard to let go of. It's a long story, but basically his sister treated me like shit from the second we got engaged (despite me thinking we were good friends prior to that), had a role as bridesmaid at the wedding and really spoiled the lead up to the wedding and the morning of the wedding and her boyfriend got really pissed at the reception and made one of my friends cry. She never apologised or took any responsibility despite me confronting her about it and DH refuses to admit she is anything less than perfect and thinks I should get over it. Because DH refuses to acknowledge there is a problem I think he's a complete idiot.

SIL's reaction to being told I was pregnant at a family meal was not "congratulations", it was "Dad, Dad, guess what? I'm pregnant too!" just to confirm she was 25 years old has never been pregnant in her life and is not planning to have children for a good few years. DH cannot admit this is odd/attention seeking/immature. Hmmmm...

I think I need to avoid his family like the plague, especially family meals! The latest argument was that I asked what we should do for DS's birthday as it's Christmas Eve and it's a normal working day so no-one will be free until the evening and FIL will probably be working as he works in a restaurant. DH insisted that we have a family meal (even if DS is asleep). I commented "it will be awkward if it's just SIL and not FIL as DM and DBro and SIL don't get on" cue DH launching immediately into shouting in the middle of the street "I've had a fucking hard day at work! I don't need this shit! SIL is coming otherwise I'll phone your Mum and brother and tell them they can't come!". I've talked to my Mum about this and neither of us can decide if he launches straight into aggressive shouting and then goes back to normal straight away because he loses his temper fast and then forgets about it, or if he's putting it on to shut me up and control me. It seems like he is dragging my family into it as tit for tat. My DM and DB don't like SIL as SIL slagged off my DM at the wedding and generally acted like a bitch to her. Honestly, until DH and I got engaged I thought everyone got on and liked each other! We all used to spend Christmas together and it felt like one big happy family. I'm just confused!

Sorry for the epic post!

Cherry Sorry your going through some troubles. I would tell your 'D'H that he should put yours & DS needs first above his Dsis and if he can't do that then he would have to leave and then his sis will get everything she wants. I know that's not what you want but it's better than being miserable, feeling controlled and second best for life. you deserve better.

have you pointed out the attention seeking things to him? what was his response?!

Thanks DSM - liking your new name btw! :)

DH was there when she did the pregnancy thing but he just refuses to say anything. He either goes silent and sulky or loud and totally over the top shouty.

I think to my mind I could put up with SIL better if DH just said "yes she's a pain but she's my sister, can you just be polite to her" and acknowledged that she is not perfect. It's a bit late for an apology from anyone to be honest although it would have helped to have had one. I can't believe I ever thought my family was dysfunctional!

I think a lot of it is to do with the way they were brought up, they don't even know why their mum left and they don't remember her. Their dad never told them and they never asked apparently... I think that's why DH is so overprotective of his sister and doesn't know how to have an argument!

I'm decided in my mind that if he does threaten to walk out or actually does then it's his loss and he can go if that's what he wants.

Cherry i think your SIL is very jeloues of you and insucure of her place in the family. She is worried that her mum and dad will like you better than her and she feels she cant measure up to you. Its well anoying that she is a brat and your dh doesnt say anything because he doesnt want the drama that will ensue but also it would make her think her plan is working and cause disharmonu to get you (the compation) out of her family.

Its very hard for some men to see the bad side of their relatives because they feel it reflects on them. If it was your brother i bet dh would not be happy.

Now that you have a child he needs to know that you are his family and mum dad and sister are all extended family therefore you and his child come first and before extended family.

I feel the same way about my MIL as you do about your SIL. I had loads of problems and still do with her but luckly my husband (after i explained the above) got it and moved his boundries/loyaties to me and his children and his mum now knows we come first so she mostly doesnt rock the boat.

I can see what she does and feel sorry for her. She went on holiday and got gifts for dh and our children but not me But i refuse to look at holiday photos as im not intrested in they life so it works both ways. I only say something and cause her to act like its ww3 when it affects the safety of the children now and i dont rise to all the other stuff.

My life is not so sad that i have to play games or create drama to enjoy life!

I hope you both can sort it out good luck xx

Grumpy Baby alert grumpy baby alert is it his bedtime yet?

It's always bedtime!

Good luck with this cherry. Sounds tough. I liked air's idea of explaining where his loyalties should lie now you have a baby. But how to get this message to him without him kicking off may be difficult.
Definitely don't let him start to control you. Don't give an inch. ((hugs))

cherry I completely agree with what others have said, it's time he realised that you and DS are his family now. As for SIL, I'd just try my best to keep my distance tbh, I don't have time for people like that. Hope you manage to get things sorted out.

Good luck tomorrow aethel.

Street collection went ok, we got £166, though I did have to spend over 4 hours standing next to a big issue seller playing Punjab music .

Oooooh! Good luck tomorrow aethel!

Good luck Aethel

Seven That's good going

Only 1 wake up last night so feel slightly more with it today. Will be sorting school uniform and nursery stuff and getting the last few bits for honeymoon 6 more sleeps!

Morning all, BOi has definitely dropped his nighttime feed at last, but still takes quite a bit of shushing and still insists on being in our bed when he wakes in the early hours. I know I keep saying that I'll put him in his own room... But we keep having people to stay at weekends, so never get time to get his room sorted. I bought card and lolly sticks to make a boat mobile last weekend, but just didn't have time.
DH and I had our ....logged on now, switch to lap top...

DH and I had a little chatette last night. I had wanted to wait until tonight until after today's 2 job interviews, don't like to kick a man when he's down, but the worry wasn't doing me any good. I approached it v v gently, when he saw the evidence of how much had been withdrawn, he admitted that he had been gambling again. He was very sorry. He knows it's completely out of order, that we can't afford it, doesn't know why he does it, the evol imps in his mind told him that he just needed one good win and then - even though he doesn't have a job, he could bring home lots of money. He knows its ridiculous and he also knew that I'd jump on his head.
(I didn't jump on his head).
I explained that he could have used that money to buy me a really nice 40th birthday present.
He's going to list every penny that he spends from now and keep all receipts. And he knows I'll be watching him like a hawk. I told him last time that if he did it again that I'd kick him out. It's the lies, the denials, that are the shitty part. But it is an addiction. And I understand why he turned to it when he lost his job. When I'm feeling crappy I might go shopping for clothes or shoes and have a nice big piece of cake.
It's not thousands, it's not silly, family-destroying amounts. We can deal with this and stop it. If he does it again though, it might come to something more serious. It's not fair, and no one is putting mine and BOi's home at risk.
So, in better news (and I needed some!) I've been invited to a Round-Table marketing discussion/evening at The Ivy, in fancy London. (I went to one 2 yrs ago at Claridges and that was excellent. (I missed last year's as I was 7months pg and just wasn't so excited about it.) It's the week before my 40th Birthday, so I accepted and booked (heavily discounted) 1st class train tickets, allowing a bit of shopping time the afternoon before the meal and the morning after.
Any recommendations for reasonably priced hotels in London? (I'll have a look on lateRooms to see what offers are available at very last minute... dare I risk waiting to book?)

DH was not so happy about me swanning orf to fancy London without him, but that's just tough isn't it?
I'll actually be spending my birthday in China at a meeting. So I've told them that they have to take me out to celebrate. (I think they are planning karaoke - !! - not exactly The Ivy or Noma...)
Did I tell you I'd put on loads of weight? well, I have. It's piled on. But I am determined to lose it before the big 40. I'd like to be 9 1/2 stone. That's the goal.
Last night's fabulous risotto and half a bottle of Chenin Blanc will not have helped.

Oi well done you. It sounds like you had a nice calm discussion and have made plans for moving forward. Fingers crossed he'll find gainful employment and be far too busy to do anything else

I on the other hand acted very childishly yesterday when DH got in from work. Made him tea, then sat down and did my nails, ignoring them both pretty much. DH eventually got the hint and fed DS, but failed AGAIN to take the initiative and do bath time. DH hasn't given him a bath for over 3 weeks because I haven't told him to do it.

Aaaaarrggghhh, it's like reverting back to when we first moved in together and he'd say "I've done the dishes for you." Really? You cleaned up the two plates, cutlery and glasses for ME. After I've shopped for the meal, cooked the meal, washed up almost everything as I've gone along, set the table, and served the meal. Wow. Generous.

And you do not to household chores FOR ME! Well, I've taken most of it over now obviously as I'm home all day, but aaarrrggghhh!

Rant over. The sun is out although it's bloody freezing. Off to make a list of all the September birthdays and then shoot myself when I see how many gifts I'm going to have to be incredibly imaginative about buying this year (i.e. purchase for pittance)

No hotel idea's from me - my Uncle is in Stockwell so we always stay there! Maybe Xiaou can lend you her houseboat

Oi Good to see you've talked an he was honest with you and he understands the ground rules now.

Dinner at The Ivy well Jel lol! The only hotel we ever stay in when we are in London is the Covent Garden Travel Lodge or Tower Gate travel lodge. Reasonably priced and within reach of everything.

China sounds fun long way for a meeting tho! being nosey what's your occupation?

Kitty Maybe you need to have words about help around the house & with things that needs being done for baby re bath time and that he should pull his weight without you having to ask - your not his mother.

So thankful that DH is quite on the ball with this stuff and will take over when he gets home so I can have a break!

The company will cover my costs, so I want better than a travel lodge, but without taking the pi$$. I stayed at a lovely B&B last time, reasonably priced, lovely room, nice breakfast,... but the prices have increased (th'olympic merriment no doubt). I could go back there - it was still reasonable.
I'm in marketing. Work for a global, big industrial machine manufacturer. I'm a VP. (get that silly 'merican title! I trust you now, not to be stalkers. hate that pic, I look about 50 in it!)

And kitty, I nearly fell to the floor yesterday when DH said he'd bathed Boi. This would never normally happen until I requested it. And to be fair, it only happened as he took BOi for his second haircut. - they only cut a few bits as he was jumping about a lot. Told DH he should have given him a bottle. You can pick his nose and everything when he's got a bottle in his mouth! Did you see the video of BOi walking with his walker on FB?
If he can walk with out it within the next 2 weeks, he'll have got their before the GPs are back from holidays. :) and before the 9 month marker. Pushy mum, moi? he he he!

Oi I love the Zetter and the Zetter townhouse is even nicer!! Clerkenwell end of town and right beside one of my face places for brekkie, The Modern Pantry. Yumyum!!! Not sure if it's pig of the price range. The Zetter Townhouse isn't that cheap but the Zetter over the road is reasonable. The cocktails in the Townhouse are yum yum yum!!