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December 2011: The one where DSM gets married...

998 replies

LittleMissFlustered · 02/08/2012 22:59

:o

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
DeterminedandSpecialMum · 28/08/2012 17:25

Hey Ladies.

I've added some wedding photos to my profile.

NorthernChinchilla · 28/08/2012 20:06

Oh wow, aren't you the beaming bride, sod blushing Grin! You look fabulous DSM, and above all, really happy, which is the best thing.

And that is great news about your friends' baby MissRee- the doctors and nurses in the acute wards tend to be the mutt's nuts, and although it's terrifying how babies can get so ill, so quickly, they can also stage apparent miraculous recoveries too. Hope they get him home at the end of the week.

Jealous of your DS waving Kate, can't wait for mine to start, it must be sooo cute!

Only a three-day week this week, as I've got Friday off as well as the Bank Hol, and then am off the following week, as it's DP's last week of extended paternity leave- where the hell did those 20 weeks go Sad?

Then my little boy starts nursery full time....

DeterminedandSpecialMum · 28/08/2012 20:17

Thanks Northern apart from birth of my children, it was the best day of my life Smile

Wow that has gone fast. Sky starts nursery on Monday too.

aethelfleda · 28/08/2012 21:33

I am very tired for no special reason today, possibly because we ran the gauntlet of the Pre School Shoe and Knicker Shop.
Have booked two house value things for Friday (at least they are close together so only one lot of tidying this time)
Think it's an attempted early night.
Zzzzzzzzz.....

seven77 · 28/08/2012 22:19

DSM you look beautiful and so happy, love your dress and bouquet! The pic of Darcie and Sky is really cute too :).

cherry hope you have a better night and those teeth come through soon.

figgy Eva still has no sign of any teeth either, I'm hoping it doesn't mean she'll get them all in a short space of time. Thankfully she seems to have DH's level of tolerance to pain not mine Blush, DS has mine and really suffered with teething :(

aethel I can understand new school shoes but new knickers for school?

Anyone seen oi?

Glad I'm not the only judgey parent here Blush. There was a girl in the library earlier with a dummy, she was taller than DS so I'm guessing 4 maybe even 5. Thankfully my equally judgey friend was with me :o

I've been finalising the details for our not back to school picnic next week, can't believe we'll finally be 'officially' home-educating!

OiMissus · 28/08/2012 23:10

Thanks seven - am here. Just mad busy.
Catch up first - (semi catch up - not had chance!)
missree I think you had mentioned your friend's troubles before. But whatever, I'm very happy to hear that their lo is getting better. It is terrifying/heartbreaking to hear of any LO troubles. We had the v early scare, that was something and nothing in comparison, but we were terrified. So when others have real scares, I can only begin to imagine. X
seven am guilty. Am judgemental. I can be because BOi refused a dummy. In fact, I have done nothing, BOi is just driven - with crawling, climbing etc. so on most fronts, he's super-baby. But he's no sleeper. So I shouldn't be so smug!
After 3 nights sleeping thru, last night he had to sleep holding me. Physically holding me. No good. No sleep gor me. Especially when my alarm clock was set for 4:30am for an early flight to Germany. (gruesse aus Deutschland)
Hey ho.
kitty BOi does not wave, but his wonky clap is adorable. The cutest thing I have ever seen! His favourite game is hiding around the side of the sofa, then peek-a-booing out, to applause. He claps loads. He can do this 20-30 times without getting bored! :)
northern full time nursery - it'll be fine, I'm sure, but I understand your fears/preconceptions. Xxxhope everything goes well.
dsm you look fab, and eminently happy, as does DH. Lovely!! Congratulations.
So,... Me... Am in Germany. Meetings going well. But have realised that things at home are troublesome.
Not the best.
Need to get DH into a job.
May need to enlist some kind of confidence coach.
Think DH is (despite lovely loveliness) slipping into destructive online gambling ways. Real concern. Shhhh please those who know me in RL. Hard to face. Hard to admit. Very hurtful. Struggling with the stress of having to hold everything together. It's not fair that I am the sole bread winner, and have to manage washing/cleaning/daily prep/house admin as well as dealing with DH's joblessness and potential reversion to gambling addiction. Arghhh is totally shit.
Please don't think he's a bad guy.
He isn't. He's fab. But evidently has confidence issues - which lead to gambling. I think. ...tis just an inkling at the minute. But am sure, if I delve deep enough... ( it was only ever his wage when things were bad before. So we were not put at risk. But he doesn't have a wage now. And £350 disappeared out of our account a week or 2 ago.)
I can handle this. I am strong enough. I can take charge of our finances. I can try and help him and find some kind of confidence coach. ...but at this exact moment I am crumbling a bit under the pressure. With a new big mortgage, I am terrified of losing my job. ... There's just so much to do at work and at home -and that's without allowing for playtime with BOi.
-BOi is fab. Worry ye not. He doesn't see the underlying stress. (as far as I know). He is absolutely number one in my eyes. And the rest of the world can disappear before he will be any the wiser.
Phew. Not good.
As I said. I can handle it. -and deal with it, and get the problem dealt with rather than swept under the carpet.
It won't affect my independence and ability to cope. I just wish he'd fucking man up and take responsibility, rather than bury his head in the sand and leave it to me to clear up/sort out.
There. Said it. Will regret it come the morning.
Grrrrrr!
What size haddock do you prescribe?
Angry

LittleMissFlustered · 29/08/2012 00:10

I prescribe a deep breath, a sound dose of sleep while you can and a plan of action when you get home. You are strong and you will find a way to make life work. Have a and the keys to the deep freeze:)

OP posts:
Kitty5824 · 29/08/2012 00:56

Oi hope you feel better for getting it out. As LMF says, you will work it out.

I have no practical advice, but as someone who is also meant to be looking for work, it is far too easy to get distracted and spend hours reading pointless threads on MN and waste hours on t'interweb when I should be cleaning/ironing/preparing food whilst DS is asleep.

Like now. Why aren't I in bed?

CherryBlossom27 · 29/08/2012 08:24

Hi everyone,

Last night was good, DS went to bed at 7pm and woke up at 7.15am, so far no sign of teething troubles :)

Oi I really feel for you, that's a lot of stress and so many different things for just one person to be worrying about and responsible for. You do sound like you'll get things sorted though because you're aware of the issues and not pretending everything is fine.

I need a FIL whinge :( He is making me feel like I'm the worlds worst mother because I'm not feeding DS homegrown organic carrots and wild salmon! Please tell me honestly if this is a bad diet for what DS ate yesterday:

Breakfast - weetabix with apple purée mixed in.
Lunch - Pasta with a tomato, carrot and swede sauce with spring onions and cheese.
Snack - Greek yoghurt with pear.
Dinner - Tinned sardines in tomato sauce on toast.

FIL is just going on and on and effing on about the sardines! I last gave DS sardines 3 weeks ago, so it's not something he even has regularly. He just seems to spout utter crap about how DS shouldn't be having strong flavours, he should be having mush so I can spoon feed him and DS can eat more, he should be eating fresh fish (chicken is ok). Thank god I don't have a MIL if this is anything to go by! It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't bring it up on three separate occasions yesterday during his visit!

I think I'm going to pop to town later as I need to get his whining out of my head!

Things with DH are pretty crap at the moment which is partly why I'm feeling so annoyed with his dad. Last Thursday we had an argument about his sister and DH told me as soon as we got home he was packing his bags and leaving. I more or less begged him to stay, but I resent the fact that he can just say over a stupid argument that he's leaving - do we mean that little to him? Next time we have an argument because everyone has arguments don't they and he does his "I'm walking out" he can just eff off. I feel stupid and humiliated for begging him to stay, I shouldn't have to do that should I?

I think once I'm back at work I'm going to start saving up for my "parachute fund" so if he does decide he's had enough and walk out then I'll have a bit of money to keep me going whilst benefits get sorted!!

Really sorry for the long whinge, but I don't feel I can tell people in real life as they think everything is perfect and I feel embarrassed. :(

aethelfleda · 29/08/2012 08:55

Seen your pics now DSM, you look lovely and clearly had a whale of a time. Yay.

seven, knickers are the one non-regulated item in school uniform! So we pick a couple of sets each autumn as a "treat" (also lets me weed the older knickers out without protest).

cherry, your FIL is way out of date (as I think you know). Remind him that sardines are a)oily fish so good for the heart and b) whack full of omega-3 and good for brain development. And sadly a parachute fund sounds like a sensible thing to do: if things are fine you can use it as a rainy day fund/college fund later on.

oi, many sympathies but it's good you can tell us if it helps offload a little. Could he consider gamblers anonymous? Trouble is you can't do it for them, insight has to come from the person affected, really hope you guys get some sort of a working solution soon. You're right tht something to occupy him may reduce the opportunity....

wow, lots of non ideal stuff going on, many sympathies to all for real life stress/crapness.

Kitty5824 · 29/08/2012 09:10

Cherry that sucks. Both your FIL (I assume nodding and hmmmming are not working?!) and DH.

With regard to DH, one of my ExP used to do this. In the end I just stopped the begging him to stay, took a deep breath and said "really? You're going to leave becuase I've asked you not to waste money on computer games/do your share of the housework/tell me when you're not coming straight home from work etc etc etc". It stopped the threats for a little while (clearly in my case the relationship was not to be, but sometimes calling his bluff can be shock enough to stop such childish behaviour)

And don't worry about people in RL thinking everything is perfect. No-one EVER knows what is really going on in a relationship. Often not even those in said relationship Grin

Kitty5824 · 29/08/2012 09:13

On a much lighter note, my Mum called last night to say she had £13 in garden centre vouchers that expire on Friday and she isn't going to use. I'm waiting for her to come and collect us so we can use them instead!

Have no knowledge whatsoever, but will be looking for something to go in my pots that will look pretty through the Autumn that I can look at whilst washing up and cursing DH for calling ME messy when he can ignore an entire days dishes pilled up by the sink

mopsytop · 29/08/2012 09:24

Cherry that sounds like a perfect diet to me, your FIL is full of Sardines are an excellent source of nutrition (as aethel says). In fact, many types of tinned fish are excellent sources of nutrition (except of course you have to be careful about the mercury in tuna etc.) - there is a place for both tinned and fresh fish in your baby's diet. And it's nonsense about strong flavours if your baby likes them. Minimopsy horses into the fish pie and the chicken curry. I don't make it spicy but I put curry powder and ginger in. That's a fairly strong flavour. It is good for them, I am sure! Can't believe your husband said he is leaving over a little argument, that is such an immature thing to do. Next time call his bluff!

Oi, oh dear, sounds like you are going through a really tough time right now :( I can imagine the stress of being the sole wage earner with a big new mortgage is tough enough without the gambling worry. It is good that you are not ignoring things but staying aware of them, I am sure you will sort it out. As soon as your husband has a new job I am sure he will be fine. Oh dear though, I hope it isn't too hasslesome and you can sort it out okay.

DSM you looked gorgeous! And so happy. What lovely pictures.

Great news re your friends' baby MissRee, what a relief. It must make them so much more nervous though bringing the baby home. I was nervous enough and all was fine with us.

Kitty, minimopsy has sort of waved a couple of times but she claps away and has done for weeks now. She is so cute clapping and laughing. She is also doing lobster hands now - you know touching her thumb to her fingers. Don't know if it is fine tune the motor skills? It is cute anyway! She is so vocal too, and says ba, ga, da, ma, ra, la, wa in various combinations. Mama is now used to mean various things, including more food NOW! I am upset. I am happy. It doesn't mean me yet though!

Haha aethel your knicker shopping made me laugh - we always got new knickers and socks as stocking presents at Christmas! My big sister also wraps up things like socks, knickers and pyjamas for stocking presents for her kids, it's a very clever ruse. We were rarely bought knickers at other times (birthdays it was used as well) so mum got to cleverly bulk out the gifts while buying us essentials. It is a ploy I will definitely be using!

Re: judgyness, I am so there with you all. Minimopsy has a soother (dummy you say here I think?) at night and the odd time during day time nap. It really helps her to sleep. But I hate seeing toddlers running around with them in their mouth. Ugh. So I must wean her off it if I can. But I don't give it to her during the day anyway except the very odd time in her buggy if she is screaming her head off, but as soon as she goes to sleep/quietens down I whip it out again! I am such a snob.

How do I get her off the bottle and onto a cup? She will barely take water from the sippy cup so not sure about formula. She drinks loads of water at nursery mind, so don't know why she won't for me. She just waves the cup around and gets soaked and usually clamps her lips together if I try getting her to drink it (although there is definitely some progress because once in a while she will actually drink). Is there a vague timescale by which they should no longer take a bottle? I hate seeing toddlers drinking juice out of bottles. More snobbiness!! So far minimopsy has had formula or water. Avoiding introducing juice for as long as I can!

Another question re: brushing their teeth. She now has four little toothypegs. But I can't find a toothbrush for under age 2. Do we just use one of those? And what kind of toothpaste? Also there are two tiny bloody bits on her two new top teeth - is that normal? She doesn't seem bothered but I didn't realise they actually would bleed?

Well this is a pretty long post for me and I should be writing an article! So I had better get back to it. Hope you all have a good day, things sound pretty rubbish in some quarters. Chocolate is good.

KateM77 · 29/08/2012 09:57

((hugs)) for Oi and Cherry. I have nothing to add to what everyone else has said, other than my virtual support

Lovely photos DSM, you look fabulous and so happy

mopsy you can get toothbrushes for age 0-2, I got mine in Tesco. I use milk teeth toothpaste (for age 0-3). I am also a dummy snob, never wanted mine to have them, but they both took them from around 6 months old and just have them for sleep. I refuse to let them have them at other times. We have now successfully binned DD's and it was incredibly easy. I wimped out for months because I didn't want her waking DS, but now wish I'd done it months ago!

As for bottles vs. cups, DS is similarly a bit crap at taking water from a cup still. I have water in a cup and in a bottle at the moment so that I can be sure he drinks enough. He gets offered it in a cup at mealtimes, and I have the bottle throughout the rest of the day. I only give milk in a bottle rather than a cup, and that will naturally drop off once the milk feeds get dropped. As soon as he gets better with the cup he'll only have his water from that.

CherryBlossom27 · 29/08/2012 09:58

Thank you the sympathy! Feel much better for having vented! :)

I've just polished of the last of my birthday chocolates!

My plan is:

Next time my Mum is visiting get her to tell FIL he is a fool! He will listen to her and she thinks he is being utterly ridiculous (especially as she was the one who suggested sardines & toast with marmite). It may be a month or two, but I can keep explaining DS is happy, healthy and good looking to FIL and telling him not to worry.

Once I'm back at work I'm going to learn to drive! I had lessons when I was 17 and stopped as my job at the time kept changing my days off at short notice and I got fed up of rearranging lessons. I have calculated my money after tax, NI, childcare and I can definitely afford two x 1 hour lessons a week. I think if I need 30 lessons, I can pass my test after 3 months. I think this is fairly realistic, if I need more lessons that's fine, but I think I should be driving by Easter!

Once I have learned to drive I'm going to use DH's car as he catches the train to work, so I won't have too many extra outgoings and with the spare money I will save it for a rainy day.

Next time DH threatens to up and leave I am going to use his favourite phrase "ok, you do what you need to do". It is bloody immature, and it's also damaging to us as a couple, it's like he thinks threatening to leave is a tool with which to control me and stop me arguing with him!

I've also emailed two friends that I may need a moan when we meet up this week and briefly explained what's been going on, so embarrassment stops here! DH should be embarrassed not me.

Anyway if I have learnt anything from my Mum, it is you don't need a man to survive!

Kitty I'm not an expert, and I don't think it's an autumn flowering thing, but you could get a decent sized hydrangea for that price and they can grow really well and don't need much tlc, plus they are really pretty when they flower!

Mopsy I'm with you on not wanting to introduce juice. I may sound harsh (and probably upset FIL when I said this yesterday), but babies are not going to starve themselves or go thirsty, if they're hungry they will eat and if they're that thirsty they'll have water! My Mum did suggest putting formula in a sippy cup and see if that helps instead of water.

With teeth, I found a toothbrush in Boots (own brand) and it's suitable for babies to 2 years old. DS likes to hold the brush and put it in his mouth, so I just give it a wiggle to brush his teeth. He gets quite upset when we're finished and I take the toothbrush off him!

DeterminedandSpecialMum · 29/08/2012 10:52

Oi Cherry No advice really. just sending my hugs and support. Smile

Sky has just been dropped off at nursery for her intro hr and hope she enjoys herself .

mopsytop · 29/08/2012 12:15

Right. That's it. The self-loathing has gone far enough. Couch to 5k starts TODAY. I don't care if it is raining. I have to do something and exercise will give me endorphins and make me happy.

anairofhope · 29/08/2012 13:12

Aaaaarrrrrrrrrr Aaron is fucking pushing it today and totally doing my head in. He had been sent to his room twice today already. Roll on school.

Im increasing Hopes food and she had toast for breakfast and now lunch which is two spoons of beef stew strawberrs apples banana and two rice cakes and some water - sounds alot but she doesnt eat that much and throws most on floor!

Now she is going in bath and then in cot for afternoon nap so i can play snap with air and find out why he is misbehaving :(

Figgygal · 29/08/2012 13:22

Oi and Cherry that sounds rough on both of you i could also moan about current issues with DH but i would take all day, nothing as serious as what you are going through but he is persistently peeing me off and have lost patience with him wasting money on his hobbies and then moaning about how little money he has. We are both now PT yet i am managing to still survive, buy most of DS clothes and toys with my disposable income and he is spending money on birding trips, £1000 on a holiday next month and equipment.

My niece drinks juice constantly has done from about 6 months, ds is not getting juice he drinks water really well out of cups, bottles or beakers and i want to make sure that he keeps doing so my mum thinks i am mean for not giving juice but why does he need it? He doesnt!!

I had a dummy refuser i tried him a couple of times but he didnt take it which caused ear inducing pain at the time but am very glad of it now!!

Back to work now DS woke at 4am for an hour this morning because of his snotty cough poor thing....he also has developed the rolling onto his tummy thing and getting stuck as he does it width ways across his cot and doesnt have the space to roll back over........ i am of course now hanging due to having to rescue him regularly .....early night here i think!!

AWomanCalledHorse · 29/08/2012 13:39

Oi & Cherry, hugs to both of you, hope you feel free to vent here as much as needed. Really hope both situations resolve themselves asap.
Cherry, good luck learning to drive. I think, if I don't get pg by Christmas I'm going to do my CBT (and then move onto cars)!

mopsy, good luck! I'm getting back onto fitness after taking a 2 week break, feel worse than when I resumed it after 9 months of pg break!

MissRee, hope your friends baby boy is home asap.

Air, hope he stops acting up soon!

Re. toothbrushes. DS loves his teeth being brushed (we started with one of those MAM bunny mitts), but is another to whom toothbrush is friend & how dare you take him from me!
We bought a Colgate one in Tesco (and use Milk Teeth, yum!).

I try not to judge (something in bottle might be a once off etc) but dummies on kids 2+ gets me judging (talking as someone who has 2 siblings who needed braces due to extended dummy use).

BeeMyBaby · 29/08/2012 14:01

I tried DD1 on fruit juice when she was around 2, but even at 2.8 she still barely drinks any and probably has an ounce every 2 days or less - she is however addicted to milk and won't drink water so I have to dilute her milk with water (sometimes 1 part milk to 4 parts water!) to get her to drink any water, and she always uses nuby flip it straw cups. DD2 is following in her footsteps by refusing to properly drink out of a sippy cup, but drinks water perfectly from a straw, and will drink up to two ounces of milk out of a straw so just need to slowly wean her completely onto the straw over the next month or so.

GeeandTee · 29/08/2012 14:29

Sorry for all the man troubles, including FIL troubles! Trying not to be sexist here but honestly, why do SO many men behave like children so much of the time?!

missree so glad your friend's baby is better. When DS was in NICU we had about 24 hrs when we didn't know if he would make it and it still comes back to haunt me sometimes.

dsm love the photos! Glad it all went well and you are enjoying using "DH" now and looking forward to your honeymoon.

air DS has been acting up today too, which is very unusual for him, but I think he was just really tired for some reason. He had about 10 tantrums in the space of half an hour over really silly things. He is much better after having a long nap. Could air be overtired or anything?

Last week DD only woke once or twice in the night and didn't need feeding so I got some fairly good sleep for a few days. However, she now has 3 of her top teeth all coming through at the same time and is in a lot of pain and won't sleep very well at all. I'm back to waking up every hour and feeling pretty awful :(

I've been getting lots of dizzy spells recently and weird sinus pressure but I don't have a blocked nose or anything. Its horrible feeling dizzy, makes me feel nd of outside my body which is a bit scary. Will go to the GP on Monday if it hasn't gone by then.

OiMissus · 29/08/2012 15:49

Thanks for the hugs n sympathy. It did help to vent, and it helped to write it down to get a plan together.
Gamblers anonymous is god squad in disguise aethel, but there is a non religious similar support group that we should look up again.
Sympathies to cherry re ridiculous threats. Men can really be very silly and irresponsible. They need to "man up"(as a starter, when they've reached this basic requirement, they can start on the path to the much tougher "mumming up".
On my way back from Germany with an even longer to do list, but better cooperation, so it's all good.

Figgygal · 29/08/2012 19:15

oi meant to say in my earlier post but why r u doing the household duties on top of ft working if dh isn't working? If he's crazy job hunting but other than that he definitely needs a kick up the bum!!

aethelfleda · 29/08/2012 20:16

Oops re religious content of GA, oi, I knew the 12-step programmes (AA etc) had originally been christian based but didn't realise there was still a praying/deity element in most standard meetings. Though a quick Google brings up a Wikepedia page for Pagan-friendly 12-step meetings so there clearly are alternatives out there. Whatever works for you really (and I agree with figgy, a housework rota might be a start....