Fab Feb 2009 - come rain, wind or shine, we're here for each other with copious amounts of wine

[dinkystinkyandveryverybored]

New thread for us to quaff and chat away on... though as the sun is out today suspect I'll be pootling around here on my todd for a bit

[dinkystinky]

So pleased you had an excellent time!

[rosieposey]

Hello :) Found you all! It's quite confusing with another fab Feb thread going as well.

Its too hot today - will be quite glad when this weather breaks this weekend - I've always been rubbish in the heat though.

How is everyone? I do check in every so often but it seems the longer i leave it to post the harder it is to catch up but i have a pretty good idea anyway.

MOS hope your CT scan goes ok. I think it is just precautionary and your GP is just being sensible, better that than something be missed iyswim and plus stress can be a terrible thing I'm so sorry you are going through it so much at the moment.

Well I'm 18 weeks pg now with my 2nd DS - struggling a bit with the diabetes and keeping it under control as it goes a bit silly when im pg. Have been feeling really low this time too which is crap as i'm not usually that sort of person. DH lost his job two months ago and is going hammer and tongs to find another but despite having two interviews nothing has come up as yet and its tough out there. Perhaps that's why i feel so shit hope something breaks soon for us though as we might be in a bit of trouble by the time the baby comes!

Dinky it was three weeks ago or so but hope you had a wonderful time on your anniversary :)

Milo still in nappies at night although pretty much mastered the day stuff - only just though, we still have a few problems if he wears trousers over his pants as its a bit of a faff for him to get them down too - am glad its summer and he should have cracked it by Autumn i think. He for some reason won't ask when we are out of the house for the toilet so in nappies for trips out too but i think that will come as well - just glad he knows when to go at home for the time being.

Hope you are all enjoying this weather and am v jealous of MOS's pool I would be in it literally all the time! Cold showers are the way to go for me at the moment, i know i shouldn't complain as its been horrid up till now with floods and all sorts.

[rosieposey]

Sorry pressed post too soon - meant to say as well hello to anyone else i forgot, MrsY , Swampster, HouseofMirth and SilveryMoon (sorry if i forgot anyone else) The river of music looks great fun - hope whoever goes gets to enjoy this sun and the music!

[dinkystinky]

Hi Rosie - lovely to see you on (and thanks for the lovely anniversary wishes - had a great time thanks) but so sorry that you and DH have had such a horrible and trying time of late. Keeping everything crossed that something comes up on the job front for DH soon and things get much easier! Sorry to hear you're struggling with diabetes again in this pregnancy - hope it manages to stay under control. I dont envy you being pregnant in this heat!

I dont know if you're doing it (or managing to find any time for yourself with 4 DC already!) but I really found pregnancy yoga (you could get a dvd from the library) and hypnobirthing massively helped up my mood when pregnant with Danny. Sounds like Milo is going great guns on the toilet training - Danny is v similar (still in nighttime nappies but fine with that). We found trackie bums (rather than normal trousers) or pull up shorts that are easy to get up and down himself helped with taking himself off to the loo.

[SilveryMoon]

rosie Good to see you. Sorry to hear you guys are having a rough time atm, but I'm sure things will pick up soon, they always do. Things will get easier and I'm sure dh will find a job.
I am with you completely on the heat thing. I HATE summer, I really struggle to cope in this weather, it's just too hot. I also don't like the boys to be out when it's this hot. We went shopping in Kingston yesterday, I'd covered them in sun block but a few hours later they both had red patches on the back of their necks and Luke's come out all blotchy again. We think they might be something in sunblock that irritates him, it's the only time he gets a breakout of eczema when we've used suncream.

Ds1's 5th birthday next weekend and am arranging a little get together with some friends. We don't have a garden (1st floor flat) but there is a big patch of grass next to our building which I have asked people to come to. Gonna set up a table of food and we have a box full of outside toys that me and the boys take down there when it's nice.

[dinkystinky]

Look on the brightside SM - the rain is due back on Friday My friend is allergic to the sun so you and your boys have my sympathies. I've taken to dressing Danny in UV resistant tops to avoid the inevitable sunscreen related meltdowns. Your plans for DS1's birthday sound lovely - hope it all goes brilliantly.

[MOSagain]

hello all, sorry, have been AWOL for a while. RL and all that.

rosie good to see you, hope you get the diabetes under control and things work out ok for you and DH.

silverymoon hope DS1's party goes well, sounds like a good idea, will keep fingers crossed for you for the weather.

Hope everyone else is doing ok.

Real life is shite at the moment. 3 weeks and 4 days ago I finally found out that DH had been having an affair. I'd had suspicions since December when I saw an 'inappropriate' message from a woman on his FB when he'd left his laptop open. I wasn't even sneaking/checking, just going to desk to get some paper and it was there
Confronted him that night and he said it was nothing, just an old friend, nothing going on, in my imagination etc etc and that I was paranoid. We started counselling in March and as far as I'm concerned, that has been a complete lie. I still had suspicions and 3 weeks 4 days ago (when will I stop counting?) I emailed and asked him outright. He bullshitted for a while and woudn't answer straight questions but eventually he admitted that he'd 'seenn someone else a few times a while ago'. Turns out that whilst I was in KSA he'd re-connected with an old work friend on FB, they started emailing and then FB each other and the emails then turned to a sexual nature. At some point they then arranged to meet when he was back in the UK on business. His business was in Hampshire, our house in Sussex but he travelled up to London to meet her and spent 2 nights in a hotel.

I could almost sort of understand if he'd bumped into her at a works party and it 'happened' but he planned it. He admits 'chasing/persuing' her for months and then booked the hotel at least a week in advance. The sex was in May 2010 but they carried on an email/fb flirting/sexual exchange relationship up until Dec when I found his fb messages. He closed his account the next day after I found the message back in December and apparently told her that he thought I was on to them. He claims he has not seen her since but was still exchanging 'how are you?' emails until a month or so ago.

Long story short, I threw him out when it happened (with a black eye), he went to his mums' for a few days but then I let him come back (for kids really) and also, if he was in a hotel/apartment I'd constantly be worrying/wondering who he was with, was he emailing/texting her etc.

Things are shit. we are trying to work it out but I'm struggling. Can't believe he did this. Harrison was a baby
Going to Florida on Thursday and feel all over the place as its our wedding anniversary whilst we are there and it would be our first one ever together in 7 years of marriage as we'd always been apart for the summers. I feel the last 2 1/2 years have been a lie. Fucking fuckwit

Well, thats my news. Think SM and Rosie knew but have been too ashamed, embarrassed until now to come and talk to you guys.

Hope everyone is doing ok x

[dinkystinky]

Oh my god MOS! Am so so so sorry you're going through all of this shit - he really is a fuckwit of the highest order. Am sending you industrial quantities of hugs and support. YOU have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of - I am absolutely livid on your behalf. I really hope you know we're here for you, whatever you want, whenever you want us. Let me know if there's anyuthign I can do.

[MOSagain]

Thank you dinky, that is so kind of you. You'd think he'd be a bit more sensible than to do that bearing in mind I was a divorce lawyer for 10 years! Early days, will see how it goes and if I feel I can 'move on' which at the moment I don't think I can as its all I think about first thing in the morning, last thing at night and pretty much every hour in between

[SilveryMoon]

MOS I'm reaaly that you fell ashamed and embarrassed. We are your friends. No one here will judge you or your decisions, we will support you in whatever you decide to do.
It's not your fault that he took things to that level. A little bit of flirting or whatever is one thing, but he decided to continue to the next level.
I'm really sorry you have to go through all of this.
As dinky says, we are here. All of us, all of the time.

[Calico1]

MOS so very sorry to hear your news . You must be so angry and hurt - what a total shit!! I can't believe that he could risk his family life for a quick fling. You have nothing at all to be ashamed about but he certainly has. I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Sending loads of hugs over to you. xx

Sad news here too, MIL died on Monday. She had been ill with leukemia for a long time but it was still a terrible shock for DH. He was with her when she died and he is reeling from the horror of her last hours - sadly it wasn't a peaceful end.
We've told the kids, DS was really upset but ok now but Lilian doesn't really understand that she won't see her again. Funeral is next Friday which is going to be pretty traumatic as FIL, DH and his brother are all totally distraught and not coping at all well.

[dinkystinky]

Oh Calico - I'm so sorry to hear aboutyour MIL too. Sending you and your family big hugs and support x

[Calico1]

Rosie
Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time too. Hope things take a turn for the better very soon. There's not much good news on this thread at the moment is there....

[Calico1]

Thanks Dinky

[SilveryMoon]

Oh Calico I am so sorry to hear about your MIL. Your poor DH having to see that.

How awful.
We do really need some good news soon don't we?

[dinkystinky]

Definitely much need for (non alcoholic for our Rosey of course) on this thread of late

Am really hoping everyone's fortunes start picking up soon - 2012 has been a dog of a year so far for so many hasnt it

[MrsY]

2012 sucks. Need to fast-forward to NYE.

Big hugs to Calico and family. Will be thinking of you all and your MIL.

MOS, you poor love. DH is a totally fuckwhit to do that. Remember you have done nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of. Big squeezes - hope the holiday helps and we'll of course be here to hold your hands whatever you want in the future. x

[oooggs]

oh calico I am so very sorry that your dh and family are struggling this way. I hope the funeral goes as well as it can and that things get easier over time. I have no experience of this so can't advise

MOS!!!!!! I am shocked and I have no words to say and like the others have said, we are hear and no we don't judge. FB, cat, pm me anytime and just to make you laugh I am very that you in Florida

[Calico1]

Thanks guys - your kind words are greatly appreciated as always. Spent the weekend staying with FIL, DH and BIL. To be honest I am so glad to be home now but really feel sad for them all. Funeral wasn't as grim as I thought it would be - the sun was shining and loads of DH's friends were there so it made a sad day bearable.

MrsY - I totally agree with you, roll on 2013.

MOS how are you doing? xx

[elkiedee]

Sorry to hear everyone else's miserable news - nothing very cheerful to add here - I'm still enduring working out my notice though looking forward to taking all my outstanding annual leave while the childminder's away next week, with a trip to Norfolk (dp's mum) and a week in Ilkley lined up, yay!

My boss sadly died on 10 July. So many people went from here to his funeral that there was a bus from here to take them!

I'm looking forward to leaving here for good next month.

MOS, sorry to hear about your husband's behaviour, and rosey and calico, I hope things pick up for you soon. There's actually a thread on what a terrible year this has been for a number of mners, I can only say reading it all the bad things for me this year have begun to seem a bit less awful. I hope the bad stuff stops happening soon, but I'm sure that even if it doesn't I will be happier working from home and spending some more time with the monsters, or temping, or whatever I decide to do in the end.

[dinkystinky]

Elkie - so sorry to hear your boss passed away and you're still in flux over the job situation but hope you have lovely breaks away. We've just been in france for a week - was lovely and relaxing but sooooo hot (44 degrees one day!) so didnt do much at all. I have the fun end of holiday task of taking DS1 off to go get circumcised (to hopefully put an end to his recurrent balanitis) this evening - am trying to downplay it rather so DS1 doesnt freak out about it. The dog of a year that is 2012 continues though as heard last night that my SIL lost her baby (and ended up in hospital needing a transfusion so all v dramatic and traumatic) and my lovely neighbour's little baby born a couple of weeks ago has just been diagnosed with downs syndrome which wasnt picked up at all on any of her screenings so has come as a total shock to the family.

[MOSagain]

hello all.
FFS, this has been a bastard of a year for a lot of us. So sad about your SIL's baby and your neighbours. Not bloody fair.

calico and rosie hope things better for you.

Bastard bloody shite life for so many of us.
Not much news from me. Back from USA Sunday after a very up and down holiday. We had good moments but I'm still so very very sad and can't believe he could have done this. I'd asked him the night before we left for 100% truth. If there was anything else he'd done, no matter how petty it might be I wanted to know. He said nothing so I was prepared to consider drawing a line under it and trying to move on.
so, get back Sunday am and whilst he was in garden I went to sign into my FB account but his opened automatically. Of course, being the suspicous wife I couldn't help looking and found other 'stuff'.
I found what I consider 'inappropriate' chats last summer between him and a woman that he worked with around 15 years ago. Turns out they'd had a sexual relationship (even though SHE was married) - he said they didnt' actually have sex but everything but. Anyway, turns out they'd been writing to each other for a while when he was first in Saudi and in the messages he mentioned her letters which meant a lot to him and which were so special. He referred to a time when he and I had moved compounds when DD was only a few months old (so around 5 1/2 years ago when we'd not been married long) when i'd found some letters but not read them and he told her that he'd hidden them from me as they were special and private and I had the impression he still read them and thought of her.

he also said he'd been looking at her photos and some were a little saucy and implied he'd like to see more. I was really gutted by that as he had promised there was nothing else and even though he hadn't seen her since we were married I felt that him writing to her in FB chats in that way was really upsetting and inappropriate. This led to a huge row and I threw him out.

That afternoon I was going through other FB chat messages between him and the whore he'd slept with (who it turns out was his ex wife's best friend who was bridesmaid at their wedding!) and even though he told me the sex was around may 2010 and a few months later he decided/realised it was wrong and would not continue he was still having extremely explicit sexual conversations with her. When I was in the UK last summer he was on FB with her many times at night talking about what he wanted to do with her and w*ing whilst talking online to her. Made me sick.

I let him come back yesterday for tea and to see the kids and he asked if he could use my pc to close his facebook account (he can't do it at work) and I made him read what I'd read. He didn't want to but I made him and he went grey and said he felt sick and disgusted reading that.

He admits that if I'd done that it would be over but wants a 2nd/3rd chance.
I'm going to see how it goes but really don't see how I can ever trust him again.
its not just the sex with the other woman. Its the betrayal, the lies and the criticism of me to several women. He said I was high maintenance, difficult to be with, and several other things. Also, the worst thing was when he was 'chatting' to the woman he slept with and saying he was moving back to the UK (I was already back here last summer) she asked about meeting up and said they would meet up wouldn't they but in a safe place? (I think she meant in public so they couldn't be tempted) He said, no, not a safe place and she said 'but you are married' and he replied 'oh yeah, I forgot, tee hee'. That to me was the worst thing, I feel he was laughing at me.

Anyway, thats me, hope everyone else is doing ok and enjoying the summer.
Was there ever any talk of a meet up with or without kids?

[dinkystinky]

Oh MOS, (((hugs))). I cant believe what an imbecilic fuckwit your DH has been and is continuing to be in not being straight with you. Am so sorry the holiday was up and down and so so sorry you found more stuff to make you distrust him even more. Are you guys still going to counselling? Do you think talking about all of this with the counsellor might help clarify what you want. What has he done to make you believe he is worth giving a 2nd/3rd chance? Does he realise the impact of what he has done?

[SilveryMoon]

Fucking hell MOS What a fucking dirty, prick.
Fucking scumbag.
I'd be really angry too. The bit about 'forgetting' being married is a harsh, horrid, spiteful joke.
Arsehole.

[MOSagain]

SM I love you in a non lesbian way
Funnily enough, that is the bit that I think hurt the most