January 2008: I'm four and 'they're all mine!'

[latrucha]

Sorry Simposn. Just couldn't resist.

Filly - Molly being a challenge too ATM, not us why!!

J got a 2nd hand DS lite for Xmas last yr and he loves it plays with it all the time. He has also got a chess game for it so he does not need to nag me to play with him!!

Changed my mind on a tablet for him as finances will not permit so have not spent much on him but have got him a tennis racquet (eBay), cricket bat (eBay) a pre owned mario kart game for his DS and some books. Oh and a Chelsea rucksack for school!!

Going to try and get him a used iPod or a tablet for Xmas as M will be getting a leap pad (2nd hand).

Ange - don't know of you still check this thread but J is very excited as he is going to see the tractor boys train on Friday and get a guided tour of the ground and gets to meet the players etc and get their autograph. He is counting the days!!!

It's so hard to think of decent presents that aren't too expensive, isn't it?! I'm chuffed to bits with the ds lite, mainly cos I know he's going to be delighted with it....he still plays with the leappad we got for his 4th birthday, but he has completely outgrown it now, and I think T is going to love it. Although dh has ruled out putting it away for 4 months, then 'giving' it to T for her 5th birthday.....he's probably right, but it would have been a good solution!!

Thanks for reminding me that A has asked for new fb kit...he's completely outgrown his Arsenal kit and is going to start playing fb again on sundays, so does need something to wear. I'll get some books, too, and I think that finishes the b-day presents from all of us. What is J reading at the moment?

I got J a few secret 7 books which he loves and the other ones were non fiction ones about football (mainly Chelsea as that's his team ATM). Oh and Harry Potter as he has been desperate to read it for ages.

I forgot, I also got him an England footie top reduced to £6 which I know he will love.

Luckily my brother has agreed to get J the new Chelsea top he wants.

We have got tickets to the Paralympics (100 metres wheelchair sprint) so have told J that is his present from my other brother (M not going).

Things not helped by us going to a birthday party of one of his friends who proudly showed off her brand new iPod

M has inherited J's old vtech smile which she loves. She calls it her pretend DS!!! And I DID hide it, box it (kept original box) and give it to M for Xmas!!

I was at the Athletics on Ennis / Farah / Rutherford night

Four year olds can be awful, can't they? When it comes to one of those moods when they either can't get themsleves out of a bad or naughty mood, or if they are being deliberately naughty to provoke, I tell her I'm going to count her. That means she gets a 1 and a two as a warning and on three she goes to her room. It's an idea I got from a book. The author thinks you should 'count' any bad behaviour but I don't like that. I just save it for those times when it drags on. Often, just being given a 'one' makes her stop. Worth a try.

I'm home now. It looks like D has completely forgotten about feeding. Im going with it but it means I have decided not to go to breastfeeding group tomorrow. It turns out no one else can (well, I think they can bt they're not) in my stead so it won't open tomorrow. They had put a notice up that it would be closed before I realised so there was nothing I could do but I do feel guilty.

Wow, LaT!!! I am deeply in a really nice way....delighted for you, but wish I could've been there :) We were totally glued to the tv all night!! :)

Don't feel guilty about the bf group - you can't feed D just for the sake of other people, and I do think it's the sort of thing you 'grow out' of as your own dcs get bigger, because they need you to focus your time and energy on activities that are relevant to them right now. But its definitely something you can go back to, when your own dcs are a bit older (without them in tow!) and you will be able to give enormous amounts of support and emotional guidance to other women in the future. But your own family need to take priority for now.

I do the counting with T (although don't send her to her room as I don't like to use that for punishment - its more like 'if I count to 3 and you're not yet doing x then you're not having y'). When she's in that mood, she just refuses to budge. She's like the worlds best poker player. Even if I raise the stakes, she is just utterly mulish about it,and will not move. So, for example, she's at dance camp this week and they finish with a performance for parents this afternoon. All week she's been asking if I'll come, and I've been explaining that I have to work but that I'll do my best. Last night she came back from camp/post-camp playdate in a great mood (and I collected her), then suddenly went into a negative spiral when we got home. Wouldn't go and get undressed for the bath. Wouldn't do anything I asked her. I explained she had to help me (by behaving) if she wanted me to come to show. Mia and Ari already in bath and T sitting on sofa shouting "but I want to stay up late and I want you to come to my show". I explained that she had to earn both of those by behaving well (several times, calmly and clearly) and she just kept on. Was just one of those evenings....Was a battle all the way to bed.

I'm trying not to give her tons of attention when she behaves like this as I can see that its an effective way to get me to ignore the other 2 and focus on her....DH experienced it properly for the first time at the weekend and was quite shocked. He was great tho - she went into absolutely screaming heebie-jeebie meltdown at bedtime, so eventually he took her pillow into the bathroom, put a towel on the floor with the pillow and told her that was the bed we use for anyone who wants to temper tantrum all night, and that he didn't mind how long she screamed for in there, as we couldn't hear it . 10 minutes later she was in bed silent....so last night i only had to offer the 'bathroom bed' as a choice for her to get straight into bed and stay there quietly!

Its partly down to tiredness (she bounced out of bed full of beans this morning) but not entirely - a lot of it does seem to be about pushing boundaries to see what she can get away with. All she wanted to know this morning was if I was coming to her show....what do I do?!

On the issue of the show, I would put that to one side and go if you can and not if you can't. It's very hard but I always try and bear in mind that they have to behave like this. They're compelled to! It helps me, if not the situation. I aso think it helps if the consquence for getting a 'three' is always the same as it takes the thinking for the child, and for you, out of it. I think if they're in a paddy and can't think straight, then they can't take on any more information so the expected consquence is good.

Basically, I think we have to endure it!

Last Saturday was incredible. When Farah was running absolutely everyone was jumping up and down screaming! But we were alltotally convinced he was going to get it: everyone else had!

Thanks LaT :) I did go to the show in the end, but only stayed for her bit (the opening song & dance) - she saw me the whole way through (I was at the front filming!) and then I waved and blew kisses goodbye and went straight back to work. She and I had a chat afer about how she got me to come even though she'd not been well behaved and why I had come in the end....:) She's the best poker player, and will really up the stakes, so I have to be careful not to threaten something that I don't want to follow through on, when she's driving me up the wall

Good weekend though - with all 3 dcs behaving reasonably (and Mia being a total star at the moment). Long may it last

N's SALT came for a review yesterday. She said that after working on his oromotor skills for quite a while he has made some progress but he is still very hard to understand at school and his vocab is still a lot more limited than his intellect requires. She is concerned that he will get frustrated and would start getting behavioural difficulties if he is not given the tools to speak more. She said that would be such a shame as he is such a darling and a ray of sunshine in school (her words). So we are starting with a communication book with symbols. She demonstrated the early work she has done with Nathan on it and he is picking it up quickly (she says most kids using this are not as cognitively or physically able as he is). If we get funding for the iPad we can have the same symbols on the pad. I felt quite upset yesterday (hence only posting now). I felt she was giving up on his speech but of course that's not true, she rightly pointed out that there is evidence it will help him speak. She's also right to say that he NEEDS to be given the tools to communicate, he's entitled to it. Just wish it wasn't so hard for my sunbeam to speak :(

Thanks for posting Madmouse. It sounds very tough. How are you doing today? I'm sending you lots of love.

Madhouse - it must be hard to hear

But it will be a good thing and give him the tools to communicate.

It may well help with his speech too in the long run (fingers x).

How long till you hear about the iPad??

Molly had her 2nd physio session today and her main concern is that Molly cannot stand on one leg ( or hop) so this is what we have to work on.

I know it is nothing like the every day difficulties that Nathan faces but it was quite upsetting seeing how wobbly she is when asked to do simple physical tasks

By coinsidence I got a letter for Sabela's assessment today.

She can't hop either. If you have any tips let me know!

Molly has to practice hopping in between 2 chairs so she can hold on to them both iyswim.

Ok. Thanks. I had her holding one and it just hasn't been working. I'll try that.

Madmouse - sending you hugs, but also smiling at N being described as a ray of sunsine - what a lovely thing to hear :) I understand why its upsetting, but you need to focus on the positives - the challenge is that because he is so bright, we need to find ways to help him communicate in the meantime (whilst you and he and everyone else keep on working on the speech) so that he doesn't get frustrated....that's a good thing, despite being so hard. Fingers crossed for the ipad!

Simpson and LaT - it must be the week for it. Both A and T got their appts for assessments yesterday, too! T can hop on one leg but not at all on the other. I'm not worried about that, but her fine motor skills are very poor and she really struggles with holding pencils and crayons, and says it hurts. A's legs are very twisted from the knees down, and when he runs both his legs kick out sideways from his body (instead of going forwards) - I've been aware of it for a while, but dh kept telling me he was fine....now he finally agrees that its definitely not normal, and its really affecting his ability to join in at school, as everyone else (even Tamara!) can run a lot faster than he can. He's getting very frustrated by it (and by people laughing at his running) so hopefully this is something that physio or shoes insoles or something will help to address.

It's A's birthday today!! I can't believe my first baby is 7!!

I made him another birthday cake for breakfast time (he had a fab dinosaur cake for his party at the end of the school term) and sent him to camp with a third cake (a football one from Tesco!) to share with his friends :) Doing presents and cards and stuff with him when he comes home at 5pm....and then me and dh are off work all of next week :) :) Planning lots of lovely days out with the dcs....I'm off work until they go back to school - hurrah!!!!

Except.... Seriously, there's always something to worry about! T is being quite out of control at the moment - huge huge huge temper tantrums from no-where, and it feels like she starts them just to see what will happen, and then loses control because she's so worked up. We are going with a zero tolerance policy for a bit - so she gets a warning (if you carry on, the punishment will be x, I'll count to 3 and if you haven't stopped by then,you will have/not have the punishment) - and then we actually follow through. So this morning (A's birthday) she suddenly kicked off after breakfast, as they were all getting ready for day camp. Warning 1: no choc buttons in lunchbox. I took them out and she went mental. Warning 2: no Disney Princess drink. Took it out. Warning 3: No flapjack. Took it out. Eventually we got to Warning 6: No camp. Guess what? Yup, I'm wfh and she's downstairs playing quietly.

We've had a long chat and I've explained that if I give her a warning, and tell her what the punishment will be, and she ignores me, then she will get the punishment. I think a lot of the problem is that many of her school friends are very spoilt brats a bit over-indulged, and she sees them getting away with bad behaviour/ignoring warnings at their houses, and still getting treats and stuff. She's even told me about it. I've explained that in our family we don't work like that...!

Any ideas? Anyone?

Filly - Molly is totally out of control sometimes, we went to the park yesterday with loads of friends and their DC and she kicked off about something cue lying on floor screaming etc and I just left her there and walked off to join my friends and said I would talk to her when she stopped screaming (I could see her at all times). She hates being ignored and this seems to work best.

I do think it is because she is soooo ready for school etc but my god she is ha work, I rang my mother last week and begged her to take Molly for a night as I needed a break .

Me and my mother seem to have fallen out over something that I have no idea what it is which is stressing me ATM, we are going on holiday tomorrow morning for 2 weeks so hoping things sort themselves out, fingers x.

Simpson, if you want to have advice from someone with very dysfunctional relationship with her mother, I'd apologise in a general sort of way and say you're really looking forward to spending time with her. It was sometimes the only way to break the ice! If a bit hard to swallow.

Filly - I don't have too much more advice, except two things occurred to me. Firstly, I find systems of discipline wear out pretty quickly (reward charts, the 1,2,3 etc). S just gets bored with them, understands them and starts to subvert them so I have to try something else. Secondly, in that particular instance, did she want to stay at home with you? I find S sometimes seems to be shooting herself int he foot by being punished but in fact she's getting what she wants. This is true especially if it is something she finds impossible to admit she wants. She would never say she was tired and wanted to stay at home but might be tired and play up so I cancelled whatever activity we were going to do IYSWIM.

Great advice from both of you, thanks guys. Simpson - LaT is right, if you can find a way to work in a general sort-of apology, its always best, even if bloody annoying.

LaT - I think you're right about end-results some of the time. But I can also see that T is incredibly stubborn (ahem) and will box herself into a corner rather than admit she has made a mistake....

Too hot for MN! Too hot for anything....but trying to retain a few working brain cells ahead of my job interview/presentation on Wednesday afternoon. I'm trying to conviince myself that I won't get the job, but I want it so much....aaarrgh....

What's the job Filly? What did I miss?

Hello everyone - totally been off MN for ages, RL been too busy.

House guests (various family) have gone.
DH & T are busy sailing all week.
M can hopefully get back into normal routine so is napping now & H seems happy chilling after a busy few weeks.

We're off to Jersey for a week on Sat with various other family which I'm half looking forward to & half wishing away as I'm longing to get back into normal school routine, stuff seems to be piling up everywhere & assorted jobs just aren't getting done.

MM - sorry to hear the SALT wasn't especially positive, hearing negatives about our DC is always hard (that goes for Molly, T, A & S too).
Are you having to wait long re the iPad? Are you thinking of getting the MyChoicePad software? DH was involved in getting H's school to test it on their iPads - all the parents & teachers rave about it. (H loved it but tbh doesn't use it much anymore.) The more help you can give him to communicate the better, speech will always be preferable & I believe will 'win out' in the end if possible as it's the most commonly modelled behaviour seen. IYKWIM?

Ange - sorry to hear about your Dad, was following a bit on FB. Well done to you on all your running, i'm v impressed!

Filly - job news? good luck with interview.

Simps - grr at the exH again. Hope you have a great time away.

Um, what else, H is doing fabulously, chatting away, etc. Was pretend ironing with me this morning & we started practising adding; 2 shirts hanging up +1 = ? and he could do it a lot of the time!
T is great though has these waves of negativity that wind me up something rotten, trying to work on keeping a PA (positive attitude) to reap rewards of sailing week & iPad time with my brother in Jersey.

M is gorgeous walking really well and starting to talk, trying to say everything. She watches everything going on and seems to be such a bright spark, she just gets stuff instantly - obv compared to H it's genius-like though I'm sure she's just a normal kid really.

DH & I are good, it's nice having him home a lot over the school holiday, though some couple time would be nice too, hoping we'll get the odd time out in Jersey as my parents also coming so various babysitters depends on H a lot really, if he's in a good mood then he's easy, if not....

Mostly fingers tightly crossed for take-off, can see H could go nutso as the engines rev up & the plane starts to move. Worst case could be aborted takeoff!! But assuming i'm over-worrying, it's only a short flight so shouldn't be toooo awful....

Hi all thanks for support.

No JKS the program is called The Grid - which you use with something called Gridplayer. Will cost us £3-400 apart from the iPad cost. Not yet heard from charity. It's a VOCA, not a wider communication tool as N has no communication difficulties just speech difficulties if that makes sense.

Hi all, I am reading but also hosue painting, so evenings used up!.

Are you all chatting to each other somewhere else?

Simpson is on hols, JKS is going tomorrow, I'm on fb as usual. Filly?

Enjoying the house painting LaT?

Hey LaT, we've been having a family week at home, instead of a holiday - we hadn't booked anything for our normal trip to Devon earlier in the year, and as the 'summer' continued to look like a total wash-out we just couldn't see the point of spending £100s on a holiday cottage somewhere, just so we could watch the rain from there. So in the end we're having a lovely 10 days at home in London, doing day trips all over the place with the dcs - its been luvverly :) And we've put the money we've saved towards going to visit family in Israel (DSIL etc) at the end of September, so we're guaranteed some sunshine then instead

We've also been trying to toilet-train Mia, but have completely and utterly failed. She's just not interested. Which is frustrating, because 2 months ago, when we didn't have the time, she was really keen and was getting v upset about wees/poos in her nappies. Now, she couldn't care less, and has been happily doing everything in her knickers, mostly about 2 mins after we take her off the toilet :( :( :( Might have to try again in a few weeks....

Taking A & T to the 'bendy doctor' next Weds - will report back :)

Oh, and I found out late yesterday afternoon that I got the job!!!!!!!!! Woohoo!!!!! I have to celebrate on here as I definitely cannot tell the FB world yet - I don't have the formal offer, and I will need to wait for the contract and get that all signed (prob another 10 days) before I can hand in my notice, so can't risk anyone in RL finding out yet! But I'm just so relieved and pleased as its been extemely shite for the past year and didn't show any sign of getting better....

Hows the house painting coming on LaT?

Well done Filly. Are you able to say what the job is??

Sounds lovely Filly. And congratulations on the job!