April 2009 Episode 15 Bebe & BB have babies n stuff

[PuzzleRocks]

Ta da

Thanks bebe, they're not big issues in the scheme of things really just all at once x how are you?

I've called my dh home from work because I can't handle any more. I've had so little sleep for such a long time and now this lack of feeding on Jem's part, and the constant screaming...I feel cracked
I don't know what I'm doing or how to do it any more.

bebe, I haven't been keeping up... why isn't jem feeding?

Sorry to hear you are so frazzled. Hang in there. Have you considered a little bit of nursery now and then for moo? (Is it still called nursery? I am very out of it, I'm afraid)
It would do you good to have a little bit of time with only one child, especially if that one naps and would allow you to do so at the same time. And it might be good for moo to be with other kids her age.
If you're not sleeping and managing two all alone every day, you will feel as if you're cracking up.

Hope that made sense, I have a vile case of the flu and am not entirely with it!

Just noticed as I was posting that your post was sent at 20.31. Is your DH working late every evening?

Dh is gone M-F in London. He's home now (and trying to work from home today and tomorrow) because I was not coping well. I'm trying to sort out some nursery for Moo; I don't understand the form the government has sent me abt the 'free' hours (we cannot afford anything more than that..). So she can start in September....long way a way, but I'll hold onto that for my sanity sake...
Jem has tonsillitis; I took her to the gp this morning and found out. They have her on penicillin but I've got to watch her for the next 24hours because sensitivity to it runs in the family, tho thankfully no one 'yet' has had a severe reaction, just low grade allergy/rash/sores. She should be feeling better in 24hrs too if she doesn't react. GP suggested me cooling the ebm to see if she takes it and giving to her with a syringe (which we were trying to do anyhow).

bebe you don't need to fill in the form - if you find a nursery you like they should sort out the grant for you. And I think the rule has changed - they don't have to wait until the term after they're three to get the grant now, I think you can get it straight away, but check with the nursery. The first step is to pick your nursery.

Sorry to hear about Jem's poor tonsils - hope having DH home helps with the stress, I remember how hard it is with two from when Orbit was tiny. Sending lots of supportive manly handshakes, MN-style.

No referral date yet. Beebs, K is a March baby isn't he? Has he started using any signs? How is Edie now? Have you come to decisions about work?
Thus ends my interrogation
I think I know what you mean about making things hard. I think my own background was so far from ideal that I have this pathological need to make everything perfect and in doing so I miss out on the spontaneous fun, the good chaos.
Horse riding sounds great.
I think you are perfectly entitled to feel a bit crap, you have a lot more than me on your plate and I am prone to the odd meltdown. I always try and find something to jolt me out of it. The book I am reading at the moment really has me counting my blessings. The chapter focussing on the suffering of Mexican women is a bloody hard read.

Auld I was so snappy the other day that E told me she wished Daddy had married someone else. She also told me I look like a man . Little rat bag. I had to let her do my hair to make me look pretty like a lady. Took me ages to get the knots out after.

Bebe - How is Jem today? And you? Is DH home?

Poo Puzzle, the waiting must be hard. Hope it comes through nice and quickly.

I too suffer from the 'I must try to be superwoman, surely it's not that hard raising children, my mum raised five with one hand tied behind her back and I don't remember her shouting once' mindset. It's not terribly helpful, is it? I am now making friends with Winnicott's 'good enough mother' concept. Ultimately, I think I am good enough - I feed them well, cuddle them a lot, apologise when I've been daft/shouty/unreasonable, give them decent sleep and generally try and show them that the world is a better place when people are nice. That's good enough for me.

I find watching Protecting Our Children helps, in terms of putting my worries into perspective. At least my boys have beds. And food. And don't have to deal with drug withdrawal/potential paedophiles in their own home/alcoholism. Everything after that is just gravy.

Bunk beds? Who needs bunk beds. Not us. Still waiting. Apparently the part was due to arrive in Germany at the beginning of this week. The more eagle eyed of you will have spotted that we don't live in Germany. So who knows when it will reach these shores. We have given up hope and just pretend that DS1's room was always meant to be crowded with beds and not much else.

How is Jem, bebe? Hope the drugs are working.

Auld how are your housing plans progressing? Any joy on finding somewhere new?

BB3 I too hated work when I first went back. It's much harder after the second, I think. And your work is very demanding in terms of commute and hours, isn't it? Can you find something similar but more local? Might mean less glamour but a better worklife balance? Some of my old colleagues have set up on their own, either freelance or running their own PR consultancies, and are doing pretty well.

Right. Am going to a glamorous party tomorrow night in Surrey, driving up today, and so far have failed to identify a suitable outfit. And it's the first time I'll have left Orbit overnight. Gulp. Must go pack and have a small weep.

Hope you don't have to wait too long, Puzzle.

WFH, your bunk bed saga is just insane. Enjoy your weekend, Orbit will be fine (and so will you!).

Bebe, hope you are feeling a bit better.

No news on the house front, I have been avoiding discussing it TBH as DH and I disagree so deeply. I am slightly in denial, and slightly taking dramatic action, as I went on a whistle stop trip to Edinburgh the other weekend to put my flat there on the market, but think there is sod all very little chance of it being sold in time to be any use, and we can't get a bridging loan.

If by any miracle one of you knows someone likely to be looking for a nice-but-needing-redecorating, light, 2 bedroom, top-floor flat in a lovely tree-lined street near Arthur's Seat/the Meadows/the University, I can send you the details.

Our new landlords are delightful. A tile (huge, heavy, potentially lethal...) was blown off the roof in high winds a while back and DH informed them. He got a reply saying the landlord would come with "un homme de l'art" to identify the tile as indeed coming from his roof, before taking any action. Because we have nothing better to do than go around finding random tiles and smashing them to smithereens on the terrace, then claiming they came from our roof, FFS.

WFH your post made me smile. I think i'm good enough, I will have to remember that. And DH, god bless him, thinks I am awesome so there we go. Of course he doesn't usually bear witness to me screechiest moments but that's by the by.
That programme sounds awfully depressing though and my children are a little too familiar with the Gordon's brand for me to be too smug.

Feckin hell, who is this bunk bed company? But if you want to see crowded you should see my living. I took delivery of two new sofas yesterday. They are just lush. I bloody love them like my own children after four years of nasty little uncomfortable Ikea pleather sofas.
However, they are just too damn big. They fit just about but they completely dominate my tiny living room. They are bordering on ridiculous and DH and I could not stop laughing last night. But we have decided to say sod it, they stay. And actually it may just be worth the (guaranteed) look on every persons face when they walk in my house and go .

Have a fantastic time later. I dreaded the first time away but honestly once the vino kicked in I was like "kids, schmids".

Oh crap Auld, I missed your post. Isn't Frekkles in Edinburgh. Perhaps she could post something on her FB page for you?

Such badly written posts. In my defence I am multitasking. Badly.

Yes, I thought about asking Frekkles, but wimped out. Entirely logical, when i am happy to post about it on here. Will FB her.

Your sofa story is making me smile! I have a sofa that drives me mad: it's short, old, knackered and above all, has a loose cover that the boys (DH included) pull all over the shop and then leave like that. I keep hoiking it back into place and getting cross.
I long for a sofa that doesn't look as if a bomb had hit it/someone had just been strangled on it. Actually, if I was rich, I'd have a house with a little room all to myself, with a lovely sofa just for me. I must be getting middle-aged, if that is my ambition.

Jem is back to loudly shrieking at her toys in frustration when they do not oblige her in jumping to her arms when she looks at them...
I will tell you all that its shrieks which drive me nuts. High piercing sounds that shatter any sanity i might have been harboring... I cannot wait until this stage is over, and it had better just be a stage otherwise I'm going to have major problems.
But I'm very glad she's taking food again and is not listless. I hate listless sick babies more than i hate shreiking, even if the latter causes more pain.

I'm right there with you guys on struggling with trying to do enough for them. I am amazed at how much you all do for you kids. I need to try to find a way to balance the kids and house and work/things i personally need to do too. I just cannot seem to stay energised long enough to do it.
Sofas... I am lusting after a new sofa but know i need to get through the toddler stage with Jem before I can anything new or it'll just get ruined again.
Hopefully the bed parts come soon. Tho i remember having beds stuffed in a room when i was a kid...playing keep off the ground was great :)
Hope the referral comes quickly. Found out today that my sister has low thyroid like my mother and aunt... They're all on a pill to 'set them straight' its wonderful to think that we live in a time and place where we can get the things we need to feel better in so many cases. Hopefully a happy solution is found for you soon too.

Dh being home at night is great. I got to sleep thru Moo's mid-night waking so today seems better overall. How so many deal with your parteners being gone regularly is beyond me. I feel lost and incapable with it half the time...mostly in the middle of the night. Dh and i are going to need to figure something out. Been calling around nurseries, so many conflicting infos...this form i have from the government is even more confusing especially since there are apparently limited choices and its due on Monday.

bebe, screeching gets me every time. A and DS1 squabble a lot and it often turns me into a vile harpy, frankly.
Sleep is what you need. And nursery. Hope you get both sorted a bit this weekend.

Cheesy cheering up music for a Friday afternoon

Puzz - he signs donkey when he wants shrek (and occasionally says ong-ee), referral still hasn't come through for hearing test. And when he wants the Mickey Mouse one with the clapping song, he claps his hands (honestly, he doesn't have that much tv on!!! ). He just laughs at me when I do the others . We saw a new nursery last week that I really like - it's a bit chavvy BUT they are on the right level with kids - his old one was immaculate and just ticked every box but they were actually not that good with challenging children. He was due in march but stayed put until April 4th.

Oh I might read that book. And at sofas. When we moved here I was adamant I was having my dining room table in my living diner as it cost me an arm and leg. 1 year on we've never used it and it's been taken down and stored. So at least you will use yours and love sinking in to them post kids bed times.

How long did they expect the referral to take for E? Sorry but her comments did make me laugh! I can't imagine her ever saying that though, she is so sweet!

WFH, yes I am looking for something closer, I thought I would have to take a pay cut to come closer to home but looking around I don't so that's good, just need to get my CV done. I have my first night away from all three kids next Monday for work and I keep trying to persuade DH to bring the girls to London overnight but he is not budging!

Auld, shame about house. I don't know anyone in Edinburgh but I am sure Frekkles would be happy to help.

Bebe. Really don't stress about the forms - just take yourself, DH and the kids to a couple of local nurseries and see which one you like. If it's the same as this area Meg will get her free entitlement in September and once you've found a nursery you like you sign her up, give them a copy of her birth certificate and they will organise everything for you. Don't stress about it, just look forward to the 15 hours of peace and quiet in a few months...
Can DH not commute? they have direct trains to London don't they? and it would work out a similar financial cost I would imagine. That's what I do / did and it makes all the difference having company at night, even when DH doesn't come home until late and doesn't do much in the night, it's nice knowing I have back up.

Auld - I love Tom Petty.
If I was rich I would never share a bathroom with my husband ever again.

Bebe - Sending hugs.

BB - Last week she told me I really should start exercising again. My Mum finds it hilarious because it is exactly what she had to put with. But yes for the most part she is very sweet so I can take the odd insult on the chin.
How do you make a sign for donkey?

Put your hands upright in your head like donkey or bunny ears ears and flap!

If I was rich I'd have my own snug with lots of blankets, a wall covered on book cases and an open fire AND a very big dressing room where kids were not allowed (either room!)

On your head, not in!

I love Tom Petty too.

The shrieking is weird because it's in a single second I flip out and cannot take it any more and end up shouting at/over/through/with the girls. It's not good and makes me feel utterly out of control and a terrible terrible person. I am seriously considering wearing earplugs ALL the time in the hope of avoiding the piercing sounds...

Apparently unique to the city we're in, one can only go to council approved nursery for free unless one was enrolled before the start of this year...or if there are outstanding medical/social conditions or the council approved places are all full... This I found out after talking to 3 different official people about the form and what it all meant.
So, the nurseries that we had looked at (all private and therefore not on the list) last year were not ones we could choose.... We ended up picking the closest Welsh medium nursery which also has very good Estyn -Welsh Ofsted- reports but as we are FAR out of the 'district' we highly doubt we'll end up getting it and so will be walking most likely to the closest nursery which is in the centre of a rather deprived area (abt a mile away). I'm not opposed to the walking bit at all ...however the area makes us rather uncertain and the school (which I've only ever driven by is a bit sad looking tbh) and has mediocre reports. We seriously considered not putting a request in and hoping all the places filled up so we could pick one of the nurseries we had looked at that we liked, but didn't want to chance it.

Dh was only able to work from home yesterday and today because he was finishing up on the project -he was just writing documentation for what he had done. His next project is possibly near Guildford, but we're not sure, he has to go into Staines on Monday to find out. He tried commuting into London daily but because he is utterly useless getting out of the house on time and early enough he was not getting into work until after lunch pretty much every day which, as one can imagine, was not ideal. However it was lovely for me/us when it came to support.

I did a bit of a scary thing today too which has me feeling so uncertain but I think I did the right thing. Basically I took a loan out under my name to consolidate Dh's credit cards... overall it means we're going to be paying less on the cards which is very good. However taking on all that debt in my name alone makes me very nervous. BUT there is no reason why we should default on the payments and therefore it should actually be a good thing as it'll give me a good credit rating and help me separate my credit rating from his more... dunno sometimes I think I've done right and other times I'm worrying abt it.

Moo loves doing signs she's learned from Mr. Tumble. Her favorite is the donkey actually

E sounds a bit like Moo...she likes to call me her BigMummy especially to strangers she's introducing me to...

If I was rich I'd have a whole cottage to myself... with a very high stone wall around it with guards at the gate so no one could come in unless I wanted...

Bebe, shrieking does that to me too. I used to think I was really laid back! I'm fairly sure your reaction is mostly due to sleep deprivation - I think mine is too and that I'd be more patient if I wasn't being woken regularly out of a deep sleep. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Bebe, how are things? Did you get any rest over the weekend?

How's everyone else on this silent thread?

My half term plans have gone tits up and I find myself with the awful prospect of 5 days at MIL's next wk with the boys but w/o DH who "has no holidays." I may commit a terrible crime. I will definitely be in bed by 9 each night.

In good news, my flat went on sale on Mon, has had 3 viewings already and a note of interest, so I am cautiously optimistic that it may sell in time to help us in our predicament.

Good morning. Hope everyone survived half term - Auld, have you committed murder yet? Do we need to free you from a vile jail cell with a file concealed in a loaf of bread?

BeBe Orbit has a fine line in ear piercing shrieks. DS1 never did it, but Orbit can shatter glass at 100 paces. I'm learning to tune it out but it still makes me snap occasionally, and I'm not sleep deprived. So you have my sympathies. We are trying to teach him to use words instead but when he's angry or upset he still resorts to the shrieks. I think I might have actually lost a portion of my hearing as a result.....

My dreadful boss has decided to go and do a project for nine months for the good of his health (he is really very unwell, I am not unsympathetic, honest). This means I'm doing his job for the nine months. On the plus side, it's more money and more interesting/challenging, and means I am no longer subject to his total lack of direction or support. On the minus side, we haven't replaced me yet so I am actually doing two jobs. Hence why I'm I'm online at silly o'clock on a Sunday. Pah.

So the party was fab and Orbit was fine - he was also absolutely delighted to see us when we got back, which was really nice. DS1 was a bit more standoffish - he's a much more complicated individual, that one.

Now, bunk beds......the parcel finally came while we were away last week and I didn't make it to the post office till Thursday to pick it up. Opened it to find FOUR spare parts. All the wrong size. I have asked them to remove the whole bloody lot from my house and give me a full refund, which they have agreed to do. I will be ordering some different bunk beds today. Ideally from a UK company so there is none of this getting stuff from Germany malarkey.

BB how did your night away from the kids go?

Puzz I want your sofas. We have a lovely Sofa Workshop sofa but it's as old as DS1 (6 years) and has lost so many feathers that the cushions don't plump like they used to. And the kids have spilled so much food on it and drawn on it so many times that it really isn't respectable. If I had money I would have my own study with my fathers antique desk in it and an immaculate squashy sofa in it, and a flat screen telly that had iPlayer etc on it. (We still have an old CRT telly which I love but I do wish we could do clever stuff like iPlayer on it). And noone would be allowed in. It would probably have an en suite bathroom, too.

Right everyone - put your hands, up like so. Flap them about, and say Hee Haw!

WFH, sounds as if you have an opportunity to demonstrate how much better at the job you are than its current incumbent .
AM at the bunkbed incompetence, hope you find a proper company to provide proper beds instead.

Half term is later here, so I am off to MIL's on Monday. Will call out if files are needed, though one of the downsides of baguettes is their limited smuggling capacity...

Hee haw!

Could probably bring you a nail file in a baguette. You'd still be in jail, but at least you'd have nice nails.....