The CRESH spa and creche: we ALL deserve crap ham

[FannyPriceless]

Enter all ye ESHes. We've been Barren, we've been Pregnant - now at last we are Child-Rearing.

• Come share your questionable tips on raising a real live baybee!
• Compete with Cunty to take control of the bad mummy crown!
• Eat crap ham - after all, you deserve it!

Three would be nice. Frigging hard work but lovely all the same. If we are fortunate to have three we won't be able to have big age gaps cos I'm pushing the wrong side of 35 wot's classed as a mature mother by the medical profession.

HI will be living in bread and dripping for eternity as result and making sure we sign them all up for modelling and Shiz so they can pay their own way through uni, assuming they want to go or if they want to go travelling they can fund it themselves!

Alps so happy for you. Brings a smile to my wind chaffed chops do it does.

3 under 3? tapers think you need to be sending those White coated professionals ponies way, differs hormones have clearly unhinged her already. I was lurking about a bit during your gate crashing antics. Nicely done.

Alps that news is the bestest! Well done my friend, you must be made up. However, if you start another fecking thread I will need to swear at you loudly. :))) So how preggers does that make you?

Rocker - amazing birf story. Girl done good. I hopes you are all well.

I am finally over the hangover of yesterday only to be greeted by droid number 2. You can imagine the horrific grumpiness of the weekend. I too promised Mr Moo the sechs this morning, but was too knackered and busy to stick to my promise and I was officially in The Doghouse.

Can't help you on the fish front Silv. We haz 12 goldfish which the dog tries to eat, other than that there's some scampi in the freezer.

alps Don't get me wrong - I am totally in favour of the small gap. And you know how loopy in was in my desperation for the second diff at age forty-cough.

It's just that there's just no denying it is 'a handful' (as strangers constantly tell me ). I tell myself that it's a mere two years of insanity in return for a brilliant future. Good luck to you, I say. And it's truly lovely to have someone to share my pain.

Actually, both of them are asleep in their own beds right now! So I truly love them both. (I saw the Tim Minchin lullaby on Youtube the other day. MrP and I are both secretly in agreement with the classic line 'One thing they don't tell you in the parenting books / Is your love for them grows the closer to dead they look.')

Yes, the riding method is a bit . The supposed 'guru' is named Anne Parker.

Fucking well done Alps! Bloody brilliant news. I am dealing with sreaming child (child number 3) so have to rush but just wanted to say fucking well done!

No, child number 2. I don;t recall having a child number 3..

moo I also get relegated to the doghaus if I fail to follow through on a 'promise'. It's so tedious - I try to explain that he is no longer 14, and bits will not drop off, but a sulk and a questioning of my commitment to the relationship ALWAYS follows. He always seems to lurch at me when the alarm is within 7 hours of going off, which makes me a) panicky, and b) disinclined to rev up. Plus, he is not...ahem... quick. This used to be A Good Thing....

cokie I thought you'd had just outed yourself and had a secret sneeze!

I'm sending this from new app how posh is that?

Cunty that dog house is getting quite comfy

I like the icon functionality.

Ditto here! HI thought he would try his kick last night. When I declared it was not to be he promptly acted like a spooky brat and got all arsey and was punishing me by being moody. So pathetic. I really don't like him when be behaves like a div. Seriously thought we'd got over this following a recent heart to heart. Guess it's leopards and spots situ.

*luck not kick!!

I too on new App!! Me likes. Me no like that you can't see pages tho.

*spoilt not spooky!

Right tomorrow starts the new moo regime where I lose a stone and look fabulous for short hol a deux in 2 weeks. It will involve celery, power walking and a notable absence of plonk. That okie woman is looking gaunt. I on the other hand have piled on half a stone since stopping bf.

fanny I'm not saying it's all bad, and don't forget I'm a hippy with a bitless bridle and a shoeless horse and would consider riding bareback if she didn't have the boniest withers known to man, but , I understand the point of bitless/barefoot - I don't "get" the removal of leg aids. I did a quick google last night but couldn't find anything concrete - only that those of us who are "unenlightened" are a bunch of bastards who eat horse stew. I couldn't find you know, a list of instructions!

haha cunty (and others) - I hear you. We had an argument the other month when he came over all "amorous" and I screeched that "I don't do late night sex", he pointed out it was merely quarter past nine. I want my Sechs at around 6am please. And I'm (currently) not ashamed to say that I am not marathon-inclined, get in, get out and get on with the day!

I am also curious about okie's secret 3rd child. Is this the one she keeps in the attic and sometimes you can see the curtains twitching and a sad face peering out at you?

I revise my earlier statement, if I could have 5 under 5 or 6 under 6 or 7 under 7 I would be happy forever. But cons, 1) I am very old, 2) We couldn't afford it. Pros, 1) I work full-time so would get to the office to escape!

fanny Am very much liking the "closer to death" thing. This morning I've had to deal with a mini-tantrum because I wouldn't let him smash up the laptop and the dogs are hiding upstairs.

Gaunt moo? makes it siund like i am the one upstaitrs floating around snd twitching curtains. I Also want a brood alps, but will have to trick mr c to get more

Trick him? What? Like offering him sex y'mean?

coke woss your age gap? Between the children, not you and MrC!

yeah, it well confuses them

What is this sechs thing of which you speak? I'm sure once you become parents you stop doing that sort of business don't you? You mean my parents actually did it after I was born????

Chances are we'll be stopping at the one sprog. Financial considerations aside, I couldn't stand the flurry of leaflets from the Optimum Population Trust my Dad'd bombard me with if I even contemplated going over 2...let alone seven.

We have joined the tooth club over the weekend. Is it utterly pathetic to already be all "my little boy's turning into a man" about it? Wait until he starts sprouting hairs on his chin....I'll be a total nightmare!

light I was the same re the toof!

Well, looks like I need to go away with work on Wed night. TGO will be doing night duty all alone. Yikes.

AIBU to be really really looking forward to going to bed at 7pm????

2 years exactly silv, Peppa was born 8 days before mini oke turned 2.

Today I will make jam. We went strawberry picking in the rain yesterday which was much fun. I have the stawbs soaking in sugar and pinny at the ready. Clearly I will be wearing my best Boden dress while in Domestic God mode.

Tis good age gap? I've heard many folk day it's easier if pfb is walking before psb pitches up?

silv don't fix too much on what is a 'good' gap. You're only setting yourself up for unnecessary fretting if you don't achieve that [bitterexperienceemoticon]

All sorts of age gaps have all sorts of things for and against them. And in the end how well your kids get on is a teeny bit to do with parenting and a huge amount down to personality. And not much to do with gap.

Oh and I'd best say wooooo for alps again. Said it in the deli but it seems rude not to a bit more. So

'WOOOOOooooooooooo!!'