MissJ with the boys (2 years 1 week apart) when ds1 was newborn I used to feed, change and snuggle him up then pop him in the swing while I got ds1 off to bed. I found it useful to make sure ds2 was already asleep, so that bedtime with ds1 could still be nice 1-2-1 for us, iyswim. An alternative would be to have baby in the sling sleeping and just get on with getting ds to bed as normal.
When they got a little older, we just slotted ds2 into ds1's routine, so one either side of me for a story and sleepy songs, then into their own beds in the same room, quick angels poem and off to sleep.
With dd, obviously the boys were a lot older, but routine is vitally important for ds1, so I did pretty much the same as I had with ds2, then gradually started incorporating her into the boys' routine. These days, dh takes her up to sing sleepy songs and do angels with her brothers in their room, then kisses all round and she goes into her cot in the other room. She likes to alternate sitting in one brother's bed one night for sleepy songs and the other brother the next night - this is really a ploy so that she can half-inch all their cuddly toys bit by bit! 
Stripey, sorry you are feeling so rough. Its so hard when you can't tell anyone as well and must be even worse when they're staying in your house with you.
Dd has recently given up saying crackledackle instead of crocodile and started saying it properly. So now every time she says crocodile I correct her and say "no dd, its crackledackle" - apparently I am a cheeky Mummy for saying this! She is so flipping verbal that most of her cute words and phrases have gone these days. Mum was only saying yesterday how she can have some really long conversations with dd these days. I did spend some time worrying, as ds1 was also very verbal very early and recently tested on the 95% centile for verbal skills and comprehension, but I know in my heart that dd is fine, she has all the skills that he was lacking at her age - lovely imaginative play, empathy, spontaneous affection and spectacular toddler tantrums! She's also really advanced physically compared to him - she can already sit on balance and peddle a two wheeler with stabilisers, whereas ds1 was six and ds2 was 4 before they could do that and both are still pretty hopeless on bikes. Dh puts ds2's first bike up on bricks for her like an exercise bike and she sits there peddling away happy as larry. Her fine motor skills are great too - she loves the tiny hamma beads.
Just realised that that could all sound like a horrible brag fest - its not - honest, I just feel the need to reassure myself that she isn't going to end up with AS as well and am constantly amazed by how different she is developmentally to both her brothers - especially ds1. I do think ds2 has traits, although they are difficult to distinguish from learned behaviours and lots of them are fading out now he spends the majority of his time with peers at school. He doesn't have anyway near enough for a diagnosis though and in fact doesn't need one, as he is doing fine and doesn't need any additional support.