April 2009 Episode 14 "Operation Kill is standing down."

[AuldAlliance]

Voici FWs!

Oh dear, Auld, I am worried that if this is led to fester, you won't have a marriage very much longer, if I may be blunt. To me, this looks like a situation where couples counselling is needed, or a booting out with instructions to come back when he's worked out how to be helpful around the house. The first is, of course, easier than the second, although my mother managed a version of the booting out by taking a job as a housemistress in a girls' boarding school for a couple of years, which came with a very nice flat, and moving in there until my father had put himself to rights (although in his defence I find it hard to see what he was supposed to be doing wrong). This seemed to make her a bit happier, at least until the headmistress developed a serious alcohol problem and started collapsing drunkenly in front of the parents, leaving my mother to sort things out, but that is a whole other story .... anyway, the important thing is that you feel home life is reasonably fair and it's clear you don't at the moment, which is officially very frustrating.

Happy Birthday Millicent x

Auld [hugs] are you ok? Stupid question, of course you are not!

Could you get away for a while? Perhaps go over to visit family in Scotland for the Easter break and work out what exactly it is you want to happen (it's impossible to do that while you are stuck in the middle of it all) and then when you have worked out what it is you need to happen for you to be happy, you can go back and discuss everything with DH honestly and openly?

It's such a tough time and it really is not an easy situation to get yourself out of whether that is with or without DH and I don't know what to say other than I think you need a break away from it all to get your head clear. xxx

Yes, could you get away? A bit of distance could really help.

Happy birthday Millie

Auld I understand in many ways... I feel similar. Hard to know what to do when you just cannot stop doing what you're doing because then everything will fall apart and lots of people will suffer (or this is the perception). Time away if you can mange it would be good I think...
but barring that you DO need to sit down once again with DH.
Deal with it like you'd deal with someone at work if you have to.

Hi Auld, I was going to suggest a little time away too but everyone's beaten me to it. It would probably be the best way to gain a little clarity.

You did make me laugh with the story of BA's pigeon poop man. That's fantastic. As for Boffin's mum's school - sounds like St Trinians.

We've got no school place for DD. A little (actually not so little) beer with Puzzle helped soften that blow. So far seeing the funny side. The email from the council has a section titled 'next steps' which has been left blank.... I guess to allow you to insert your own idea? Home schooling perhaps?

Oh dear WR how come there is no school places? Have you called them and asked them whether they expect you to fill in the blanks? Bugger, what are you thinking at the moment? Do you have the option of a private school or wider catchment area you could apply in?

Shit, WildRumpus, that is really pants. Here they can't refuse you a place once your child is 3. But the Education Minister has just announced that to solve the huge shortage of teachers caused by slashing their numbers willy nilly, school head will now be allowed to recruit staff - from the Job Centre. Bearing in mind that here teachers are recruited in a competitive exam, with the number of places available corresponding to the number of posts free in schools. There are therefore no unemployed teachers (unless they have been sacked for misconduct).
So the pupils will be in a room with someone, but whether that someone will be able to teach is another question...

I do indeed need time away. One reason I was so p'd off was that DH was meant to be going off to a friends's in the Alps last weekend with the boys, so I could have some time to myself after the stressful conference. Instead he announced on Thursday that he was on call, and he was summoned in to represent newly arrested people on both Sat and Sun, so I ended up alone with the kids.

However, he is going to take them this weekend instead, so I will have the weekend to myself.

I need to calm down before I discuss it with him, otherwise the conversation will go off the rails.

Bebe, it must be so much worse if you are lonely and homesick. I really feel for you.

There are no places even!

Auld well that sounds positive. You can get your head round everything this weekend and work out what you want to do. Fingers crossed you can have the time you nee and there are no other surprises that get in the way x

Hello sorry for the me post but I need some help / reassurance / someone to take my computer away so I stop googling!

Just got a letter from the hospital saying I was a carrier of a variant haemoglobin and me and DH needed to go for more tests. This combined with my horrendous day at work means I just burst into tears and starting googling which was the worst thing I could do! Thank God I am at home and not in the office!

I hate my job, I really do, we have the world's most difficult client who despite being over serviced and treated better than ANYONE else in the world and getting bloody brilliant results, is constantly complaining and wanting agency reviews etc, etc!! And now i've got some strange mutant disease and the person I have to call about it finishes work at 2.30 which is all well and good when the post arrives at 4.30!!!! grrrrrr!!!

Rumpus, it's surprisingly easily sorted. Try not to appear on their radar very much to avoid being automatically allocated to a crap school. Then keep DD at home and ring up your preferred school on a very regular basis sounding like a really lovely parent, saying oh dear, your DD has no place yet so if one comes up would they mind awfully letting you know, and she could start straight away, etc etc. Try also to meet the head to discuss options. You'll have her in within a few weeks, I wager, and in the meantime just do what you like with her without the pressure of having to go to school every day because it's the Local Authority's fault. If they do notice you are there and allocate her to a school you don't like, then say 'terribly sorry, I want her fitted into name of preferred school unless you can provide evidence that there will be a serious impact on the other children's education were the class expanded by one place in order to accommodate her, there's a good council". Then they will probably fall into line, or if not, just appeal and keep saying it until the council crumble under your middle class admissions offensive. Mwah, hah, hah.

Auld, I want a pigeon poop man. Now.

BB, if it was serious they would have sent an ambulance for you. I would ring your GP and ask for urgent advice saying you are terribly hormonal at the moment and if someone spent a few moments on the phone with you it would stop you sobbing yourself to sleep with anxiety. What receptionist could refuse that?

I agree with Boff on all things currently.

Final "consultant's" appointment today. He didn't turn up (although I saw him there) but sent a fifth doctor, who knew nothing about anything, and had a completely new perspective to scare the crap out of me. This fifth doctor went to try and get him when I started to lose it and I heard him outside the door saying "what does she want?" and refusing to come in.

I am exhausted from having a two hour tantrum about the lack of answers and the fact that, at 39+6, while being offered a sweep, I still do not have a clear sense of where I should go when I go into labour. Since last summer I have asked about the MLU at every single appointment with every single person and today was asked "well have you rung them and asked if they will take you?". No. I have visited, I have talked to mws there, I have talked to community mws about it, I have talked to doctors about it. No one has ever said: phone them and ask if they will take you.

A very pleasant and logical mw appeared in the midst of the shouting and answered many of my questions. All the doctors disappeared. It is ironic that the problem with the whole supposedly consultant-led experience has been the absence of the sodding consultant. I mean I am not anti-consultant and pro-midwife, I am just de facto pro midwife because I am anti being totally fucking ignored and having direct questions totally fucking ignored.

It was liberating in a way, shouting things at the top of my voice like (in reply to "who said that?") "I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T WRITE THEIR NAME IN MY NOTES, ALTHOUGH I ASKED!" etc. And actually I think it got me a lot further than all the good-girl behaviour to date. But god I am knackered; and part of me is also afraid of how I will be treated if they see me as "the difficult one"; and a lot of me is so enormously stressed by the experience that I really don't know if it was good for any of us.

BB - Wouldn't DH have to be a carrier too for there to be any risk? I really think they would have called you in if there was anything to worry about. I hope you get some reassurance from them soon. xxx

Good for you Vezzie, I hope it was at least a little cathartic? Sorry you have had to put up with such treatment.

BB - I agree, don't worry - it sounds like a very minor thing.
Not worrying is easier said than done of course!

Rumpus, sorry to hear about the school thing - Boffin sounds as if she knows exactly what to do though. I am amused by the blank space in "next steps" although amusement is not appropriate really. All a bit Kafka.

Auld, glad you have a bit of a break coming up.

Bebe - any developments?

Thanks all, I have now got some perspective and realise there is no point stressing until DH has the test (although he is off to the states for work on the 11th so they better fit it in before then!).

Vezzie you just made me chuckle - good for you. I hate being ignored and passed round the houses so well done for you! That's the fanjo warrior spirit!

Developments hmmm- Dh is actively trying to get a job back home. We're going home for Easter. Appt with German mw on Friday. I'm not feeling as low as I was after having a talk with dh again and with him trying hard to find something back home. Plus it's been nice weather which has helped and we've started putting Meg in her really too small travel cot after the 'wake up' so that we/I get more sleep because she cannot come get us again.
After day of walking around the zoo on Sunday I couldn't walk Sunday night and hardly on Monday. Finally started getting back to normal today and then stupidly carried my sickly child to bed and actually felt the separating of my lower bits and when I then even more stupidly took a step felt it slip out of position. I cannot believe the pain. Dh is brainstorming about how to sort things out in the house so that I can avoid doing any lifting or carrying of Meg.

Ouch Ouch Ouch Bebe! I know the feeling.
Last time I had it much worse than this and got some relief from this dvd:

www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0000AM75Y/ref=asc_df_B0000AM75Y2489640?smid=A3P5ROKL5A1OLE&tag=googlecouk06-21&linkCode=asn&creative=22206&creativeASIN=B0000AM75Y

(recommended by a mumsnetter)

It was more use to me than the physio appointment I finally got (same kind of stuff but more comprehensive and better explained). It is very gentle and does help to "reset" your pelvis - although it doesn't tighten it up or stop it wobbling around, it seems to reposition it and ease the pain.

Please please please be very very very careful. Don't do anything. Really, anything. Don't even "just" empty the dishwasher.

From what I know your dh would have to be a carrier too which is very unlikely and even then if he was there would only be a 1 in 4 chance your baby would be. Which makes the odds very very low

Thanks Vezzie, I'll check it out.
I can walk this morning, but very painfully; so intend to not walk as much as possible. Dh went in a little late today to help me out with the morning routine. He also took the car and said quite explicitly if I get any worse I'm to call him home immediately. (which is a great relief to me to be honest because if it ends up being a hard day with Meg I'll probably need that) I've got the painting, coloring and the play dough all lined up and ready to go on the balcony for when Meg gets bored, so hopefully we'll get through a quiet day of playing semi-indoors with Mommy having to do very little besides sitting on her bottom.

I can imagine that you were ultimately frustrated -especially because you're so close to your due date! and I'm glad you got people going. I don't imagine that they'll think that much of the situation after the fact...they probably deal with things like that regularly (considering how crap they seem to be at communicating).

BB did this come up in your first pregnancy? It's something you've picked up since then? Hopefully you find the answers you need this morning.

Auld lots of supportive telepathy coming your way (as that's all I can really do)

Happy birthday Felix