Dec 2007 - Little People, Large Strops

[strandedatseasonsgreetings]

Will this do everyone?

Hey Beckle Where did you find a job like that then?

Clara sleep situation sounds tough, no advice I'm afraid as although mine were both non sleepers til 2 they have been great ever since.

at your birthday trip buzzy, sounds amazing/

wc twunt situation got far far worse last week. Has all totally spiralled out of control and I just want to hide in a little box and for it all to have been a bad dream. Have a thread somewhere if anyone cba to search.

Have started cbt course because after xh, the situation with aw and this, i really do feel like it must be me now

clairey - just read your thread - what an absolute nightmare, you poor thing. Think you are absolutely right to go to the police. I know I said this last time, but you don't think it is exH do you? It is all just so f*cked up and can't believe you are in this horrible situation I know it is hard, but trying to put it behind you and hold your head up high, as you should, is good advice

beckle helllooo! good to hear from you. Sounds like you are busy to put it mildly. Thanks for kind words re DS1 - he is doing OK atm although I suspect a testosterone surge as he has suddenly started talking about killing games and just seems more agressive/competitive than a few weeks ago - is nearly 4 a testosterone surge time? Has anyone else noticed it?

Thanks Skid. Just feel so shitty about it all. And I know in part I have brought it on myself...but all this?

Yes to more aggression...ds said the other day when I was telling him off "soon I will be bigger than you and you won't be able to tell me anything or I'll beat you and smack you in the face" Nice to see he takes after his father. Sat him down and gave him talk on not threatening people or hurting people but not sure how much he took in.

When I was putting ds to bed he said "is it 32 days til my birthday?" And it IS! How did he know that?? He's been ill since Fri so hasn't even seen anyone else really. We counted the days about 2.5 weeks ago...surely he hasnt been keeping a mental countdown since then?? I am baffled!

Ahh bless him!
Sorry for all you troubles, I haven't seen that thread, I take it you are still getting the phone calls? Has it progressed to something worse then?
And I doubt you have brought anything on yourself. You are not responsible for the actions of other people!

He is clearly a genius clairey - I always said so, didn't I? [smug]

Re awful situation - you absolutely didn't bring it on yourself - OK you made a bad choice in getting involved with him, but it was HIM who was cheating, and how on earth could you have known how it would turn out? I hope you are managing to put it out of your mind for at least some of the time - really awful for you

Had DD's parent's evening thing last night - she is doing great [proud]

well done dd skid.

Any tips on teaching dd to ride bike? She is getting a bit upset now that all her friends can...although I think she is more upset that they've all told her their daddies taught them over the summer and she didnt even see her daddy over the summer

Fo

clara, not much advice to offer re sleeping sorry, however it does sound like you should seek some professional advice. I think it's all too easy to say "she'll grow out of it" but that could take months or longer. DD2 has a nightlight in her room and won't let me shut the door or turn off the hall light - I do think they're at an age when they're much more aware of possible dangers and can blow them out of proportion. If there are particular things that scare her can you change her room around somehow - e.g. my eldest used to be afraid of the shadows cast by her bedroom door which looked odd from the perspective of her bed - so we moved the bed around.

clairey - re bike riding DD1 only learned at age 7 and only because someone bought DD2 one of those wooden 2 wheel bikes with no pedals that you have to balance on and she managed to stick her legs out and roll down slopes while balancing. That gave her the "feel" of balancing and she was quite quickly on to riding her big pedal bike. Given her dyspraxia it was no mean feat for her to learn to balance. Maybe see if you can borrow one? - you may not need it for long!

As for your other thread, my one and only advice is that you MUST look out for yourself first and foremost in all of this. What's done is done and nothing will be served by feeling guilty. Go to the police, change your phones, close down your FB page do whatever you need to do to get some peace. I'm also inclined to think there is a third person involved here but although it would certainly satisfy your curiosity to know who that is, it probably won't change anything. If you're worried about xH I'm sure you can find a way to explain why you would change your numbers etc. Someone said to me once "work out what you want the end result to be first - what is best for you and your family - then work out what you need to do to make that happen" and I've found it to be very good advice.

I'm writing this from Singapore airport - I'm on my way back to New Zealand. The holiday was great, especially the Cambodia bit, but I'm ready to be back with my girls now. Not so sure about going back to work on Monday mind you!

glad you had a good holiday buzzy and what great advice you give! Completely agree that you should think about yourself first clairy and changing numbers etc is a good idea

Re bike riding - I would second the balance bike thing if you haven't tried that already. DS1 is very uncoordinated and clumsy but after a year or so on a balance bike even he can kind of ride a bike (kind of as in he can balance and pedal but has none of the other skills such as looking where he's going, concentrating, having any awareness of potential dangers etc - thank God he's forgotten about it for the moment). about her feeling she's missed out on her dad teaching her though

Wierd last 24 hours: DS2 very ill yesterday, Dr thought he would have to go to hospital, DH cancelled his trip to Ireland, I spent the day nursing a limp, silent little baby, then suddenly this morning he is as bright as a button and full of life! Phew but also

Oh gosh skid how terrifying for you. Hope he is ok now

How scary Skidd, glad he is okay now!

Glad he's okay now Skidd! Its horrible and scary when they are so poorly, did he have a temperature? Sometimes that is enought to make them so ill.

Buzzy, that is great advice for everyone! I'm glad you had a fab time away

Clairey, I've read through your other thread and my gut feeling would be that its either A or a third party - perhaps another OW? Poor you though, its not nice to be thought badly of, particularly when its unjustified but it will blow over, people will always find something else to gossip about. RE: my dice job, I was just lucky, my neighbour already does work for them so I phoned them up to put my name on their waiting list for outwork and they were so busy they said I could jump the queue! Its gone a bit quieter now, I guess all the games are on the shelves ready for Christmas shoppers now so they won't be so busy!

How are you getting on Clairey?

Hope DS has fully recovered Skidd.

DD2 also had her second visit to A&E last night when her toe suddenly swelled up like a ballon! Dr thought she'd been bitten by a white-tailed spider. Lucky we did go as the poison had already travelled quite a long way. Poor wee thing was in quite a bit of pain too - much better today after 24hrs on ABs - but toe still looks pretty disgusting, needs re-dressing daily.

Been very quiet on here - everyone preparing for birthdays/Xmas?!! DD's party planned for 3 Dec instead of 30 Dec :)

Hello everyone
Hungover clairey here. 3 of my uni friends came to stay yesterday so lots of wine and pizza at home then out to local pub. exh has got it in his head I am shagging the manager (because I lent him my transformers dvd ) and has been having a go at both of us about it so there was a bit of banter about all the non existant sex we've been having together and me being very drunk got a bit suggestive Now suffering from hangover paranoia although he assures me I wasn't that bad...

Just waiting for it to turn into a crazy situation now!

Buzzy hope dd2's toe is ok, sounds horrible.

Glad you had fun FO and at you and that manager!! Is he available? Fit??

Buzzy at spider bite, your poor DD, hope she is okay!

bt yes he is actually... he's young though. Well actually he is only 3 years younger than me but seems a lot younger in some ways, I think because he hasn't had kids etc. Hopefully I didn't scare him too much with my suggestiveness, I think he did get that it was just banter because he was almost as bad but it has been known for people to take me seriously in such situations and think I'm a nutter!

AW, the attarctive one who accused me of being a bunny boiler, is a total weirdo! Randomly popped in for coffee earlier (hadn't seen or spoken to him since bunnygate) we chatted, it was all fine. Then after he left he sent me a text to say thanks, I replied and said anytime. He said don't say that or I'll be round all the time and you'll never get anything done. Then text me again to say he was thinking about me then again to say had I thought about physiotherapy as a career(we had been talking about my job hunt and my course so not totally random), I asked why and got this back "have a groin strain, want to practise on me?? ;-)". I said no it didnt end well last time and then he said he hadnt wanted to start anything just thought some wet weather fun would be nice. FFS! Did he seriously think I'd go for that??

Bet he won't be round for coffee again now I've turned him down!

FO - think you had a lucky escape then, AW sounds like a bit of an idiot!

Oh gosh so much going on and so little time to read/comment! Not much happening this end, just spending all my spare time on course work. Have finished two more essays and now preparing to do an interactive session on c/sections at my tutorial next week - so much to say but I will only have 30 mins to do it in...
Anyway marking my place really as I feel so out of touch. Dd's sleep got slightly better, I think the night light has helped - but she has also had a terrible cold which put her back. She is a lot better and slept in her own bed all night last night so we will see.
Clairey have not had a chance to read your other thread - could you link it? Then I can catch up. SOunds awful though.
Will be back soon, hopefully. Not sure when though - after tutorial next week need to really get my head round dd2's birthday on the 11th, then Christmas...

Clairey, how are things going?

Clara - lovely to see you here. Glad to hear DD's sleeping has improved just slightly.

I have a question - do you think your Dec 2007 babies are starting to become less self-centred? I almost fell over in shock this week when DD2 suggested completely spontaneously that we make a chocolate cake for Christmas day (she hates chocolate ) because "you and Issy like chocolate cake Mum". I must say I can't help but hope so!

Election night here in NZ - looks like returning the existing government. Which is OK with me.

DD's toe still quite sore, poor little thing. I have to dress it daily and she can't wear shoes. Just as well we're almost into summer here although I still get a few odd looks as she walks through shops in bare feet! I was planting tomato plants today and she was quite scared of any "bugs" in the garden which is a real shame.

We're in birthday party countdown mode here. Not to mention Christmas of course.

How's Cara going BT? How about Daniel?

Ok thanks buzzy, you may have seen my fb status yesterday? Well basically wc text me to say he was sorry for thinking all the texts/emails etc were me. It was a bit of a half arsed apology really because he didn't apologise for all the other stuff but I did appreciate him sending it anyway because he didn't have to, he could have just carried on ignoring me and never let me know he'd realised it wasn't me. We'll never be friends again but I feel a lot better about things knowing that my name is clear.

Poor dd with her foot, hope it gets better soon.

So you still don't know who the texter/caller is? But at least you don't have to be worried about people talking about you behind your back, never a nice feeling.

Been out Xmas shopping - I like to get it done early. Especially as DD2 plus both my parents have birthdays within 12 days after Xmas. This year for the first time DD1 has saved her pocket money and is buying presents too. Which is lovely but adds another layer of complexity!

So I have a question:

DD1's father who lives in London has been sending her quite a few emails asking how she is, and suggesting that they Skype. She has basically been ignoring him. Now she can be rather vague so I didn't think too much of it for a while but eventually I asked her what was going on and she said that she'd decided to be mean to him since he was mean to her and "left her in NZ". What do you think I should do? I basically told her that it was her choice but it did sound a bit like "biting off your nose to spite your face". She thought that was funny but that was about all. She is 9.5 years so I guess old enough to take some responsibility for this - but the risk is definitely there that he will simply give up trying to communicate with her.
In fact I found out 2 weeks ago that he has cut off communications with his mother, so he is quite capable of doing this. As far as I can tell he is not speaking to his mother simply because he had a falling out with his sister and his sister lives with their mother. All the more heart-breaking for her since she only found out he'd had another son when I forwarded the email he sent to DD1!
So do I push her to step up communications with him or not?

Buzzy - that's a really hard one and I'm not best placed to answer as I don't know much about 9.5yr old girls. BUT, yes I think you should encourage her to keep up the communication because in the end, whatever areshole things he has done, it is probably better for her if she keeps in touch with her father. Hopefully he is showing, in his roundabout way, that he does love her by trying to keep in touch and I think it is so important for her that she knows her father loves her. This will have a major impact on her future persona, the way she treats men in the future etc. I would perhaps hint that she's punished him enough now and try and encourage her to get back in touch, maybe send him something she has done at school or whatever.

Life's never easy is it?