Dec 2007 - Little People, Large Strops

[strandedatseasonsgreetings]

Will this do everyone?

Cake looked fab Clara! Glad DD had a good birthday too!

Buzzy, sorry to hear you're feeling unwell, it is the season for colds and things to start, 2 of my DCs are snotty but thankfully (touch wood) not unwell with it. DD absolutely loves Sylvanian Families, she will play with them for hours! She has asked for a "lamby-sheep" family for Christmas this year

wow at cake clara! (although she doesn;t look that excited about it in the photo!) Glad she had fun although also a big phew that it's over (until December )

buzzy - I wonder if we have got the same thing. I have had mine for over 4WEEKS now - not responding to ABs, started with cough, then cold, and nausea, faintness throughout. Now everyone else in the family has it - joy!

beckle - hello! Hope things calm down a bit soon so you can MN as much as you like

clairey - that is very wierd about phone calls. It's not ex-H is it? Glad you're not freaked out by it

BT - how lovely DS has a friend. It is so sweet when they first start making their own friends. I still remember DD's first friend [nostalgic sob]

Has anyone else noticed that the DC who all the other children love are the ones that adults find really annoying somewhat challenging? I am sorry to report that my DD is one of those children They all LOVE her, everyone wants to be her friend etc, but she is SOOO bossy, orders everyone around, shouts and screams - I can totally see all the other parents thinking, OMG that child is a nightmare, but all their DC love her!! What's all that about?? And then DS1 is sweet, and considerate and shy, all the parents think he is lovely and his peers can't be bothered with him at all - in fact when the children is his class see him, they all scream for his sister!

The phonecalls are just one thing amongst many that are making my life seem like a soap opera at the moment! Have a very long and boringthread in relationships if you want to know more (the one with bunny boiler in the title). It's posted under a different name, not because I mind anyone knowing it's me but it's all a bit crazy and don't want it following me around under this name for evermore iyswim.

Hope poorly people feel better soon.

Skid yes I have noticed that! Friend's ds is v precocious and loud and show offey and annoying but all the children absolutely love him! Sure your dd isn't that bad though!

hey clairey - got to be your exH, no? Along with the phone calls - hoping to catch new man answering? he has a history of controlling behaviour - all makes sense - what do you think?

In no way did you behave like a 'bunny boiler' - I bl**dy hate that term - it is so misogynistic - why don't you post in Feminism - they will have both exH's and AW's guts for gartner and quite rightly so!

Skid I don't know... the phonecalls yes exh did come to mind, thought he might be trying to see if I was alone etc. But the texts, just can't imagine him texting another man saying I was hot and he was lucky to be with me...unless maybe he was digging for info to try and find out whether we actually were together. But I still think exh would be more likely to just start on him in the pub and tell him to back off from me.

Freaky - God just what you need at the moment :(
Hope the stupid calls stop soon.

Buzzy - aww at your DD2 wanting her teacher as a playdate!

Well sadly DS will be losing his, he and his mum will be moving to the other side of the country, his dad works over there and has a permanent job there, he was only offered temp contracts here and so he has been staying over there during the week and seeing his wife and son at the weekend. They had just bought a house in April so they are going to rent it out and he has found them a house for rent near where he works. Am gutted for DS and esepcially for his friend as he will have to find new friends and is very fond of DS, I think his mum is a little worried as well about starting over but mostly about her year 11 son. But with jobs few and far between there isn't much of a choice.

And DH is now determined we need to think about moving to Sheffield in the Spring, renting our house out and then renting another one in Sheffield.

Do you think exH is the sort of person to either send the texts or make the crank calls? You know him pretty well after all. Would he risk his relationship with his children? Sounds much more likely to me to be A. It does all rather sound too coincidental timing. I think you said you have mutual friends - have they said anything that makes you suspect it could all be some sort of sick thing that A has going on? In some senses I guess you could say you've had a lucky escape but does also sound like he's going to be a bit hard to avoid. And perhaps it would be good to get the calls blocked if the blowing whistle thing is not working...

If it makes you feel any better I had an experience a wee bit like this last year. No-one ever called me a BB but I did feel a bit stupid about it at the time - hence never fessed up to it on here! He also had a reputation for having lots of short term relationships and showing no commitment.

Hi Beckle - I miss your lovely long posts!

Skidd - well we do have lots of Brits here ATM for the rugby so its not beyond the realms of possibility that a cold could have travelled the globe!!

Not that I think your DD is remotely like this Skidd, but funnily enough I just this week had a conversation with DD1 (age 9) about a child in her class that is quite popular and she (DD) had previously really wanted to be friends with too - but I always rather {secretly] disliked. DD suddenly announced that she doesn't want to be friends with this girl any more because she goes around saying nasty things about her so-called friends when they're not around (including DD). I must say I was quite proud of her for recognising that this was not the sort of behaviour one would expect from a friend and that she therefore probably worth being friends with. Especially as DD's best friend has just moved to Switzerland with his family so she's feeling a bit bereft right now. Amazing how fast she's growing up...

I told DD2's teacher that DD wanted her to come for a playdate and she said "yes I get asked to your house everyday..." Which I guess is kind of cute but it is a bit of a worry just how attached she is to this particular teacher. Not because I worry about her attachment to me but because clearly the teacher is not going to be around forever in her life.

Sorry to hear about DS' friend BT. One of DD2's little friends at her pre-school finishes up at the end of next week to go to a pre-school which only has 3 and 4 yos (instead of mixed ages 0-4). I'm very sad that she's going and I know that DD2 will miss her too. Personally I think its great for them to have mixed ages - but then i'm biased, and clearly other parents don't think so...

I don't think exh has sent the messages but i think he is capable of making silent calls, especially if he was trying to keep tabs on me.

I know what you mean about feeling stupid buzzy, I'm really embarrassed that this has happened to me!

clairey - don't be embarrassed (and neither should you be Buzzy) - neither of you have done anything wrong. Aw sounds like a total TWAT Clairey, he obviously can't cope with the fact that you're not throwing yourself at him or diving into depression because he doesn't want a relatiionship. If it helps, I did many, many stupid silly things regarding men before I met dh - right up until I was in my early 30s so should have known better!

Thanks for asking about the counselling and dh, Buzzy. Things are ok at the moment but I am under no illusion that we have "fixed" things I am still toying with the idea of counselling, I just can't decide! It does still fel like an indulgence to me but I did have a bit of a brainwave. Dh is off on his week-long paragliding trip to Morocco in November; I thought I could spend the equivalent on counselling and then he can't really complain! An hours counselling every week would do me more good than a holiday....

excellent idea stranded although I feel sad that you are having to justify it when DH is happily taking a week to do what he likes

clairey - agree you have done nothing to feel embarrassed about and agree he sounds like a twunt. I guess it's not DH then - but just so hard to understand why AW would do it - I guess sometimes you just don't understand people's motivations...

buzzy - that is really sweet about your DD1 - I hope my DD's friend's don't desert her though! Actually she is a really loyal lovely friend, albeit bossy and demanding!

Has anyone else read 'How to talk so your kids will listen and listen so your kids will talk'? My neighbour just lent it to me and I have had an epiphany, realising everything I have been doing wrong . It's written in a HIGHLY annoying way but I think it really makes sense. Would be interested in opinions of anyone else who has read it.

It is laughable really, when you think how completely un-bothered I was by it. Anyway xh said that everytime I go out his 'mates' from the pub wind him up by telling him how fit I am and how I looked really sexy etc, 'how could you let her go mate' that sort of thing. Apparently he's had a few fights with people about me. So could have been one of them trying to wind aw up similarly. I just hope the reputation as a bunny boiler doesn't stick because it isn't nice. Also bit pissed off at aw ignoring me when I've done nothing wrong but if that's what he's like am better off not knowing him anyway I suppose.

Have booked mini break with uni mates for end of jan how amazing does this look??

Clara sounds like a plan

That place looks amazing Clairey. Are you going to go there (with or wothout kids?). I hope you're going to hire the butler in the buff!

Skidd - I have that book, I bought it when we were in Islamabad and dd1 was going through the threenager stage. I never read it though, I couldn't get past the first few pages! However, I did think about looking at it again the other day after a particularly bad meltdown from dd1. Dd2 is obviously more likely to tantrum but I kind of expect it at her age. I do worry about dd1 though as she can be spectacularly awful sometimes and I fret it's because of all the too-ing and fro-ing I have done with her, starting when I was pregnant and then back and forth to all these different countries. It probably doesn't help that I am reading How NOt to F**k Them Up at the moment and it worries me all the things I did wrong....

I'm sure we're all doing fine though. Perhaps we should just stop reading the books

Skidd - I have heard of that booked but not read it, I fear it might tell me everything we are doing wrong!

Clairey of your holiday, it sounds and looks fab!!
My mum has kindly offered to take me and the DCs on holiday next year, am thinking April, she wanted to go in June but my feeling is going on the last couple of years we will have better weather in April!

I have to say I avoid parenting books since the bloody baby whisperer drove me demented!

Although I did get 'women who love too much' during the wc episode and bloody hell my childhood definitely seems to have had an effect on my choices in men so far, has mademe see it ina completely different way

me too clairey - I hate parenting books generally but I have found this one really helpful. It says lots of stuff that I have always believed but didn't quite know how to articulate - and instead of going with my instincts, have followed along with DH's more authoritarian style of parenting just like his father - not that he's really horrible or anything - but he is much more, stop that now, I don't care why, if you don't stop crying I'm going to put you in your bedroom now type. While i am more fluffy bunnies, come here my beautiful, I know you're sad type - as you can imagine we're very compatible

Had a "moment" this weekend with DS1. We were at a birthday party and there was a guy singing songs and playing the guitar, and I was watching him and suddenly realised that yes, he is different from all the other children (they were all doing actions, making animal noises etc as directed by guitar man, DS1 was on his own jumping up and down flapping wildly and making funny noises), and I haven't been imagining it, there is something wrong - at which point I realised I had tears streaming down my face in the middle of a children's party . Came home and told DH who said he has also realised there is definitely a problem - so all in all it is good in that we are both united and determined to do whatever we can to help him, but obviously still very

clara - I have read that book too (when pg with DD) - quite enjoyed it

clairey at you holiday -- looks amazing

BT - at holiday

Skid - about your ds but like you say, it's better to realise there is something not right and start to do something about it than to be in denial. Also good that your dh is on side. Talking of which, once again your dh sounds so like mine with his parenting style - or is that just the difference between men and women perhaps?

Am procrastinating as should be getting on with an essay. Find it hard to get going but once I do I write quite quickly. Not to say what I am writing is any good, mind...

Hmm don't think it is a men/women thing as I am a lot more like your dh's these days. I used to be more like you but have a lot less patience nowadays and just want the whinging away from me

Haven't heard back from latest job application, think I am unemployable! Am doing tefl course, just because it was on offer on groupon and I thought it might get my brain working a bit better again.

Went to ikea last week and got a lovely new tall bookcase to replace my broken small one, also got a tv stand with drawers in (that I now owe my mum for!) and a footstool. I have so much more space now

Sorry to hear your job hunting hasn't been successful, hope you enjoy the TEFL course!
Skid, I am a bit more like Freaky, I can be a bit hardline with DS at times.
Got really cross with him tonight, told him I was putting DD to bed and to come upstairs if he needed anything (left him with a banana, a cup of water and a Scooby Doo DVD).
While feeding DD, I can hear him shouting "Mum, Mum!!" from downstairs, I don't want to shout down as DD is dropping asleep, end up having to put her down in her cot so I could see what he wanted, he wanted to go to bed! I really shouted at him, told him he should have come straight upstairs as he knew where he was. He did come up and get his pjs on and got into bed with me and I did say sorry for shouting at him. In the meantime, DD had fallen asleep with her thumb firmly in her mouth
As it happened I woke her up when I moved her into a better position. Am now debating whether to try the dummy again as I'd rather she wasn't a thumb sucker!

Skid for you. It is great that you and your DH are determined to help your DS1 as much as you can, I hope you get the external support you need as well.

Yes I think I'm more in the "firm line" camp too - not sure there's all that much choice as a single parent sometimes...but I think that would be a more natural inclination for me anyway.

Skid, sorry also that you've reached this conclusion :( I also had a difficult day today - took DD1 to the Children's Clinic where I was hoping for more helpful advice on her sensory processing challenges, and ended up with a child bawling her eyes out because she said she was finding "life is so hard Mum"" right now - and this to her was just another thing to make it harder. Basically refused to talk to the Occupational Therapist. We had a good conversation about it afterwards, as in the whole idea was to help make some of the things that she finds hard, easier - but by then the session was over so we didn't get any real value from it. It was a good lesson to me that now she is that much older I really have to make sure she's bought into the whole idea of why we might do a certain therapeutic activity before we do it rather than just expecting her to go along with it.

Clairey, the right job will be sure to turn up out of thee blue from some application you put in 6 months ago!

How's the essay going Clara?

Anyone out there?!

Hi buzzy I'm here

wc has been staying at his nans. He said they were on a break and he wasn't allowed to talk to me even though he wanted to which was fine by me, it's been a long time anyway. Yesterday I had a telephone confrontation from the gf. She said they'd split up for good but she needed to know the truth so that she could stop driving herself mad wondering. All a bit scary. I answered her questions honestly which was really hard to do but I think it was the right thing. Apparently he told her I wanted to see him but he told me he didn't want to see me because he wanted to make a go of it with her . Slight difference between not being allowed to see me and telling me he didn't want to so was a bit pissed off he'd used me to prove to her he wanted to be with her. Obviously he will now totally hate me and his nan probably will too (which means the whole street will)

Other than that no news really

Hi Clairey

You did absolutely the right thing and if he hates you then he's a complete hypocrite. His nan surely also knows that he's hardly lily white? You don't think it was his gf who could have been doing the calls do you? How horrible for you.

I am DD1-free for this week. This morning I couldn't believe how much quicker we got out the door. How can it take so much longer to get a 9yo ready than a 3yo?! It's school holidays here.

Rugby mania still prevails here but only 1 more week to go TG.

Thanks buzzy

WC gf asked me more questions last night...this morning I got a nasty text from him saying "I will never ever be with you, I don't want you. You've got what you want now so why don't you just leave (gf) alone"

Just sick of it all tbh and will gladly have nothing more to do with either of them!

Where is dd1 this week?

Just what you need! I can completely understand that you are fed up. Whatever next?! Maybe you should change your cellphone and landline numbers and get them unlisted? Take back some control of the situation.

DD1 has gone with her aunt (father's sister) to visit relatives in Townsville, which is far north Queensland, for a week. It does feel very weird to have her out of the country without me. I'm a bit worried she will be quite homesick. She knows her aunt fairly well but even so...

I wonder where everyone else is?

Well I actually laughed when I got that message as it was so ridiculous! In a way I feel relieved, maybe it's closure in a way.

Think I do need to look at the type of men I am attracted to though, it's all been a bit nutty recently! I think that women who love too much book has some good pointers on how to change the pattern, maybe it's time for a re-read.

Bet you are missing dd1, I'd be really worried too. XSIL was quizzing me about letting the dc to to Botswana soon, the prospect terrifies me!

I wonder where they are too. I know Clara's girls have had chicken pox so I guess she is busy playing nurse. Hope everyone is ok anyway.