Fab Feb 2009: things that go bump and "mummy, mummy, MUMMY!!!" in the middle of the night

[dinkystinky]

New halloween inspired thread (in honour of this time of year) to talk about our little jekyll & hydes [hgrin]

Is anyone going to be taking their little ones trick or treating this year? We'll be at MIL's for Halloween and she's already told me she has both Danny and DS1 costumes -so it appears that decision has been made for us

hi girls

SM urgh i know what you mean about going to work and leaving littlies you just don't need the agro

calico WTF? why on earth was the soup so hot to cause burns ? seriously they should be so ashamed who put it on the table like that IDIOTS sorry that wasn't very helpful but hope you get some answers. How traumatic, hope your ok xxxx

dinky how is the school situation? i hope your little man is ok x

MOS hey there, i hope you do come to the UK you have been throiugh so much shite with your OH time for you, me thinks go for the job!

mrsy hello sore bums can be so upsetting have you tried my barley water trick. (boil some up and strain off the liquid) get her to drink it and it dilutes the acid in the wee or something. Works really well with us and also nappy off time as much as poss xxx

well things are good in the littlesez household. coming to the end of my counselling sessions decided to finish at christmas and going for a new year fresh start. re-written my birth story and the old one is slowly fading, time to move on and even starting to let myself feel
broody

foot is on the mend and decided to dance on it at competition this weekend (not supposed to yet but i know it will be ok) feel a lot happier now. Can't sleep with excitement! going off to blackpool and izzy staying too so will update you all on Monday hope everyone has a good weekend x

Hi Littlesez - early start in your household today! Have a great weekend and hope your foot holds up for the dance competition and you have a great time. Am so pleased that you're now in a better place re birth experience - time really is a great healer, and if you do end up going for no 2, I really recommend hypnobirthing to help you let go of any lingering anxieties. Will remember the barley water trick for next time Danny has a really sore bum. Thanks for asking about DS1 - he seems abit happier about school so I think the extra attention at lunchtime play sessions is having the desired effect and the pushing has stopped. Fingers crossed its stopped for good.

littlesez good luck with the competition, hope your foot is ok.
Glad your counselling sessions have helped. Seems ironic as I feel I could do with going to counselling (issues with DH) but I've done several courses and have just been asked to run a training course from January. Not sure I can do it to be honest.

Had planned of bailing out of here in June when DD breaks up from school but am now seriously thinking of returning to the UK on NYE when DC1 and 2 return to the UK after their visit out here.
Seriously can't tolerate the abuse anymore. Yesterday he really screamed at DD and shook her and later H was crying/whinging a bit in his pram and he kicked the pram in anger really hard. Was so shocked he could behave in this way and won't subject the kids to it anymore.
Just been looking at flights and need to hurry up and make a decision (doesn't help that I'm not allowed to hold mine or DCs passports so can't just escape)

Very stressed to day as apparently today is the day that Oxford interview invites go out. Both DS and I refreshing emails every 5 mins

Hope everyone is doing ok

MoS - Doesnt your DH realise how totally out of order his behaviour is. How on earth does he justify screaming and shaking a small child, or kicking another small child's pram (regardless of whether the children are in it or not)? Its just not a healthy state of affairs and it really sounds like he needs help with his anger management issues (along with a whole load of other issues). Sending you strength and best wishes - and hoping DH gets a wake up call v soon as to what an almighty fuckwit he's being...

no of course not dinky, he is perfect
He is, as MN would say, a twunt and a fuckwit.
H was in the pram and we were in the compound coffee shop. He just suddenly snapped and started screaming at him. I dislike him immensely now. Thank god he has been out the last few hours (its our weekend)
I have been saying for years about his anger management issues but of course he won't have it.

Have started making notes for UB petition can't find sodding marriage certificate though, think he has hidden it!

That reminds me, has anyone heard from Snowmama recently? Wonder how she is doing?

She's on FB every so often I think MoS but havent seen her on here for a while - suspect she's too busy running around like a loon.

He is indeed a fuckwit of the highest order. A alto-fuckwit

a bad day just got worse.
DS just got his rejection from his first choice bastards. What do they know
REALLY want to punch DH now

MoS - its their loss. At least DS can now focus on his A levels, on getting the best results possible, going to another excellent university, having a brilliant time there (and not having to worry about cramming 3 years of study into one year of exams at the end of his studying) and come out and enjoy being a lawyer at the end of it. FWIW, 90% of the partners I know, and QCs I know, went to unis other than Oxbridge and they've probably done better as a result of it!

dinky I know, its just I imagine he is so disappointed, first real rejection in life.
Anyway, Oxford has some stupid degree, jurisprudence At least he has 3 offers, two of which are Russell Group.

I keep reading Durham is the new Oxbridge, fingers crossed they want him (although a LONG way from home!)

Still want to hit DH though
Thanks for your lovely kind words, about both DS and fuckwitx

mos That is absolutely shocking what your (d)h did today.
There is just no excuse for that sort of behaviour what-so-ever.
I know that I have moaned alot about my dp, and I know he can be a proper shit, he has once or twice held Jacob's arm too tight for my liking, but never would he dream of shaking a child or kicking a pram with a child in it.
Plus the fact that he made that comment about you leaving in the summer anyway, personally I'd think, why wait??
I'm sorry of that is out of line for me to say, but seriously, any sacrifice that would have to be made by you or either of your older children, will easily be justified by the thought of what could result in a child being shook.
But, it's easy for me to say all of this being on the outside, if I was in your position, I'm sure I'd have the same doubts and questions about leaving vs. staying.

littlesez glad the foot is on the mend and hope the dancing goes well.

Work's being ok. I have completely distanced myself, I now take lunch in my classroom on my own with a book, and just had a quick fag on break.
One of the staff who I get on really well with asked me where I was at lunch and why I didn't go down to the regular room, so I just told her I am reading a good book and just fancied some time on my own.
The tensions seem to be easing up a bit, but will continue to keep my distance socially.
I've also decided not to attend the christmas do next week.

Anyhoo, that was a slightly boring waffle-on wasn't it?

{{{mos}}} Are you ok? You must be shaking with rage at the bastard and on a day when you could really do with a hug yourself, being so far from your first born on such a sad but momentous day of his life.

I'll come and punch him for you if you want... I have a nasty right hook

MOS - your (D)H's behaviour is totally shocking!! Poor you, no-one should have to put up with that - especially not little ones . Keep strong and focussed on the good stuff - i.e. your DCs - and I'm sure you'll work out a way to make your escape if that is what you want to do. Sorry to hear that your DS1 didn't get his first choice for Uni but as Dinky says he'll no doubt get on brilliantly somewhere else. x

MoS do you have anything like Relate where you are? His behaviour sounds horrific but I would want to get to the bottom of it - ie is it a symptom of some other problem.
A councillor might be able to get him to be honest.
I am not excusing what he did - it's awful - but rage in men is usually a sign of deep seated insecurity/depression.

You need to know what's going on before you make any life changing decisions.

Thanks for your kinds words ladies, really helps to know its not me (thinking he is an arse!)

mslucy ironically, I am a qualified family mediator and have undertaken several counselling courses and am now running the local counselling service and (if I'm still here!) running a counselling skills course in January! He won't see anyone. I suggested it over a year ago. He 'doesn't have a problem'

We did talk last night and agreed to get a babysitter and go out for dinner one night and have a talk without constant interruptions (this really drives him mad when kids keep interrupting constantly)

Am just cooking a full roast dinner with all the trimmings (sadly not roast pork!) as a kind of peace offering.

Hope everyone is doing ok and you aren't too cold there! x

mos It's bloody freezing!!!!
It doesn't sound to me that it is you that needs to give the peace offering.
Nice that he has agreed to go out and have a proper chat, just hope for everyone's sake that something can be sorted.

Just popped to Tesco with the kids, had them both walking there, around the store and back, so a 20min job took over an hour and a half!! needless to say my patience has been pushed near to it's limit!
We are all having lunch at the mo and then I have some messy play stuff ready for this afternoon

MoS- hope you and DH/FW (depending on how he's behaving) have a good talk over dinner when you go out and he admits something isnt quite right. SM is right - its pretty cold here. And its tube strike day tomorrow too - am praying that snow doesnt arrive tonight/tomorrow as that'll make getting into work rather painful - or more painful than usual on a tube strike day anyway... And as for DS1, he's got some offers from some excellent universities so far - will keep my fingers crossed that he hears from Durham soon...

Had MIL down over the weekend - took boys to park yesterday morning but werent allowed into the playground as it was too slippery due to frost - fortunately the park cafe was open and they had a play in there with other playground exiles - and then swimming in the afternoon while DH was watching England lose at rugby. MoS - how long did it take you to get used to parking the XC90? Drove it fine (felt like I was driving a bus) but am such a wuss at parking - drove around for ages looking for a space I could drive into rather than reverse park (which I'm crap at normally anyway - only car I could properly do it in was my much loved mini we got rid of when Danny was on his way as basically a little box)? Any tips on reverse parking a tank anyone? Took them to columbia road flower market today (MIL loves it there - as do the boys) but was amazed at how cold it was despite the sun shining. Certainly felt alot colder than 2 degrees. Have made a vat of soup up for dinner tonight! Hope everyone else has managed to stay warm and have a nice weekend despite the cold/snow etc.

MOS at risk of everyone thinking i am a cow i need to just be honest. Fuck counselling, fuck peace offering, if he wants to sort out his anger he should do it alone, he is a grown man. Your children need to be away from him whilst he sorts himself out. Shaking a child and kicking a pram with a baby in it is child abuse. There is no ifs or buts about that. He is an adult yes he probably is depressed but so are 1 in 3 people at some point intheir lives doesnt mean you can take it out on childen.

And what about you? he treats you like absolute shit. He has had a million chances from you and you have tried and tied to help him and work on your relationship and he won't even admit he has a problem. WTF? Don't wait i say come to the UK and let him realise that if he mentally and physically abuses his family he will lose them.

SORRY i seem to be ranting, i probably sound hysterical and i know its not EASY to just walk away. Like SM says my OH has his faults too but shaking a child, oh my gosh, please don't wait til he batters one of you to go.

so sorry again i really don't mean any offence i am just really worried for you xxxx

MOS hows things?? x

Really freezing here - temp didn't get above -1 degrees all day....bbbrrrrrrhhhhhhh

I'm writing a letter to nursery this evening - we haven't had any written aknowledgement / apology in regard to Lilian's burnt hand. I don't want to go down the legal route but I do feel that the nursery needs to address this and make an offer in recompense for the pain and distress it has caused Lilian and the time and cost for us in taking her to the hospital 3 times a week. I don't really want to move them both from the nursery - partly due to the fact that DS is so settled there but also because I know the wait lists for the other local nurseries are really long - it could be months before 2 places come up.

I might post something on the MN message board to get some more viewpoints on what people think I should do about it....still in a bit of a muddle about it. Lilian had another dressing change today - it's still quite raw looking and the nurse thought it would still be a few weeks before it is healed properly.

Dinky - I am rubbish at parking too - especially when viewpoint is obscured by two squabbling children!

Hello all, sorry i'm not on here much atm, nothing much to say other than to whinge about the cold (no heating... yet again ) and i don't want to bore everyone to tears.

mos... littlesez has pretty much said what i was going to say

dinky, i can reverse parralel park our estate but can't reverse into proper car park spaces in it... or rather i can if i have to but manage to avoid ever having to as it's a bloody nightmare when you can't see a god damn thing!

Hope everyone's enjoying the snow

calico I've been thinking about this and what I'd do and tbh, I think I'd continue to send the dc's there.
At the end of the day, it was an accident, ok a bloody stupid and completely avoidable one, but an accident none-the-less. Whoever put out the hot soup didn't intentionally want Lilian (or anyone else) hurt and it prob means they will be extra careful and on the ball now.
When we leave our children in the care of others, there is always a risk that something might happen, and thankfully Lilian's injury is small compared to how bad it could have been.
I'm not trying to dismiss it, but I think if I were in your shoes, I'd feel guilty about even thinking of sending her back thjere, but likr you say, ds is settled and ther person responisble is prob feeling awful.
It's very unlikelyu anything like this will happen again

hello all, just a quick visit as manically busy here today. Had two signing classes this morning, one this afternoon and somehow have to get lots of booked priced up for a sale tomorrow.
DD's school are doing a phonics workshop so it seemed a damm good opportunity to offload/sell a lot (hopefully) of the phonics books I have. Fingers crossed. Doing another sale next Wed and Friday is our christmas bazaar so hoping to sell a lot more.

DH and I are going out for dinner and a drink (fake wine) tonight so that will hopefully be productive. I'm so very grateful for all your support in this area. He knows he went too far and said he shocked himself when he kicked the pram.
Fingers crossed for us.

dinky don't you have the (bloody annoying) beeping when you are reversing which tells you when you are getting near something?
I'm not the right person to ask about reversing an XC90. I'm the silly moo that decided to do a nice thing in the summer and take hundreds of pounds of baby equipment to the local refuge and when reversing in caused 300 pounds of damage to the car!
I always go to our local mall early in the morning with H and park in the HUGE baby parking spaces Good luck

calico I think you should write a letter and make it clear how serious it is and that this time you don't know if/when it will heal properly. Might be worth marking 'without prejudice' just in case you decide to take legal action later. Sorry, am not a PI specialist. Good luck though

Good luck on all the booksales MoS. Hope your talk and meal go well tonight and DH gets some help to find out what it is that is causing him to act in the way he does - he needs to find that root cause and address it, for everyone's sake. Yes, we do have the beeping but it does a constant beep when you're at least 30 cm away from the nearest car so is bloody useless!

Calico - well done on writing the letter. The nursery needs to acknowledge that they fell well short of the required - and expected - standard of care. Agree that you should mark it "Without prejudice" at the top of the letter. Hope L is doing ok.

Thanks for your thoughts guys - Lilian and DS have just been dropped off at nursery.....loads of people have said to me 'you're not going to take them back there are you?' so feeling a bit low about it but have little choice at the mo. I posted my dilemma on the MN messageboard last night but no responses yet.

Just been informed that three of the nursery team are leaving - a real shame as they have been brilliant with DS and have known him since he was a baby so he'll be a bit lost without them there. One of the things that I liked about the nursery was the fact that the staff turnover was minimal unlike many nurseries where there seem to be different faces every 5 mins.....

Right I'm going to write them a letter and see what happens....

MOS hope you manage to sort things out tonight.

Calico Maybe if DS will be upset anyway by the staff leaving it might be worth moving him and L at the same time? Just a thought. Hope you get a good response from the letter.

MOS Sorry to hear the oxford news. I have to say I remember that day vividly, and feel like I got a lucky escape to be honest! Sure he doesn't feel like that now, but he may in time.
With regards to DH/FW, I think you have done everything that you should - you have suggested counseling etc, if he feels he doesn't have a problem then I think the best thing you can do is safegaurd yourself and the kids until he can sort himself out. If you need any help getting sorted to get over here, just let me know.
My sister is 28, but I agree, she could be 14 with her behaviour! Unfortunately, only J and I are being honest and so we are the baddies of the tale. It was ever thus!

SM ahem, why would you be going for a fag break?! Hope that things settle down and you can get back to the way you felt about work before.

Dinky hope your back is better, and all is well with you. Have you heard any more from the school?

SR come and moan away my dear.

We have snow, so we are going to bundle up and head of for some fun!

Dinky thanks for that. Letter now written - so I will send to the nursery Director. Feel better now that I have put it all down on paper.

Right off to get some work done.