November 09 - Autumnal times are drawing near, soon our babes will be one year!

[MsInterpret]

Hello ladies, hope no one minds me taking the liberty of creating a new thread and approves of the name choice. We've been moving a bit slower than antenatal so though we'd most certainly have some year-olds by the time we finished this one!

Hi all, pav poor you! So sorry things aren't going too well for you at the minute, it's a real pain when you've got different advice coming from all directions. All I can say with it all is do whatever feels right for you, if you are happy then your family will settle down and should all be happy too! I really hope next week gives you the chance to sort things.

Pav I really think your DH needs to support you and come up with a strategy together which will work for both of you. This is where the differences between men and women drive me mad - at times like this we need to have a joint approach to parenting and both need to agree that you're doing the right thing but men are so reluctant to communicate!! Is he being any more receptive today?

The only advice I can try to give is that the No Cry Sleep Solution (which I hardly used but can post you my copy if you want?) recommends keeping a diary for a few nights and trying to identify routines or factors which may cause problems. I know it's difficult the next day to remember exactly how many times you were woken and what happened etc - so maybe try to keep a notepad beside your bed? Not sure what else to suggest.

I know different things work for different babies and families, but we certainly benefitted from moving Ethan into his own room and DH dealing with a few night wakenings for a while so that Ethan didn't associate waking with boob=comfort=sleep.

Hope you guys see an improvement and sleeping babies soon!

Pavlov, I really hope things will improve for you. I agree with all the others, you have to do what feels right for you. I hope your DH will be a bit more on your side so you can work on this together.
I agree with DWB, the NCSS has a couple of good strategies that might work for you.

Nights here are still bad too but at least I am quite sure it is due to teething and things are going to improve at least slightly. And I do not have to go to work so I shouldn't be complaining.

Ursi - Work is EASY compared to being a full time mum. Complain all you like!

Damm laptop. I had written out a long post and lost it My first use of this emoticon, I think!

Pav I'm so sorry things are tough for you as well. It's so tough. I hope you and DH can be on the same team and work together on this.

We moved C to his own room last night. I thought I'd share 'night one' of the sleep method we are doing. I hope you all don't mind. I spoke with my sleep clinic advisor on the phone yesterday. She gave me 10 mins of her time with some tips to be getting along with, she will be visiting me at home next week.

We did the normal betime routine. I decided to BF C in his room before I put him down in the cot. I won't be feeding him so near to bedtime going forward, we had run out of time last night as C was shattered. He went in the cot awake and I said goodnight.He had a few moans and it lasted about 10 mins. DH took over for the rest of the night. I went to bed early. C woke at 9pm (2 hrs after his bedtime), DH offered him a bottle and he took a few sips and went back to sleep. He woke again at 2.30am and DH offered water, a few moans in getting him back to sleep. A few mins later, DH accidently woke him by walking passed his room and stepping on a creaking floor board! Took a while to get him to self soothe back to sleep. He woke again at 4am and I decided to BF him as I was engorged and C came in to the bed with us. He fed and slept until 7am!!! A far better night had by all. I'm not out of the woods by any means, but I feel better for knowing there was an improvement. DH is taking over the next couple of nights. I hope we can crack this soon.

I had my Ofsted inspection today. That's been playing on my mind for a couple of weeks. It went brilliantly and I'm very happy it's done with.

I must dash. Back to work and my sleeping baby didn't nap for very long .

Fruit glad you had a better night! Fingers crossed for a rest-filled weekend for you!

Pav NONONO. You are not wrong! Everyone else is not right! This parenting stuff is hard, and it's even harder when you're tired. I keep saying to DH that he's my co-parent, not my assistant. He should be equally involved in all big decisions regarding DS. (I don't consult him on what to give him for lunch, but I did for example expect a vote from DH on the matter of delaying the MMR jab for a month rather than giving it at the same time as the booster.) I agree with DWB completely. There needs to be a joint approach. a) so that you don't feel like you're doing it all on your own and b) so that DH doesn't get to tell you you did something wrong. Also, think your boss was out of line!
If it makes you feel better, strangely enough, last night was the first time ever that DH put Lukas to bed. Because I'd had a crappy day on so many levels and I just walked out of the room. Lukas cried, DH held him, and then he went to sleep and slept for 3,5 hours! Unheard of! Definitely think there's something to be said about breaking the whole boob=comfort=sleep association, but can't see DH actually taking over for a whole entire night let alone more than one.

Sir B Fingers crossed the Estate Agents get a wriggle on! You want to be moved and settled well before xmas, tell them!

Also, (sorry to keep popping back with more, but I keep typing up a post and then remembering something else!)

Scarlotti Do you think DH is trying to stick his head in the sand a little bit? Or is it genuinely just because he wants to stick around for the birthdays? I completely understand the clutter thing - I wish my house was spotless (it really is far from it) there's definitely something comforting about having a clean and tidy space around you even if life itself is rarely clean and tidy.

Brood I'm sure it's a head in the sand thing! He seems to be committed to moving tomorrow morning now and has also arranged to then go stay with a friend tomorrow night and have some beers so fingers crossed.
Am very at him today though as he has phoned to ask if it's ok for him not to have the day off after my operation so he can do a work training thing. This after me pointing out that he put his own sleep needs first after my last op when I had one hand out of action.
I'm not surprised by what's happened, more sad that he's lived up to my negative expectations.
Sigh.

My day started at 4:45 today. Joy. Been to work and then came home this afternoon to look after him. He's eating now though so hoping we've broken the back of the illness....? Please?!

Boo! I haven't been here for a while... We have a big birthday weekend coming up as DS1 is seven on Tuesday and the lovely Toby is one on Sunday. What a year it has been!!!!

I haven't been on for a while either, except the occasional Lurk. Am finding two children very hard work at the moment and generally feel down most of the time. Ds seems to challenge me on everything at the moment and refuses to do even the simplest of requests. enough about me though.

Hope all the babies have had good birthdays for everyone has last had one since I've been on. sorry for missing them. been so busy with Annabelle's birthday preparations which like BBL's Toby is also tomorrow. Hope Toby has a wonderful birthday and you all have a great day tomorrow BBL! Have spent most of my day trying to create Butterflies out of chocolate (piped)for Annabelle's cake, they are ok but it is harder to make than I envisioned.

Sorry to hear about all the none sleeping babies and hope things improve for you all very soon.

Annabelle has just learnt to say "Who's that?" whilst pointing, which is nice. Though usually pointing at an object rather than an actual person.

happy birthday to the babies today have a lovely day.

Sleep. Yes. It is better. We have had sooooo much pressure from people regarding moving Roo back into our own room. But we did it anyway. DH had him for 3 nights, I caught up on some sleep. I think I slept ok, no clock in DDs room, and she woke me up twice quite early, but think I had a crap night/a better night/a reasonable night.

The 3 nights for Roo have been roughly this:

7pm breastfeed in our room, after story in bed with DD in her room. Except last night, we all had stories together in our bed. Lights low, no talking. Put into cot, kiss, say 'goodnight' and then over to DH, who has been, well basically leaving him to cry. going in 5 mins onwards. This was for the 3 nights I was away from the room. At around 11pm I fed him breastmilk, quickly, ie no cuddles after finishing, straight into cot (asleep). First night, DH had him in bed with him from 2am onwards, he slept well after that. Second night, the same, woke a bit more, woke at 6am and had no breastmilk from me! I did not offer, he did not ask! third night, he woke coughing (has a cold) at some point, DH does not know what time, quick cuddle, back to sleep, in his cot, woke at 5am, into bed, fussed, up to me for milk 6am.

Last night - I was back in our room. I put both kids to bed as DH was out. Roo fed and went to sleep on boob, i woke him very very gently as i put him in the cot, said 'goodnight' at around 7:30pm by the time he had finished feeding. and He Went Straight Back To Sleep!! He woke at 11pm for milk, quick feed, only about 10 mins, back to sleep. Woke in the night coughing, DH slept on the cot side and dealt with him, took about 30 mins to settle him with cuddles and straight back down (no talking, to him or between us), DH sorted this without Roo wanting me. Woke at 5am for a feed, back to sleep in bed where he is still asleep with DH .

Whatever people have said to us about Rods and Backs, he clearly wanted to be nearer us, as he has settled much better and more easily with us there. For Now.

Sorry for the longwinded post!

hope others are experiencing a little more sleep too. And those with good sleepers, hope it is continuing!

Pav that's fantastic news, am so pleased for you Your pattern with Roo now sounds very similar to mine - milk at bedtime, around 10 ish then around 5ish. Up until recently I used to take him in with me at 5, but now he's just bottles I put him back in his cot. After a few mornings where he wouldn't settle, he now goes back down until around the 6:30 mark!
It's DS1 that's waking me now at about 6. Sigh.

Anyone got any tips for getting a 5 year old to stay in bed until a bit later? He rouses then instantly turns on his lamp and so is awake instantly and heading up to me now to play on my phone!

DH moved out yesterday, of sorts. He's still got lots of stuff here, some of which I think he might come back and get today, and some of which I doubt he's planning to take at all as this is still a trial thing at the moment. Not sure how I feel actually, was a bit odd last night as DD was at a friend's so very quiet. Am still tired but would be getting up with the boys anyway. It's hard work having both of them on my own, but hopefully once DH is settled in his flat he'll start having them and I'll get a break.
I'm now at the angry stage I think - angry that I have had to restort to this to get things sorted. Annoyed that DH hasn't been doing his fair share by a long shot, and angry at myself for picking someone idle and having children with him. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade the DS' for anything, but this wasn't what I thought I was signing up for.
I don't know if things can change enough for us to make it work, and I get a bit at some of my friends for having a good marriage with a supportive DH and wonder where I went wrong.
Sorry for the me me post, as you can probably tell I'm a bit up in the air emotion wise at the moment!

oh scarlotti you are going to be up in the air emotionally, this is so tough for you, it is not easy, no matter how right it might be to, at least for the moment. Are you going to continue with Relate while he has moved out, or see how this goes for a while? How are the children with it? Do you have support from your friends/people who can help out with the children if you need it?

As far as getting children to stay in bed longer, I shall wait for that miracle with you! DD is an early riser, has always been from about 1 onwards, and once awake, she is instantly awake, there is no dozey period for her, no snuggly/cuddly lets lie in bed for a bit, its straight to action stations, at 6am! 5:50am this morning . She woke upset that no-one was in with her last night! between DH and I she has had someone up her in room for the last 10 days apart from the odd night as was most upset this was not the case this morning! Mind you, yesterday, DH brought Roo to see me at 6am and woke her up! Not likely to have been by much but whenever that happens I often wonder if this was that time she would have slept til 8am

Pav I'm so pleased to hear sleep is improving and glad DH is supporting you. Trusting your instincts. :)

scarlotti I'd guess now is when you will both be thinking about and analysing your relationship as the separation has actually happened. Feel free to post as much or as little as you want to. Thinking of you.

Scarlotti, thinking of you, I hope it works out for the best for you. It will be an emotional time, I am sure. Look after yourself.

Pavlov, I'm sorry things got so bad but hope this is the begining of them looking up. Glad to see DH helping out.

I think I can join the club when it comes to nights. Lucy sleeps very well between 7 and 11.30 or thereabouts but from then it's more and more waking up wanting nothing but boob. I don't need a MIL, Brood, to sow those seeds of self doubt, I can do that job pretty well myself. I am torn between thinking, surely at this age she should be going through, especially as she had already done this; and my heart telling me my girl needs me. So she still sleeps in bed with us and my boobs are getting sore, as I am too tired to pay attention to good latching habits.

On a brighter side, she's been crawling for three weeks now, getting into everything, babbling happily away (she's so incredibly chatty although no proper words yet!), nursery is great for her, she only has a wobble when I pick her up, give her a cuddle and then try to give her back to her carer to, say, put my coat on, that's when she cries. It's like your boy, Pavlov, happy and cheerful during the day turning into an angry crying, arching and fussing child at night.

So, in a way I am relieved that I am not on my own in this. I started to think that it's my fault for bringing her in with us in the first place. I am hoping it is just a phase. For all our sakes. Hang in there ladies.

Scarlotti thinking of you... I guess what it comes down to is, whether in a while (few days/weeks/months) you are finding yourself missing him or actually feeling better on your own. I also think this is the only way to find out. So often in life we just kind of drift... look up and realise that x years have gone by. It's useful sometimes to take stock and then feel like you've made an active choice rather than just ended up living a certain way. I don't know if that makes sense? Anyway, hope you are feeling happy and strong.

Pav Glad your DH has stepped up and that you've managed to get some rest at least.

BBL and Juicy Hope you had lovely fun-filled birthdays!

I've sent the boys out so I can do some work. Have a meeting tomorrow (will have to bring Lukas with me...) so trying to get myself ready. DH has done 70% of the parenting this weekend to let me work, which has been nice. In fact, he's been doing that for a couple of weekends now and I think it's greatly improved a) his understanding of what I "do" and b) even more importantly, it's improved the relationship between him and DS! Suddenly, it's acceptable for daddy to put him to sleep for his naps (and twice now for the night!)
Quit the homeopathic pills over the weekend as they made no difference what so ever. The GP said to let him know if that happens and he'll leave us a prescription for Gaviscon. (To rule out silent reflux as the culprit.) So will be trying that next week, but then I have a funny feeling it'll be a grizzly week as we've got the MMR jab on Tuesday.

Hope you're all having a cozy Sunday.

Happy birthday Annabelle! Toby Toes has had a lovely day :) Hope you have too!

Thanks BBL! Glad you've had a lovely day, so have we. Tiring but wonderful. Annabelle has been so lucky. Its weird to think last year She was 20 mins away from being born at this time. What a wonderful year. so many 'wonderfuls' in that! lol

Brood thanks for your post, that's exactly what I think so it's so nice to know that someone else thinks that what I've instigated is a sensible option.

Pav the aim is to carry on with relate and also go out on dates. We have a relate session booked for the 25th so will see what that brings. As for the dates, I think I need to get to a point where the resentment has lessened before I want to go on one, if that makes sense. I have been ferrying him about all weekend to get him moved and he is expecting me to do it, so I'm still angry with him about that. Not conducive to wanting to spend an evening with him!

I'm hopeful that this split will at least create more harmony at home for me and the dc's. I've had some lovely time with them this weekend and I'm sure that the fact the tension has now gone is the reason. DS1 and I have spent some lovely quality time with his lego!
Pav to answer your other question - the boys are fine. Ioan is too young to notice, although he did seem a little wary initially when we went to visit today, but he soon thawed and had a good time. DS1 is matter of fact, as only a 5 year old can be. He's rationalised the situation and now lives in two houses! DD is struggling a little more as at 16 is well aware of what is happening. She thinks that DH expects too much of me and doesn't put in the effort - not something I can contradict so that is hard. She is also trying to manage her time between college, her own Dad and her friends, which doesn't leave much time to go and see DH which she's feeling guilty about. She is talking to me about things though which I'm grateful for, hopefully that will continue.
No family here so nobody to help with the dc's but I do have some good friends for support for me. Once we're into a routine where he's having the boys to stay it will feel much easier as I will then get time to recharge the batteries - sad thing is that this split will give me much more free time than I ever had when we were together - speaks volumes about our marriage I think..

Happy birthday to all the babies

Brood hope Lukas starts to feel better soon.

Hope you've all had a good weekend. Happy birthday to the little ones!

8pm-5:20am (mik) 5:30am-6am

Awesome Pav, bet you're walking on air today! Long may it continue.

yay bear-cub!

lol I shan't be getting excited just yet, but know at least that 1) he can do it and 2) i have had a couple of good nights sleep (although doesn't really feel like it yet!!)