May 2010 - Drooling, smiling, cooing and nearly sleeping through (and that's just the mummies!)

[rachelfruitloop]

Hi Ladies,

I hope you don't mind, I started a new thread as our first one was quite full! I can't believe we're a quarter-way through the first year already!

Schipo yes it was me that donated..if you google breast milk bank or human milk bank in your area, you should bring something up in google. I was asked to have blood tests to check for HIV,Hep B and STIS and then set about donating..I used to express whilst feeding Olivia.

Rachel Good news on the cot transfer..we are not doing so well in that dept..Thanks for the update on Brucie..it must be agonising for his poor parents at the moment

First1 glad to hear the op was a success..its quite normal for the emotional scares to take longer to heal though so be kind to yourself..

Angel..Im totally with you on the crap stuff happening at the moment..do you think there is a hex over yours and my houses?!

Carikube can a family member/trusted friend baby sit so you and DH can go out for a meal or something?

Pigley great news about the photography..well done

We are so annoyed..got Olivia sleeping through the night so transfered to a cot..nightmare..now she is awake screaming every couple of hours..lost as to what to do

On the up side..everywhere I take her now..she is so interested..especially in the scores of new faces that peep into her pushchair and she rewards their smiles with an even bigger one..she seems quite contented in every other respect..

got fed up of struggling to even fit our loola behind our boot seats..so bought the Quinny Zapp xtra which reclines and faces mum..it fits that boot space perfectly..result!

Hi All

Quick one from me before bed cos I am shattered! Have been cleaning out wardrobes today in advance of move and now have a lovely big box full of dressing up clothes for DS and DD. Had forgotten half the stuff I owned because haven't worn winter stuff for 2 years as was in mat clothes for winter last year so sort of feels like getting new clothes again iyswim. Can't wait for the colder weather now so I can wear it (fingers crossed it fits emoticon needed!)

Hope Brucie is holding his own Rachel. How is Eric getting on? We still haven't moved DD - just too much going on with move etc at the moment and she is still up 1 or 2 times a night so staying in our room for now but interested to hear how everyone is getting on. Hope Olivia calms down soon ML - not fun especially when you are working.

Sorry to hear you are having more troubles Angel - it sounds like an awful situation with your husband. Does he have a Union rep that he can talk too? He shouldn't be being victimised like that at work.

First at being anatomically perfect - wish I could say the same for me! I'm so glad the op seems to have gone well.

Pigley - well done on the photos - they look amazing on fb. A whole new career for you! My DH is really into his photography and it is so lovely to have decent photos of the kids. We are also off to Venture in two weeks to get a portrait photo done of the whole family for the new house. Can't wait! They have asked us to bring "props" though - now feel under pressure to bring something interesting! Will probably just end up taking DS's golf club or something!

DS went to his first Socatots class with DH on Saturday and loved it. I think I have a sporty little boy, which he most definitely does not get from me. The teacher told DH after the class that DS has a lot of natural ability - DH has been planning his England career ever since ! I am sure they say that to all the new parents!!

Right DD finally seems to be asleep so must go and move her from my knee to her crib and then get to bed. 16 week growth spurt here at the moment so feeling drained in every sense...

Angel- Do you know the outcome yet? Hope his immediate boss can put a good word in for him. Fingers crossed for you.

Carikube- She had had a few nights of one wakes before that. Its been twice a night since friday :( Really want my sleeping baby back. Lucy appears to be teething so im guessing thats a big part of it. She is fussing alot when feeding and not drinking as much so maybe thats contrubiting to her needing extra during the night.
Today has been better and shes been finishing her bottles so fingers crossed!

Glad your niece is improving.

First- Glad things are good downstairs now :) Hope the counselling helps. DH and I still havent got that far yet!

Ande- Sorry to hear about the PND :(
Hope your getting plenty of support.

Molly- Glad Molly is liking her Bumbo. Lucy is fond of hers too... Thats when DD1 isnt reclaiming it as hers!

Heffa- Hope your solo weekend went well :)

Memory- Those smiles are lovely arent they :) Lucy beams at me and follows my voice round the room. She too is such a flirt at passing admirers :)

We did think about putting Lucy in her cot to see if she slept better but I chickened out.

Tomlin- Venture photos are lovely. Ive heard from friends that they really do push the hard sell on the prints so be warned as before you know it youve spent a small fortune! My friend ended up £800 lighter!
re props- Just take along any fav toys/teddys etc.
Glad DS enjoyed Socatots. DD has her first Ballet class on Thursday :)

Busy weekend here for us. Saturday we took a trip to Ikea and bought some new storage units for all the toys that are taking over the house! So much tidyer now though :)
Today has been packing and getting stuff sorted for our hols.
Were off to Butlins on the coast tomorrow. DD1 is going to love it! Only for 3 days but its still a little break.
DH and I were laughing though at how times have changed. 3yrs ago our holiday was 2 weeks in Thailand!

Homebirthmummy - thanks for the link, nothing near me at all. I'll have a google as well though.

Memorylapse - how are you doing now? Any news about your house?

Angel - how's everything going?

Tomlin - Socatots sounds fun :) Glad your DS enjoyed it.

Pigley - weekend went very well thanks, am feeling v.pleased with myself! Now a few days as normal and then we're off to Oxford at the weekend for the wedding.

DD is very cute with Corin atm, keeps cuddling him and gets very protective if he's crying.

Hello Ladies,

Ande so sorry about your PND. I hope you're feeling better. I had PND with my DS1 and have suffered from depression for my entire life from time to time, so I know what a struggle it can be. Please feel free to express yourself here. One of my good friends back in the States was hospitalised after having both her DDs with Postnatal Psychosis. Now a year on, things are good for her and her family but it did seem to her that things would never go back to "normal".

Tomlin we did the Venture photos when Eric was 3 weeks old. We ended up buying one and got one free from a promotion. They are SO EXPENSIVE, but the photos are pretty cute, very different from your conventional portraits. I guess because of my background in graphic design I sort of feel like I could do this myself with their colour adjustments and artsy cropping so feel a bit bitter about paying so much. Also, I went in thinking we'd just buy some prints but they don't sell just prints, you have to buy the frames too! Of course they don't give you the catalogue with prices until after your session! They were really good at coming up with imaginative interactions to shoot. We all wore Man United tops for some of the photos and DS1 brought one of his favourite toys and we brought a quilt my mum made for Eric, so not too many props!

We've managed to take a photo of Eric every day. We did this with DS1 for the first 500 days and it was so cool to see how the subtle changes happened. I have a set on Flickr if anyone wants a look, called Everyday Eric. I am going to try to update it today!

ML that's great that your new Quinny Zapp fits in the car boot!! I bet everyone just falls in love with Olivia when she smiles at them, she's so lovely!

Carikube I hope your niece is doing ok, that sounds like horrific pain!

Angel big hugs to you, it's just one thing after another isn't it!

Heffa glad you did well this weekend on your own, well done!!

Things are ok over here, DH has a 4 day weekend so has just taken DS1 to pre-school (hooray!) We had a fab time at Legoland on Friday and DS1 was so well-behaved and really enjoyed it as he's a metre tall now and could go on some of the bigger rides.

Getting Eric into his cot ... that's another story. The first couple of nights, he slept the early part of the night in it just fine until about 10:30 and then I took him into the bed with me for a feed, settled him back in the cot until about 12:30, fed him again, fell asleep whilst feeding him and woke up at almost 2, tried to put him back in the cot and he cried, so fed him again in bed and thought oh forget it I'm too tired, and just kept him in the bed with me. It's been variants of this the past few nights. Last night was the worst. We couldn't settle him at all in the cot and spent our evening taking turns trying to settle him and get him to sleep in it. He slept in it a total of one hour last night and now this morning he won't even go down for a nap in it, which he had been doing the last few days. So I think he's really digging his heels in now. The teething is still bad, too, so I'm sure that's why he wants more comfort. His top two front teeth are descending, I can see the white under the gums. He's now taken to biting down whilst feeding and then pulling his head back, scraping the bottom teeth on my nipple! OUCH! DS1 didn't do much of this! I just feel so tired. The concept of sleeping through the night just seems like a dream to me! I can really empathise with you girls going through the sleeping troubles as well!

I had a text from my friend about Brucie. They nearly lost him on Friday as one of his lungs collapsed, but he has stabilised over the weekend. Hopefully he's over the worst of it now and will grow stronger. I just keep praying for him all the time. Thanks to all of you for your good thoughts and prayers. I will keep you updated.

Sorry to end on such a down note, but I hope that all of you have a good week and that the babies are sleeping well!

ande - Just remembered you're in/near Kingston aren't you? I'm just down the road and would love to go for a coffee if you're up for it? Would be lovely to have a good chat. Hope you're feeling ok

not a good day ..I collapsed this morning and GP wanted to rush me to hospital..after much argument..I have settled for a chest x ray...

Ive been poorly since friday with a chest infection..GP was not happy about me working this weekend and I must have looked like death because the GP herself actually carried Olivias car seat out to the car for me..

Last night we had yet another battle to keep Olivia in her cot..she screamed from 2 am till 4am and in the end we both gave in and put her back in her moses basket...I burst into tears and said to DH that I didnt think I could do the school run..we had an argument..I dont remember much else apart from waking at 8.35 to find the house empty...

Dh came back and said he was taking the day off and that I basically passed out and my temp was high..he called the doctors who called me back and wanted me admitted..which I appealed against..she said the anti biotics might not be working and she was worried it was pnuemonia (had that before..nasty)..so Im booked for a chest x ray tomorrow and strict instructions from GP to rest,rest,rest..easier said than done

Rachael..sorry to hear that Brucie has scared everyone again..hope that is the worst over and done with

ML Poor you, that is awful, take good care of yourself if you can ... I know it's hard when mummy comes last! I can't imagine having the cot battle at night whilst poorly, it takes so much out of me being perfectly well. I hope you feel better soon!

ML - wishing you a speedy recovery, how awful for you, promise to take doc's advice

Is anyone else's hair coming out in ridiculous clumps?? Got me a bit worried tbh. My hair is long and thick anyway but past fortnight everytime I wash it and comb it..wow! Chloe is coming up 15weeks and have heard around 3months postpartum is the time for hair loss, but

First1 I am also losing hanks of hair, just loads and loads! This happened to me with DS1 as well, so I think it's normal. While we're pregnant we don't lose as much hair as we normally would, so now we're just shedding all the excess. Why mother nature would make this occur just when the babies start chewing on their hands and pulling hair, I don't know! I'm constantly picking strands of my hair out of Eric's mouth. But don't worry, it should calm down in a few weeks!

I'm moulting too first1. Every time I look at molls she has some of my hair on her!

Ml - get well soon and rest!!!!!

Rachel - you're doing the same as us with the cot. If I can get molls in for a couple of hours it gets me and dh some time together and it's a start.

Heffa - how cute re dd

tomlin - I did venture with dd1 and ds a few years ago. Fab pics but soooo expensive. Had some photos done at a local photographer of molls today. Part of the cherubs scheme - we get a shoot at 4, 8 and 12 months and a folder of our fave pic from each shoot but of course we're bound to buy more than just those three. I'm hoping to get one of my three as my Xmas present from dh. Molls was in good form and we're going to see the pics on Thursday.

Pigley - hope the ballet goes well

angel - hope this week is a better one.

Thanks all for the nipple healing vibes - they worked and feeding no longer hurts. As ds helpfully pointed out that means I've recovered from the 12 wk growth spurt in time for the 16 wk one ...

Fraught day with dd1 yesterday. Still crazily jealous. I think (hope) we've had a bit of a breakthrough as she went way out of line behaviour wise and I managed to stay calm and talk to her about it and her feelings. She's been in great form today. Fingers crossed we don't have a lot more days like that though.

Evening all!

Rachel - poor Brucie - thoughts are with him and his family... Well done Eric sleeping in his cot! Its good your ganna talk to GP re PND and enjoy legoland :)

Hollyoaks - glad vomiting stopped and Graces weight going well

Carikube - hope your neice is ok, that sounds terrible

Pigley - thats brilliant about the photo's, its great when people ask for you due to word of mouth

Molly - ouch re nipples, glad they're healing tho and that particular GP is a TW@T!!! :)

Angel - big hugs to you. Hope DH gets things sorted out. Poor DD3 too.

Cupcake - its mad what a year can bring isn't it? :)

Homebirth - firepits, marshmallows n hot choc - sounds great!

First - glad you're healing well and anatomically perfect!! Counselling sounds like a good idea too, glad they are listening to you.

Rachel - poor Brucie and his parents :( Praying that he gets stronger now.

ML - :( that you're so unwell. Hope you get some rest and feel better soon.

First1 - hair loss is normal, just losing the hair you gained during pregnancy. My hair loss was worst first time round but I'm still losing loads at the moment.

Mollycuddles - glad your nipples are feeling better :)

Hmmm, think DD might have chickenpox, had some funny looking spots at bedtime. Guess we'll see what morning brings.

Balls...hit enter and wasn't finished!!!

First - i'm loosing hair here too!

Ande - good to hear from you, please post if you need anything

Schipo - glad you have got to the bottom of BF probs, no experience of milk donations here i'm afraid

ML - Hope you are feeling better now, try to take it easy. oh oh! Is that another buggy to add to your collection?

I think thats me finished now!! Sorry if i've missed anyone.

I went to see a breastfeeding advisor to see if i could increase my supply as pretty much FFing now. She has started me on domperidone as one side effect is increasing lactation, seems to be working along with expressing - have filled a bottle today, hope i can keep it up - WLTK - you are my inspiration

Went nursery shopping today - think we have settled on one in the countryside in a wooden chalet!!

Rian doing lots of giggles now which is too cute but means i'm bouncing him about like a mad woman!!

Thanks for all your advice about Venture photographs ladies - I think I will be leaving my purse at home (well, maybe just take a credit card in case...!)

Rachel - I didn't know you had a background in graphic design. My DH comes from graphic design too - do you/did you work for an agency or freelance?

Pigley - enjoy Butlins, hope it doesn't rain too much (am typing this with rain lashing at the window!). Ballet will be good fun - little girls in tutus always look so lovely!

First - my hair is also coming out in handfuls. We are staying at my parents at the moment which is just round the corner from us (due to proliferation of boxes at ours) and they have wooden floors everywhere - our bedroom is covered in hair! And the shower plug first thing in the morning - yuk!

ML - make sure you are resting! Chest things can be nasty, hope the xray is all clear.

Molly - good news about the nipples!

20th - I think my DS has chicken pox too - had a large spot on his back yesterday which he managed to scratch the top off, and was saying his head hurt and his mouth hurt, and then today has about 20 - 25 spots in various places all over his body. Have got him some aqueous calamine cream from the chemist and dosed him up on calpol, and we'll see how he goes. Typical for this to happen just when we have built him up for going back to playschool though! Ah well, another week at home won't hurt him I suppose. Just want to make sure DD doesn't get it too - she has been fussy and crying with her feeds today, and a bit more tired than usual. No spots though, so wondering if she might have just a touch of the virus but not enough for a full blown rash iyswim. Going to ring the GP tomorrow for some advice anyway.

Oh, and enjoy Oxford - my DH was at uni there and was living there when we met in my final year at uni in Norwich (we clocked up some miles between us that year!). We have many happy memories of Oxford, mainly of the pubs, but it is a fab town to visit. The P & R is brilliant!

Also, a question for those of you who have done baby led weaning before - I was discussing it with one of my friends this weekend, who told me a tale about one of her friends who tried BLW and the baby became completely iron deficient to the point where he was eating soil and had to be referred for medical help (apparently that is some type of recognised medical phenomenon). How do you make sure that the baby eats enough food to prevent any problems with nutrient intake eg vitamins, minerals, iron etc if you are meant to let the baby just eat what they feel like? Any advice appreciated!

I'm shedding like a cat here too! I have really long hair too so it's just everywhere...quite disgusting! Dh hates hair on the carpet so is like a human hoover on his hands and knees every night scraping it off into handfuls yuk!

ande so sorry about the pnd...really feel for you as know someone who had postnatal psychosis and was really horrible. Do come back and let us know how you are.

molly hope yor dd1's behaviour continues to improve. My nipples are healing too thankfully! Still a few weeks til 16wk spurt here and hoping it won't be as bad!

rachel what a fab idea about the photos every day; wish we had done it!!

first I too am terrified about dtd and ever having another baby :( I developed a haematoma in my episiotomy and was extremely sore for ages...still is a bit. I actually know a great psychosexual therapist so maybe I should be having a word too or dh is in for a very long dry spell!!

We are trying the cot as a bedside cot for the first time tonight...I hae a feeling I'm going to find it annoying to have to shuffle out of bed to change his nappy though!

Babycake also laughed for the first time today, was so delightful!

Right, off to bed.

cupcake - It's a terrible fear isnt it :( Feel like downstairs will be a completely closed area permanently, really hope the therapy will help, I've never seen a counsellor for anything before so don't know what to expect but will give it a go. My consultant gave me vaginal dilators as an interim, they creep me out!!

ml - hope you're ok this morning.

rachel - lovely pics!

Morning everyone, had a lovely weekend. DH got two unexpected days off work and as it was our wedding anniversary on Saturday we decided to go up to Edinburgh. It was all very spur of the moment and exciting, went off at tea time on Wednesday and spent Thursday at the zoo and Friday at the castle. Both days were gorgeous and sunny so we ended up having a picnic in the grassy area opposite Princes street.

Our wedding anniversary was also the anniversary of Grace's conception so we had a little double celebration to ourselves and enjoyed a few drinks at sil's bbq.

Shame about the weather today, very rainy here so not up to much apart from Grace's 4 month developmental check at 4pm, I'm sure dd1 didn't get one of these, must be new .

First1 - your poor friend, that must be awful. :( Jealous of your perfect anatomy :o

Carikube - we're finding it difficult to do anything 'together' one dd's are in bed, so exhausted we end up on the computer or in front of tv most nights. :(

Angel - poor you, I hope dh's job gets sorted and dd3's harness has been fixed. You really have a lot on your plate at the moment :(

Pigley - congratulations on your photos, it's a shame we don't live closer. :) Hope your enjoying your break.

Molly - glad your feeling better and well done on the bf.

Ande - no advice or experience, hope things are getting easier.

Schipo - glad your bf problem was easy to solve, are you going to donate milk?

ML - Olivia sounds gorgeous, my dd's seem to go very shy when strangers take an interest. Please take the gp's advice and rest as much as you can.

Tomlin - I'll keep my eye out for your ds on match of the day in a few years time. :)

Rachel - hope Brucie is getting stronger, thinking of him.

Tomlin - Oxford is lovely :) Our friend went to Uni there and having his wedding there this weekend and we've visited him in the past. Really looking forward to it! We're not doing the P&R though because I didn't fancy it all dressed up and with both DCs so just getting a taxi.

All DD's bumpy spots disappeared overnight so obviously not chickenpox. No idea what it was though Hope your DS feels better soon and that DD doesn't get it!

Hollyoaks - sounds like a lovely weekend, congratulations!

Ande - hope you're OK.

Just caught up on a couple of days' worth of posts and am now typing this blind without really remembering who wrote what, so apologies for that.

ML hope you get better soon and that the x-ray helps show what might be wrong.

Hollyoaks congrats on what sounds like a lovely weekend...

Tomlin we did BLW with DD1; iron stores start to deplete around 6 months but it's not like it disappears overnight so I wasn't too concerned about her not eating enough to start with (she started really swallowing food at 8-9 months). She doesn't eat whatever she wants, she eats what we're eating and therefore has a pretty balanced diet so I don't worry about her getting the right amount of vitamins/minerals (it does mean that we make more of an effort to eat healthily!). We don't force her to eat stuff on her plate that she doesn't want, but she will have a go at most things (cabbage and broccoli still aren't really going down but we continue to give them to her in the hope that she'll go for them one day).

After all the talk of breastmilk donation, I looked up the website only to find that I can't donate because of the blood transfusion that I had after DD2 which is a bit of a shame...

Niece has come home from hospital today which is a good sign so hopefully she's now well on the way to recovery.

oh goodness, have left it so long between posts it really is difficult to remember who said what!
anyway, what i remember most is hairloss, chickenpox and cots, and of course ML being being poorly and Brucie having a setback.
i remember chickenpox when dd1 was 2 and dd2 was new, it was hard! dd1 spent most of her time in soothing calamine baths and we thankfully have no scars, next door neighbour is currently into her 10th week of shingles which is apparently the oap version of the pox but sounds very panful.

we have been very lucky with baby and cots, probably because scbu settled her into a cot only routine very early, in fact on sunday i tried to take her out in her pram after her bedtime to a support group and she was just FRANTIC until her little head hit her cot mattress, nothing else would do and cuddles are sadly definately off the agenda

ml hope you are feeling better, i am not too far away if you need any help.

oh and brucie, i do hope he continues to get better, lots of love going his way x

worse news from me...we have a month to get out of our house..LL has served a section 21 eviction notice on us as a buyer has been found for the house..we are distraught..we do not have the deposit money and to make matters worse..we rung up about 6 houses today and as soon as we said we had 4 kids..we were told the property was unavailable

Im facing the very real prospect of actually being homeless

Hi Ladies,

ML that is just horrible. I really hope something comes up in the next week or two that is a good solution for your family. That must be beyond stressful - especially when you've not been well! Sorry I can't offer any advice, but big hugs to you!

Tomlin I think you'll probably be really pleased with the Venture photos, they are really unique. If you're able to spend about £400 you can get some great photo ensembles they put together. Don't worry, if you really love them, they offer financing!
That's very interesting that your DH is in design, I wonder what he'll make of your Venture photo shoot. My design experience is mainly in print and packaging. I worked for a hair product company in L.A. for a few years before I moved to the UK, so mostly did shampoo and hairspray packaging designs and retouched photos of models (beyond realistic representation) and did layouts for magazine ads. Here in London, I was the design department manager for a company that makes hair extensions and wigs. That job got to be very stressful and not very conducive to the family life I knew was on the horizon so I gave it all up to sell train tickets on weekends. But, I know I will go back to doing creative work again eventually, it's in my blood!

I hope that those with chicken pox don't suffer too much.

Molly Glad to hear that your nipple's doing better. I also did portraits with the Cherubs scheme with DS1 and we loved them, so Eric is booked in for his first sitting next week. I was taking DS1 with my closest RL friend and her DS who is the same age, and we had photos of the boys taken together as well (they are still best friends now so very cute to have these) and the photographer gave us a break on the price for buying prints, we each bought a few and they were about £16 each. I'm going solo this time, but that same friend is about to give birth to DC2 any day now so maybe we can get them done together for Eric's 8 month sitting and the new baby's 4 month sitting. I thought the free folio I got of DS1 was lovely, I gave it to my grandma.

Hollyoaks your getaway sounds fab, how romantic!

Heffa could the spots have been heat rash or maybe a mild grass allergy?

Carikube sorry you won't be able to donate breast milk. I was thinking of doing it as well but wondered if having had a blood transfusion would exclude me.

No new news about baby Brucie so I am assuming that no news is good news, but still praying for him nonetheless. Thanks for your concern everyone, my friend is grateful to have so many people on Brucie's side.

I have a really great book about feeding children called Child of Mine by Ellyn Satter (you can find it on Amazon here). My aunt is a dietitian and she sent it to me when I had DS1 with her recommendation. It has great things in it for formula feeding and breast feeding babies as well as weaning and also feeding toddlers and preschoolers. I refer to it often just to remind myself about how I want the feeding to go. I think it's a book every parent would find encouraging.

We had a very good night last night, finally! Eric slept in the cot the whole night! He cried off and on for an hour and then finally went to sleep at about 8:45. He woke for a feed at 11, again at 12:30, again at 4 and then 5:20 and then 6:30 and then up at 8:30. So lots of feeds but at least I got him back in the cot every time. The trick was that I sat up with lots more pillows and breast fed him in bed rather than lying down to feed him. When I put him down in the cot, I put him on his side and he had the top I'd worn during the day in the cot with him. Tonight, he's gone down with very little fussing so maybe he's getting used to it. Fingers crossed for another good night.

Sorry if I missed anyone out. I hope everyone else has a good night, too!

Not posted for so long, this thread no longer came up on the 'Threads I'm on' bit! So I'm saying hi and posting, to mark my space again and save me a long trawl!

Hope all's well with everyone. I've had a breast abscess, but have managed to BF through it. Felt so fluey and shaky - but the antibiotics kicked in quickly.

Like some of you, I'm also moulting - it's great! I have such thick hair and spend a fortune having it thinned usually!

Baby is thriving - googing and gaaging and desperately trying to crawl. She's also making loads of raspberries with her mouth - soooo cute! her giggles are gorgeous too - we spend hours just smiling and laughing.

Sorry for no personals - life is so manic. I envy all those on maternity leave! Juggling full-time mummyhood with work is a nightmare! Best of both worlds but at a price!

Quick question. When are you moving from the pram to a buggy?

I typed out a message on my iPhone whilst feeding the boy and it isn't here am fed up now.