Friendships and Trump

[YourBrickTiger]

Hi, just writing this out of sadness mostly, not looking to apportion blame. I'm very close to being cut off by a very close friend due to our different politic beliefs, which up until now through 10 years of friendship we have just left in the background. I had posted something about Renee Good and how I felt what had happened to her was murder. My friend who saw it sent me a video of a different viewpoint - from ICE's viewpoint. Unfortunately I misinterpreted it that she wanted to have a conversation about it, as all she said was 'you may want to watch this'. I said that I thought we were heading for a world war and that Trump was responsible. I said I didn't understand how a Christian (which she is) could justify the murder but think that what Charlie Kirk preached was ok.

FYI I'm Irish and she is from Texas and a republican. I have stayed with her before and we have always been there for each other. I thought it was just a debate but I woke up this morning to a long email from her outlining how hurt she is at what I said. I would never hurt her I just hate what is happening out there and I believe Trump is dangerous.

Has anyone else had this experience? I have told her how much she means to me and that I am sorry I crossed a line.

I have known people whose friendships have ended owing to political differences. Whilst you can be 100% right to end a friendship for these reasons, it does not lessen the pain such an end can cause.

The friendship may be salvageable. If this happened a while back send her a late Christmas card with a note - a real card through postal mail. Otherwise maybe a little letter/email. I'm sorry that you seemed to cave, though, because you were in the right. Instead of your saying you were sorry for having "crossed a line" (which you didn't), I wish you would have said something more like "I'm sorry you misinterpreted my hope of having a discussion."

Too bad she's a Texan. They tend to be nuts. Texas has a criminal as their Attorney General. You're absolutely correct in pointing out the stunning hypocrisy of so-called Christians, considering that Christ preached love, tolerance, mercy, charity. Based on what you DIDN'T say, I'm guessing that she offered no rational rebuttal, just got huffy. Because Trumpers are usually incapable of marshaling a sensible argument.

I wish there were an etiquette forum here, where maybe people could help you craft a reply that would make your point but still be a short of olive branch.

Maybe you can patch things up. But keep in mind that maybe you should ask yourself: Is someone who justifies murder and bigotry really the kind of person I want to keep as a friend?

Good luck.

OP. Look at the state of the States. If your friend is doubling down on support are you sure you want to keep her?

OP, it seems that your friend has quite extreme views and if I were you I would sadly find it very hard, if not impossible, to remain friends with her knowing that. It's completely unreasonable for her to take your view that ICE is behaving in a way similar to 1930s Germany was a comment on her, and I really don't get her statement that you were putting her life at risk!
If you want to remain friends with her, you're just going to have to avoid all talk of politics for the next 3 years (at least) as various PPs have said. But I DO think you should stand your ground and be more confident in your views.

I nearly lost a friendship of almost 50 years recently, through something similar. I was having a bit of a rant about right wing media misrepresentation (in person, over a pub meal) and unfortunately my fury at the media, they started to take personally.

They sensibly said that we should change the subject, and we tried to move on. But I was very aware that the friendship might well founder.
But we met up again a month later and we all kept the conversations safe, light and warm, as I think we'd all recognised that there was too much to lose.

But though I'm a lefty and they watch GB news, they still have strong morality, and they're very anti Trump. Had they been like your friend, I'm afraid I wouldn't have mourned the loss. In fact I would probably have been the one to quietly drop them.

I agree about standing one's ground. But I also find that it can be possible to delicately approach politics, too.

I can't help but wonder if you might have been more successful with a quieter, earnest viewpoint, instead of a rant.

Almost certainly. I would have blamed no-one but myself, had they decided they'd had enough.

Having said that, I was very clearly blaming the print and social media, and not them, and enough quiet and earnest conversations had been had before, for me to think that they'd agree with that particular rant. I can't remember what particular news item we were talking about, but I didn't think it contentious at all.

American here, in the US but moving back to UK (please don't kick me out, this is an oasis of sanity compared to chat sites in the US). She is reacting that way because the evidence against Trump and his ilk is multiplying far faster than the Maga crowd can handle and far faster than the Maga elite can manage. The reaction, broadly, has been to dig their heels in and cling to random, ridiculous theories instead of facing the reality of their decisions and support of Trump.

Its everywhere here. Many families and friendships have broken up over this same scenario.

I get the fact that a certain part of the human population support fascism, racism, white supremacism, authoritarianism, suppression and corruption of democratic process, the dismantling of judicial checks and balances, and state-sponsored murder. What I don't get is how many of them expect the rest of us to tolerate their views and stick around listening sympathetically to them, rather than leaving them to fester in the disdain they deserve.

Often the sense of iconoclasm and trangression is even made front and centre when they announce such views. "You can talk down Trump/Farage/etc... but that's just the corrupt establishment trying to stop them speaking up for the people. I DON'T CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK AND I'LL SHOUT THE MAGA TRUTH FROM THE ROOFTOPS ANYWAY!!!"

"Oh... You don't like me now? Hmm, turns out I do care what people think after all....."

Your friend has surrendered her humanity, so just leave her to it. I'm all for varied political discussion but human society also depends on a certain degree of shared values, and there are some things that are beyond the pale. Neville Chamberlain learnt that when you try to reason with this stuff and allow a place for it in mainstream discourse it just responds by pushing the boundary further, and the UK's recent experience of Brexit into Reform suggests that hasn't changed. Better to just isolate it like a disease.