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Original poster

Are you afraid of death?

79 replies

Pinkfluffyslippers · 30/09/2009 21:53

Sometimes I think I'm not afraid of death and I wonder if that's normal.

I believe in an afterlife so surely I shouldn't be frightened of it.... BUT I wonder if this is normal. TBH there are days when he thought of an eternal sleep is really rather nice!

BTW none of my close relatives has died so I haven't had any close hand experience of this which may explain my casual attitude.

Would be interested in what what others feel....( do hope I'm not upsetting anyone by asking this. )

Thanks
PFS

PS: Am watching Dan Cruickshanks prog on death....which may explain this.

OP posts:
pamelat · 15/10/2009 20:34

Sorry OJ I can't even imagine what that would be like.

Sometimes I do feel a bit naive with the whole dying thing, I hope my post has not upset anyone. I know my grandma had had a good life and was in her 80's, its just I was so close to her and its still very hard. Sorry.

I think you are right, leaving my DD without any family would be the most scary thing.

I used to be very anxious about my parents dying (they are only in their 50's) but I seem to have transplanted all of that anxiety on to my DD.

M1SSUNDERSTOOD · 16/10/2009 22:46

I passed my personal benchmark about death and dying when I reached the age my father died at, when I was 2 years old. Up till that point I thought I'd die at that age too. Both my parents are gone and now it's me who's the final generation. It's the natural order for parents to go before children. I feel I've always lived with this knowledge so it's not scary but inevitable.

Fossie · 18/10/2009 00:44

I am also terrified of death. A bad birth experience (DD1) made me suddenly aware how little time I had left in life and how finite that time is. I was paralysed for months in making decisions because it all seemed so pointless and life so short. These feelings flood over my from time to time whenever I have a reminder of my mortality. Needing reading glasses this summer has been the latest one. Am surprised not to see lots of encouraging posts from Christians here. Am however encouraged I am not the only that feels this way. Not existing as I know life now' and yet 'time not existing in heaven so what can life be like then' thoughts pull me down in to a dark place and still makes me break out into a cold sweat. Just blind faith helps me to get through these times. What is heaven is really great after all and we will all be laughing about how much hard work life was down here not knowing that.

redsofas · 18/10/2009 00:59

yes i am terrifed if i give it thought, the thing i am mosy scared about is dying and leaving ds' behind without a mummy, i am also very scared about the thoght of anything happening to ds'. I ALLWAYS cry at magazine articles, tv ect when anything bad happens to children because i always think the worst. what if? I am a deep thinker though and i am also scared of what dying will be like and if it will hurt. I just try not to think about it and always try to have as much fun as possible with my family. Saying that though my nana was ill towards the end of her life (was a heavy derinker and put in hospitol for reasons to do with this but they found she had cancer and she died very soon after) and towards the end she told me she just wanted to die and she'd had enough

MadHairDay · 18/10/2009 16:54

I am terrified also of leaving my children. I have chronic lung disease and have come close a few times. I can't stand the thought of leaving them, it utterly terrifies me.
OJ I'm so sorry to hear of your experience.
Of death itself I don't have too much fear. I am a Christian and do feel I have a certainty, however, I never want to come across as arrogant or know-it-all, so have avoided this thread a bit until I saw Fossie's post about being surprised not many christians had commented. I do fervently believe there is more, and it is good. But it doesn't take away the sheer awfulness of death - just makes it not final, and leading to more.

Mama2b5 · 21/10/2009 21:53

Hi i used to fear death but now i'm am born again and i pray to God daily for giving me another day and blessing me with health!
I lost my mum in march and since then have thought about eternity and that she knew God and that i know she accepted Him in her life so i take comfort in knowing when i pass from this to glory i will be with my King! My Father God in which i was created in His image if you believe then there should be a healthy fear because we are not perfect, so i cry out for His mercies and asked for His forgiveness daily for i may of upset someone with words that they may of taking in the wrong way or not doing something that i told someone i would do( empty promises)

Death comes to us all, its totally up to us as if its welcomed or feared and then we should maybe asked ourself why we fear death and some others don't! believe in Him(God) or not we have a choice but death is not a choice and comes to us all!

I pray this has not offended anyone and this is just my opinion!

thesunshinesbrightly · 26/10/2009 15:57

I am actually in the process of deciding, do i want to live or do i want too slip off this earth, into something that has too be better than my life, i have kids but i wonder if they will be better off with their dads when i am gone.

I havent bothered namechanging because nobody probley notices anyway.

DutchOma · 26/10/2009 17:08

I have noticed and I'm very sorry that you are in such a hard and horrible life. Please speak to somebody about your fears and worries.
Your children will most certainly not be better off without you, suicide of a parent is one of the things that messes children up more than anything else. Please talk to somebody

Mama2b5 · 26/10/2009 19:25

Thesunshinesbrightly - My God all i can say is Im so sorry you feel like this, it is wise to go and speak to someone regarding your feelings and please dont think you will not be missed or your not important- you are and especially to God who has got something planned for you. your life is precious and its a true gift! your kids need you more then you think! I will be praying for you, for my heart is saddened by your statement.

I pray that you will feel the presence of the Lord and he will confirm to you that He is with you and your special to Him.

thesunshinesbrightly · 26/10/2009 20:45

Thankyou for your kind words, both of you - but really, their is not point talking to anyone, i do not show how i feel in front of my children, my children are my world,i love them more than anything that's why i want them too be happy and too have more in this world than i have ever had, that's why i think they will be better off without me, i'm sure they would be sad for a while but i dont know what else to do, i am stuck in a hole and i dont know how too get out.

Original poster
Pinkfluffyslippers · 26/10/2009 21:00

Dear TheSunSB.....
I started this thread as I just wanted to know how other people felt about this subject but what you've written is so desperately sad and really concerning.
You are the sun in your DCs world, you are what makes the day worth living. Your children would not be "sad for a while" but for a life time. No matter how bad things are, just stay here and talk to us.

I'm not a medic and I'm just speaking from the heart -but if you're feeling this low perhaps it would be really good if you talked to someone or perhaps see your doc and see if you're suffering some form of depression.

big HUGS to you tonight. I'll light a candle for you and say a prayer.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pinkfluffyslippers · 26/10/2009 21:01

Dear TheSunSB.....
I started this thread as I just wanted to know how other people felt about this subject but what you've written is so desperately sad and really concerning.
You are the sun in your DCs world, you are what makes the day worth living. Your children would not be "sad for a while" but for a life time. No matter how bad things are, just stay here and talk to us.

I'm not a medic and I'm just speaking from the heart -but if you're feeling this low perhaps it would be really good if you talked to someone or perhaps see your doc and see if you're suffering some form of depression.

big HUGS to you tonight. I'll light a candle for you and say a prayer.

OP posts:
thesunshinesbrightly · 26/10/2009 21:05

I'm sorry op for posting that on your thread, i didnt mean to make anyone feel bad.

thesunshinesbrightly · 26/10/2009 21:08

Pinkfluffyslippers - thankyou you are all really kind, i feel really low at the moment and have felt like this for years,but probly wouldnt even have the guts too do anything anyway

DutchOma · 26/10/2009 21:28

You have said in your mumsnet profile that you do not want to receive messages from other mumsnetters. If you could unblock that we could maybe in touch with you off the board and tell one or some of us what the problems are.
It really will help to share your troubles, but it may feel very awkward on a public board.
As PinkFluffySlippers said, your children would not be 'sad for a while' but for ever.
Don't even think about it. If you could open up just a little bit to somebody, there may be small things that you could do to make things just a little bit better.

thesunshinesbrightly · 27/10/2009 00:24

Thankyou for the offer, but i'm not great at talking, dont want to bother anyone.

I think i have gone past any help and talking, i have felt like this for such along time, i have, i suppose got used too it, but thankyou again.

DutchOma · 27/10/2009 08:52

Sorry love, but you are going to be a great deal more 'bother' if you are not dealing with your problems.
There are people willing to reach out to you, there is a solution for at least some of your problems, but no-one can help you if you are not willing to be helped.

thesunshinesbrightly · 27/10/2009 17:59

I know but i have dealt with this for a long time, and i cant show weakness, not in real anyway.

Thankyou to those who replied too me i am grateful you know

DutchOma · 27/10/2009 18:59

Sharing is strength, not weakness. Because you can only be helped if you want to be helped.

Fossie · 27/10/2009 19:15

thesunshines brightly, I have felt really low and considered whether I would rather not 'be here' and though I don't think I would have done anything about it I did think about this for a while. As a christian I really believed that God answered prayer and because of that I considered praying for God to take my life. Despite the strange mixture of faith and despair here, I really did believe that if I asked God to 'take me home' He would. I tossed around this 'loaded gun' of a prayer for some time but tried as much as I could to rationally work through what I really wanted. What helped me was the idea that heaven is very different to the life we live down here such as there being no such thing as time. Although life here can be really hard and painful and every hopeless - it is only chance we get for living it. I decided I had not done enough with this 'one chance' at life at my age (then 24). I don't know if 'Australia' exists in heaven, this might be my only chance of seeing it. I don't know if I can play the piano if heaven, this might be my one chance to learn. I know that although I still haven't managed to do either of those two things (and I am now 42) I have moved on from that place and my life is rich and has meaning. I do pray that you will be able to move to a new place and find meaning and 'life'. John 10:10 says (Jesus) came that we might have life and life to all its fullness'. God bless.

bloss · 27/10/2009 19:40

Message withdrawn

thesunshinesbrightly · 27/10/2009 20:22

Thank you for your posts, it does mean alot you have taken the time too write to me, but i dont know what too say, i shouldnt of posted what i did, and i dont believe anyone can help me, i have too sort this out myslef, i have talked myslef out of suicide alot over the years, because i thought of my children' i love them with all my heart and i would never intentionally hurt them but i think their lives would be better without me.

thesunshinesbrightly · 27/10/2009 20:25

You have to understand i would not do this to hurt my children, i want them to be happy.

DutchOma · 27/10/2009 21:20

But what if you are wrong in thinking that your children would be happier without you? I have known children whose parents have committed suicide and they blame themselves.
They feel that they have been so bad that their parent had to get out, it stays with them all their lives, it is simply the worst thing you can do to them. They won't be happier, there will be a cloud over them all their lives.
If you really want the best for your children, and I have no doubt you do, then you would go and talk to somebody.
It's simply not true that nobody can help you, your problems are not exclusive to you and they can be solved if you are willing to open up and share

Original poster
Pinkfluffyslippers · 27/10/2009 21:53

Dear Sun,
Forgive my bluntness but exactly how would your children be better off without you? You gave them life, you love every bone in their body, you are their mother.

Imagine if your child was sick would you not seek help? You
obviously need help- I hope you can take that first brave step to getting better, you owe it to your children.

I realise you may have felt like this for many years but there's no reason why you have to hold onto this bad feeling for the rest of your life.

You are a lovely wonderful caring mother please focus on that. And you have lots of people here who are looking out for you and willing to hold your hand on your journey.
Take care and have a big get well hug
PFS

OP posts: