Papillon,
Thanks for the post...if I am reading that correctly,are you asking do I consider those sort of like consequences of what I was doing?
Some ways yes some ways no...the bf happened to be bombed out of his mind on morphine at the time of his accident and some witnesses even said he was ran off of the road intentionally by a white van, I believe that the bf himself had angered a particular young man I knew of that owned a white van and dealt drugs.The bf was a bit of a slacker and I think maybe owed the dealer money or duped him somehow,the bf and I were just seperated at the time (I wasn't a drug user or a drinker so you can see the conflict lol).So..I think he made his own fate with that completely seperate from any of my actions.
As for my daughter being kidnapped, I feel it was several contributing factors,one a Christian level and on a say...occultistic level.
My great-grandmother on my father's side was Choctaw and apparently into black magick and a medium and scryer.Her daugher,my Grandmother was allegedly a clairvoyant,she was also a severe alcoholic,married 8 times (this is back in the 1940's-1950's!)She had 3 children that she abandoned to her first husband including my father, she then had 2 children that she gave up for adoption out-of-wedlock.After that she had 2 daughters including an Aunt of mine who went on to become the highest paid private psychic in Texas (lol she sees dead people),she attempted to keep the 2 girls but her sister fought her in court for them,won them and had them for about 7 years, when their father died and my grandmother realised sed she could get a monthly cheque from their father's military service she fought her sis for the girls and they lived with her until they were 16 and 17 and left home.My grandmother went on to have a set of twins that she gave away.Now, one of the 2 daughters she kept,my clairvoyant Aunt, her first child died at 6 months old,the night the baby died an entity came to my Aunts room, and it was a very very bad one.My Aunt had 2 more children, when they were but toddlers her husband ran off with another woman and disappeared with the other 2 kids.They were pre-teens before she found them again and was able to see them on a regular basis.My father,her brother had basically the same thing happen with his 2 oldest children,they were 3 years and 6 mos old. Later in the 1990's he married and had a son,who's mother has repeatedly disappeared with the child sometimes as long as a year...until about 2 years ago when my father finally secured custody.My oldest son was 2 years old at the height or should I say low of my involvement in the dark arts,I began having unexplained grand mal seizures and they were so severe, I had to send my son to his father 90% of the time until I recovered 2 years later,by then my son was in a stable loving home,was attending school, had a large garden and cousins to play with,though I desperatly wanted him with me full time,I knew it would be selfish to take him from there other than for visits (the seizures stopped when I became a Christian).My oldest daughter's father toward's the end of our marriage had something that followed him around and became increasingly hostile towards me,it actually spoke through him when he was unconscious after drinking.He went to jail eventually for some of his odd behavior and my daughter never really knew him until she was 3.He had gotten out of jail and had stopped taking drugs but...resented that I was happily remarried and he had a court appointed visit with out daughter,stepped on a plane with her 2 years ago and I never saw or heard of her again.
As you can imagine I have gone over everything a thousand times analysing it all...I feel my grandmother's experience with losing her children,my Aunts,my father's and finally my own is what Christians refer to as a "generational curse".Some ppl would call it karma but honestly, I think my great-grandmother set somethings into motion,like a pebble dropped into still waters. I have overcome that curse by atoning blood,but the effects of it my daughter is still suffering,I just hope someday I'll see her again.I feel whatever caused those things to happen are over but its not a coincidence.
I know that was long but its a bit too complicated to hash out in 2 neat paragraphs.