Change of worship style at church

[IndigoIris]

I've been attending my local church for about 6 years and have really enjoyed going there each Sunday. The services were quite traditional - mainly hymns with an occasional worship song, readings, prayers and a sermon. I liked the quietness of the service and nearly always came away with something to think about that would help me during the week

The leadership has now changed and the style of the services has altered considerably. The hymns have been replaced with very lively worship songs (which I don't know) led by a worship band and there are elements of worship which I don't feel comfortable with. These include turning to the person you're sat next to and praying for them and the microphone being passed around so that you can share your testimony.

I didn't go last week because I had felt very uncomfortable the week before as I hadn't known how to join in an activity when we were split into groups for a discussion. But I missed going and my Sunday felt very empty

Part of me feels that I am wrong to feel like this as the congregation has increased in size and everyone else seems to enjoy the more lively style of worship. Everyone is very welcoming and friendly but I just don't feel that I fit in any more as I just want to go and sit quietly and take in what is being said but everything that happens there now is about "sharing your faith"

I'm very limited in choosing a church due to the area I live in and lack of transport. I just wondered in anyone had had a similar experience - if so, how did you deal with it?

I would also be very grateful if anyone could give me advice on handling the 'interactive' elements of church as I really don't think I can travel to another church but would miss going

Many thanks in advance for any replies

The best kind of church is one where the Lord Jesus Christ is honoured and obeyed, where His Spirit is in charge and leads, where His word is revered and followed.

It is HIS church. And HE will build it. It doesn’t belong to people or organisations. it is HIS, an organic entity, bought at the incredible price of the blood of the Son of God.

This divide has been going on for decades. Just ditch this "happy clappy" place and find a more traditional one.

Every CofE church has to give money to the diocese (local grouping of churches, headed by at least one bishop) which, in the case of my last parish (population just 8,000) was £87,000pa

sounds like a racket to me

We got an email recently saying that they would trial it that one Sunday a month our lovely traditional service would be replaced by an informal ‘happy clappy’ youth centered service. I sobbed. Our church is so traditional and I feel our lovely vicar has been pushed into this. So many have said they won’t attend on that day and to know we will all be sat in our houses instead of sharing fellowship makes me so sad. I’m actually typing through tears

honestly, I think you probably need to seek some kind of professional help here, like therapy. This isn’t a normal reaction to trying something different in a church. I think this whole thread shows how many people use ‘God’ as an emotional crutch rather than what faith is.

Most likely. But when you have lost the most important person in your life, not been supported by your family, done an international move, lost your home ahead of time, and just felt tired and sad for the beat part of a year, and your faith and church have been the one constant thing in your life and the one place you have known kindness, consistency, gentleness and peace, you will take it and run with it. And you will be affected if that too is under threat.

please do not reply.

@HerewegoagainSS i certainly can reply. You’re talking about your gran. I’m very sorry she died and for your sadness. But I still feel the same. Good luck

I'd love to see your Parish Profile that asked for such a dramatic change in service style.

Parish treasurer here.

I'm not going to get into the worship styles debate, but the Parish Share is not a racket. Most of it pays for the stipends (i.e. salary) of the clergy and their housing and other costs, as well as the salaries and other costs of running the Diocese, which in my experience (been doing this role for over 10 years) is well worth it.

Every Diocese organises the distribution of the share slightly differently. In ours, the amount each parish pays is tweaked so that those in the wealthier areas support the more deprived parishes (calculated using ONS deprivation data).

I don't think that is an "Oh Dear" thing, I think it is good that you were able to share with your house group, and be honest.

The leadership of any workplace or organisation can change a place. At my old church a flag almost had my eye out in one service due to enthusiastic waving. It just isn’t for me as I like a traditional service and that coupled with some genuine concerns regarding things at a free lunch that was being run that I helped at I stopped attending. Concerns were passed to the safe guarding officer by me. The Vicar also said something I had told her in confidence in front of the entire volunteer group, I never trusted her after that.

Hopefully the PCC will have gone through the Parish Needs Process with the area dean, alongside other churches it deanery. They should have come up with ideas for church growth, looking at strength and weaknesses.

Does your PCC reflect the full breadth of the church? If not, that is a concern in itself.

Like it or not, church growth is important including monetary growth. If a church can't support of vicar, it is at risk of redundancy.

Unfortunately, a church and its staff are not there to exist for the few who wish a particular style of worship, including wanting the church to be quiet at key service times (there are other days in the week for Open Church).

I am quite bewildered about where this group of praise worship musicians have suddenly appeared from. It reminds me of on of the early episodes of Rev. .

Our local church is happy clappy in the way you describe. I can't stand it.

Could you suggest one traditional reflective service each week for those who prefer it?

Or find out where the nearest traditional service is held, contact the vicar and ask if anyone would be prepared to give you a lift. It's quite common for congregants to help each other get to church. you could offer to pay for petrol.

Church isn’t the building. Why don’t those of you who won’t enjoy the service meet up together for a quiet contemplative time or a walk in nature.

Or help out at the happy clappy service and welcome newcomers to church. See it as an act of service.

Our traditional service pulls in a congregation of 8 people, I am the youngest and I am 60 this month. The church has to adapt or die.

Do you have a cup of tea and a biscuit afterwards? If you do then ask if others are feeling the same. Then either approach the leader as a group, or look in to travelling, if there are a few of you then sharing a taxi or paying petrol for someone to drive.

My dad goes to church in the next town to where he lives. Someone always gives one of the parishioners a lift to church and my dad gives her a lift back.

Wow - you must be the one doing all the work!

Our Sunday 9am congregation has fallen since Covid, but a lot of those have transferred to our Midweek mid-day service, so the numbers for both together are actually higher.

The 9am would be even smaller had we not made efforts to grow our choir, buy offering choral scholarships to students, who in turn bring their friends. We actually have a cluster of undergraduates, which is very reassuring.

It is an effort on everyone's part to grow a congregation - particularly through invitation the the service, midweek and occasional activities, and importantly through prayer. Get this added to your prayer diary!

This is a wonderful idea. It is so hard to get singers for choirs nowadays. We have a wonderful organist and a small choir. Our 10 am service is now very well attended, the smaller 8 am communion less so but those who come are the same faces each time so it’s appreciated.
We have one midweek communion followed by Open Church which is well attended by a faithful group (and more cone for the refreshments after). And once a month they do knit and natter and a twice monthly fellowship group. We are doing fine, and so many are worried about risking it by drastic change.

Has anyone who doesn't get along with the noisier style of worship tried arguing for tolerance of neurodiversity? At a time when schools and even supermarkets deliberately arrange for people who need lower levels visual and auditory stimulation to get the quiet time and space they need, it seems wrong for churches to refuse to do the same thing. Particularly since Jesus was a great one for quietly moving himself out of crowded places.

It's a shame if children don't get a chance to learn that church can be a place where people who need quiet, stillness and calm can find it without being alone, and to be safe and comfortable with shared silence.

Our Sunday Mass in the village church is quiet, traditional and short (about half an hour) and although the congregation is much lower than it was a generation ago it's still usually between 70 and 80 - including some younger families and children.

This happened to my Mum and a few of her friends who attended the local church. It became very evangelical which she didn't feel very comfortable with. She and 3 friends went to see the vicar and explained their feelings and he agreed to keep the evening service more traditional with the evangelical style at morning worship. She said most of the old congregation started going in the evenings. Mornings were for those who liked to dance during worship.

It’s so interesting to read this. It’s an ongoing tension in churches. I suspect we’ll see a shift where some traditional churches with good traditions and a healthy bank balance grow as they continue to provide high quality traditional worship.
Others will grow as they accommodate the preferences of the biggest section of society- the ones who haven’t been coming so far.

Lots (like mine) will struggle as we don’t have money or talent to do either thing well. So we do a mixture of songs, accommodate the restless toddlers and the older hard of hearing congregation members who talk to each other and the children all the way through the service. We remind ourselves to feel blessed by the presence of both, and acknowledge that families are diverse with all sorts of needs that we try to accommodate as best we are able.
We have no organist and can’t afford to pay one, so sing hymns accompanied by guitar which isn’t ideal. The newer songs work much better on the guitar and are easier to learn and sing.

And whatever you play there will be complaints from people who ‘don’t know that one’.

I think we need to wonder what church is for. Perhaps it’s as much for the people outside the door as inside. That’s what drives change, I think. No one would think to change the services we grew up with if the churches were full.

I'm a great fan of the Celtic Christian concept of some remote places being "thin spaces" where you can feel more connected to heaven.

Wow!!! Yes this a thousand times

@londonmummy1966

I'm an introvert, a traditionalist who loves music and architecture and a bit of a hermit. I have been through a very bad time over the last 18 months and have been considering attending the village church service for a bit of solace.

If the service turned out to be anything like these evangelical set ups I would have run for the hills and felt outcast, humiliated and confused.

Op you may like to consider the Quakers. Very different style of worship and sadly no singing, but the deep, communal silence is very moving and as far from evangelical as it is possible to be.

I am very sorry to hear about your experience Indigo Iris and can fully appreciate where you are coming from. I am at present 'churchless' because the parish I went to was run and populated by elderly rich people where class, status, and money dictated far more than Christianity on the hoof. It seemed to be a social club and insurance for God's waiting room. I am looking for some where very low key that does good deeds and has a really nice welcoming priest in charge. Will try the Catholic church and possibly Methodist too. Looks as if I may need to drive up into the wild country to find what I am looking for but the church up there does seem to have a good family and Godly spirit which shares.

And another thousand times! Definitely!