Change of worship style at church

[IndigoIris]

I've been attending my local church for about 6 years and have really enjoyed going there each Sunday. The services were quite traditional - mainly hymns with an occasional worship song, readings, prayers and a sermon. I liked the quietness of the service and nearly always came away with something to think about that would help me during the week

The leadership has now changed and the style of the services has altered considerably. The hymns have been replaced with very lively worship songs (which I don't know) led by a worship band and there are elements of worship which I don't feel comfortable with. These include turning to the person you're sat next to and praying for them and the microphone being passed around so that you can share your testimony.

I didn't go last week because I had felt very uncomfortable the week before as I hadn't known how to join in an activity when we were split into groups for a discussion. But I missed going and my Sunday felt very empty

Part of me feels that I am wrong to feel like this as the congregation has increased in size and everyone else seems to enjoy the more lively style of worship. Everyone is very welcoming and friendly but I just don't feel that I fit in any more as I just want to go and sit quietly and take in what is being said but everything that happens there now is about "sharing your faith"

I'm very limited in choosing a church due to the area I live in and lack of transport. I just wondered in anyone had had a similar experience - if so, how did you deal with it?

I would also be very grateful if anyone could give me advice on handling the 'interactive' elements of church as I really don't think I can travel to another church but would miss going

Many thanks in advance for any replies

I find the phrase "looking after the projector" a bit of a red flag, to be honest.
Along with suggestions (not here) that single women might be called to take the Sunday School. Not if they've been teaching all week I think.

Thankyou everyone for your very kind & helpful replies . . . I never expected so many and I have found it very interesting to read them but have also been saddened that some of you have had similar experiences

I don't want to name the denomination as I've probably already overstepped the mark in the amount of detail I've given

Writing all this and reading your replies has made me realise that it IS important for me to have a church life but probably not the one that I've been attending

I'll have a look around and see if I can manage to travel a bit further to attend somewhere with a traditional feel. Obviously this will be more difficult as I get older but that's a problem for another day . . . .

Thankyou all for your help and encouragement

Exactly this, and if the new leader does not listen to you you can write about that as a problem. I think you will have to make it a little bit of a campaign.
We had to change churches twice because of massive changes to style of Worship.
We changed denomination the last time. God loves a fighter.

I don’t actually think it’s very Christian to take a local church and make it suitable for people driving in from a distance and completely changing it for local people who were already attending.

You could perhaps see if other people who were there before might be feeling similarly and perhaps you could ask to meet the vicar together to discuss something that helps you all feel welcome and inspired by coming to church. Lots of good suggestions upthread. A service following the book of common prayer is not anywhere near as much work to put together as the type of different every week service the new vicar is doing . Perhaps some of you could offer to help wish it, eg once a month if not every week.
Some ‘worship’ songs are dire! There was a book written about it called’ And now let’s move into a time of nonsense’ the basic point as I remember it is that the older hymns we know are the ones that have stood the test of time, there were dire old hymns that are now forgotten. Some new songs are helpful but there can be a tendency for them to be all praise, praise praise, and no songs of reflection or commitment (eg something like’ Make me a channel of your peace’).
I also don’t think in the era of climate change it’s necessarily that Christian to encourage people to drive past lots of other churches to get to one some distance from where they live. I also don’t think you should worry about your faith being less than theirs because it’s expressed differently, perhaps more quietly, Jesus said faith as small as a mustard seed could move mountains. Evangelicals do tend to think they are the only true Christians which is really sad,

They can also get very hung up on growth mainly in numerical terms rather than seeing that the role the church was playing in your life was valuable. I hope you find some way of finding again the benefit of quiet contemplation alongside others and words to help you in the week , that you were finding before.

I do know what you mean but I think for some the “projector” or sound desk is a safe place and a good prop

I'm an atheist but I feel very sad for you.
My parents would be devastated if this happened at their church. I agree with trying to speak to the leaders and seeing if there was something during the week that would suit, but I see the importance of Sundays, and you may need to go elsewhere.

OP I have a great deal of sympathy for your position. I think you have had a lot of helpful advice.
Perhaps while you are finding your way forward you might look at churches or cathedrals that offer online services. I know of at least 2 cathedrals that would livestream services that I think might suit you . I'm sure there are many more.

You are not unreasonable at all for preferring a more traditional worship style.

The church I knew that took a lurch to the hands-in-the-air worship style maintained BCP traditional liturgy services in an 8am slot followed by a new-style service at 10:00. It's not fair to simply stop providing this but it's also true that churches that don't do something radical will eventually need to close as the weekly collection-plate offerings of the remaining attendees are simply not enough to keep the church going.

I think if you contacted the minister of your nearest traditional-style church to ask, you are likely to find that they already have some of their flock commuting to them from your direction and transport can be organised. My parents live in a networked parish where 4 village churches team up to share one minister and they have a service at each church once a month. The "youngsters" in the congregation (those in the 65-75 age bracket) take turns to drive a minibus to transport those in their 80s and 90s to whichever church the service is at this week, but they are going through a process to decide which of the 4 churches to keep running as an active worship venue as the congregation can't naintain 4 ancient buildings and frankly maintenance of ancient buildings isn't the primary purpose of Christianity.

This is such a shame. Something which was giving you comfort is now doing the opposite. I'm not religious and don't attend church (so basically don't know what I'm talking about) but could you get yourself to another "traditional" church and see if someone could give you a lift there and back on Sundays? Would it be worth catching a taxi (funds permitting). There are church services online as well but I'm sure this isn't the same.

All I can suggest is finding another church and trying to organise a lift with other members of the congregation, perhaps asking the priest to help with that or even getting a taxi if it's affordable.

Along with your comment that the leader would see any queationing of the new worship style as evidence of lack of faith, that all sounds like the foundations of a cult, with small groups designed to implement thought control or policing of questioning.

You would be far better off calling it quits.

If you value more traditional services, and you don't want to end up in a cult, look online for streamed mainstream Christian services on a Sunday, or YouTube for recorded services.

Ego problems on the part of the leaders.

Actually, this is what DH and I did. Not because of the happy clappy stuff, because that was a decade previously. I converted, then three years later DH joined me. BUT the main Mass definitely drifts towards worship songs, though the homily is very high quality always (unless it's an ex-Anglican priest). But the vigil Mass on Saturday evening and the early Mass on Sunday are quieter and reflective with normal hymns. I haven't regretted my move at all.

I wonder if two services could be delivered. At churches I’ve been to, the 9am has always been traditional and the 10:30am lively. I like both and at different times, the lively one wouldn’t have suited me. Could this be something your church may introduce? The more who request the trad service, the more they will see it’s needed.

My mum was saying the same thing about our family church. It's become too close for comfort for her, she really doesn't want to 'hug the person on your right to spread Jesus' love'. She doesn't like to wave her hands in the air or for the young children to be let run riot up the church. She had a word with the new minister and she said it's the only way to get "new blood" (I think this means younger people) into what is an aging congregation. DM is on the church committee, and says this "new blood" want to say how things should be run, but aren't willing to volunteer to assist with activities. I suspect she'll have to find a new church fairly soon.

I hope you find somewhere, OP.

I'm with you OP. I hate this style of worship. Our local church is like this and I tolerated it when DC were small as it was so family friendly, but left when they were old enough to appreciate a more trad service. To be fair to the church, they did offer a more trad service once a week (at a time I couldn't make) You could ask if this would be an option. There must be other members of the congregation who share your views. Most people who attend trad services do so because this is the way they connect most to God.

OP, I’m really sorry you don’t feel at home anymore. I would definitely talk to the vicar and see if there can be quieter services.

I’ve an awful feeling i’m one of the youngsters upsetting things on the pcc as mentioned by a previous poster. There are maybe 5 or 6 more traditional parishioners in our village church who think what we’re trying to do is awful. What we have struggled to get across to them is that there won’t be a church for much longer with the rate of decline we are facing. We’ve now ended up with a mish mash of lively and traditional that isn’t working for anyone.

I now go to a much livelier free church in the next town on alternate sundays just to feel part of a positive church community. I do however keep my hands resolutely by my side and if anyone asks to pray i reply “not my thing im afraid” and they’re all ok with it.

Also, now singing “make me a channel of my peace” on replay in my head now!!

Best of luck x

My elderly aunt has started going to a different church for similar reasons. Initially she paid for a taxi to get there, but very quickly the members of the church realised that they could help, and now other members give her a lift, so you might find that happens for you.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this. Id hate it if my church did the same. I like worship Songs. They have their place. But I love a traditional service. I love the security and familiarity of it.

We would move on to a church fitting our needs. I would of course talk to the vicar but I wouldn't expect a lot to happen.

Hoping to be helpful to the OP and others who've had similar experiences....

I've just moved from being a parish priest (a role I held, in various churches, for almost 30 years) to a chaplaincy role for a charitable organisation. I trained at the most traditional theological college in the UK, and always served in that kind of church.

What many people (including some churchgoers) don't know, is that parish churches receive no funding whatsoever from any outside bodies. All their operating funds come from members of the congregation, and families holding weddings or funerals at the church. This means that the only way for churches to increase their income is to increase their congregation. Every CofE church has to give money to the diocese (local grouping of churches, headed by at least one bishop) which, in the case of my last parish (population just 8,000) was £87,000pa.

Traditional churches tend to attract older members. Inevitably they age and die so, if new, younger people are not coming into the church, it will undoubtedly cease to function. The churches that are growing (there are a few, but only a few, exceptions) are the evangelical ('happy-clappy') ones. So, when a parish priest moves on, it is in the financial interests of the diocese/bishop to put in a new person who, being of an evangelical persuasion, will draw in new, young people.

My last church had a longstanding choral tradition, was a beautiful ancient building in a stunningly beautiful, wealthy setting, but the congregation was shrinking (Covid truly accelerated this). Before I left, I spoke frankly to the membership, and told them that they needed to accept a very different style of leader in their next priest, or the church would die.

It's horrible, I know, and it's been very hard for me to accept that, after decades of loyal service, I can no longer offer what today's church needs.

Would you be open to a different denomination to the church you currently attend? It may be there is a service that aligns with your beliefs and way you like to worship, but with a different group, that may be close enough to you to try?

@whyhere Many thanks for your extremely helpful explanation which has helped me understand the reasons of some of what may have happened at the church I've been attending. I must admit that I had naively thought it was just to do with the new leader and their very different perspective on worship but now I understand that there may also be other factors which have contributed to what has happened

@SD1978 Yes, I'm happy to attend any church which provides a quieter style of worship - it doesn't have to be quiet for the whole service as, I must admit, I quite like the children's talk and the songs that they sing! It's always lovely to see children being included in the service.

But, as long as I can go to a service without being forced to do things that I don't feel comfortable with I will be happy. I've been thinking about it again overnight and have read through all the replies again this morning. I'm feeling really stressed by having to find somewhere new to go and the thought of going for the first time is very daunting.

I'm not very experienced in the way churches are run and I don't know anyone who is so all this has come as a bit of a shock to me.

About the money....

The church in the next door parish to us is an HTB drop, favoured by students and young people. Very very " happy clappy", lively, fun. Sadly, because it's full of young people with smaller disposable incomes, ( and a much more transient population) it has huge financial problems. It looks in envy at our healthy accounts.

Thanks old people. Now if you could just leave us a legacy before you die...!