Change of worship style at church

[IndigoIris]

I've been attending my local church for about 6 years and have really enjoyed going there each Sunday. The services were quite traditional - mainly hymns with an occasional worship song, readings, prayers and a sermon. I liked the quietness of the service and nearly always came away with something to think about that would help me during the week

The leadership has now changed and the style of the services has altered considerably. The hymns have been replaced with very lively worship songs (which I don't know) led by a worship band and there are elements of worship which I don't feel comfortable with. These include turning to the person you're sat next to and praying for them and the microphone being passed around so that you can share your testimony.

I didn't go last week because I had felt very uncomfortable the week before as I hadn't known how to join in an activity when we were split into groups for a discussion. But I missed going and my Sunday felt very empty

Part of me feels that I am wrong to feel like this as the congregation has increased in size and everyone else seems to enjoy the more lively style of worship. Everyone is very welcoming and friendly but I just don't feel that I fit in any more as I just want to go and sit quietly and take in what is being said but everything that happens there now is about "sharing your faith"

I'm very limited in choosing a church due to the area I live in and lack of transport. I just wondered in anyone had had a similar experience - if so, how did you deal with it?

I would also be very grateful if anyone could give me advice on handling the 'interactive' elements of church as I really don't think I can travel to another church but would miss going

Many thanks in advance for any replies

What is a "HTB drop"?

Holy Trinity Brompton. An evangelical church who "seed" their churches into other areas. It's a very particular ( performative, imo) style of worship.

Having to let go of something that has been very important to you is very difficult as is going somewhere new when you don't know what to expect.
I hope you find your place. I will keep you in my prayers.

Evangelicals do tend to think they are the only true Christians which is really sad,

I'm afraid I agree with this. Its actually a form of spiritual arrogance (and pride is one of the seven deadly sins....). If you feel you could face speaking to the minister then bear this in mind any time you think that they are implying that you faith is weak if you don't want to join in. Actually only God can judge that. Some of the most moving services I have attended have been in monastic chapels where everything is very peaceful and contemplative. I'm a great fan of the Celtic Christian concept of some remote places being "thin spaces" where you can feel more connected to heaven.

@IndigoIris If the church is Anglican or Methodist then there will be a relatively local supervisor (C of E will be a group of parishes under the supervision of an Archdeacon or Rural Dean Methodist will be a circuit under the supervision of a Superintendent Minister).You could contact them explain that you're not necessarily complaining but the new style doesn't do it for you and ask if they could suggest another relatively local church with more traditional services you could try - might take the guesswork out of it for you.

I think that @whyhere gives a good account of the financial drive behind changing up churches but I am going to disagree that a church with a choral tradition can't bring in the punters. DH is an organist and took over a church with a strong choral tradition and a small but good adult choir. It was a lot of work but 30 junior choristers and their families later the church was often pretty full and the parents pretty generous with the collection plate as they appreciated the excellent free musical education he gave them.

If you just like quiet contemplation, and the church is open, you could just pop in and sit quietly with your thoughts.
If you liked the community aspect, you could look at the notices in the porch / notice board, and go to some of the events / classes / social activities.
Alternatively you could talk to the vicar / pastor / priest and see if they'd be willing to do one Sunday a month as a traditional service.

Op I church 'hop', Catholic, Methodist C of E, Baptist (went once didn't return, as wasn't for me), Spiritualists , I've always found the methodists to be very friendly and welcoming, C of E generally pretty welcoming (depends on if it's high or low church) and the Catholics a little more aloof. And the Spiritualists errr interesting! But I've never been made to unwelcome in any of them!
>>>>stereo typing coming up now>>>> but generally I find the older churches (Medieval type old) tend to go for the more traditional services, the Victorian Churches a mishmash of traditional and taize style, and 20th century churches very modern, and not my type of service.

The Methodists are lovely. I'm Catholic and you can't beat Catholic mass for traditional. Try us!

Definitely traditional but you might need an inhaler when the incense is being wafted around .

We got an email recently saying that they would trial it that one Sunday a month our lovely traditional service would be replaced by an informal ‘happy clappy’ youth centered service. I sobbed. Yes I know it’s one day, but church is my safe place, and having God on a 3 week on one week off cycle is alien to me. I can go somewhere else that week but like OP I came to church in a difficult time of my life and it’s my safe place. To go somewhere else would feel like being displaced.
Our church is so traditional and I feel our lovely vicar has been pushed into this. So many have said they won’t attend on that day and to know we will all be sat in our houses instead of sharing fellowship makes me so sad. I’m actually typing through tears.

And I am young.

Use of incense is up to the individual priest, so you could find a church where it is only used on holy days or one where it's used daily.

Another vote for trying your local Catholic Church Very traditional yet welcoming to the local community (young and old). No chance of any happy clappy worship ever which suits me fine!

@HerewegoagainSS I am sorry for your distress. I know this is easier said than done but perhaps you and the other members of your congregation who won't be at the informal service could find a way of being together on that Sunday either in person, virtually or just by agreeing that you will pray and read bible together at the same time. Is there somewhere else where you feel safe that could go and sit on that Sunday? The format of C of E services are online so you could use those for your worship. Take care. I will keep you in my prayers.

Thank you so much. In time, that will be a very nice idea (although I know our sweet and lovely vicar would be devastated that we feel the need to do it).
Just a bit of context (totally prepared to be flamed in true MN style), but I have had a significant bereavement in the last year, family really not supportive, an international move and 4 addresses. Church was my constant, my place of calm, support and acceptance so I guess I am hyper sensitive to the whole notion of being displaced right now. If I had more positive going on it would be different, I could just go to another church, have a day off or even turn up and giggle at how awful the happy clappy stuff is. But it really feels like a loss. And like nobody would understand why it’s more than just ‘I don’t like the new style’.

No way would I flame you for any of this.

It sounds familiar and sad and the church ought to be recognising these feelings, not dismissing them in favour of " yoof".
(Although I know may young people who also feel like this)

It's almost as though the CofE need a new definition of their churches, so choosing an appropriate one would be more clear cut.

No flaming from me either. I wish you well. i hope you find some peace and solace.

@FuzzyPuffling @Blackcountryexile thank you so much and sorry for taking over the thread.

It’s been done to attract ‘families who need a more gentle way into worship’. Families. What about those for whom church IS family? For those who have lost family? For those whom church is a welcome break from family? For those who have little or no family? Don’t they matter? Is not taking what they love and feel safe from them like ousting them from family?
If it were a case of ‘as well as’, I’d welcome it. Heck I would offer to help run it (I don’t mind looking like a twat for an hour or so once a month. But instead of? Taking away the fact that ‘church is always there for you, 52 weeks a year’. Am I sounding selfish? Probably yes.

We are told somewhat sheepishly that we have two neighboring churches - we can go there, make friends, change scene. See it as 3 churches with one roof. But I don’t want to. I love them too, for sure, we have done special things and prayer groups with them and great, but to me they are just lovely neighbors and friends. I have my home. Just as I wouldn’t want to sleep in my friends house one weekend a month, and prefer my own bed, I don’t want to feel displaced from my church home.

I feel awful writing it. But my vicar friend says that God knows your thoughts anyway, it makes no odds if you voice them or not.

thanks for reading 😭

Everything you say resonates completely with me. You are not alone in your feelings.

I wish I had an answer.
.

So do I. I wish I didn’t feel so bad about it.

Someone said to me the other day ‘just have a week off- you have done it before when you have been away, working etc’. But there’s a difference between not being there because you have an unavoidable engagement or planned trip and because church isn’t there for you that day. Isn’t there?

there are other places in the city people can go to for more interactive, ‘modern’ worship.

oh and I am 33. Not an old lady widow. Bit someone whose life hasn’t turned out as I would have wanted and I find solace in faith. And right now I feel let down.

I'm struggling to even go to church because the style of service is so far from something that feeds my spirit.

I'm aware that I'm distancing myself from the social events too.

It's all making me feel very uneasy.

I found an online article from 9 ( yes, nine) years ago that said the choices for people wanting a quiet traditional form of service in this area were more than limited, as it was all becoming " new style".

Sad, sad, sad.

I am scared to voice whatI am thinking. Church is one place where 'Just as I am' is not just a hymn. If it was ever awkward there, people avoiding me, being off with me, I don't know how I would cope.
I have felt so vulnerable for the last 18 months and they were there for me. This feels like another loss. I want what is best for them (suspect this is not it - the congregation is thriving as it is), but I am devastated. It isn't even near to what the Eucharist is. Not necessarily conducted by a vicar, no hymns, screens instead of service sheets, guitars instead of the organ or piano. It makes me cry to think about it. Our lovely, calm, quiet sanctuary. It almost feels blasphemous.

OP thank you for this thread, I really mean it.

Could you suggest that at least one service a month be a 'traditional service '?

Apparently this would give "mixed messages". As would including a trad hymn with the worship songs.

Vicar doesn't like it? Not happening

You see our vicar is extremely traditional. Loves the eucharist. Former chorister

But we have a youth worker who has been taken on in the last year. She is running the show between 3 churches like a business and our vicar, bless her soul, is not that assertive. It’s now ‘all about youth, children and families’.
But what about the rest of us? I just want to feel at home.

Well update from me…last night we had our Bible study and prayer group (8 of us, we take turns to lead and host), and at the end the man leading went round and asked if we had anything we want to pray for and ask for God’s help with. When it got to me, I just came out with it, everything I have said here and then burst into tears 😭 oh dear…