I feel like I can’t be a good catholic.

[SpeakingSpeakman]

I just feel like I can’t live up to the standard/expectation. I want to go to confession hoping to not sin again, rather than knowing I will sin again. It all feels fake since I know I will repeat mistakes. That in itself is a sin.

I do believe in God, but don’t feel as though the person I am fits the ideals of the catholic religion. I feel like a failure. I feel like I can’t change these things about myself. Can anyone relate?

I also struggle with scrupulous feelings. I did a huge examination of conscience 3 years ago and confessed everything I could think of, but I still question if I missed important things.

Any words of wisdom?

Why does not being a perfect catholic mean failure for you? What's up with being a nice person who makes mistakes sometimes?

Don't worry too much.
The message of Christianity is joy and foregiveness. Not bleakness.

We are human and make mistakes. We have desires, sometimes unkind thoughts. The Catholic Church sets ideals that we cannot always live up to which is what confession is for. Jesus’ disciples betrayed him and many saints had faults. We just have to keep striving to be better. It is a lifelong journey.

Religion is all made up OP, so don’t worry too much! There’s no hell, no eternal punishment, no sin, no judgement.
Just try to be a good person and stop feeling guilty.

Very gently, this feels like a you thing, not a Catholic thing. Do you have form for holding yourself to unattainably high standards? At school, or work etc?

Have you spoken to a priest about this? Or a therapist, to be honest. They might be able to help you with strategies for going more easily (realistically) on yourself.

How scrupulous are we talking here?

These are my feelings on the matter too.

That said, if you feel that you want to follow a faith then that's your choice. The whole concept of confession is based around knowing that it's impossible to live without committing a whole host of 'sins' on a regular basis. My understanding was that making regular confessions was considered a central part of being a 'good catholic' and that nobody is expected not to 'sin' at all. Being a decent human being in general is possible with faith, or no faith though, and feeling like you have 'sinned' (aka done something you wish you hadn't) just makes you human, not bad!

This is the Religion board and OP is having questions relevant to her faith, being arsey isn't exactly the reply s/he needed or the "wow" moment you were hoping for 🙄

OP, I had a massive crisis of faith recently after some life altering events and started questioning everything. I thought I had disappointed God through some of my actions, that God was sad with me, that no matter what I did it wouldn't be enough to atone. I asked to speak to my parish priest who was welcoming and understanding. And didn't Peter denied Christ 3 times? So if God can forgive Peter in advance already knowing what he was going to do, he can forgive you too.

Of course you will carry on sinning, all of us will, but that's not an excuse to carry on doing whatever you like and keep asking for forgiveness on an autopilot. What God wants to see is your effort to not sin and if you do it he will forgive you nevertheless.

Maybe you could speak to your priest, he's sure to give you some good advice. Also, look for scriptures that talk about the love of God for us and keep repeating them almost as a mantra. Repetitive prayer is very effective (as the rosary shows). Maybe some music? Doesn't have to be catholic itself but modern Christian music is very good, search for Paul Zach, The Porters Gate and check the suggestions that will pop up.

I wish you all the best 😊

Do you think there are any good Catholics? Why do you think people in general keep going to confession? If we were perfect already we wouldn't need it.

I grew up I Catholicism and started attending a Protestant church where I got a better understanding of the Gospel and how Jesus did all on the work. Does that mean I'm free to do whatever I like? No, but it's more like a cha ge happened within my heart that changed me and instarted a journey with God, and started to see my life as a walk with Him guiding me towards a destination that's already promised. Catholicism had me tied up in chains of guilt and condemnation. I feel like my Christian journey only began when I left.

Absolutely. We have received forgiveness through Christ's work on the cross. He t
Said 'come to me, those who are burdened, and I will give you rest, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light'. Once that clicked for me, I really did find joy and continue to find it the more I dig deeper.

You sound very Catholic to me, you reek of (unfounded probably) guilt!

As an ex-Catholic, now devout Protestant, I agree!

Jesus loves us. Confession is called the Sacrament of Reconciliation to reconcile us with God because we need mercy and forgiveness as we are all human. God does not condemn us but asks us to have mercy, as much upon ourselves as on upon others. Jesus forgiving sins was one of the most scandalous parts of his ministry. We can see today how harsh and cruel the world is becoming, especially online as we don't see a need to forgive others or ourselves but instead become harsh judges, which only makes us more miserable.

In terms of the practicalities of the Sacrament, you are not expected to be able to remember all the times you did or didn't do something. A genuine contrite heart and an honest recollection is what is required. You are forgiven for anything you genuinely don't remember as long as your confession is sincere. Remember, Confession isn't for God, it's for us - because as human beings we need to know we are forgiven and hear the words literally with our own ears.

That's why Jesus breathed the Holy Spirit upon the Apostles giving them the ability to hear and forgive sins in His name
"As the Father has sent me, even so I send you.’ And when he had said this, he breathed on them, and said to them, ‘Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained’” (John 20:21–23

But being over scupulous and feeling condemned instead of knowing God's mercy and love could be a symptom of OCD. Please approach a caring priest or religious Sister of your acquaintance and discuss this with them as Jesus wants you to know peace and joy, not fear and self condemnation.

A prayer to soothe your guilt ridden conscience.

"Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God,
Have mercy upon me, a sinner".

Say this as many times as it takes to help you feel calmer. It is a truly humble and heartfelt prayer and will help you feel closer to God without all the guilt weighing you down. Christ never wants people to feel crushed by guilt or obsessing over real or imagined sins. Say this prayer and it will give you the peace that Christ promises.

Stop worrying about the ones you didn’t confess. The sacrament forgives those too as long as you didn’t deliberately leave them out.

Does this sort of worry affect you in other areas of your life apart from your faith? If not it might be worth speaking to your priest about scrupulousity. If you have anxiety/ worry in other areas of your life that affect you in the same way, it may be worth speaking to your GP. Sometimes this can just be a symptom of an underlying anxiety issue.

how can anyone be sure of the words of the scared texts when humans seem to rewrite, rehash, reedit eg new and old testament etc ?

how can anyone be truly sure they are following gods wisdom rather than instead you could just be following what other humans want people to believe ?

I guess all we can do, if we choose to believe, is just to do the best we can and remember the bottom line, humans wrote all the texts.

@SpeakingSpeakman I was brought up in the Catholic faith as a child.

I went to a school that was situated opposite a non-Catholic school.

I stopped believing in Catholicism when my priest said that all the Catholic children in my school would automatically go to Heaven and that all the non-Catholic children in the school opposite would go to Hell ......... purely because they weren't Catholic.........

...... I've worked in a dementia care home which has had a Catholic priest attending for Catholic religion residents.

The priest has prayed with residents to 'pray for eternal forgiveness for being a sinner and because we are not worthy' - I have seen the distress caused by these words - can you imagine how distressing this is for people who are living with dementia.

I have found that the Catholic religion - despite preaching about forgiveness of sins and 'love for thy neighbour' - is one of the most destructive, unforgiving, prejudiced and guilt-inducing religions that exist.

They are experts in making you feel guilty - so that you will feel the need to be forgiven for your sins - which, apparently, only their priest can give .....
And, because we are not perfect and continually 'sin' ....... you will need to be 'forgiven' again and again.

And this perpetuates the need for their religion - because only they can give you absolution.

It's just not true!

I do believe in God, but don’t feel as though the person I am fits the ideals of the catholic religion
Your instinct is right! If you feel the need to belong to a community then please find another religion that fits better with who you are.
Remember it's not you who has to fit the religion - it's the religion that fits you!
We have instincts for a reason x

@UneTasse Very gently, this feels like a you thing, not a Catholic thing

This is so a Catholic thing!

Honestly, it's what the Catholic faith trades on - guilt and failure.

Please don't detract from the OP's feelings if you have no experience

It’s not a Catholic thing - it’s a parent thing. (Possibly an Irish parent thing 😣)It’s an interpretation of Catholicism that has been exaggerated in Ireland because Catholicism was repressed. Spanish/ Italian/ French Catholics don’t feel this “guilt / failure “ .
The truth is - all religions have a “ judgment “ aspect ( none more so than Protestantism)

This world is full of pain and loveliness. I’ve felt like you. My answer was to try to stop thinking about my failings but to instead start doing stuff for other people. Food banks / soup kitchens etc .

It’s not a Catholic thing - it’s a parent thing. (Possibly an Irish parent thing 😣)
Bollocks! ........what exactly are you basing your assumption on?

It’s an interpretation of Catholicism that has been exaggerated in Ireland because Catholicism was repressed.

Again, what are you basing your assumption on??

Spanish/ Italian/ French Catholics don’t feel this “guilt / failure “
IME they do ...... absolutely!

The truth is - all religions have a “ judgment “ aspect ( none more so than Protestantism)
No, not all religions do ........ eg Buddhism

edited for spelling

oh fuck off and be anti Catholic and Buddhist and non judgmental somewhere else

From the readings for Catholic Mass Sunday 5th May 2024.
"Beloved, let us love one another,
because love is of God;
everyone who loves is begotten by God and knows God.
Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love."
1 John 4:7-8

Yes, that's my first prayer every evening - I follow it with a little scrap from a longer Anglican litany 'From envy, hatred, malice, and all uncharitableness, good lord deliver me' , which sometimes feels like a protective shield and often feels like self exorcism. Then on to the the Our Father, where I crucially ask for forgiveness while understanding that I must forgive.

We are all sinners, and god knows that and loves us anyway.

There are only two rules that we have to try to stick with - loving and honouring God, and, crucially, loving our neighbours as ourselves. In other words, you do have to love (and forgive) yourself. And loving people is what you do and how you act - you don't have to like them, though tolerance helps a lot.

Be kind to yourself. Try reading the Sunday scriptures each week (Agape is a handy link https://www.agapebiblestudy.com/ ) specifically to see what they say about God's relationship with people - it is interesting to see not only how people got that wrong over and over again through the millennia, but it didn't end the relationship, but also how often God changed the approach after failing to get through, yet again.

God loves you because you are worthy of that love, whatever you do.