I feel like I can’t be a good catholic.

[SpeakingSpeakman]

I just feel like I can’t live up to the standard/expectation. I want to go to confession hoping to not sin again, rather than knowing I will sin again. It all feels fake since I know I will repeat mistakes. That in itself is a sin.

I do believe in God, but don’t feel as though the person I am fits the ideals of the catholic religion. I feel like a failure. I feel like I can’t change these things about myself. Can anyone relate?

I also struggle with scrupulous feelings. I did a huge examination of conscience 3 years ago and confessed everything I could think of, but I still question if I missed important things.

Any words of wisdom?

@ZenNudist I read your post last night and wanted to tag you to say, this 100%! I actually think we live in the same area, so it may even be the same priest or from the same Diocese! It's a small world!

I converted to Catholicism from being raised a Methodist. I reflect regularly on the word sin and don't see it as a highly negative thing. We are all human and make mistakes, god loves us and forgives us. I feel strongly that being Catholic makes me a better person, I think a lot more about loving my neighbour and supporting charity/community than I did when I wasn't connected with my faith.

OP, don't hold yourself up to impossible standards; just do your best and keep trying!

I once heard a sermon by a learned Dominican who explained that ‘to repent’ comes from the Latin reponere, effectively “ to put something another way “ ….try again but differently.

How much more constructive and likely to lead to better than the self hate I imagined and felt repentance was.

I looked at the Wikipedia page on Scrupulosity - as people have said, yes, it's a form of OCD. St Therese of Lisieux suffered from it for some years and referred to it as a 'martyrdom'. I can imagine Therese - sensitive, imaginative, beset by repeated loss - being prey to it - also find it hard to imagine anyone more entitled to be described as a 'good catholic'.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scrupulosity

My own embarrassingly predictable sin, every time we say the general confession at Mass, and I'm full of good intentions as I tell almighty God and you my brothers and sisters about my fault, my fault (I'm so penitent and so full of the intention to be better from now on) my most grievous fault and someone (everyone) pronounces it 'grievious' and that's me back on the way to hell for being judgemental. One day, please God I'll get over it.

I’ll go to hell by your side over the correct pronunciation of grievous and mischievous.

I'm not Catholic but I am Christian. I think the bit you're missing is grace. We aren't loved because we deserve it or don't deserve it, we are loved by grace. And grace involves both forgiveness and expectation that you will sin again because you are a human. We are told to walk as Jesus walked, but Jesus wasn't an average human being, he was the son of God and he still struggled at times losing his temper and being fearful and mistrusting. To me, it's more about accountability and setting an intention. I know that I'm loved by grace every day no matter what way that day turns out, but by praying, I set my intention that I'm going to try my best and acknowledge that I'm grateful for the love I receive even when I get things wrong. I recently read Nadia Bolz Webers books and they're fantastic on this topic, cranky beautiful faith was my favourite and I think it explains things better than I ever could.

The devil probably won't let us in

😈

@Lavender14 Catholicism teaches that how we know and love God is through his grace and we are sanctified by cooperation with his grace. That's why the Catholics on this thread are saying @SpeakingSpeakman may be suffering from scuplousity because she is focused on her struggles and not on God's grace. Catholicism teaches grace is a free gift and "we live, and move and have our being" in God's grace. Acts 17:28.

Waves to @yoshiblue

Sure I've seen you on the Christian chat thread before now.

I hope @SpeakingSpeakman (OP) got something out of this thread amidst the many people telling her belief in the almighty is wrong. Plenty of us trying to do our best to live a faithful life.

You're thinking about it too much. Apply Self-compassion, not Christianity.

Former catholic here. Beginning to feel like it was a bit of a cult. I am still Christian. I worship in an Anglican setting now. I was getting fed up with Catholics within my circle making anyone who didn't consider the TLM to be the most wonderful thing ever to feel not catholic enough. There were other things too.

I do still pray the rosary though

We already have the philosophy! Look to Ancient Greece and Rome for great ethics and philosophy; Plato and the Stoics, for nonbelievers the great Sceptics and Epicureans.
The Christian Renaissance humanists like Erasmus developed their ideas, from rediscovering Greek and Roman classics
I am a devoted polytheist with strong ethical beliefs without a concept that I'm a sinful person. I know when I err and make an effort to do better. It takes time and training. Strive to become a strong able person. There are currently a lot of great books on Stoicism to help you become a good person without the guilt.

@SpeakingSpeakman remember Jesus and the Church teaches us that we were (and are) created good and out of love. Somehow we are estranged from God which is a mystery. Jesus came to remove the barrier. Sin doesn't make you "bad" , sin is to hurt ourselves or others. All humans are equal and equally good to God. It's our thoughts and actions that prevent us from accepting the reality of God's love and grace. Comparing yourself to anyone is meaningless because God isn't comparing us. God is love. God never leaves us. I would talk to someone IRL who you know to be a very loving and kind Catholic and talk through your feelings. God also works through people and you seem to need acceptance and assurance right now x

@SpeakingSpeakman Please remember that the Good News of the Gospel is about forgiveness and love of God for everyone who repents and accepts God's grace.
Even Jesus could not find 12 non-sinners as apostles... they disowned Him, betrayed Him, didn't believe Him, argued who would be the greatest among themselves. What chance do we have of not sinning????

Here are a couple of clips I found helpful ... they may or may not resonate with you;

Be kind to yourself, accept Gods Grace, admit you are a human who will sin .. again and again... but above all, know that God loves you!!

There are loads of other Catholic links that may help - here are a few....

https://youtube.com/shorts/iUOmjmTpv9Y?si=FOmIvKyrAIjds4o0

Hello! Remember the Church isn't for saints, it's a hospital for sinners. You wanting to go to confession makes you a good Catholic. There's nothing that the blood of Jesus can't wash away! Remember how many times "don't be afraid" was said in the Bible.

Maybe you can talk to your priest about this? Or check out some good YouTubers on sin like Fr Mike Schmitz.

Don't let the devil get in your head and tell you aren't good enough. When Jesus died on the cross he was looking at you, filled with love.