I feel like I can’t be a good catholic.

[SpeakingSpeakman]

I just feel like I can’t live up to the standard/expectation. I want to go to confession hoping to not sin again, rather than knowing I will sin again. It all feels fake since I know I will repeat mistakes. That in itself is a sin.

I do believe in God, but don’t feel as though the person I am fits the ideals of the catholic religion. I feel like a failure. I feel like I can’t change these things about myself. Can anyone relate?

I also struggle with scrupulous feelings. I did a huge examination of conscience 3 years ago and confessed everything I could think of, but I still question if I missed important things.

Any words of wisdom?

There is a priest in our parish cluster who sometimes gives a general absolution, presumably because he is wise enough to know that many people have problems with individual confession for many reasons, one of which is scrupulosity, known to be a real problem for some people, and a barrier to their accepting god's love and forgiveness. It reminds me of the famous painting of Fr Gleeson giving absolution to men who he knew might be about die, not because he thought they'd never sin again, but to assure them of God's grace in that moment.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:The_Last_General_Absolution_of_the_Munsters_at_Rue_du_Bois.jpg

Go to mass, accept that grace, it is there for you.

I was thinking about this thread yesterday and remembered this:

"Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." (2 Corinthians 12 7-10)

We are not expected to be perfect. We need to know that we are not perfect in order to worship God.

In a world that often values perfection and self-sufficiency, Paul's words offer a countercultural perspective.

@ArchaeoSpy indeed.

Your post is the perfect demonstration of what is wrong with religion. It messes people’s heads up.

”Sin”? FFS.

Just live your life the way you see fit. Don’t be dictated to.

i never understand why humans should bow down to any mythical beings , why should humans be ashamed to be human

People who feel hostile to religion tend to think of sin as something analogous to crime, rather than as something analogous to illness, or even aches and pains. Not terribly welcome and wouldn't it be nice not to have it, but it is there, nonetheless.

but why should humans have the perceived perception of sin to begin with ? just because we chose the apple ?

Why should we have perceptions of anything? Because we're sentient.

I can't speak for anyone else, but I know I get angry and unreasonable and envious and petty and lazy, and it is useful for me to have a box labelled 'sin' to put those things into, and also another box labelled 'love' that contains things like kindness and consideration and helpfulness and tolerance that I can try to apply to counter the sin.

Lots of really unhelpful answers from non practicing Catholics.

I understand what you are saying and have similar conversations with my priest. Before now I've written pre confession "notes" then grimly said I feel I may as well keep the same notes til next time.

How long have you been going to confession regularly? I think it's the work of years that you will find that some sins you previously struggled with are easier to control. Other sins are with us for life. It's human nature. I don't go often enough. Sometimes I go and go again to try and deal with whatever has been bothering me. Like the first confession was not enough.

It's better to regularly examine our consciences than leave it unexamined. It keeps us on the right path.

Priests generally say they don't worry about the ones coming to confession. It's the ones not coming to confession that they need to worry about!

Also remember that priests and religious go to confession more often than the rest of us. Even the Pope goes to confession.

I suggest going to different places for confession. Grace can strike unexpectedly. It gives you different priests' perspective on whatever you are wrestling with.

When I reverted back to Catholicism I spoke to my priest. It wasn't confession although it was in the confessional face to face. I started by saying I was a bad Catholic because at the time I'd been away for years. His reply was "I'm a bad Catholic too". I did give him a look. The point is there is no one perfect and many people making a bad job of being Catholic. We can only use the sacraments to try and deepen our relationship with God. We are much stronger walking in the faith than going it alone. 🙏

what sins? Everybody sins. I know catholics who sin a LOT. That is the norm for humanity.

but then it also does not help having different versions of the religion, for a start eg the new test and old, and the changing definitions of words and interpretation of sin etc, if its all gods rules or philosophy for humans then why are other humans editing the words ?

There are different versions of religion to reflect the diversity of humanity. Religious experiences are hard enough to explain one to one. Its much harder to convey to millions of people over many years. What's truly amazing is the common thread that's run through the major religions for millenia despite everyone pulling in different directions most of the time.

The new testament is hidden or foretold in the old testament and the old testament is revealed in the new. The various books of the bible were written by different people over a long period of time and in different languages. Translated and retranslated. I think some non-Christians assume that the bible is like a big rule book and you have to take the whole lot literally and apply things from 3000 years ago to modern life. I quite liked one pastor's description of "here are some thoughts from Ancient Judea".

I've found studying Christianity, the bible, the Catholic catechism and taking part in weekly mass, holy days, my church community, to be enormously rewarding but I always needs God's help to live my faith rather than just participate. Back to the OP, we can only do our best.

But that's the point of confession. It's like a get out of jail free card to clear you conciense. Sin, confess, rinse and repeat....

You do not have to be a "good catholic" - you just have to be a decent kind human being.

Ditch the burden of all this man-imposed dogma and guilt and get on with enjoying your life and making those around you happy. The guilt is simply designed as a means of control. Who is helped by you shouldering this unnecessary burden? Whose life is enhanced?

Any god worth their salt would want no more of you than kindness.

but that's the pickle of it, if its gods words or what god wanted then weather its 2 million years since god wrote or inspired the texts then it still should be gods words.

adapting the texts is basically religion for humans by humans, and nothing but, basically like those films where they do the film and say it was inspired by, in the end if you adapt religion then its all human made ?

That's your view. Not everyone shares that view.

I also feel that Mediterranean Catholics take more joy in their religion and for Polish catholics, their faith is/was an expression of national identity and rebellion. I wonder if Irish Catholicism has some puritan roots/influence?

OP you sound overly anxious. By practising your faith, you are doing all you should be and the Catholic Church are lucky to have you!

In all honesty I was raised (loosely) in the Catholic faith and have been an atheist since very early teens.
However, the basis of most of the major religions is to be as good and as kind as you can be. So be good and kind to yourself. You are not here to be perfect, you are here to be the best you, you can be. You will not achieve that everyday, that's fine. Confession is there to help you reflect on parts of you, you might want to change. This takes time. Reach out to a priest or a therapist if you need a helping hand, they can be wonderful.

I am a cradle Catholic went to RC school but my children have only gone at secondary, a lot of my teaching is very woolly and I have a husband who does not believe so it was hard to have to do all that heavy lifting by myself...

I am now quite lapsed. I just explained to a friend that I myself am on a sabbatical at the moment: like I am burned out. I love the rituals and will explore the links on this page.
I do feel you, I just think that there is always room for improvement... and I just have to be kind to myself more

That's more of a protestant outlook though.

But we all feel weak and insufficient....the thing is, we are not.

It's just a feeling.

Have faith... in faith.

Do you never do anything wrong then? I know I do.
Religion is a great comfort to many people. It’s a supportive community that gets you through difficult times and gives meaning to many.
Really no need for the insults - it’s not going to convince anyone to give up their faith, you aren’t helping the OP on this.

You may not believe but the OP does. Calling God mythical is rude and insulting to those who have faith. Are you thinking it will in some way convince the OP to become an atheist? No one is saying they are ashamed to be human - they are saying we all do things that are wrong (I know I do), it’s all about knowing God loves everyone and forgives us all if we don’t get things right.
OP you are doing just fine - remember Jesus always preferred to be with sinners, he didn’t hold much truck with those holier then thou Pharisees.

@penjil

Most likely, - yes, truth is that human beings are weak and insufficients - the Bible tells us that story. Over and over...

Have faith in God. Faith in the risen Christ and in The Holy Spirit. Go to church. Go home in peace - and do your best in life. Catholic or Protestant.

Can I recommend A Return To Love by Marianne Williamson, OP? It's about the actual teachings of Jesus, not what various religions-with-an-agenda have decided they are. It's a fantastic book.