Any Witches Here?- Part 18

[speakout]

Or Wiccans. or Pagans? Or anyone who is interested in a magical path or feels some magical stirrings.
A place for support, learning, swapping ideas and magical inspiration..
This is the 17th thread- anyone looking for a deep dive into juicy magical topics may like to browse previous threads.....
It is a long list!!
Part 1 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3241689-Any-witches-here?pg=1
Part 2
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3338025-Any-Witches-Here-Part-2?pg=1
Part 3
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3366411-Any-Witches-Here-Part-3?pg=1
Part 4
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3404406-Any-Witches-Here-Part-4-Edited-by-MNHQ?pg=1
Part5
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3437092-Any-Witches-Here-Part-5?pg=1
Part 6 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3482023-Any-Witches-Here-Part-6?pg=1
Part 7 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3520269-Any-Witches-Here-Part-7?pg=1
Part 8 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/a3568622-Any-Witches-Here-Part-8?pg=1
Part 9 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3637696-Any-Witches-Here-Part-9?pg=1
Part 10
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3726266-Any-Witches-Here-Part-10
Part 11
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3850635-Any-Witches-Here-Part-11
Part 12
//www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/3997761-Any-Witches-Here-Part-12
Part 13 //www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4116107-Any-Witches-here-Part-13
Part 14www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4213962-Any-Witches-Here-Part-14
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4328830-Any-Witches-Here-Part-15?msgid=113505801
www.mumsnet.com/talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4435233-Any-Witches-Here-Part-16?page=40&reply=118807589

www.mumsnet.com/talk/philosophy_religion_spirituality/4598225-any-witches-here-part-17?page=40&reply=122990208

Even if you have power of attorney over the financial affairs there are rules that have to be followed. My gut says your sister's suggestion would even fall foul of it.

I am assuming that your mother has her powers of attorny sorted out. It would prevent your sister making important decisions like DNR if you mother is not capable as only the named people would have that power. If you haven't there are 2 powers of atorny health and wellbeing, and financial. Getting them set up whilst the individual is capable is easier and cheaper than waiting until they are not and then having to get the court to assign it.

Sorry you are having to deal with your sister as well as everything else.

Your therapist sounds beneficial, the nurse generously kind.

I hope that you are able to take a little time for you this weekend

Thanks HillsBesideTheSea, that is really helpful- I know nothing about power of attorny- looks like I may have to look into that.
I had assumed that my mother's money would be protected from my grabby sister as all her bank accounts are joint and in my name too.
So potentially my sister could take that money without my consent if my mother passes?
My mother's home was given to me 10 years ago, and is solely in my name. I can't remember exactly the process, we had accountants drawing up documents and dealings with the Inland revenue so we adhered to their regulations.
My mother's lawyer specialises in legal work with the elderly, was gentle but insistent that my mothers wishes were being followed, even to the point of having a mental health assessement for my mother which concluded she was of sound mind and understood what she is doing.
The soliciter assured us after the process that the house assets were completely safe from my sister- he used the word "ringfenced", and even if my sister were to contest that decision she would lose.
My mother felt a lot lighter after the process, feeling safe that my sister would not coerce her into giving mooney.
We ( my mom, daughter, doctor and me were asked to attend a meeting in a private room, to talk about DNR. My mother may still need brain surgery, and the doctor said if the worst happened during surgery and they had to rescusitate the eventual outcome may not be great ( my mum is 89).
So my mum agreed on a DNR after a long connversation to make sure she understands. She may not need surgery and if she does it may go well, but the (amazingly patient doctor - again!) wanted to have this recorded on her notes.
Dr also said she had plety time to change her mind, and that if she does need surgery the anesthetist and surgeon will have more discussions, and can also reverse the DNR if that is what she needs.
I don't know if my sister will be involved in that decision making progress.
I will however have a chat with my carers support organisation, they are incredibly supportive in so many ways.

Phew- if you read through all that- have a medal!

On a lighter note I had an amazing yoga class at 7am this morning- lots of hugs and suportive words, a good friend evenn gave me light catcher she made herself- to lighten my day.
I went Aldi and bought lots of my favourite foods- mangos, raspberries, aubergines, feta, salad, black Kalamata olives.
I was leaving a member staff approached me - in his hand he had a big bucket of daffodils, tied up in string. They are in perfect condition no wilting, but had reached their "sell by date"- he said he was about to out them in the skip and urged me to take as many as I liked. so I took 8 bundles- my kitchen is now bursting with new spring energy!

There are so many amazing people in this world, and I seem to have met more than my fair share over this week!!

It is really vital that you get POA sorted out . I am in that position with my mother who is 86. Without POA you will find things very challenging, even if it is a joint account I suspect.

BeautifulDayintheneighbourhood thanks- I have already contacted my local carer's support office,it is 5 minutes from my home- and again the case worker was very helpul (seems to be a theme this week).
They have a legal clinic once a week, and a lawyer will guide us through the process and draw up all the necessary documensts
The whole process is free if we meet at the office or have the meeting on zoom, otherwise the charge is £70 for a home visit.

I will definitely be getting this done soon.
Thanks so much. X

From start to finish the process took a number of months. As there is a notification period before fully registered with the correct office. The POA will protect her in life. To keep your sister in check on death that is down to the executer of the will and the will.

Sorry to put these extra thoughts on your plate. unfortunately society does like like to talk about them so many learn to late of the things that could have help ease the path. I am glad you have the help of a good organisation to help guide you

Wow! Quick work!

I so appreciate all the positive energy supporting me through this.
My local agency are amazing, helped me with applications of attendance allowance for my mother ( higher rate), also PIP and ESA ( support group) for my son.
The forms are so complicated, but an advisor led me through them- knowing all the hoops to jump through and how points are allocated. Even so it was hard, took a long time, and quite emotional for me too.
But all were successful in the end, giving my mother and son a bit more financial independance. I feel
This is the first day in 10 days I haven't been into the hospital to see my mother. My daughter likes going in too, but also works full time, so I have been phoning around her friends and church mates- who also want to visit, and have managed to work out a schedule so my mother has visitors every day, but not always me and my daughter.
I have enjoyed not going in today- it was a church friend day today, and my DD wants to go in tomorrow to give my mother a gel manicure.
So I can rest until Sunday!
I am sure many of you have had loved ones in hospital- it is not easy! Housework/work/laundry/shopping doesn't stop.
I am looking forward to a few quieter days, lots of sleep and picking up some magical practice to calm and ground me.

Tonight is a simple meal of toasted flat bread, Greek salad, and those yummy Greek beans in a flat can from Lidl. They are butter beans I think, but very scrummy!!

SerafinasGoose you have been in my thoughts- I hope your OH is improving and also that you are managing to keep afloat too. x

I will light a candle at 8pm tonight, to bring ease, calm and love to us all. X

Yes to PoA. We have one for my mother and had one for my father and it brings tremendous peace of mind.

Today was week 11 of yoga and for the first time,I enjoyed it! I feel stronger and teacher says my alignment is much better. Pleased with that. A sea swim planned for Sunday so another "me" thing to look forward to.

Have two new herb books coming in the post too,so all good.

Hedjwitch congratulations on keeping up with yoga- great you are feeling benefit. Sounds like you are progressing fast!. Yoga also teaches me humility, acceptance .of my body
My balance was all over the place today but that happens in yoga and we have to see the funy side too. I don't have a lot of time for the seriousness and pomp in some classes. Accepting our diffculties, stiffness, frailties or even bad days are always welcome in a good yoga class- we can share humour without shame.

I am still in awe of your sea swimming- I don't doubt the benefits- but it must take a courage of steel!

Speakout great idea to arrange a visiting schedule for your Mum. It'll be good for you and your DD to have a break, hospital visiting is exhausting. I'm sure your Mum will appreciate seeing some different faces too. Good advice from Hills about the POA. I wouldn't have known that was needed either.

I'm hoping you'll be able to send some positive energy my way sisters. I've had a big fall out with DS1. He has some mental issues, but can be quite manipulative and is very good at developing a narrative and casting himself as as the victim. I reached the end of my tether today and told him a few home truths. I feel awful, as I know I've upset him, but there was only so long I could go on telling him what he wanted to hear. He's recently moved so lives an hour away from me now, so I dont know when I'll see him next. I feel like he's slipping further and further away from me :(

Thanks speakout. I make myself do the sea swimming. I have spend too long not being all I can be,hiding in the shadows. So as i contemplate the water,all goosebumps and fear,I tell myself" You can do this. You are strong. You are brave. You can do it". And I do.

I tell myself" You can do this. You are strong. You are brave. You can do it". And I do.

Those words are so powerful.

@speakout - PPs are right - so many of us have benefited from your wisdom and calm, supportive advice when we've been the ones in need. You're not derailing in any way. I love your plans to give your DM a good quality of life in every way that enhances her wellbeing. Your family are so very, very lucky to have you. ❤

I fully intend to take note of @Hedjwitch's great advice. Women are amazing creatures. We can do this. (And have you heard Billy Connolly on the subject of the North Sea)? 😂

Easter holidays have taken it out of me somewhat. DH's recovery period has been even more brutal than I anticipated, so I took the whole two weeks as leave to take care of 9-YO son and be there for both him and DC. At the same time I owe a very kind colleague in France a research paper - she's kept extending the deadline as she wants my input and couldn't have been kinder or more understanding - so I feel I owe it to her to pull it together.

This paper is making me smile quite a good deal, as I'm finding myself incorporating more and more of my pagan roots and interests. It's full of stuff on Aristotelian Physics in there, specifically the four elements and their contrary qualities of wet/dry and hot/cold, as well as their adoption by the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn in the 19th century - into the four cardinal directions and the qualities - varied in later accounts - of water/intellect, air/aither, fire/emotion and earth/physical bodies and brain.

All very much the stuff that's so often been the topic of people's reading on this thread. I've loved doing this work - another positive thing to help get through a fairly rough few months.

@VioletCharlotte, that is a very tough situation indeed, and I feel for you. Of course you can't continue telling someone what you think they want to hear, and in the end this will be of no benefit to DS.

Sending much positivity your way. Tomorrow I'll light an 8pm candle for all those who need good energy in their lives right now.

@VioletCharlotte I feel your anguish.
Caring for adult children can be harder than dealing with little ones.
And the whole mothering process is to reach a place where they do't need us anymore.
We can get over a 4 year old telling us cruel words, but adult children have adult responsibilities, and if their own behaviour, attitude or words are causing us harm then we need to protect ourselves and strengthen our boundaries.
I know you love him, but I know he is causing you pain..
Relationships can move in cycles, and often space and time apart can give us both time for reflection and negative feelings to subside.
We can't soak up the blame for problems in our adult children's lives.
I usually want to be an "instant fixer" don't like situations to drag on, but I have learned that many people need time to process, and steppng back for a while can be healing. I have even learned that time and stepping back is actually good for me too.
I can see your words and feelings come from a place of deep love, but replaying events and conversations ann leave us stuck, and fill us up with guilt. You spoke a truth, perhaps did nnot land well with him, but I am sure he is working through his own stuff at this point.
There is no such thing as a perfect parent, and even if that were possible they would be a crap parent.
Take time for yourself during this time avoid over texting, and don't chew the cud.
Life moves in spirals and there will be time for reparation with your son- it will move around again, and the best thing for you it to out down that heavy bag for a short while, and focus on your own healing, Prioritise your own needs, and know that we are all here with soft blankets of loving comfort and warm tea.

@speakout @SerafinasGoose you just made me cry! Thank you so much for your kind words, it means so much to me to have your support, what am amazing space this thread is.

I agree that putting some space between us is the right thing to do, so I've not text him today. When I left him yesterday, the last thing I said to him was that I'll always love him, so hopefully he'll keep that in the back of his mind. It doesn't help that people around him are telling him what he wants to hear and validating his feelings, but of course they don't know him like I do. I'm going to step back for now though and just be here for him when I need him. I've kept myself busy today, Pilates and I've planted some pots - gardening always helps the soul! I'm seeing friends tomorrow so that will be a good distraction.

@SerafinasGoose I'm so sorry to hear that your DH's recovery has been tough. I'm sure it's been hard on you all. Sending positive energy right back to you 💫

@Hedjwitch 'You are strong. You are brave. You can do it.' I love this - what a great mantra for life! I'm glad you're starting to enjoy the yoga, well done for sticking with it.

@VioletCharlotte Ive sent you a PM. Know exactly where you are coming from .

I think loving sometimes means we have to step back, it goes against the way I work, but if we try too hard to steer or "fix" someone it can backfire.
Giving others time and distance can enable them to become empowered, take control, and have space to take a life survey for themselves.
I know I have a tendancy to "help" too much, always feeling responsible for the happiness and welfare of others.
I know that part of that is motivated by love, and we are tribal creatures, some degree of codependancy is normal, and indeed essential.

But also now know that because I was a parentified child, my need to support and fix others can be suffocating for them, and my need to control can even hinder their own growth, pullthem back from making mistakes they need to make to grow.
I had considered myself to be super loving, intensely empathic but I now understand that my "over caring" was verging on the pathological, tying those I love in silken ribbons, believing if I tried as hard as I could then they would come to no harm feel no pain, make no self damaging mistakes.
The coping mechanisms Iearned as a child helped keep me safe then, but are maladaptive when I use them in my adult life.
It has taken courage to understand this, and although I am still a loving and supporting woman, my own happiness is mine to seek, and not dependant on the ebbs and flows of others to such an extent.
If we are able to cultivate our own authetic happiness then others want to be around us, because our own cup is overflowing and we have plenty to share.
I normally go to a 9am yoga class on a Sunday, but some wise friend mentioned upthread that if self care starts to feel like a chore, then it is adding to our stress, and ceases to be self care. I have other things to do today work and hospital visit, and the yoga and travel time would mean everything else in my day would have to be rushed and the stress monster unleashed!
I will lay out my comfy clothes on the radiator, have a long hot shower and have Turkish coffee as I dress.
I will do some yoga at home today at some point but with compassion, not out of guilt or sense of duty.
@SerafinasGoosem I have been thinking of you this weekend, I now it has been a tough few weeks, I hope your husband is starting to improve and you can find time for respite.Sunday, April 16th, 2023The Moon spends the day in Pisces, awakening our need for spiritual refreshment or escape. Ideally, this is a time for decompressing, winding down, and tapping into our intuition. With the Moon's trine to Mars this afternoon, however, we're braver than usual. This influence heightens our feelings, awakens our impulses, and stirs our passions. We are independent, more in tune with our instincts, and less demanding of people around us

Very wise words speakout. I have had to learn the same lessons about not trying fix and over compensate. I also had a difficult childhood with parents who didn’t care for or nurture me. As a result I have tried too hard to be there in every way for my own children. It hasn’t worked. Self care and self compassion don’t come easy to me. I am also dealing with a son with mental health problems . It’s very hard. You are so right in what you say.

Interesting reading your posts here. I have been on both sides of that mental health coin. It was the friends and my DH who could approach me with brutal honesty that were instrumental in me breaking patterns that had been damaging me for years. It's very hard when you are IN that headspace to see anything other than your own truth though. For me finding a good therapist helped me to see where there was real injustice (in my childhood) and how I developed a victim mentality that held me back. It needed an impartial, professional, eye cast over my deepest insecurities for me to truly accept my faults.

We have spent a few days in London during the week. We planned it around my DS annual review at hospital, which was a very positive one.
I found out the day before we went that the British Museum was ticketed only due to staff strikes, so we had to rethink our plans while there but it actually meant we did some new (to us) things and it was lovely.
I finally made it to a famous occult book shop and unfortunately it was not a happy experience. Let's just say the staff member had a very negative attitude towards other people in the spiritual community that came up in conversation, and it made me very uncomfortable. They also were frankly very abrupt and rude to many other customers who came in. I won't return. It was the one thing I wanted to do for myself over the three days and I came away feeling let down.

Great supportive posts on here sisters. I swam today,and fuck me, it was a cold one! Had to remember my own Mantra to get me into the water lol. Can feel a fibro flare building so hopefully the swim will help. We shall see. A two hour nap this afternoon was called for. But all good!

Sorry to hear you had a bad experience at the occult bookshop @queenrollo - I know the one you mean.

Meant to add to yesterday’s post that I went to said bookshop for an event many moons ago and it was a good experience, but I didn’t talk to the proprietors that much - also very definitely a gathering of the ‘great and good’ of the Pagan world and I hung around the outskirts eavesdropping! 😄

I don't post very much, but today I wanted to say how glad I am that you are all here. It is very comforting to know you exist in the world. Thank you and blessings on you all.

Going to be honest i assumed said shop would be like that. We have lys (local yarn shop), which is about an hour away, that is big and due to the way they are/act I refuse to use them if i can avoid it. I much prefer to go to the little one which is an hour in the other direction and is much more friendly, has better policies. They don't have the big talks etc but it is a nicer atmosphere. Sometimes big and famous gives an air of whatever we'll still have customers.

I finally put one of the book orders in. The other one I have yet to do because I have a few issues with all the info the 3rd party payment system wants. I might see if i can find an alternative in person source instead.